So this is Christmas and what have you done ~
Another year over, a new one just begun ~
And so this is Christmas, I hope you have fun ~
The near and the dear ones, the old and the young ~

This year I did not go for a happening Christmas,
but spent some quality time with 2 groups of people.
First is amongst my wushu friendship,
We came together to reaffirm our friendship,
resolve our misunderstandings, validate our intentions,
and commit for a better year on 2019.
Then I met up with "Cast group", WL, KH, CH, DQ,
and we actually open up to one another.
Though through all these talks, on both occasions,
people get emotional, reality shatters, vulnerability surface,
but ultimate, both were REALLY REALLY REALLY GREAT TALK!
Then spent my Christmas also walking and talking,
know more about certain person, his impressions,
and today........... my last party with Wilson before he flying to HK...........
ta-pa

So tired of life..........

Don't get me wrong, I dont have a terrible life,
In fact, I have the best of life anyone can get,
But thats all.... and maybe thats why famous people suicide.

I'm tired of being strong,
I'm tired of pressing on,
I'm tired of not being able to break free from life.

It's all about choices,
To what extent you change yourself to suit others?
To what extent you can press on but to destination unknown?
To what extent you choosing living over dead?

Adele - Chasing Pavement

Should I give up
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere....

You see, your life doesnt belongs to you,
You belong to parents, society, friends, and everyone else around you.
Maybe it's Generational Nihilism,
But what good would I bring to society for being a weak person?
Perhaps our problems of society now isnt physical suffering,
But an internal struggle to respond to the situations we face.
It's always an easy way out - death, maybe not me, but whoeever who angers me,
But law and order exist, and it will drag everyone around me into it,
Then why not me? Because only few accepts death as a liberation.

Being Hedonistic, why not death?
It's selfish, but it's liberation.
But, what beyond death?
This is perhaps where religion exist,
Will there be heaven? Will there be an eternal punishment? For being weak?
A fear, a uncertainty, and humans hates that, humans hate uncertainty.

And temper, I have temper, I have a terrible temper,
Not say I can't surpress it, but what good will that bring me?
I've had enough having to swallow my temper to please people,
I know countless ways of service recovery,
But I aint willing,
But it inconvenient people,
Then why should I make people inconvenient?
Too much inter-connected-ness,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all~~ Carry on..... Carry on....... 

So yea no I cant,
I cant leave them in a lurch,
I cant forgo my diving trip,
I havent fulfilled my bucket list,
I can't be knocked down as long as my parents are alive........ 

So, the year is ending.
Time flies, literally.
What have I learnt this year?

I got back on the ground shortly after July,
to receive some negative feedback,
a week streak of it.
For some reason, the more I rectify,
the lousier I fair,
and just at this moment,
a headhunter came.

An established company,
Looking for someone who is young,
have a tourist guide badge,
able to do tour leading overseas,
have experience in conducting/facilitating,
have passion on enrichment.

Sounds a perfect match!

And thus the dilemma.
One of the loooongest dilemma I ever had.
But all these is settled through a very interesting way.

I actually went for tarot reading, so scary the accuracy...
Among all the 78  cards, choose 10, and place in a certain order,
then each card represents something,
my first card was "lovers", it's not bgr but a dilemma between "jobs", which is true cuz of the job offer,
of all the cards the 10 I chosen are swords and wands, a few cups only,
some talked about current "traps" and about "burden" that comes from myself, and supports of "knights" from people around,
future is tough with conflicts and competitors await but the "ship" will come in soon, means fruits of labour coming,
talking about purpose, my purpose has been fulfilled as of now and its time I strive for bigger things,
subconsciously something else is bothering me but no idea what, but this thing will cause drastic sudden change one day and will cause either huge conflict or huge embarrassment however its a pathway to something better, which cant decipher is what,
but do not accept "noises" that may seems lucrative but full of greater struggles that may "bind" me down, but to hold on, again true. Then there's something about "teaching" which is random but that I should look into.
Lastly, message from "Angel" is Magdaline, which something along the line of "Do not worry what others think or say", but believe in "your worth".

Cool eh? So I decided to stay? Maybe its just dog year?
It was the right decision.
I would say that now we are more stable,
And I started to let go all my burdens and worry,
and simply focus on guiding,
I found more peace.

So I began reading books............

I started with "Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck".

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ART OF NOT GIVING A FUCK

MAIN THEME - EMBRACE THE UNCOMFORTABLE

The more you pursue "feeling better", the less satisfied you become as it reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.
We should instead evaluate the "feel bad" part of life and change our perception.

PURSUE NEGATIVITY INSTEAD

Overcoming shortcoming leads to growth.
Suffering is inevitable.
Don't ask "what do you want in life?"
Ask yourself "what would you be willing to suffer for?"
Do not wish for a stagnant life
Ask yourself "why am I suffering, for what purpose?"
Some negativity is essential for breakthrough.
"Our most radical changes in perspective happen at the tail end of our worst moments"

ACCEPTANCE

Do not just focus on your strengths.
Do not compare with others
Accepts your flaw, how do you view it?
Do not fall into "Entitlement"
NEVER view yourself as an underdog or unappreciated potential or undiscovered genius.
Thats why the question I always wonder.........

What's the fuss of all these "Regardless of Race, Language, Religion" madness and class divide.
To be honest I find a lot of people started to blame our government for every thing that dont go smoothly, it's spoon feeding to the extreme. Yes classification exists, so that things can be done more efficiently, what's so bad about yardstick, it provides aims and goals and allows breakthroughs to happen.

Some are 生不由己
Some are 井底之蛙
Some just 蒙在鼓里
Some are 落井下石

Ultimately is we are a generation brought up by a generation on Singapore economic development era, they been through the hardship, the emphasis on academic excellence, so we became kiasu we became elitist, its also not their fault, its sociology over time.....

More importantly then, why are we so affected by classification, so affected by inquality, so affected by labelling? Its is ultimately "us", ourselves.....

OWNERSHIP

Do not ask "why is this happening to me"
Ask "Okay I screw up, how can I improve?"
Taking Reponsibility is not Taking Blame

CHALLENGE

Certainity is the enemy Growth.
Do not search for Certainty.
Search for Doubts. Be Skeptics.
Being Wrong opens by the possibility of Change and thus Opportunity for Growth.

GOALS

Commitment, focus on few quality goals and recognise that it ties you down to remove your FOMO and there's then no need to chase for more goals. Remember time is finite so act on your goals fast. Bigger goals need to be broken down in pieces of the jigsaw to let you take the first step.

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So then shortly after, I started reading into Ikigai. Turns out Ikigai of Work is too myopic. It is only one small portion of the pie. I actually finished this book as I was coaching a junior on his maths. This boy is a gem, at Sec 2, he has achieved maturity more than his peers. He understands moderation, he understands consequences, understands gratitude and very advanced thinking for his age. To spur his motivation first by passing maths and eventually ace-ing them, he moved on to critical thinking and developing a very balanced world view.

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IKIGAI - A COMPREHENSIVE ANALYSIS

WHAT IS IKIGAI ?

Loosely translated from "Ikigai" (life, worth), it suggest the value of life. But ikigai exist in 2 domains, the "Jinsei" (lifetime) and the "Seikatsu" (daily life).

Ikigai is about Finding Happiness :
Shiawase / Kofuku : happy state
Ikigai : looking towards the future by enjoying the present
Action : what steps what suffering what small arduous yet you can see past it as a task but a small portion of happiness from your desired goal

Living the moment : keep life busy
Ikigai : attention to details even on idle
Ikigai is to achieve Consistent Joy

Ikigai is to recognise the ephemeral of joy
Hakanasa : frail transient momentary
Eg Cherry Blossoms
Hanami : gather under cherry blossom, enjoying the moment as it is, that would not be the same at any other point of time

IKIGAI DEFINED

Everyday Life > Lifetime
External World > Internal World (link)
Giving > Receiving
Fluid > Fixed (change/progress)
Emotional > Logical
Specific > Abstract (tangible)

Ikigai leads to :
Intrinsic Happiness
Blissful State of Mind
Control over Emotions
Purpose of Life
Vitality of Living

IKIGAI AT WORK

How much autonomy? How much motivation? How can I achieve job?

Do we possess a grateful heart?

What tasks am I doing? Are we focused on big things or small? Are we affecting perception with history or living the moment?

How do I feel when doing a task? How am I spending time? And what joy am I enjoying or expecting?

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So then I started to become very obsessed to the "now" moment. I started to take every moment as it is, of every ephemeral state. I started to guide as if I am not gonna guide anymore, I started to focus on people, on delivering the best of every moment, I started to lose purpose, I find my motivation in that every moment of my life whether on the job, on meeting people, or roaming the streets. Then it came............ PURPOSE !!

So now, I enrolled myself to driving,
I aim to get financial capability to start funding for Sign Language class,
I would want to one day get a part time entertainer as a Magician too.
That is at least by the end of next year.

Nowadays this song keeps appearing in my life,
In sheng shong, in ice cream uncles, in radio, in barber.......
But now that I listened to the lyrics, WOW!
Long ago I thought about the lyrics being a "Singapore Dream",
Perhaps because Xinyao songs are written in the era,
where SG is going through economic developments,
so lots of material pursue and hardships,
thus the "Whisper of a Commoner"

I now have enough financial capability to fund my lifestyle,
I am working towards achieving median soon,
Yet I have the flexibility of time,
And able to find meaningful things to fill my void,
I have great friends, good company, good work, good parents,
good boss, good colleagues, good lifestyle, good health,
I guess I am the most blessed person in Singapore!!

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小人物的心声
WHISPER OF A COMMONER

也许我一个人
不能成就一番大事业
但我尽力贡献一份微薄的力量

Maybe I alone,
Cannot achiever greatness,
But I will give my contribution with my limited power.

也许我自己
不能发出万丈光和亮
但我能为斗室带来足够的光芒

Maybe I alone,
Could not be the one in the limelight, cant radiate for society,
But I think my dim flame is enough to fill a small room.

我从来都不在乎
自己不是一个大人物
因为平凡也是一种幸福

I never actually care,
To be a great influence of the world,
Because being a commoner is a form of blessing.

看到名人总是忙忙碌碌
我的时间由我控制
平凡日子一样会充实

Seeing great people being always so busy,
But my time is within my means,
Being a commoner can be fruitful and satisfying too.

2018 is indeed an exciting year,
So many changes to life.
Since my 24th, Ive been catching up to several groups of friends,
Very heartening to see how some of them are excelling in their fields,
When we all came from the gutters once.

I guess it's maturity, we start to value education,
We start to take charge of our lives,
assume autonomy of our decisions,
and became much more earthed.

Whilst so, on the sideline also guiding some of the youths,
but it's almost impossible to fully motivate them,
as how we were all unable to appreciate too in the past.

I guess thats the purpose of education,
at the end of the day, it's not teaching you knowledge,
knowledge cant get you far, if anyone wants knowledge, just google.
Education before tertiary is teaching you the complexity of problems,
How subconsciously we are trained to find patterns, seek solutions,
understand the layers and affiliates of each problems,
and then diligently work towards it.
Whether or not you understand the concept or plain memory work,
both are valuable skills to the society in time to come. 

And then we talk about death, there's a philosophy discussion about it.
A very interesting topic and opens me up to some of the view points.
Could be a more meaningful discussion but anyway, some of my takeaways, 

Death - The victim
What is a good death?
How do we prepare for death?
How much of a taboo is death?
Are you frighten of death or jovial?
Is death selfish?

Death - The mental state
To learn how to die is to learn how to live.
To be able to accomplish things you always wanted to do.
To be able to help those you wanna help.
You see, without death, life is meaningless.

Death - The left behind
To recognize our time is finite enables us to cease opportunity.
To be able to be generous in praises and forgiveness.
To be able to accept phrases of life.

Death - the visit
How do we comfort? and why do we say what we say?
Why do we visit the dead? Closure? Memories?
What do we go at the gathering?
Emotional Growth. Social Support.

Death - The suffering
Is death a liberation to some?
Views on Euthanasia and Assisted Suicide?
Why do people suicide? Is it really painless? or simply less pain?

Death - The cultural differences
Funeral practices in Western and Eastern doctrine.
Singapore context of funeral and death - Crypt, Cremation, Festivals, Laws
Types of funeral - Heaven, Fire, Water, Wood, Earth, Wind
What are the superstitions related to deaths? Colour white, Red, Yellow, Black, etc
Views of deceased - gone to better place, or life ends, or rewards for suffering, or detached

Yepp, so anyways, some greedy dude spoilt my week totally.
1 person in the team, always inconsistent in the words,
Say come out with something, but never did,
Say company buy something for stakeholders, but dont want to do the job
Say my planning sucks, but felt not paid enough to takeover
Say be transparent, but never was,
Say we are family, but skeptical whether got reciprocate,

And on the side all of us have been very considerate and sacrificing for this person,
Last thing that tipped me off is that this person felt that either me or another person,
has been not doing jobs, but getting paid a same base salary.
Freaking hell im so damn pissed, not having jobs means we fking get lesser pay,
and we sacrifice our slots for u and thus very free, thus go on holiday,
for fk sake be grateful! Fk it has come to the point, I really dont want this person in the team.
Either this person or me!

So....... My 24th its over.
I am really really grateful for people who turned up.
109 friends, much more than I have expected,
twice my 21st.

It's really touching when friends cancels events,
or make a stop in sg from penang before uk,
or to rush from work,
or to take leave for the party,
and all the little things they did.

This year, I had more chance to actually catch up and talk,
I hope it spearhead many more gatherings to come,
and hopefully I dream of a huge reunion may come true.

Well, gotta say, it's my good year.
The year started with a "curse",
Saying Dog Year babies will be a bad luck,
Fail in business,
Strained relationship with people around,
and no progress in studies.

Look what have I achieved,
1 year of Monster Day Tours,
Though not earning lavishly,
Rather breaking even,
but comparing to regional and also similar companies int he industries,
we have come so far, and we're still going strong.

Ive passed my Tourist Guide,
had gotten my Singapore Citizenship,
ever learning new things in my guiding and my PDC courses.

Ive only yet to take up driving by the end of the year due to my PDL.

TLC was going good, tour leading to a few nice getaways.
Hindering my earning opportunities by volunteering,
but the knowledge and friends Ive gained in my travels are priceless!

I have no idea about the future, but i know next year will be a better year.
Hopefully with ever changing strategies, and continuous support,
I will be able to afford a party with Live Bands and Emcees,
and maybe something experiential to impress or memorable to bring back.
This year did a farm tour, I wonder if we can do hands on workshop in years to come.

But then reality strucks ofcoz, im back to 0 again, gotta save up again.
Life wasnt like golden tap for me, but Im super grateful for all the things I have.
But as greedy as humans, I want more to come,

I want to be :
able to have afford $50 a day meals yet savings of 1k savings per month,
able to volunteer once a week for some social cause,
able to continue conducting classes of any kind once a week
able to set aside $500 for subscriptions charity such as wildlife, education, or sponsor a child
able to set aside $500 for all insurance and accidents plans,
able to comfortably take a getaway once in every 2 months,
able to go for a day class or learn something curated once every 3 months,
able to go for a musical once every 6 months,
able to organize a huge $2k gathering once every year

thats gonna take me like $7.5k a month hahahas faint

And I was asked to update my blog.......

This is forgotten, mainly because life's good. =)

Well lets have a year in review...........

So 2018 started.

This year started with me, preparing for my Tourist Guide badge. It was a stressful beginning definitely. For those who knew me, I never was as hardworking for all my 24 years combined. But ofcoz, alls well ends well, I got my badge.

Being a Tourist Guide in Singapore was never easy. We have to memorize 14 itineraries of 3 sites and 3 coach commentaries, each with a different theme. Themes includes Architect, Culture, Food, Flora and Fauna, Engineering, Economy, War History, Colonial History, Development History, Independence History, Arts, Modern Events, etc etc. It was amazing how much this little red dot has! Literally wonders at every corner, a passion story behind every person.

My exam goes like this : Theme : Development of SG

Coach commentary:

I was the very first speaker, I briefly mention routes, then development of orchard frm plantation to 44 shopping malls, then stuck in traffic, i talked about CK Tangs, then lucky plaza cuz attraction of foreigners leads to melting pot of culture. Then talked about chicken rice, and passport holders got food sampling at basement 4 orchard,  then talk about layers of underground.

Feedback:

Coach commentary terrible, no mention on weather, location, basic stats of sg, too brief on route, too much on CK Tang, very good intro of chicken rice, but didnt say the price, and also didnt explain ion orchard, and nutmeg commentary too early, inconsistent voice volume, jump back and forth in timeline when talking about development, unnecessary jackson town plan

Site commentary: URA

Caught off guard, only tested on level 1 sg map, at this point I'm at my "que sera sera" mode, so I actually began with a song........... "We Will Get There". I briefly sang the few lines, where it states "Look where we are, we've come so far, and there's still a long long way to go", then straight to development of sg in terms of eco and land reclamation, development of diff industries, the famous water story of how singapore river got clean up at Marina Reservoir was formed, sheltered walkway to be built (5foot to 700km) , subways, automation, and more. My Assesors keep bombarding qn around the map, but later they explained it was due to shortage of time.

Some of the questions asked:
- Jurong Cavern
- Waste management
- Water treaty years
- Changi airport (and old airport)
- What are the blank spaces (military)
- How is sg a city garden
- Why shift JBP
- How to assess to nature reserves
- Whats the newest area to develop

Feedback:

Didnt mention basic stats of sg, too long intro about land reclamation which audience are looking at the map, no mention about sg map and directions, only mentioned land size and population, should mention gdp, import export, races and religion, qns are answered mostly, good reserved knowledge but could have better presented, flow could be jumpy, but passionate commentary, very clear direction of development of sg, voice can be too soft at times, but able to guide audience eyes to the areas of discussion.

Yepp so mainly thats how it goes.

Basically I had an easy time. I was lucky. REAL lucky. But at that point in time, on the test, I felt as if it was the end of everything. And this journey had taught me A LOT. I realize how naive and frog-in-the-well we are, living too comfortably, taking everything for granted, and not thinking deep enough of the bigger picture. This is not propaganda, but I genuinely think that this is such a wonderful city of order and opportunities and things are more amazing than what I thought it was ever.

Till now, on my guiding, my passion dont burn up. I really love to share all the fun fact and development stories, and the little off-the-beaten tracks places and stories of passion made possible in this little red dot. At this point I would say me, myself, is an example of a passion made possible. I really love the job, I guess i'm at the best of life I can ever be. I get appreciated, people love my commentaries, life goes by, I explore new places every now and then, I witness the small changes of things little by little. Everything is awesome.

But ironically, after I get my badge, I dont guide much, I'm back to Admin. But instead of operations, I'm more like a business developer. So I love this part of my job too. I get to go do whatever I like, going cafes, bars, events, and what I need to go is to get a group of expats to go with me. Then, I network, I open up new possibilities, new opportunities, new market. This is amazing! Years ago I never thought this was possible.

But then again, I have to take a tour or two from time to time. I cant keep my mouth shut all the time. I need to share! And I need to share with people that borders, people that got interest, not my local friends and juniors who find me a bore, not people who are narrow minded, not people who are too spoilt to appreciate what we already have.

Monster Day Tours turned 1! It was a really really wonderful journey! I remember the times when I had to pull people off the streets for a tour, and now, people just show up. And all the satisfied customers, and returning customers, its amazing! When I travelled this year, I did actually went for Walking Tours around Asia, and I come to realize we really have a VERY VERY VERY good progress! It's amazing how we have came this far!

All in all, im loving life, im loving my job. This is passion.

I actually went for a philosophical discussion on Passion. Obsession. Addition.

It's actually a whole lot of interesting perspective. But I shall leave that to the next time.