Having insomnia right now........

First time I experienced this kind of happiness feeling that I couldnt slp.........
Was really tired and sleepy just now, but now I think my heart is racing?
That kind of feeling they normally described in fiction, that cloud 9 feeling,
Elated, as if you successfully confessed, or to know something big is coming for you.
Maybe like winning a prize? or big day tomorrow? kindda feeling.

3h, and heart beat not slowing.
I wondered if this is the feeling of ADHD ppl everyday,
only to dull it down by stupid medicines,
that amount of massive energy that make you fist pumping and random spasm,
I wonder what is the feeling of imprisoned happiness,
unable to release, will it dissipate or suppressed and concentrated?

No idea what causes this feeling,
cuz im not particular close to this person...

Just that through some sources, curious about friend A, cuz friend A had problems, but seemed to not share anything, no close friends to share the emotional problems, and just found out, though we didnt meet, that friend A do actually share it with friend B! So relieved that friend A at least got someone to talk to about it!

So yea...... never had this level of happiness for all my 20 years.
Living vicariously through people's lives,
felt happy, impressed, accomplished, and regrets, sadness, inferiority for people,
but this kind of elated feeling is first time!
Quite freaky now to think about it,
but really, I had no idea,
Not much of a problem solved cuz no problem at all,
not really a burden cuz dont really care about the person at a personal level.......
soooo....... hmmm......

This happiness overwrites all other emotions, such as
the disappointment that the Person B wasnt me,
fear that Person B won't be there long for Person A,
sadness that Person B seemed to be the ONLY person for A to share,
anxious that Person A may think Person B betrayed but B actually didnt say anything specific at all
proud, of Person B to be such a great listener and great friend of Person A.

So yea....... still insomnia........ big day tmr,
will try reading or watching boring shows........
at most count sheeps!!

Right, realized my Holiday trips blog entries were saved as draft and not published.

Well, on hindsight, I got more to add in.

First off, Langkawi. 

Flew to Langkawi with 2 friends, K, T. both of which are really unexpected for them to come. It's somewhat a miracle for him to join me out of civilization and anime and games hahas! And for K, it's a miracle too I didnt expect him to come with me. Well, must thank T alot for I guess it's their friendship that got K coming over. It's always heartwarming to see his bight smiles when the group come together, even outsiders can see he is most comfortable with them. Anyways, it was a rather smooth trip. Time crawls over there, so just as the Batam trip, we had lots of time every night from 9 to around 2 to talk. Through this we all got closer to one another, or so I hope. Yet, I kept having this feeling that one of them are not open enough, was rather curious about him. Oh well, slowly I guess....... Really glad I have people like them in life, to talk about stuffs.

So the trip was fun! First day did nothing much except the Underwater World, which we were surprised that the whole environment was rather good and nature-like, well maintained indeed! That night we all talked about someone, which in the end talk about me, hmmmm. Through this night convo, I come to realized that maybe my perspective about things might actually endanger my future life. Like, they threw me a situation, if I were a Boss, and there's this Secretary that after some time we started going out after work, and I developed some feelings towards her, so cuz I'm a great husband, I come clean to my wife saying I developed feeling, but then perhaps out of guilt, and conviction to savage my marriage, I decided not to develop the feeling more so I stopped going out with the Secretary and we stayed being just work partners. The thing is let's say my wife asked me to sack her, would I do it? My answer was a straight no without any consideration of alternatives or win-win situations like helping her to find another job or things like that. To me, none of us should change our lifestyle just because of some emotions going on, unfair. And to me, it's also about the trust between wife and I, and my own discipline to draw the line with Secretary. So they throw me another scenario, would I give up a million dollars to make my wife happy, again I unhesitatingly, said Yes. So they asked me, what kind of priorities do I have, money, secretary, wife. I couldnt answer.

Okay, so then the 2nd day we went trekking the Mountain of Seven Wells, did not reach the peak though, but it was like the first hiking trip all of us was in. We were not prepared at all, no water, and had to resort drinking river water too, and in the process attack by leeches. But all is well, we went back before dark, and went for fish spa, also for our first time! The keeper were watching some comedy show of 3 guys screaming like sissies for the first 10 minutes! hahas!    

The 3rd day we went for Island Hopping, and saw Eagle Feedings. Quite an easy day, subsequent nights not much Heart To Heart Talks, just joking around, blasting music with Seedio app, and watching TV. Then we went Mangrove Tour. Rather eye opening to see monkeys swimming, eagle feeding again, and that drama feel where we went into narrow shallow mangrove areas, just minus the snakes and crocodiles........... well they do warned about snakes though...... seemed like they are poisonous snakes, we saw one small one only.

That day, we also went for Parasailing!!!!!! Gosh the feeling of airborne is soooooooooooo good! Definitely a sport I would take my future spouse to go!!

So yea, we went back on the 5th day, and then comes Bandung trip with TLC!

Yea it was a YOLO decision to rush a tip-to-tail trip! Hahas, first time traveling with a group of strangers, but it all turned out soooo fine!

The moment we reached Bandung at the midnight, we had like a 4h bumpy car ride to rest at a guesthouse and a 3h hike to a waterfall that was not known even to the local guide when they approached him. So this trip was specially arranged, joined by 3 other local guide and special homestay arranged too. So cool! This is liek the best group Ive seen! Totally suits me! I like this kind of group where not only they like to travel, they liked to venture off the beaten path! and they loved leisure!!!! Food was ample there! and we had KTV on 2 nights!!!!!!!! crazy people! Taking pictures every few steps and so spontaneous in everything!!!!! Doing Gangnam style and Chicken dance there too!! We also tried Horse Riding, Floating Market visit, Strawberries farms, Message, Peak Dining, and more~~

They are working people, but they are having soooo much fun midst work and all the society bullshits. Like a bunch of kids and Professor Lim!!!!!!! hahas! we were mistaken as a university outing my a passer by hahas! The organizer is a very friendly, engaging and adventurous 60~ years old man! SO glad I found this group! and after that, I joined their activities as long as I can, like Bedok Reservoir Running on Sat, Stadium to Barrage to Marina Bay Running on Sun, and coming up cycling from Jetty to MBS, and then Archery!!!!! Oh yes and Bishan to Pierce reservoir too! Definitely going for the HUGE MEGA XMAS PARTY!!! He booked a room of 1200, subsidizing heavily of 70%, for the great event!

I envisioned myself very active in years to come, the only sad thing is that enlistment is near.

And yea post-travel withdrawal syndrome, I got that travel-spree feeling everytime! And also that kind of sadness when we build friendships on the trip, only to drift again when we are back in our own lives.

Yea........ thats all, ciao.........

Are we just lost stars trying to light up the dark?

Recently I attended a talk about the Science of Happiness.

It mainly focus on a hedonic perspective of happiness, so the factors are maximizing positive affect, minimizing negative affect and life satisfaction.

It explored the Terman studies which involves a extreme state of subjective well being studies by the Diener model, which is that in rate cases where satisfaction reached its maximum, it has reversed effect like being too contented thus losing the competency and therefore prone to mistakes or tendency to ignore symptoms which might lead to great illness and etc. Interesting thought but either irrelevant since we can't really we happy and satisfied to the max cuz we can't really know happiness until we been through unhappiness? The need for novelty would drives us to achieve more, so could be actually be 100% satisfied in life?

We must give applause to the amount of preparation and research the students did, it wasnt an easy task especially on such topic. However lots of audiences such as myself are so cynical about things like creativity and economic. They claimed that the studies concluded happy people are more creative, but there are so much talents out there producing their best works under depression or at their lowest point in life. And as for the economical part, Easterlin paradox easily countered the claim that riches has a linear positive effect on happiness.

So the rest of the talk was a recap of what we have learnt in social aspects of Happiness. Sadly, there wasnt any discussion sessions for the floor to throw in some perspectives and researches here and there.

I actually went in hope to hear some interesting findings on the Dark Side of Happiness. I had several questions like, in the pursuit of happiness, people tend to be unhappy, so is such pursuit in wrong direction of happiness? and lets talk about happy events, those that causes all the serotonins and oxytocin and endorphins and maybe dopamine too....... happy moments are like drugs, that makes your brain work extra hard to get back that feel, but in the process it made u not as happy right?

There are lots of approaches to understand happiness, subjective well being as a whole, liek the top-down or bottom-up, and the PANAS and PERMA, and other Eudamonia model but I guess all in all it could be sumemd up in the 3P model, past, present, prospect.

We should have acceptance of our past, to untie all knots, to forgive, to accept ascribed statuses, to appreciate what you had and had not, and what you have went through to shape who you are. Then, acceptance of our present, have the courage to change things you can, and to have serenity to brace through the things you cant, and to live life to the fullest without regret, and the prospect, maybe the future ideal self image, the hope for tomorrow, a purpose, a destination.

But then again, paradox of choice, what if we could not fix on a path to take? What comes next?

Hahas, got me thinking, and also ofcoz, recently talking about what benefits could we get from investing so much emotionally into another person, since all feasts come to an end, all humans are bound to drift at some point in life, why are human so social and so emotional? to find sense of security? sense of belonging? to merge walls to form greater walls?

I guess men are generally lonely and sad deep inside? Cuz men pride, cuz it's embarrassing to talk about feelings and problem to other ppl, cuz stereotype to solve own problems and strong facade. Their probably go for task specificity model of social support to find help only if they know that person is of specialty field to help him and not due to the closeness or whatever, and normally would not seek help for emotional issues.......

Well on the brighter side I found an answer to a friend's question some time ago, "why do you like to treat people so much?"

It's actually prosocial spending which would lead to increased happiness.

Firstly, it is Relatedness, helping others satisfies fundamental need for social connection.
Secondly, it is Competency, you feel the power to make a difference in people life, and most of us are socially constructed to feel that this act is good, you feel that you contributed to the greater good of mankind.
Thirdly, Autonomy, the act of free will to give led to a sense of self satisfaction that you have personally performed a gesture of goodwill.

Yepp........ thats all for now..... ciao

So I'm back from China!

I must say, Jiu Zhai Gou is more stunning than I had imagined!
It was really picturesque! Every view is like starring at a landscape painting.
The minerals made the sea azure blue.
After that, the Huang Long 6km hike is really nothing,
It's the same kind of view from top to bottom.
I really felt I have wasted my time climbing it,
oh well, exercise and challenge.

Costumed rentals are really really cheap at Huang Long Xi,
a place left by Qing Dynasty.
It's 10 yuan for 3 shots of 1 costume include make up.
A great place to photoshoot!
Maybe wedding will do it there!
They have different scenery for different era feel,
and many costumes! from Tang to Qing, to Ip Man, to British.

Tour mates are really great!
They are understanding, and funny, and caring.
They took care for my sick parents really really well.
Every meal, every day will spare a thought for one another.

The tour leader on the other hand,
I felt was nothing else but dutiful.
She had no preparations of any medications for common sickness,
she was rather lazy and do not like to do extra miles,
obviously show no concern until she step on the tour bus,
then she would ask one or two lines of "how are you",
yet apathetic for the million times we walk pass each other.
Never called to check out how we are,
nor bother to get any feedback on the food we consumed.

Then it's about the service culture in China,
totally ATROCIOUS! UNGRACIOUS! IMPOLITE!
 When asked how many more dishes,
the waiter could shout at us irritated and rude, "I dont know!!"
If not for the tour mates who joked "live on Emei, can't "xiu yang" at all",
I would have boiled to the point I don't mind giving her a beating if she bitch slap me.
It was said that the service there could go to the point of grabbing customer's collar,
and even fighting.

We noticed the nicer services are from foreign stalls/restaurants.
The local ones are really really bad, in sg standard, will definitely close down in a day.
Many other local restaurants too, totally only focused on their tasks,
often screw up (duh!) and thus would show attitude even to customers.
Would shout across the room. Would scold customer stupid cuz I think he spilled the beer.

Inattentive, self-centered for own chores, impolite, totally rubbish.
No matter from what philosophy you look at it,
these behaviors are uncivilized, undisciplined, uneducated to the core.
"Dog-people" as some would call it.
Cuz these may not be taught in schools,
but certainty a responsibility of parents to teach manners and respect.

Taoism, Buddhism, Confucianism, are totally not shown in them.

In contrast, Indonesia,
so far, Batam, Jakarta, Bali, Puncak,
in these places, the worst service is the best of China.
Their hospitality far exceeds many.
It's ofcuz, cultural,
in Indonesia culture where things revolve around favour (tips).
People are yes-man.
They would gladly do a service for you with their best,
in expect you to return a worthy favour.
Thus the service culture is there.

Even in sg, it's much much better than China,
though mostly materialistic and biased,
extra friendly to patrons that look richer,
but they have professionalism,
when asked for service,
they give of standard service to you.

So yepp, a little review of China trip.
I may not be most accurate, but I had
Beijing, Hangzhou, Guilin, Jiuzhaigou, Huang Long, Emei, Le Shan, Cheng Du,
as a reference point. And would ignore extreme ends such as,
International Hotel Restaurants and Street Stalls.
I'm basing service by local restaurants that should be of-standard.
Actually, in indo, the street stalls service are sometimes better than famous/high class restaurants.