捧着一颗心来，不带半根草去

"Selfless"

That was my answer for the scholarship interview as Terence asked me what is the key quality of a tsao scholar.

Really, it is the effort and time you devoted that would touch people life, that would make a difference, that would make the world a better place. Just as many have done so in me, I would do likewise to many more. Though a great weakness in me is that I jump into commitments and get stuck too quickly. Oh well at least I'm having fun.

Yet, in my opinion, this only applicable to ordinary people like you and me. Mainly because the effort and time devoted are all genuine and passionate, whereas those in the high profile would do those for their own benefit, that they had weigh the cost benefit or all those things and came up with the conclusion that by doing such 'kind acts' they will benefit more. There was this book I was reading "Three Cups of Deceit", which recounted and cross referenced with many sources how some high profile philanthropist had been heavily involved in frauds, misusing donation funds, and crafting lots of fake recounts and lies.

It has been another busy weekend. Sat was at church, then went for waterfire event at reservoir, sun we filmed a promo vid for bedok wushu, then helped at Grandmaster's Commemoration Event. It's really cool to see so many masters gathering to honour our late Grandmaster Chen Yu He. It's like concentrated with so many masters of the martial arts realm, which had made me feel so honoured to perform on that stage, where chinese traditional culture re-affirmed our roots as chinese.

On monday, I went borders to grab some awesome deals. Bought 7 books, combined with a stranger, who should be very happy since she was going to pay around 20 for those 3, and now she could owned them with 7 and a half bucks. But seriously lorh I knew my books were stolen, since I knew I had chosen 9, one of them was "freedom", perfect condition, still sealed in plastic. Walao books also steal... -_-"

Interview went fine I guess, borrowed shirt from Johann, pants from Bowei, belt from Dad, haha sounds pathetic, oh well. Well price of being frank and honest, is a spot closed for the scholarship. When asked what difference would it be if I didnt get this scholarship, I answered immediately, that life goes on, I would do what I do, trying my best to make a difference to as much people as possible. I should have just answered: I hoped to get the scholarship so as to devote more effort and received more motivation to contribute back to the society, singapore, as I am but a product of the kindness this nation had offered me, with much graciousness. Oh well, perhaps the interviewers are Terence and Julia thus I was more frank and more of 'myself' instead of the 'ideal self' haha, geron theory at work again =D

Spoke with an adult friend of mine, strangely enough she shared with me lots of her personal sensitive problems, really great to see people appreciating my companion and trusted me, opened up to me, and share their worries, thoughts, problems and asked for my opinions. She definitely changed alot ever since certain thing happened and after that, she found a catalyst to re-ignite the dimmed candle of hope. Many awesome women I encountered in my life, to raise her daughter so well and rather matured. Good parenting, depart values in her, patient, and gives appropriate freedom, and happiness which she often lacked due to her work life and her school life. At least I think she had found someone to fill in the gap, like the ink in a conventional pen. Well I guess many times, the candle must be melted so that the wax could keep the candle upright. The candle, a symbolism of motivation in life.

It's midnight now, with prevailing winds, raged windows, disturbed curtains, and a gust of hot air left trapped in my house, funny to yearn for rainy weather to cool the air, yet shut the wind and rain out and left the hot air remain inside among us. Paradox of human.

Some things I've learnt about management of a F&B outlet:

- Cash register one person per shift responsible (may not necessarily means sole access. This is so that all mismatched debts can be accounted for.

- Full time staffs that worked from opening to close must at least have $10 meal allowance, in fact should have one meal on the house.

- Kitchen staffs should be entitled to try house dishes for free, in order to improve standards and to be able to answer or recommend to customers in detail and recount.

- For opening to close, should distribute jobs, such that he would not need to manage too much, for example, kitchen will have one in charge of cook, hire part time to do the dishwashing, especially in peak hour and days.

- Schedule should be carefully planned, to never allow 2 staffs to run the whole busy cafe themselves, and yet sometimes having 5 staffs with little customers. In fact, it is even better to have team approach, for example on monday, put someone in charge of all part timers in his team, to plan such that they would help service as well as kitchen like dishwashing or minor preparation. This team would be given fixed amount of money, up to them to distribute among themselves. So they are free to all help to ease job. This will enhance team building, maintain motivation, increase effectiveness and quality service, because the front line staffs would not be lethargic after a long day of work.

- Event management. In cases where there is event, must definitely organise a different team to set up and perhaps if possible another team to dismantle, because if these are done by kitchen, its 2 additional jobs for kitchen besides cook and dishwashing.

- Kitchen should never be only one who is well versed, should have at least two, that rotates mon-thur, opeing to closing, then fri-sun both will help, so that kitchen can also be flexible and help service on fri-sun when manpower is needed.

- More part times in kitchen should be encouraged, because their idle times can be used for servicing as well. And perhaps can engage poly students, firstly its cheaper than part timers in labour pool, secondly they will get experience, and their good time serving might lead them becoming full time in future, thirdly if they do well they would do good in their internship. So many benefits.

- Welfare of staffs is most important, should heed staffs' advice, so that they are dedicated to give constructive feedbacks, thus be more humane towards staffs, understand their needs, besides money, they are not robots.

- Should empower service staffs more, so that they will be more confident to make decisions that satisfy customers, to effectively make non-programmed decisions. As long as they take charge of their decisions, should grant them the courage to drive the extra mile. Dont be too profit orientated, be service orientated, because most people are willing to pay for service, and many times is the ambiance and service that attracts them other than affordability of meals.

- If possible, take lets say 80% of profit, left 20% to be distributed to staffs, this way their effort will be in direct relationship with sales and profit, so they would be more driven to earn more using their effort.

- Should have annual meet as the whole company, and monthly meet for branches to discuss about issues, to recognize extraordinary staffs, and strategies.

Today I volunteered in SgCares, my first, it was a great experience. Same as the other homes I visited, just that the facilities here are no doubt best ive ever seen, and the elderly are responding better. After a little ice break they even initiated to sing!

There was this petite lady, lady of her 70s, who was rather impressed by my first 2 lines when I took the mic, she was awesome =D haha biasness. Anyway, she was engaging, optimistic, and caring. She was also humble as I prompted her to sing. She sang eventually though. So she was sharing about her ward patient who passed earlier this morning, on her 73rd birthday. There wasnt a slightest sorrow or sadness, just a little pity perhaps, as she recalled the times with her I guess, but other than that, totally optimistic. For some reason I saw the epitome of Auntie Imm. Another pattern of life I guess, though small, optimistic and caring, therefore cheerful. After a while, she asked me to go back to her friend's side, the one I initially sat by.

The songs suited me ofcoz, but majority was teresa teng, thus the pitch was too high for me, and woudl sound aweful if I adjust and transpose down. I wanted to do this as a once in a while thing, but I gguess I'll have an extra commitment to hold on to now. My in charge said that these folks are most probably abandoned and neglected, in terms of presence, such that they were put there with a sum of money, and they disappeared, poof... thin air. Some though, still held on to their phones, in case they called. Sigh.

And so while waiting, I chatted with the in charge, she was also sharing about how she saw this family in the arcade playing the scoop-the-candy-up machine, 3 of them each in a different counter, and they approached their dad for 50 bucks like as if it was lunch money or something. So I shared with her that I saw this family too, the mother at the fishing game, father at the jackpot, daughter at the Dance Dance Revolution, one son at console and another at Midnight, and I saw the father handed the son a stack of 50 for them to spend.

Sigh, we were wondering how many differences could these families make in the needys. This was why I argued, a little, that business ethics are rubbish, I dont see why we shouldnt use 'techniques' to leech money from the rich for the poor. Anyway, msot are bullshit, for example, just by stating terms and condition apply, doesnt mean the information is complete, the ultimate motives are still for the onlookers to step in the stores, in hope they would eye on their products. Well, I guess this is what makes Robin Hood so attractive, its everyone's wish to be one, but many got sucked into the temptation of riches and their luxurious lifestyle.

After the event, I went to Bishan for lunch, and explored the place for an hour from 11.30, before having my lunch and head to Rohn's house. He came back at 7pm, got into lots of trouble because he didnt inform his mum that he went for some english enrichment. Familiar case. Used to be like that during my pri. Personally I believed he's not suited for VS, just as how I went into 3A and plunged down like the apple on Newton. Acceleration of 10 marks per test. (haha). The environment - its just different. Well, back to topic, I had a couple of lazy times too when though I know my parents would allow extensions, I got lazy to call back.

So far, he wasnt nagged as bad as I did, partly I guess I was there, so his mum do not want to embarrass him. Oh yea anyway, maybe, just maybe, he didnt phone back to avoid classmates terming him as a mama boy, but he got his own handphone, he could have told his sis.... oh well....

Didnt barged into the matter, since Rohn was largely at fault for making them worried, but then again, Singapore, what could be so dangerous before midnight? Lots, but rare. Sometimes, just que sera sera, parts and parcels of growing up. Great sociology finding. Anyway, just relating another one is how passengers would work together by waking each other up at interchange or students when they had reached their schools. Oh, how I missed the torture to try to sleep though destination is near, then had to jumped up in a few seconds. Haha.

Speaking of this, he got to wake up at 5am every morning for school, that's so torturous, though he can sleep in bus, but there was no companion. If I were him I would start to nudge the 2 other VS in his area. Anyway, hmmm, wondering if I should invite him over on Tue-Thur, so save him the struggle to wake up early and sleeping in bus, but knowing how money minded my parents are they sure charge him, at least 10 a day I guess, cuz nothing is included but food, but to think of it, it makes no difference since he'll be in my room, thus the aircon charge no diff.

Again, 心有余力不足, sigh sigh, he's another potential, just like people like keiyun, oh I just realized not too long ago they're of the same age, perhaps their generation is really one of the potent generation? Their curiosity, exposure to books and information, thoughts, perspectives..... amazes me, I dont remember my peers were like that at that age, and that was the age where I only know sing and piano, and wushu =D

Another drama concluded, so....... weird ending but okay larh acceptable =D at least not so clear cut, the right people, the wrong time/era, 两个对的人却在错的时候爱了一回
Today I shall talk about family.

Family might be a common word, one that primary school children would learn as married couple living with their unmarried children in harmony, or Father, Mother, I Love You (FAMILY). However, in Sociology, there are many different perspectives to look at this term – Family. The above definition of family is a nuclear family.

Functionalists claim that a family could provide some basic functions, that might dysfunction if roles are not distributed well, and there are also other perspectives of family such as Conflict, where there are bound to have power plays and domination in a family like violence, favoritism, etc, and also Interactionist, which questions us what exactly is the term family.

Viewing family at the conflict perspective, family is a perpetuator of inequality where it transmits the social class from one generation to another. The ascribed status is very strong, and thus the only way to have vertical mobility is for the older generation to achieve it, and then passed on to the next generation. This is again, a harsh reality. It is rather scary for the younger generation to live carrying a burden that the generations and generations before left behind. One wrong move, and the efforts of all the forefathers might just crumble.

Viewing family at the Interactionist perspective, what exactly makes a family? We now have cases of single-parent, Serial Monogamy (Repetitively getting divorced and re-marry), Polygamy (Polyandry – one woman many husband, Polygyny – one man many wives), commitment are getting rarer and rarer. I’ve seen primary school kids mentioning about ‘letting go of love’, and other stuffs like that, and it shows only one think, Serial Monogamy is encouraged. Then again, yes, a happy divorced is better than struggling in marriage, and in my family tradition, if an apple is rotten, throw it away, rather this way then let the whole body collapse. Harsh, but practical.

Serial Monogamy is getting more and more common, to the sense that, perhaps, its effect would not be as bad as we know now, in the near future. Fatherly figure can always be substituted by peers, by seniors, by referent stars, celebrities, books, online info, the point being, our kids in the future would not treat this as a serious matter anymore. This is sad, and yes, because it is a generation kindda thing, children will have the image that Serial Monogamy is acceptable, and common, so there will be decreasing number of committed relationships in the future.

Then what is love? Is it supposed to be one-sided, a great feeling of commitment to another person? This seemed to have its definition blurred as well. Then what does marriage signify? Other than housing privileges and other political issues, what does it mean to be married? The commitment could be so easy broken, what is the point? Rather single than divorced?

Now we look at the child at Interactionist perspective. In many cases, the child actually symbolises a hope, a source of encouragement for widows/widowers. However, as a single parent having to fulfil both parents role, there might be role strains. Hard for the parent, but looking at the bright side, the child is not too pitiful, he/she has full attention and love from the parent, who would be committed to bring out the best in them.

So actually, to looka t things in another angle, things weren't too bad, many people ive seen growing up and strong despite family circumstances. Other than biological parents, I'm sure everyone has social family, and spiritual family. Similarly, some social family do change from time to time, do sort of 'divorce' and 're-marry', so if we were to take human race as a big big family, single parent kids do not necessarily has less pillars of support, as long as they are able to trust, or influence, some other pillars, and have the courage and openness to do so. That's what I ignorantly feel, mostly because I'm rather 'perfect' in a sense I've got all that I've needed, so lots of things I have to live it through other people, and learn from each one of them. Really curious about stuffs like how and why people get separated and all, but they're all rather sensitive, and I wouldn't know how to react too if they were to answer. So.. yea, i'll just observe..... and think.... and research... and learn...

Today it dawned on me that 天越高心越小 means 天越高（野）心越小 in the song. It is depicting a carefree life, thus the more you know how great is the world, how wonderful is the world, how interlinked is the world, the more you'll realize that there's no need to petty about trivial things, its meaningless, vanities, chasing after the wind.

Whole week of being tortured passed, due to that yuan di tiaos.... I couldnt even bend my knees on tue, and it sure took great effort to even do big business (in the toilet), even changing pants requires great back flexibility. Lucky enough I went to buy panaflex, and sure it is effective~! One day of that, the area I pasted them is alright, and then the next day once more, and today I feel much better. Again you can see how amazing is life, healed on the day I work.

Watched lots of movies for the 2 days, Pirates of Caribbean 4, Planet Apes, Jurrasic Park 1 2 3, Lion King 1 1.5 2, Prince of Egypt, Joseph, Among all, I think Lion King is the best, the songs especially, Circle of Life, Hakuna Matata, We Are One, all really upbeat, uplifting, absolutely great. Of course, again I'm applying sociology into them. -_-".

Sociology is really like philosophy, its dangerous, once you know, you can never unlearn, you can never un-know. Estranges us of what we already know, it challenge norms, it question us our answers.

Speaking of this, I came across this talk about this app, to actually shape child's toys into their own culture. For example, they can choose what kind of household they are in, homo, or hetro, or even history, they provide different angles and perspectives of an event, such that it would intrigue children to start thinking creatively, thinking out of the box, thinking in line with sociology. Amazing tool. But rather dangerous, for these, if used under wrong hands, can create massive destruction. Anyway, the good point is that they learn about empathy, about putting themselves in others' shoes, to see the world as they see it.

Today i recruited Varrick into MindCafe, but he's not as lucky as WeeSeng, but oh well, it counts, though I think Varrick needs the job more than WeeSeng, but yea I can also talk my way out for him. Sigh. Today had one or two screw ups in work, wrongly billed because I trusted the person that billed in the computer too much that I did not double check. Anyway, Pastor Darren of BBTC came an hour before closing, so after a whole day looking at a great event host hosting a 16 people event, I went all out for the group. They were disappointed to see such little time of gaming, but oh well, hoped they had fun.

Tomorrow gonna be whole day, 11am-I dont know, depends if i want OT, depends if I still have the energy, but min 7pm. After that, since I'm late for mooncake festival, might as well OT, hmm... we'll see about that. Sat smurfs! and might have Johnny English at night with SX++. Sun as usual, but it's not training this time, I think it would be script writing for a for-fun video. Anyway, dang, I forgot I owe Sonny a script. He has been a great script writing teacher, though we met up twice only, but he has the strong passion to groom students for it, shall complete the script.... hmm lets target, by end of year!

Next week, planned to visit SCC, since so long havent visited it already. Oh and cut hair too~ Busy man, as usual. =D cheers~ Hakuna Matata~

As you go through life you'll see
There is so much that we
Don't understand

And the only thing we know
Is things don't always go
The way we planned

Many times problems keep probing up, that we have so much things we don't understand, as much as why do we have to go through waves and waves of problems.

If there's so much I must be
Can I still just be me
The way I am?

Can I trust in my own heart
Or am I just one part
Of some big plan?

This verse tells us about responsibility. As to where is our individuality when we have so many sanctions to abide by, so many eyes on us, so many 'braces' that shaped our teeth the way THEY think it should be. It is to the point, it is not possible to have complete individuality, just be creative, be different, by a little will do, not to the point that we become deviance. A lecture told us about how as humans, we love challenges, we love mastery, we love self-directed goals, so to be different can mean to be better than other people, to be ahead of SOME people, one, two, a few, no matter, just be different. I like to relate this again to the coin theory. When people will mutually know how to catch one coin, try two, or three, or with pattern, with obstacles, do something to it, do something to the knowledge you have gained! Never stopped learning, and thinking~!

Today I shall post about 大道理 (philosophy which usually turned into crap through my mouth). Was watching 財神客棧 (Treasure Inn) and came across with the below theory.

恻隐之心，人皆有之；
羞恶之心，人皆有之；
恭敬之心，人皆有之；
是非之心，人皆有之。

Empathy and Pity;
Ashamed and Disgusted;
Admiration and Referent;
Right and Wrong;
are common to men, are inevitable.

恻隐之心，仁也；
羞恶之心，义也；
恭敬之心，礼也；
是非之心，智也。

As such,
We do have Benevolence;
We do have Righteousness;
We do have Respect;
We do have Wisdom.

This leads me to a video I watched long time ago, the speaker gave us a scenario: You were in a lost control trolley in a mine, and you see that 5 workers are ahead of your tracks, and the only thing you could do is to divert into a side track which would kill 1 worker there instead, what would you do? Though my choice would be that I would do nothing, but majority would choose the alternative. The reason being of my stand, is because that the default is the 5 workers, and it's rather unfair if I were to play their fate, what was going to happen bound to happen, like Final Destination series.

Anyway, well then the speaker changed the scenario, to: Imagine you're now an onlooker, and there's a man beside you, that if you push him down, the track would be sort of stuck and so on, such that he would die, sparring the 5, would you? Majority now would say they wouldn't, so do I. This is obvious, this would be like murder, so nope noone the the right mind would do it, the difference between the 2 scenarios, being that one is you directly push the man, and the other is that you have no choice, because it is more 'right' to save 5 for 1, you got to divert the trolley, so indirectly, it is the trolley that killed the man.

Then he gave the scenario a different place and context, now in a hospital.

You're a doctor in emergency room, where 5 patients suffered moderate injuries and 1 severe injury, restoring either one group would kill the other. What would you do? Majority chose to forsake the 1 for the 5.

Again he modified the scenario, now: You're a transplant surgeon, dealing with 5 desperate patient with 5 different organs in need, then one healthy patient came to check up in next room, taking a nap. What would you do? Again same as the second scenario, most would leave it to fate, they will leave the healthy untouched. None would do it. However, one cheeky and intelligent audience suggested to use the first patient of the 5 that couldn't hang on anymore longer to save the other 4. Smart!

So here, we have 2 different types of morality. One being Consequentialist (Utilitarian, Jeremy Bentham), that 5 should live even 1 have to die, because we locate morality in the consequences of act. Yet people felt wrong to pull in innocent man, so this is the irony. So we do thing that sometimes, like the 2nd modification of the above 2 scenarios, we feel that it is just wrong to kill an innocent for the sake of more people, so what we have next is the Categorical (Emmanuel Kant), where we locate morality in certain duties and rights, regardless of consequences. We, categorically, thinks that there is a certain rightness or wrongness in the act itself, such as sociologist loved to say, that deviant acts is only deemed deviant in certain context, place and time.

Anyway, for vocab: Qarah moment - the moment and chance that allowed anything to fall in place. By person, context, place and time.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 (NKJV)
11 I returned and saw under the sun that-- The race is not to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor bread to the wise, Nor riches to men of understanding, Nor favor to men of skill; But time and chance happen to them all.

The word “Happen” found in this verse is the Hebrew word, “Qarah”.

Qarah means to encounter, meet, befall, happen, and/or to come to meet.

So “Qarah Moments” are directed by God as divinely interrupted moments in one’s life. Where God is directing our steps & purposefully causing certain events, places, and people to cross our path.

但愿人长久， 千里共婵娟。

May we all be blessed with longevity Though far apart, we are still able to share the beauty of the moon together.

Today is mid-autumn, got up with two bricks on my laps, due to the jumps yesterday. Oh well, worth it, exchanged 10 pages of sms or so with a friend's mum to 'plead for forgiveness' haha, it seemed that she is a rather strict and scary mum thus my friend was amazed she bothered to 'listen' to me. Hope everything turns out fine. Anyway, yea, mid-autumn.

In ancient day, Su Dong Po, a famous poet, wrote a poem on Mid-Autumn, describing his longing to see his brother again. The whole poem mentioned that even the moon has its time, to be complete and to be part, so as human, to have gatherings and partings full with emotions, but why does the moon seemed to shine so brightly as we part?

Well, this year Mid-Autumn seemed to have no spirit. Quite as usual, but I was expecting it to be fun, since every sort of celebration ever since after o lvls ive been 'actively'' taking part in. Oh well, at least I had a great lunch at Nicoll Highway MRT with mum =D and settled the loan with my dad later on, plus chose a bible for my friend to gift to his friend, so I eventually signed up for the 2 years membership since my poly friend frequents Times too.

So as I was chatting with him, I praised him, again, about his knowledge at such young age, and his reply was that his classmates are also great thinkers. So yea, although his school was the first of his level to have so many great brains, I recalled the 4/14 conference. Yes, this generation received most exposure to information, as information is spread and shared all over the world instantly via the internet. Yesterday he was doing an assignment for public speaking on web, schools nowadays have many projects that requires them to search information themselves, and they have adopted e-learning, and many more. This is revolutionary. Thus, it is no surprise their brains, their capacity, would be so much bigger than ours, and that their curiosity and danger would be more. Curiosity as in there are so much to learn, but so little time and motivation, danger as is so much virtual predators, so much loopholes of protections, so little self-discipline.

Again, I thought of the 4 cups shixiong gave us 4, 难得糊涂, 勤, 舍得, 学无止境. They were all so fitting!

难得糊涂 Sometimes, we gotta humble ourselves, we gotta be the follower to observe the issue in another angle, we gotta pretend to not know even if we know.

勤 Persevere, always give your 120%, do not be overconfident, pour in all our heart and focus.

舍得 To give and take. At times, we have to let go, we have to give, in order to receive, in order to gain, just as if your fist is clenched, how could you receive or take anything? You gotta let go of your hand, gotta give, in order to receive.

学无止境 Just as breathing, inhale too much and our lungs could not hold, exhale too much and we would find ourselves dropping on the floor. We have to have a balance, between thinking and learning. Some people keep learning, cramping in info and theories of OTHER people, but dont think themselves, dont challenge themselves, dont have the process. But some, like me, tend to just think, and think and think, but dont really learn, just think, and conclude, and edit, and think again, without correct guidance, without model answers, without more points of views. Dangerous. Information, when used in wrong hands, would result in the doom of humanity.

I hereby wish, once again, for everyone out there, no matter west or north of Singapore, or even Indonesia, even US or Australia, or Africa or Cambodia, a great Mid-Autumn, and may our lives be smooth and full of excitements. Despite all the ups and downs, we shall hope for longevity and serenity, let us enjoy the full moon tonight. Cheers~

Weather is always kind enough,
To get our spirit up and down,
For our friends to fly kite in sound,
And left our kites tattered and scuffed.

-KayaOtah Sep 10th

A busy week had finally passed, been attending 4/14 conference, tue, wed and half of thur, sadly today cant because im scheduled to work every thur 5pm-10pm, fri 12nn-7pm, but well look at the bright side, at least my supervisor preferred me than other part times, today one part timer worked, and I found out she had been working for quite some time already, but supervisor gave her once a week only. Wootz~! haha. Anyway, I recruited weeseng over today haha, hopefully he can switch his tuition so he can join me on fri =D wish himn all the best for his o lvls, i persuaded him to max work one day, which hopefully is fri, so sun we can still help him in his work.

But well, yea, lots of time, its really 心有余力不足, passion of helping is strong, yet resources are limited, resources in terms of time, monetary and 'trouble'.

These few days, some of my regrets are that on my way back from the conference, I sat down, and a kid beside me was super excited about coconut tree, that she kept yelling at her mum to insist her to see, yet the mum didnt even took a glance (from what i deduced), and asked her to tone down, in a commanding, firm, harsh tone. I really wanted to tell her to look at the situation another way, she could just take a look, and say, "Are you interested in it, shall we go home and look more into it? keep the excitement for later then." its really not a big deal for a child to be excited and shrieking for a few seconds, its not like she's crying or moaning or throwing tantrum which im rather annoyed with. Excitements, I'm totally fine, but yea, I didnt do a thing. Sigh. I was comign home after hearing all the passionate people for the 4/14, and yet I ignored..... because I thought, I was a stop away, and Im extremely exhausted, I should rest awhile more. Sigh, that couple of minute, could have made a big difference in parenting for that mum, and thus on the kid's life, rather than wasted on my sleep.

Then I heard so many stories there, and also even local stories, that I thought I could lent him a hand, yet well, situations didnt allow me to. ThenI realized, that for every person I enjoy talking to, I woudl always have the urge to go for the extra mile to help as much as I can, to give my best, to 'grow' the person, but it would be too much for me to cater to all their needs, and furthermore, 10 years down the road, I'm still pondering if I were still be recognized, be acknowledged?

Philip spoke on discipleship, about how he once had the thought, after raising up many disciples, he thought about how nice was it to see them grow, to see them acknowledging him, and made it sound like it was all his effort, and the effort paid off. However, as a christian he remembered that these disciples are God's, not his, that one day there will be taken away by God.

So I thought, yes, I think the concept of raising someone, to see them leave, and you have to sincerely wish them all the best, really hurts. Like teachers, how many effort had they put in? Just to see them leave, and wander off on their own. On one hand we are definitely happy that they have grown to a wonderful person, yet on the other how we hoped they were just as they were when we met them, with so much capacity to be taught, to be nurtured, but.....

So yes, many times I've made differences (well at least thats what I thought), but not much of follow ups after that, its like they would forget about the past, and sort of ignore, but not their fault, just that we all go in separate directions, lack of communications, not so frequently keeping in touch, and the relationship just fades. One one hand, Im glad, on the other, Im rather sad. Paradox of human.

Today my topic would be deviance in young ages.

Went down just now to cycle to buy mooncakes. At the atm, there was this kid in his bike who squeezed through between me and my dad. Seemed like a small thing to me, and i guess to all of us too, yet his mum behind looked as if she has a bad hair day, high heels broken and her kids peed on her while her boss pressurized her to produce 5 reports by tomorrow, AS IF, like OMG, does she really need to do that? She was complaining non stop, "Can use your brain or not?", "Your brain upside down!", "See larh, go somemore". It happened that the kid missed his step thus fell on the grass which he stepped on. His pain was numbed by his fear, fear of his mum mocking and publicizing his humiliation - absurdness. This is pitiful. For someone to immediately look up to analyse the face muscles of his 'guardian angel' for sign of disapproval of the trivial accident or acceptance of his mistake, I bet that bitch had haunted him till that extent.

Right, pardon me, I'm in no position to judge, but com'on! He's a kid, to be able to squeeze into us might be a great sense of achievement, like striking a million dollar deal or attaining world record in sports or something like that. Even if not, then it's just his playfulness, why cant you just allow that? No harm to anyone at all~!

Anyway, even if there is harm, perhaps it sort of curiosity, treat it as lessons learn. The lesson is still cheap, compared to when they start defying and rebelling when they age. Was chatting with KY the other day, and we mentioned about stupid things we do when we were kids. So I told him, I told him my thoughts, to never doubt your effort to try something new. When young, the consequences would not be too big, ofcoz this exclude extremes like murder or doing things that severely harm another person, but small things, trivial things, give in to curiosity, it wont kill you just yet.

It's better this way than to start trying when you age, when your actions should be considered matured and of standards, such that deviance might results in a year long room and service reservation in the cell. So I thought, yes, this is the problem for the young in singapore, when everyone seems to be against in whatever they do, they are afraid to try, afraid to make mistakes, afraid to innovate. This control theory steps in, they are temporarily controlled by the authorities and parent(s), constantly building on tensions and conflicts, until they finally get the guts to break from them, thats when they are too old to be seen childish, old enough for severe formal sanctions, old enough that these curiosity or rebellious act will affect their future greatly.

At Teachers Day Lunch in BBTC, I hear, again, many stories of 'little devils' turning into heroes, models, or heroes of Christ. They started off uncontrolled, thus they have all the time they want trying every deviant act in the world, that they have the experienced, had reflected on it, had learnt from it. They deviated, and reverted back. So yes, with that I have more faith that the kids in SCC will have bright future, despite their naughtiness so far.

Had a great Teachers Day Lunch, we sat on the centre, haha, interesting place. The games are much better than last year’s, and foods are more appetizing and filling. I think the teachers there are all awesome, it’s a great feeling to be there, to be recognized, to be motivated. Pastor Jacq esp, really grateful to her to take the pains to plan the whole event, and to manage the pop excel, as well as thurs tuition for the muslims, and the presents of each of us. As YJ prayed, she was touched, we were too, really great to see the extent and effort put in by all of them for the greater benefit of the society. She also mentioned, that ofcoz, we have to balance our own lives first. Service is outflow of life, we have to at first, be a model, be right, be stable, before we can reach out and touch the hearts of others. Thus, yes I really like that quote. She also gave a few examples of over burning. Well, so Sabbath is important. Gotta take some days off to rest, to enjoy the day thoroughly.

Today slacked whole day, played a little piano, tried to learn the chords for "Sometimes When We Touch", "I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever", and supposedly wanted to try "Shout To The Lord", but I'm stuck at 2nd verse even for the first song. Oh, speaking of this I decided to secretly start a music lesson for WC and CH in sat before pop excel. I think we should never close doors to passionate people to discover and unleash their potential. Despite such lousy teacher (Me larh noone else), at least I can add some oil to their flames, at least I can inspire them, no matter the extent. Oh right, YQ complimented on my physics coaching, im sooo touched and glad and happy~!! I'm a very boastful though lousy teacher, but I really sincerely hope others can extract from me something, anything.

Anyway, I also do chores, tested my new s95, bought mooncakes (tirasimu, green tea, pandan, 2 yolk lotus) and ate mum's signature spaghetti =D yum yum~!! Great sabbath today (I realize its always a Monday, hey have Monday's Blues, I have Sabbath Monday haha, but gonna follow by a whole week of schedules, a while week of 4.14 Conference, 8.30am - 6.30pm everyday at sembawang. zzzz.... oh on 8th Im gonna leave early for work, 5pm-10pm... zzzz.... But yes, Im excited for tomorrow, as Im gonna learn, Im gonna absord, Im gonna widen my horizon and knowledge, and exp pool, since I cant experience everything in the world, I learn from others, just as others learn from me. =D

Today, I wondered, after watching another episode of Bountiful Happiness, whether in real life, people could really be blackmailed by exposing their external affairs. It's like everytime same old devious trick, but it seemed so impossible, the victim always had to give in like dogs.

Anyway, marketing, I would have lost 21 marks if not for a last ditch epiphany, I realized the scope of question because of the 4 marketing functions, had not come, thus I figured out the 8 marks question. As for the 10 marks one, I applied management terms inside, pros and cons of franchising. Hopefully it would save me. =D As for the 3 marks one.. oh well its mere 2% of my overall. Hopefully it wont cost me grade differences. I would say, management is definitely easier.

Went back to BDS on Cheuck's phone call, to fin out that he left when I reached at 12+. Spoke to a few teachers, as usual the cliche topics, bragged about my course and my aces so far, they smiled, they congratulated, but again, I do hope they are sincere to know Im doing well for the first time in my life, but then again chances are that pride holds perhaps 10% of their true emotion, they probably yearn more to see how their star students perform now.

Anyway, stalled some time, and then rode 45 with JunWei, thinking I would be left out if I leave with the rest of the people, and my hp had no batt thus unable to contact my close friends, so que sera que sera, Jorgen called me =D Yepp Jorgen, lost contact for 4 years ever since he joined pop excel for a little while and left. He changed soooo much, voice deeper, longer hair (was abit botak), not so blur looking anymore, taller~!! his sister did not change as much as he did. =D great time meeting up =D though just for a little while, perhaps could recruit him back to church? que sera sera.

We visited scc, as usual the cheerful place full of welcoming staffs and kids, it was there I received a gift from Cephas~!! It was sooooo cute, and I felt soooo great to be recognized as one. Other than him, Serbrina greeted me on facebook, noone else. Sadly, those I'm closer to, Colin, Alvin, Samantha, Juddith, Zhi Yang, secondarys, are not there =( and many more like Sherman, John, Vanessa, Yan Heng, Le le.. etc...

C: Kaya Kor Kor, are you a teacher?
K: Erm, not really
C: (Frown and pout) Huh… then I cant give you present already
K: Orh, then.. yes I’m a teacher
C: (smiles) yeah~! Nar… (give present) Happy Teachers Day....

that moment, was the greatest of today. =D

If someone were to be undercover for more than 5 years, is he/she really gonna stay loyal to the previous group? Or would be a turncoat? For some reason, I do feel a little sympathy for the turncoats in history, sometimes it’s really unfair to see how others accepted you, raised you, build a positive relationship with you, then just to see you turn your back against them.

For example, adopted children, I do think that their foster parents, if treated them well, should be prioritised more than their blood parents. Thus I rather disagree with the Chinese saying that blood is thicker than water.

Another one, some minority in a dynasty that was surprised by the recently dominated dynasty, will they really plot for a rebellion after 10 years or more like how they always mentioned in films and novels?

A police’s mole in a triad, after maybe few years in there, attaining high position in the triads, befriending and gained trust of many, will you really bearable to see them being betrayed by you, ofcoz these are on the condition that the triads had always been welcoming you.

How about relationship, especially long distance relationship, that had not met for 2 years or more, and lack of communication, will that ‘love’ still be around? That commitment to each other? I always wondered this, cuz I personally believed that even things such as ‘feeling of love’ is a result of many societal forces. As such, the feeling might fade, or degrade into friendship relationship, etc. To some extent, I agree with a statement quoted from the HK drama series “Shine On You” (Qing Chu Yu Lan), that love doesn’t care about sequence, it’s not on first-come-first-serve basis.

As such, to maintain a relationship, gotta communicate, gotta update each other on each other’s happening, such that they could make each other feel loved that someone can lent a ear for you to vomit your words and that the other party cared about you, willing to meddle into your problems, hand-in-hand walk through it. So, in a dying relationship, when the flame is dimming, is waivering, either gotta “add oil” (jiayou) or just let it go, after all, “the last level of love is to let go” (Lee Sheng Jie).

Its like marketing, product life cycle, in a decline stage, have to promote, modify them, reposition them. On the other hand, we can also change into new product line, upgrade product, or just keep it in stock but not emphasizing on it, in harvesting mode.

Ok, drifted too much on the topic, made me sounds like such asshole that treat women as tools. I’m just linking, no other intentions, I love to link things, in a way its often “no link”.

Next, I saw this advertisement on molesting. Suddenly, I have this thought, perhaps because I’m really out-of-the-world kindda person, how does touching of lady’s butt considered molest? And in the first place, why do men want to commit such act? Why different with men? I surveyed some people long time ago, they say that the butt felt like the sensitive part of women, but quite illogical to me. So, why molester don’t wanna touch their own butt?? Really curious. If not the reason, then why butt? Why not other parts? I think lap also considered, then hand lehh? And why?? Gotta ask perverts to find out. Felt rather pitiful that as a man I know nothing on this field or subject, when I bet lower secondary are experts, then again, its gender norms.