Today I only had consultation.

Weird feeling, felt that Siva was rather pissed, dont know about what, hoped its not of me... one way or another, but its like I didnt do much though my part was one of the biggest portion, but yea it didnt take me as much effort. Grateful for Jordan to be there cheering the atmosphere, like always, very optimistic, often helped me to not think too much as well, like how I did a typo error and was rather down then he was like "who cares, its all over, look at the bright side". He's awesome =D

Anyway yea no one was at church, so I went to the library after snacking at bedok. Noticed as I sat to eat my dumplings, around me were single old folks too, some with headphones, others with newspapers, just like last wed when I noticed as I package food for my family back, I saw this folk carrying 2 packets of chicken rice (i think), and kopi o on another, with the same slipper I had, tee and shorts. So cool...

Anyway, at the library, I noticed some interesting behaviors too. There is this guy reading and studying, but after a while kept flipping back like go stun to read again. This is perhaps he lost the stamina to focus after a few pages, and thus as he read something that caught his attention, he gotta refer back to previous pages to link them up again for the transition probably. So I became a little self conscious and realized I do that too often. Johann on the other hand was completely different, he cant skip at all, not books nor movies. He gotta read every detail, and thus perhaps thats why it was a struggle for him to read Games At Twilight by Anita Desai.

Then there was this woman, she was smiling to herself, yet that kind of smile sort of gave me a warmth feeling, a friendly, angelic feeling, full of graciousness and greatness. However her behavior was weird, she would walk a few rounds to the back of the library, then came back to put on her slippers, then walk a few rounds to the other end of the library, and then sit back and have some time on her own closing her eyes as if thinking, praying or meditating. Really interesting person. She seems to ignore yet not ignorant about her surroundings. I noticed that first because many people were irritated by some school kids on the comp, but she smiled. It was a "adult" smile, like uttering "kids are kids...".

Anyway, just had a thought, the lyrics to Sometimes When We Touch, it's about a broke up couple, perhaps 两个对的人，再错的时候, like 2 right people yet wrong timing.This is read as a one person speech instead of a duet like I had always thought so due to the Dolly and Kenny version of the song. The couple probably broke up and the speaker still loves the other party, and hoped that they can still remain in contact, yet the flame is too overwhelming for the speaker that causes the suffering, and the fact that they were together and now they were apart.

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Thats why when this party had intimacy with the ex, the speaker would think about all their pasts, and then would understand that the speaker needs the other person, that the speaker still loves the person, but broke up for some reasons, thus would have this dying need to burst out with tears and shout "I love you" and go back to the person and never part again. The fear of parting, the fear of not in contact with the person anymore, yet with contact comes all the memories and pasts.

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

The speaker do not want to lose face, and also perhaps have other reasons not to patch up, but there's this inevitable feeling of like "begging", like "surrender" kid of feeling. It's like a romance story, but couldnt continue the story, blocked by the incident. The speaker is also someone who is competitive, perhaps the other party initiated the indication to break up, so the speaker is hurt with the first 'failure" in life. Still very childish attitude.

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

Sometimes the speaker felt that there's a need to make the other party put in more effort into that past relationship, that instead of the speaker feeling pathetic now, she would want the other party the one who was so deeply in love to be willing to do so, since it is blissful to be loved. But then again, what the speaker ultimately wants and needs is the other party to be around, to be in possession.

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by


Being together, at times the speaker thinks that the speaker knows the other party, as the person would had seen and known when the other party did great feats for the speaker, but yet the speaker self would know that the speaker had did things that the other party hates and loathes, and a little alternate meaning might imply that the other party had realized that the other party had missed out other kinds of love because of this romantic love.

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

Maybe the speaker would think that they are not suitable for serious relationships yet, and its better to remain as friends, yet it is rather impossible to do so, for the speaker is hopelessly inclined and devoted to loving the other party only.