Today's post is about a collection of quotes I came across just these few days.

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." Richard Bach

This is from Criminal Minds, where it is really true, that the strongest bond you could have might not come from blood family, but friendship bonds. For example, in White Collar, though Neal's father came back for him, he decided to trust Peter more, and stated, "Family doesn't show up on your doorstep after 30 years. They're the ones who've been there when you need them.". That's why many people find good buddies though interest groups and clubs, or in NS, where they will have to go through a series of hardship and perseverance to achieve a certain common goal. For Neal, that bond is not just friendship  but a little of mentorship too. He claimed that Peter is "The man we all wish we could be more like." It's really an in-three-sting bond, of friendship, mentorship and black-white power struggle relationship.

"Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise." H. G. Wells

This is also one that I came across from Criminal Minds. I think it is rather through, that sometimes pain and sorrow is there not to trap us in the wells of despair, but to let us grow and learn something somewhere. "Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

“Curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not.” – Neil deGrasse Tyson

Well, different ways to view this, sometimes, the congratulations are worthy because of all the hard sweats and hardship the person faced to achieve the excellence. However, we should not neglect those that are on the ladder to success, actually many of them are working hard for it, just not enough luck or resources.

It is the trouble that never comes that causes the loss of sleep. - C. A. Bates

This is a quote that connects me to a long lost friend. =) interesting how small the world is. One of my student is his senior in the same CCA, really hilarious because they had the same complains and same crush name rumour hahas!! Well, yea, no use worrying actually, we can worry about a lot of things, but it's all futile. Nothing's gonna change by your worrying. I could only wish that he would grow more confidence and have more resources for his studies.

Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis 

This quote is new to me, but as I translate it, suddenly I felt enlightened! Like everything links, from the lectures i attended, to the shows i watched:

In time, growth and decline, "Time makes more converts than Reason" - White Collar, looking back, everything will just be moments, yet that moment changes so much of my thinking and behavior - emotions.

This week isnt good.
Though Tue we had an excursion to National Museum,
and went Penin to window shop,
and saw alot of nice accessories,
cowboys gadgets and music stuffs,

But Wed I slept till 11am,
and therefore missed presentation,
caused teammates to hate me more...
But was good that I
accompanied a friend bballing

Then Thur, since I finished work early
and saw a few classmates walking out,
decided to grab some bites,
yet the teacher waited for us
to start the lesson,
which took away the break time of others
and obviously caused more hatred.....

Sigh, plz larh,
poly already,
if we miss is our problem,
get on with life.. and teaching....

Then Fri, after a long day of school,
Wanted to catch the last 10 episodes of White Collar,
but someone asked me out......

This is where it all sucked.
She claimed to want to shop for her sister's gift
But I found out is because she wanted to skip tuition
when her mum paid so much for it.......
And then along the way reading her book
and I tried to talk she avoided
didnt bring money how to buy gifts
waste so much time
waste money eating when I could cook
And can watch my White Collar
was pissed......

Then today, finishing up White Collar,
spending time with cell
after that walking home the same someone
shouted at me calling me irritating
when I am not even talking to her
WTF?! Whats the mater of her!!
No matter what reason im not letting this go!

Seriously, I dont see the point of everything now
What's the point of wasting time effort resources
on people who are not changed by the Word at all.
Though we plant the seeds,
It's up to the soils to nurture it,
Why should we be the one watering it.......

Ofcoz there are good news too,
and good unexpected outcome
from someone who really impresses me
with his faith, and his good intentions...

But Im tired......

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction. 
- William Blake

It means, the consequence of mistake
helps a person learn more than
the protection by the bubble of theories.

Some people are just not worth patience...........
One day...... I WILL ROAR~~!!

Today JL came and taught us spear.
This was not the first time, but seriously,
he never fails to amaze me.

He held a thin spear, and parry my huge bulky spear,
and able to swing it off my hand.
Yet me, with that bulky spear,
struggled to parry his thin spear,
when he was just holding it WITH ONE HAND~

Well, after yesterday post, few came to me consoling,
"Your day will come" =) thx!

Well, just to clarify, some of my posts might seems sad
Thats cause im a Optimist in Pessimism,
I hope for the best, but thought for the worst
Sometimes I think too much
and chose long winded approach to solve things
or to think impossible scenarios.

Then again, I know myself too
I dont think I have any skills or and side of me
That is worthy of compliment or shine
Especially how I always think my voice sux
despite singing everyday for the past 19 years,
Im not too sad though,
guess I just gotta suck thumb,
perhaps, all I left.... are words...

It's only words....... and words all I have... to take your heart away...... =) bee gees

Well, Fri jamming was awesome, with Siva and Shahrul,
I really loved to sing to Flying Without Wings,
I think the song summaries our pursuits for love,
for belonging, for security, for happiness

Everybody's looking for that something,
One thing that makes is all complete.

Some find it in friends, families, in isolation, in pursuit of dreams, words of others
and I love how it described, that "A simple line could make you laugh or cry".

Songs, songs make up my life,
I think there are always songs that could describe someone completely
I thought of songs that suits some of people around me so nicely
I  always wanted to do MVs on those stories,
like "Yong Qi", "Sometimes When We Touch", "Against All Odds"... etc
And there are songs that describes my life... "We Are One", "Better Man".... etc
And songs that at a certain moment, just caught my attention soooooo much
That it describes that current situation....
Such as "Amazing Grace", "Words", "Zhang San De Ge", "Wen Wen De Xing Fu".....

The other tuesday night heard a song "Stable Happiness" by Eason Chen
It describes how after all,
All we want at the very end of the day,
is a simple, stable, everlasting happiness......
Happiness at its very primal essence

有一天　我發現自憐資格都已沒有
只剩下不知疲倦的肩膀
擔負著簡單的滿足

One day I will realize that I dont even have the rights to self pity
as there are so many blessings in my life, 
and that I would carry up the burdens and responsibilities
Fully contented with them, totally worth the efforts. 

有一天　開始從平淡日子感受快樂
看到了明明白白的遠方
我要的幸福

One day I will find happiness in the simplest living
To see a long road ahead
To understand that long road ahead
That kind of happiness

我要穩穩的幸福
能抵擋末日的殘酷
在不安的深夜
能有個歸宿

I want a stable Happiness
That can withstand till the end of time,
That can be my refuge in the deepest nights

我要穩穩的幸福
能用雙手去碰觸
每次伸手入懷中
有你的溫度


I want a stable Happiness
That can be felt by the hands of my toils
That can warm my heart in the coldest winter


我要穩穩的幸福
能抵擋失落的痛楚
一個人的路途
也不會孤獨


I want a stable Happiness
That can alleviate the pain in the throughs
That can be the shadow by my side, everlasting


我要穩穩的幸福
能用生命做長度
無論我身在何處
都不會迷途


I want a stable Happiness
That can last throughout my lifetime
That can guide me wherever I may be

Must life be so complicated?

Lots of theories and wisdom? And all the guides to life?

Doesnt that tire yourself out if you cant reach your expectations?

Today, got a friend angry as I dont have a sms habit, so I am not sensitive to sms vibrations, or tend to forget to reply when busy, or when I am with other people. 

Felt really bad, cuz I always assumed she is someone that can accept cliff hangers and continue conversation few days later and all, some kind of penpal, but now I see she has been suppressing that anger. 

So then as I helped a friend on her compo, I started thinking....

Some things is really the personality, genes, my parents never knew about social etiquette too, my mum often makes situation awkward and her "kiasu-ness" attitude, my dad never fails to offend all his bosses, so as much as I am quite a social butterfly, can never reli establish long term relationship (in terms of friendship).

Then, I look into myself, and find what is wrong? I find im so out of place.

For example, the taste of clothes, was shopping with friends, they commented my taste are not fashionable.
Another example, conversation topics, my topics dont usually fit with people my age.

So........ yea actually many times I seriously would like to explain myself, but dont ever have chances to do so. I screw up most of the things in life. I have no idea what to do in my life in the future. I have no interest in anything everything yet at the same time I enjoy whatever things that comes to me for the moment.

Sometimes I wonder, is there really a place that could fit me?
Is my life turning into a hermit like some ppl around me,
what's wrong being hermits they are surviving well, if not, better
what is my purpose?
Individualism or Social Pariah?
What is acceptable individualism what is not?
What is happiness.........?

Ofcoz, those few times I was extremely touched by those ppl who msged me. Really really grateful for that, but as my friend said, I have too high of an expectation of things, almost idealism, surrealism, that I actuallly closes the opportunity to have one. Then again, there is this guy who Im really proud of his life change and all, and his growth in many aspects. Yet again, academically, how I hope I could give my brains to him, in fact, I think I should just surrender my brains to some other random person, he/she will probably utilize it better than me, Im just wasting Earth's oxygen just for the brain of mine? 

There will come a time
Where you will need your friends tonight
And there will come a time
Where you will need someone tonight

And when it feels like everyone's turning their backs on you
Oh when the sun's not out but you know you got to see it through

One day everything will be fine...... but not tonight........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUV5T9JIJZ0&gl=SG&hl=en-GB

Today was full of emotions.

Started off with a happy note, cooking for dad, and going to the Theatre workshop with him. Of course he was reluctant, but had a great time there. So much fun that I decided to see it through with him before heading to church for bday celebrations. On my way rushing, was really really tired, so I was hesitating and questioning if all these is worth it, after all bday is an annual thing, rushing there for 2h and rushing back for dad is a waste of time money and energy. When I reached, seems like they waited for my arrival before the cutting of cake, song and photo taking. Was really touched. After all, one of them was the only few who msg me well wishes I was sick.

Then, rushing back for dad, in the end the performance was not suited, thus we head home, with me and d going to O'coffee for a loooooooong chat about education, about limit of teasing, about free will of people, new vocabs like "accustomed" and proverbs like "when in Roman, do as Romans do". Kindda gentle point out that lately his thoughts are too self centered, and myopic view of things, like he dont consider how things go about or how other people view things. And many more, like his excuses of not studying and all.

Then J asked for some money to buy hp, was so about to give but when further probe, I guess it was a social pressure or a sudden urge thing? So I wanted him to throw in 1 essay a week, but he refused, so still wondering it I should lent him a little or not.......

Then, stayed up for mum's arrival, was so disappointed when her first remark was about the photo of dad I posted hours ago. She was affected my relatives who claimed my dad was skinny and "malnutrition-ed" Bottled rage made me scream at them, literally. The disappointment I felt for looking forward to this day, to share my dad's joy in the workshop, getting MC wasting money, and even got a bad name for being MIA in class, etc, to prepare for the day. Sigh, that anger too, that she never came home without negative remarks, either the plants, the floor, etc etc, and never had any words of encouragement. Resentment, of my own family member not encouraging at all, when moments ago was chatting with a friend about her lack of family support and I commented I had mine. Ofcourse, disheartened for the efforts and hope, like what is the point, back to square one, in the end the screaming made me sore throat again, one things are destined, meant to be.

After a long rant on fb, went to retreat in my room, locked, music blasted, etc. Then immediately, B msged me, the second wave rushed, flooded, flowed, I was so touched for B to msg me at this hour, then E msged me on fb, and ofcoz, C too. It was just as I say to d, sometimes we are chasing too hard for something that we want instead of looking around us at those that really cared. Yes we could be attention seeking at times, thats just ranting, trying to keep it off chest, and so whoeever comments at least bothered reading and caring, no matter who is it, we gotta cherish them! No matter how much u disagree with any aspect of someone, somethings are meant to be kept hidden from u, then ignore it, pretend oblivious to it, and establish that relationship the person want with u. Really really thankful for these people! Sometimes might be random, might be something trivial to u, but it was sooooooo important to me that that moment!

Right, mum offered a tau sat pia...... third wave.....
After all, still mum larh........
Tmr will be a brighter day........
Ending off with forgiveness
She is after all too affected with relatives opinions
And worried about my Dad's health
And as many women do, assume and more assume
Nights!

I rarely put pictures in my blog, but I find this picture really really beautiful~!

1) The skull is dead, the butterfly is alive, they compliment each other to give this beautiful image.
2) Trivial it may be, but a butterfly could really make a difference to the living (the butterfly effect), or the dead (the picture)
3) This picture sort of gives the impression of the revival of the dead. It's like saying that the dead is not forgotten.
4) It kindda make the dead seems beautiful as well, a morbid beauty.

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for, I have no idea. 
- W. H. Auden

Was chatting a friend, and we talked about adults having their seemingly childish problems, and thoughts, and behavior, and then we thought that at our age, we are able to distinguish foolishness and wisdom, and stuffs like that, at least for their seemingly easy kiddish situation. Sometimes I really wonder what are these people thinking. So I thought back about that quirky quote.

Sometimes, I think we are all capable of doing something great, just that there are always funny people out there that screw it up. Thus, a lot of times, I see people taking an established relationship for granted and stuffs like that. I kindda think that in life, guess all we had to do is to stick with our moral principles and do good. As to why people might react in a certain way, it's just how life works, so that we got things to do, problems to handle, obstacles to jump over.

There are ofcoz amazing people in life, that are really really awesome, like one that I spoke to recently, she was sort of "unwanted" child. So from young she dont owe her parents except for a shelter. She is fully independent, in terms of survival, possessions and academy. She's one everyday hero!

Then ofcoz, LKK JL, he is still damn awesome! I'll never forget what he said, that when one decides to do something good, the whole world conspires to help him achieve it, or at least there would be greater help when the opposing forces are too hard to handle.

Anyway, was having a White Collar spree, 1 season at one shot! I think Im getting ill now.

Today when to meet up with SY, Cheuck, Randy and Angus. Good times, hahas, the TOASTED met up again! Hahas. Most of them are not familiar with CCP, and I think they are virgin drinkers. Well, something that got me thinking is sy, somehow I rather regret not giving him more "life". At this age he dont know what is Chomp Chomp nor Lau Pat Sat, or any other food paradise area, mostly due to financial restrictions. So again, there's this urge to be a Cai Shen Ye again hahas...... sigh.......

自身难保了，心有余力不足, got problem managing myself, yet still want to help people. Sigh, if I were a rich man, there would be more life to people around me........ XD

Disappointed? Or too high expectation?

Wushu was usual today.

Tmr Im planning to cook for Dad. XD then perhaps not going for lecture again.

Well today the clique was supposed to go airport but I think they end up loitering around again. Heard they did some work, but somehow it doesnt sound enough, I mean judging by the total amount of time spent, I would be more convinced if they used 30%-40% to study. Asked him to actually do something for me, he did not. Though I was glad that he did geog. Then again he used the word "a bit".

Was so flared up I ranted on J, poor guy, sometimes really grateful for someone there to rant to. He mentioned that to flare up means I really care. Sigh, really, it gets annoying, and im tired. It's not like he got no resources, nor time, nor determination. So I told him to produce something by tmr noon and I'll consider the meet up. That would be after lunch, and before meeting another trainee. So far, it looks like the meeting is not gonna be worked out. This is just my current prediction and rant though, it may be simply because they are not free or something larh.

Anyway, I thought back about JL and CL, its like JL simply said, "If you dont improve in academy, dont bother training." He did it, which was what JL was proud of in CL. I couldnt do that. Not enough admiration. Not enough inspiration. Just not enough.

Urgh forget it, feeling too much frustration in my chest, before this sentence, was holding breath, gonna cool down. Shall watch White Collar.

Another week is over, highlight of the week is Iron Man 3 with Samy! Importance of Being Earnest on May 2!!! And cell at Lin's house today sat!!!! Oh and we all when to support Joey Chua where she is going to contest in the Final 1 the upcoming wednesday. Haha, interestingly she remembered me even if I had only met her once.

And then there is this girl that every time I thought about her n wanting to meet her simply due to not meeting for months, unsure what events to ask her out, she would suddenly approach me with a plan in mind already, and it often matches mine. Sadly, I was 30mins too late to grab the Phantom of Opera seat just beside me!!! =(

Well, nothing much to talk about, was chatting with a friend through sms. So we were talking about everything under the sun, when we talked about those little mischief we have during our childhood. So we were talking about theft and other teen stuffs, and the came to the conclusion that some of these stuffs rather do it while we are young and the consequences are small than to suppress it to be snowballed into crimes in the future. 

So I was thinking about lust and all related cases. I thought of all those rapist and addicts, could they be better off if they are exposed of them at young age and then rectified, so that they would be totally removed of it?

There's a song "I've never been to me" that talks about a women growing up in the social world, of lust and trends and wild and fun. She had been undressed by kings and see things women not supposed to see. However, in the end, she realized the struggle to forgo this side of her to retreat to a stable kind of love.

As I believed, firstly, with Respect, a man would not do anything to the flesh of a woman. Secondly, with Love, a man would only make love with his spouse, the beautiful act of completion, harmony and acceptance. You are exposed, and willing to let the other half makes you complete. Thirdly, with Self-Control, all lust and sexual desires could be controlled, minimized  displaced.

Then again, what is really the "self", our cells regenerate every day, in 7 years, none of our cells are the same, and the cycle repeats, so what are we?

So if a girl experiences all the bgr stuffs from young, and prepare her for a better, sincere, and stable one in the future. But thats like taking advantage of young girls. Then again, girls might be secretly wanting that too? Then for a guy, can say cant resist, but can switch focus, can distract away from it, can do measures about it, but since didnt then is not sincere in change? Then if 2 parties dont mind, then just let it be lorh...... XD

Let it be... Let it be....

Sigh, sometimes as much as I know so much, but couldnt do anything, pointless also, just hope no one will gets into trouble.

Western culture perhaps? we always have those hollywood romance mindset, or those clubbing lifestyle, grinning, prostitution, and etc, so... rather fake..... hmm........ continuing the song:


Hey, you know what paradise is? It's a lie
A fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be