Year in review 

 2015 is finally ending, it has been a very happening year. 

Started off the whole year with POP, one of the rites of passage of every sgrean son. BMT life was a blast thanks to great section and commanders, commanders that I look up to with respect, commanders that are practical, ppl who doesn't believe pumping can make u think better, someone who raises expectation with mutual consent and reasonable punishments. Miss field camp, miss maggie under the stars with the section, miss "one RAI I find 50 push ups", miss encik sunset talk, and most of all, miss "For the mission and men, EAGLE BOLEH!". 

Then comes a very surprisingly tough training at ST, with commanders with extreme regimentation but are actually fun loving and warm at heart. Great times spent together and great lessons learnt about security and Urban Warfare.

Then ofcoz, my worst experience in NS with the driving course where they broke my every confidence to drive, made me so reluctant to go to camp each day, dreaded when they called up my name to drive, cuz they shout at ur face nasty discouraging words and give u mean and belittling eyes. 

But in midst of that I had great time too knowing ppl like L, eating sushi and even offered his house, and met an awesome chef G! Others include J, S, W. Oh yes and last but not least encik! Having him around was so fun, all the happy hours, JB trip, and his earnest advices. 

Within the course I had my 21st, so glad many turned up from different phrases of my life. 

I am a busy man, full of activities, and I really appreciate all those who never fails to ask me out despite the likelihood of me being busy. Sometimes is not about priority, is about who came first, I always believed the most important person that I need to make a difference to is the first who approached me there ad then. Ofcoz I would make time to catch up with the rest, give me time, I promise I will push u up my schedule! Nevertheless I know I may not be the great 24/7 talking to u kind of friend and I don't do a lot of typical teen stuffs like clubbing gaming or anime but I thank you all for giving me time to hang out with you! Even for a meal! I would very much like to be with each and every one of you in every milestones and happenings, trust me my heart grows envier with every minute you guys are having fun, but also I'm also happy u are. As for those that takes a longer time to socialise, I'm really sorry I couldn't spend more time with you! 

Then is SRF, I'm glad I met so many nice people here too! Offering good here and there, helping me cover here and there, and teach me the ropes of being here. Thanks K for welcoming me himself, coming to my bunk to fetch me to my platoon, offered to carry my stuffs and started introducing everyone. A fun guy! Though I felt he is wasting time and emotions on things that don't matter to him anymore but I still wish him all the best for an optimistic outcome! I wrote a song inspired by him! The window! I also met a great buddy K at PRV course, with similar music taste, foodie, and adventurous! Look forward for more adventures! 

TLC was now a warm place for me, I think I found happiness in it, more than any other groups. Though in terms of personal relationships it's hard to get by the massive 5000 members, but what I have done there were worthwhile. I get my share of limelight doing what I like, I also get to contribute and felt the sense of competency among the larger picture. Maybe to most, the extent I did for them might be too great or not worth the risk, but I say I'm not sure what future I have myself, for what good is it to think about an optimistic future compared to what good I can do right now. The most important thing to do, is to make a difference to the person in front of me "now", at this moment. Maybe selfish or hedonist but I don't really care. 

Besides mega events, overseas activities are filled with so much fun and so carefully planned from accommodation to porters and schedules, not forgetting leisure and socialisation. Very successful group.

As of my personality, sure changed, I'm definitely more blatant and straightforward, and selfish in a sense i no longer sweet coat my decisions or words. Example the famous Friday 12 noon incident, I rather not to disappoint 300 pax, plus the hardwork of all the committee and friends for the event, than to risk ruining my future. What good can my future do if I ruined the hopes and sweats of 300 pax? May be unethical, may be disobeying the law, but I have no regrets because the immediate benefit to a greater body of people is much greater than the risk of my own. What is the point of thinking what more things I could do in the future if my risk failed? How sure that my future is brighter than what I am now? And also again, even if my decisions are wrong, so be it, no consequences is too great too new for the world to handle, if I don't go to hell who goes? Hahas. Is like some paths are less chosen, but necessary for a greater good, why not? 

I'm no longer sensitive to mood changes and all as I grow up, cuz I started to feel there isn't a need to, maybe got lazy of helping, got lazy to initiate the help, unless certain events needs me too like for beneficiaries such as children I'm just being dutiful. Not a very psychological thinking person anymore. 

Then, yes I'm still spendthrift, sometimes a bit too generous, I felt bad too having to take money from parents at some months, but again, I think I myself am considered blessed, well enough for a good living, then why not bless ppl more, have fun more, because memories are priceless, and are harder to forge as you grow up. 

This year was not a year in active in BBTC, I had my such year in the past, partly because at the end of the day, though not morally right, I found happiness in other areas more than in here. People recognise me elsewhere, people utilise me elsewhere, I learn more things elsewhere, and ppl actually care about me elsewhere, asking specific questions, how's camp, heard ure upset, is driving hard, etc. I mean at my worst times, I'm not introvert, my feelings are obvious everywhere, especially so with social media now, and ppl who approach me were elsewhere, like S, never fails to try to reignite my optimism. Thank him for the every Thursday movie kaki!!! I'll make time to keep the culture going as much as possible! So yea this year I took a break. At least at the end, I think I still made an effort for them la, not cheap to go to the retreat, but I guess I owe it to them for not giving up on me still.

Then throughout the year there are special people I want to have special paragraphs for:

W

I have known little about this great pal until this year. As fun loving and up to anything as he, I've always felt regret not being a better pal. Never I have a friend who would travel from bedok to kranji for a short 1h meet. Never a friend who travelled to JB for a movie. Yet I failed to notice his slight discomfort when discussing about things that once made him depressed, I couldn't believe I was oblivious to that. I think the first memory I had was when both of us was splashed by the dirty crocodile water! Did not interact much and didn't bother to, still regretting. Nevertheless let bygones be bygones I hope to be a better pal in the future. Wish u all the best for your 2016, awaiting your good news!

K

A great friend since years ago. He grew to a fine gentleman. Maybe a little snobbish but no doubt has a very sensitive observations on surrounding, great attention to detail and very intelligent. Tend to be the unheard voice in most of his social circle but his intentions are great. May be not too much of a leader but definitely a powerful advisor. Helped me rent a costume at toa payoh from woodlands, and sent to my house at Eunos. And many times helped doing my errands too. 

D

Being someone I look up to he seems so successful having successful kids and loving third aged relationship with his wife. Very supportive and fun loving too yet actually burdened with a half vegetable child. Have to bear having the guilt of sending her for the failed operation and continued footing the expensive physiotherapy and life support fees. Though inflexible at times but all out of good intentions and do give some space for new ventures. 

N

Not exactly someone that made a difference on me, but I appreciate you constant effort to jio me out. Sorry I couldn't always accept your request due to the many events in my busy schedule, either that or too impromptu and ppl jio me first. Anyways I felt that you are too mindful about what others think, you indulge yourself too much in self pity and inferiority thinking, and your cowardly cause you not to speak up and socialize to new people. It is okay if you found introvert things to do but obviously u are not, u need company, you need vibrancy, so I hope in the new year u will be more appreciative of the limited social circle u hv, try to interact with the people u already know in a more deeper Lvl, don't be too desperate for girls when u don't even hv much guy friends, and do not go against ur mum for restricting your freedom because it's all in the mind. 

Z

My great drinking buddy! Damn brotherly! The way he acts with his friends proves he is a buddy for life definitely! Happy to see he is firm in his principles and found a matching girl for him too! Great drinker and entertainer! He introduced me to Tai Seng private bar and it instantaneously become by favourite chill out place! 

S

For being in many of my milestones, getting me out for cafe hopping and a great friend to last minute hang out with! Never fails to accommodate my flaws such as being late, cashless, or rubbing of stomach after eating! Thank her for all these! Felt that I can be a better friend of at least improve our relationship but then again inferiority kicks in I always think there are people better than me, and people deserve better people than me, cuz I really can't provide, can't protect, can't care. 

If I could steal one final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Cause I'd love love love to
Dance with my father again

The lyrics speaks into the deepest emotion of us! The writer uses the word "steal" as if to suggest the helpless yearn of the speaker to see the father again. He uses "glance" because all she ever wanted is a real expression from the father, and this timeless emotion is something no photograph could retain, that feeling, that emotion, that flesh, all she needs is that glance. And the whole imagery of dancing, and steps, is all about the dynamics in the dance, of understanding each other, such as to step in the right time and in the right direction, together, harmoniously, complementarily.  

So much things happening all at once in this December. It's weird how life plays out this way. The good times don't last, and the worst things comes swarming just because the end. 

My life was good until recently lots of system changes that slowly steal away all the good things in my life. 

But then, at this adversity, I truly truly grateful and thankful for friends that helped me out cuz I'm handicapped within the camp. 

One of my friend went from woodlands, to toa payoh, to choose and rent my TLC Christmas party aladdin costume for me, and deliver to my house at Eunos. Another one helped me do up the presentation slides needed for my emceeing at the event. The event hosts too were so forgiving about my absence and I'm sure they are undergoing a great deal of stress doing so. Ofcoz. My family too for all the backstage help and to bring all my props on the event date. I will put up a good show! 

However, bad things are happening too. Just on December alone, 4 of my friends posts their loved ones, and 1 of them is my close friend. Her dad was ice skating when he fell and felt dizzy, little did she knew. The point is, life is so unpredictable, so sudden, one moment you may be having fun and all, and then you'll never guessed that it might be the last fun times with the person. Sigh. Treat every moment, every meet, every activity, with much glee, cuz at least, when shit comes, you know you could let it be. But the saddest of all, is to think that a joyous season of thanksgiving, of family bonding, of a hopeful foresight to a better year ahead, of concluding all loose ends of the current year, yet these friends have to go through this season with a missing piece. Sigh.