Was doing some quiz then these are the results:

You are special in every way. You are one of everything. You can be mean and bitchy but be a kind person at the same time. You can be sad and crying, but push it aside for a friend. You are creative whether its artisticly, or mentally. You have a temper, but you only use it when neccesary. You are curios, and talented. You have many friends, know lots of people, but inside, you wonder about everything. You have been hurt in the past, but you saty calm and focused enough not to show your hurting inside.

You don't let many people in, but when you do it's the most intimate thing you can do. You have a depth many don't see immediately, so don't think negatively if someone shines the eqivilalent of a flashlight into your waters. They can't see your true beauty. Remember, beauty lies within. Your heart and soul encompasses all that is you. You are giving, loving and engaging. You are unique and mysterious, but don't let your murky depths rule you. Every once in a while, let someone see a flash beneath the sea.

So I recalled what I felt last time. Used to felt as if everything was a show, that everyone are just putting up fronts, thus somehow im rather ambiguous myself. Alot of times in situations, I have mixed feelings, mostly on the two extremes, especially the 'enlightened', the 'childish', the 'dont-give-a-damn', the 'sensational'. Thus i wondered what am I truthfully. It's a feeling like I want to have everything, as well as have nothing, perhaps nothing therefore everything? Sometimes always want to be rather intimate to some, but hold back due to the fear of change in personality. I think if I have a fear, I would have the fear of not recognizing myself. Samy once quoted: I have many friends, none close. True, on one hand yes I have many friends, yet all I want is for them to be happy with me, thats all, so besides that im rather lonely, and nothing much to talk actually. I felt my topics with people will run out, have to teach or do activities to spark off conversations.

Anyway I think I teach better than I learn, or rather set questions haha, teach wise, I think I have tendency to make simple conplex, make complex simple, that ppl screw up coz of me, thus bad teacher... but due to butterfly effect, im sure somehow can help, in fact, help in the opposite direction still help, can make them feel urge to rearrange the screwed up puzzle in their head.

Anyway really glad 'studying' with cheuck and hua long these few days. Felt like had taught them something, be it whether they fully comprehend. and their energy level very high, very motivational. sigh, wonder if they feel the same....

I think they really make me feel good, make me feel useful, motivate me to continue make a difference, like the boy flinging starfishes into the sea. Though he did nothing great but just to accompany listen to my crap and torturing him with weird questions, I really really appreciate it, more than teaching anyone else in my life, except maybe sheng hui in his piano, but soon i'll leave music, coz i just suck at it, untuned ears for them. I might consider cheap tutor as a part time, minds cafe too, and many lil of storytelling... HAPPINESS

If money grew on hackberry trees,
If time wasn't such a luxury;
If love was lovesick over me:
That'd be alright.

If I could keep the wind in my sails,
Keep a hold of the tiger by the tail;
A half a ham sandwich in my lunch pail:
That'd be alright.

Hey, go heavy on the good and light on the bad,
A hair more happy and a shade less sad.
Turn all that negative down just a tad:
That'd be alright.

If my dear ol' dog never got old,
If my family farm never got sold.
If another bad joke never got told:
That'd be alright.

Yeah, that'd be alright.
Yeah, that'd be alright.
If everybody, everywhere,
Had a lighter load to bear,
And a little bigger piece of the pie.
We'd be livin' us a pretty good life,
And that'd be alright.

maths p1 died, qn 4b, 5, 14b, 23dii, 20c, worst of all 11c which i spend my last 1h of paper thinking about it....

26 marks gone in p2....

eng my compo sux, worst story ever written, though speech is great...

sigh, ready to repeat another year as a private candidate i guess, at least a year of fun again, without sch i hope, and get better grades, into desired course....

finally had fallen, since sec 1 had been kept going up, till sec 3 plunge down, then struggled and got lots of fluke, now... i think im defeated, oh well, just another year, with much humiliation and disappointment form lots of ppl around me inc parents, wushu mates and samy rajoo...

or i could go overseas and try my luck to work early?? or at most beg steal borrow =) consequences of too much carelessness in me, not suited for academics, better in society i guess?

Totally understand, relate, and comprehend the quote: "That day we learned, when your friend flunks, you feel bad, when he tops, you feel worse."

I was not over confident, neither lack of confidence, but couldnt let myself to believe i got myself so careless! some say 1 mark cost a 100 position in nationals, what about 40? I doubt my A will be there, then what's left for me? A maths? doubt I can make it for A, as kamath said, im at utmost B3, what can i do? sci was pathetic for me, can't even grasp B, I think I dont see myself anymore, wake up! what was I doing? be affected by such trivial thing? for the first time in my life? Cant help myself... Im gone...

Somehow, o lvl didnt feel quite right, amazingly easy, amazingly careless haha. Then in between feel like ordinary exams, on mon i even felt like sleeping halfway before continuing. heard that cheuck fell ill too today, hope it wasnt my spread. by the way, really gratful for the panadol on mon or i wont have survived the paper... anyway hope all the best, i finished maths in an hour, spend an hour on re-thinking the probability question i better be right....

'Dun type so many meaningful de things ... I need to like all lei'
- Zhigao

haha, damn cute damn zai hahahaha, best pal i have, cheered me up so high just befre exam hahhahaha....

Just realised there's a english version of 《祝福》, however the meaning of the lyrics is not as touching and meaningful as the mandarin version =)

Enjoyable day today!
Really euphoric haha
glad to have chueck, he is very a very hyper and hyped person =)

went for bball under the scorching sun! but was fun, though reluctant to run haha, too hot, did a dare of singing in front of a cc staff hahaha. mahjong awhile in my house, taught cheuck a lil of canon.

studied with hualong, him and tim too, learnt about geog about coastal protection =)
finally looked at a lit marking scheme, finally understand how to improve lit.
stumbled across a phy question for ms toh, corrected some screwed up concepts and eradicated some could-have-been-trapped questions, and shared what i knew about some questions and general knowledge =) all these in mere 3h =) how fruitful =)

tomorrow gonna have tuition with samy =) then pop excel as usual.

Feel so good without school, and harvested more too!

Let's see, did 2 chem papers today, 3 eng papers, 1 compo, finish servicing my lg hp. Wow never knew I would have soooo much time without school!!! Felt so much better, esp in those few moments with Samy Rajoo, though yesterday's 3h session with him has much more laughter haha. Tmr gonna bball in the morning and study with HuaLong at 3pm.

Btw I skipped school without my parents knowing, not to say approval haha. Too much anger in there larh. Yes, partly because of the bread thing. Walan leh just eating a small bread in class cannot arh? Yes larh school rules say no larh, what if people wanna faint le can't eat arh? That morning so hungry, furthermore day before not happy, that day wanted to start happy to invite the 'happy' energy, but tio fucked. Sigh, school marh, so discouraging, esp his 'at most you're a B3 standard', wtf! Yea larh it's his style, it's his way of speaking, he's good teacher no doubt, but Samy is better =) I'm not someone who loves to remember past scores but I lean on window grill to listen cannot arh? Singing in free time to have a little atmosphere cannot arh? Somemore everytime say I not sincere in apology, lol what you want me to do? cry and beg for forgiveness, suck my balls man! What other people more convincing in assurance of improvement? I drama say I too drama, I nod say I insincere, fuck yourself man!

SCHOOL SUX!

Another wasted day I guess, Monday Blues I suppose. Skipped my free period to sneak out of the school to find johann, much to my great disappointment. Sigh, well can't blame him, been expecting too much on him, for a home lover to be expected to be partying and being wild after his n level, I must be an idiot.

However I must say I can't really take it much longer, I need something very high and enjoyable to lift my mood up. Been waiting for that since 2 weeks ago actually, I really need it before my o level, a propeller, a booster, like the exothermic reaction which made rockets fly to sky up int he sky.

Sigh, perhaps these few days was just in a bad mood. Everything seemed frustrating, even the word 'please' behind a sentence. I seriously feel like punching whoeever said that, it was so cocky, arrogant, stuckup to me. Sigh. And every actions seemed loathsome, even when someone tried to ask a classmate question in midst of answering my question, I find it so rude, it's like totally insulting me, disregarding me. And the stupid expression of some of them, and those insulting terms they used, 'you dumb ah?', 'how you survive until sec 4?', 'wa lao eh', especially from some guy named R____, with that irritating tone and voice.

Perhaps I need some wine or spikes, or probably some fights, or simply just throw stones in the reservoir. And maybe just for these few days find a new circle of friends with super outgoing attitude. Who will that be? Or just some ktv perhaps? or maybe food?

ARGH!! So much anger in me... again...

It's 10/10/10 today =)
Today went samy class, did a full compo on the title 'write a story o witnessing a act of kindness that changed your view of life', I wrote the boy picking up seashells story, just elaborate it and add dramatic feelings into it. =) Remember, you can make a difference =)

Was talking about this with johann just now. Had i made an impact on people? I'm not sure, samy once said i'm a loner, coz i have no fixed group, much like angus regarding himself as jumper except i dont jump, just being a hermit =) This is probably one of the reason i dont want to be a teacher, cuz it's not really rewarding =) I taught many people in different subject before, all i ever received was ungrateful attitude. Well, few which, even though they dont mean it, really shatters me are: 'I'm not surprised if kaya teach wrong', '(after an accident) I'm not learning anymore!', why? They not only did not improve, but gave up! Sigh, that's why I'm really grateful I got to know samy, he really rocks! He is very motivating, inspiring, dedicated. I think without him I would have gave up on english and life already. Thus im now sending motivational sms to people, hoping it will make an impact on them, no matter how great or small, at least i could help. Just hoping I can help.... Sigh...

quoted from weiliang koh:
Food for thought: At this moment, when you think about what kind of life would you, your loved ones and friends would be leading for the next 10 yrs, does it sound meaningful or exciting to you? perhaps it's a good time to think about it on this special sunday:) Happy 101010 ppl! ♥

Sounds interesting, yet I have no concrete goals or dreams or passion... Perhaps, I would just have minor ones, I would like to:

-have a goal, dream, purpose in life
-improve my piano
-improve my sjg
-improve my singing, learn a song of different languages (currently have 6)
-take on something interesting
-get a suitable course
-be more optimistic
-able to make an impact to more people
-able to bring happiness to people
-more friends but more bonds between wushu people and family

=) wow thats alot... haha, wow thats 10~!.. haha, but some have sub parts haha
祝我一生十全十美，十亲九敌，十人九慕，十战十胜！！

Thoughts 1：

If you were in a line and you see someone approached another guy in front of you to jump in the queue, would you be angry? I'm pretty sure you would. Well, actually from another point of view, don't you think it's the same? Let's take the person jumping queue as A and the person in the line as B, if A were to give his order for B, then the counter have to take A & B's orders, same as that when A and B both in the queue. So why the fuss? Some may argue that it is the frustration of you waiting so long yet a random person cut the line, however that is again mistaken. Though A did not wait, but B did, thus actually by right that pair/group had more net 'toil' than you. Dude, think!

Thoughts 2:

What would my son be like? I think firstly he must enjoy his childhood, i will bring him out and enjoy traditional games as much, hopefully foster bonds, if not at least he had experience playing gonna-extinct-games. I won't pressurize him for ace or to study 24/7, but i will constantly motivate him =) I won't dwell in his mistakes except if repeated, thus will try not to shatter his curiosity or self esteem. I will let him account for all his choices including studies and so on, but let him know that i will always be there to cushion some of the impact when he fall. He'll be not very materialistic, and will discover his own talents and pursuit it. I will try to provide a happy family so that he will enjoy himself thoroughly at home and in society. At least this way, when he got bore of us (parents) and step into the society, he had experience all the fun he could possible have with family, since I won't be around forever to have fun with him when he finally understand the importance of family. Ofcoz, I will teach him the 7 virtues and 3 letter classic, as well as some of the Confucius well-known quotes, and to learn mental sums by chinese. I will try to have him to be inclined to chinese culture, but if he insisted to not, I will not enforce...

Thoughts 3:
Happy 70th Birthday John Lennon, thanks for your presence in Beatles and all your wonderful songs especially 'Imagine'.

This has to be the most beautiful
The most peaceful place
I've ever been to
It's nothing like I've ever seen before
When I think how far I've come
I can't believe it...and yet I see it
In them I see family
I see the way we used to be

And the feeling of the wind
In your face can lift your heart
Oh... theres no where i'd rather be

There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
And I can't face anther day

Topic: Ignorance is bliss

Is ignorance bliss to the ignorant? Are they wrong for being ignorant?

Human's stupidity is inevitable thus to me the ignorant are not at wrong, because there is a free will of them which enables them to have the rights to express their views. For the ignorant, they think that they are superior where he feels victory though insisting on their points and unwilling to accept corrections.

Yes, though their arguments might be nonsensical, and illogical, but to them that might be the 'truth', or the 'better argument'. Thus they are living in their own well, which is blissful.

Also, likewise to them we could be the ones having no brains, thus they regard us inferior instead, thinking they're better thus resulting them feeling blissful. This could be said in a way that they are being delusional to themselves.

By being delusional to themselves, it is artificial bliss, but artificial still is bliss, just as artificial intelligence is still intelligent.

There isnt any law which states that a lowly being is wrong to say nonsensical things. Besides, what hitler did is nonsense, yet he isnt wrong to do so, is the people that chose to be under his wrath. same theory here. They are not wrong, just that we are more right.

"People say he isn't right because he oppressed people and all that. But there're those that says what he does is right because he led Germany back to greatness and created more jobs for people through rearmament and stuff. And people chose to be under his wrath because of his charisma with people, they believed he could be a great leader, that's a bit of being foolish too ."

To them they think they're right, but for us because we had seen the whole thing, we know it's not, same concept, the ignorant thought they are right, they're not wrong to think that way, just that we know better that we are more right =)

Topic: 善要人知不为真善

However in case of doctors for example, if you have the ability to help people yet you do not publicize yourself to be known to more patients to help even more people, then you're doing lesser good deeds, better having more good deeds right? haha, just a naive thought....

OMG I saw my primary 5 friend which went back taiwan online just now~!!!
Yao Ding Hsuan , memories flood back my head, of all the times we ever had, where I always went to his hostel and ransacked his room haha. God I never thought we could ever still meet....

I remember the shirt he gave me when primary 5 before he left, I kept it till sec 2. I still have his photos taken during chinese projects haha, and also my birthday party.