So this is xmas........
What have you done????

Well, this year was so rough for me.....
Failures, changes, debts and more.....

Currently heavily in debt.
Well, I had cancelled the xmas party but decided to revive it again
cuz I came across an article talking about 3 things:

1, to receive what you could get
2, to do what you can do
3, keep memories

At least, with these few xmas gatherings, some memories could retain, could be refreshed.

Will not lose the 80% I have to chase the ideal 20%.
Nothing is perfect anyway.
I should just be contented with what I have,
and remember task specificity.

Sub-cultures are formed due to difference in personality and interests.
Dont have to have a group that could do every single thing you do.
Ofcoz, some had a permanent group they could turn to, I dont, face it.
So mostly would be task specificity.
Some are meant for alcohols,
some board games,
some sports,
some eat,
some shopping......

Well, some of the great things of this year is ofcoz,
yet another "close" friend for a year.
Someone who carried my bike for so long,
baked for me, bought me food automatically,
sometimes aloof but at gatherings he will try to cooperate,
he knows when my mood change then he will try liven the atmosphere.....
Dare not think about more than 1 year.
Then some new places Ive been, new stuffs Ive learnt, new people I met.

The circle of life is haunting,
as if flashing its L fingers in front of me,
taunting me that I cant do anything to break the cycle.

It's the process of establishing a connection with anyone and then it juz disconnects somehow.
As we grow up, we tend to put in more emotions inside, 
such that when we lose that connection, we lose a part of ourselves, 
we do not feel complete anymore.
But this is not the truth.
People come and go.
So YOLO...... Live life to the fullest... treasure every moment.........

This few days really party all the way.
from the cycling trip where we saw casualty,
then the next night is Timbre Arts House,
where C sabo-ed me to sing I'm Yours on stage.
The band was our formal bds teacher Mr Ghaz. Goodfellas.
So then I sang, and even added some comical actions and interactive calls.
The audience enjoyed it!
Then the Flaming Tower! The tables around was clapping upon gulping it down.
Then we walked to tanjong pagar, to bugis, to farrer park, for first train.
Slept 3h.

Then it was friend bday.
I was 1 of the only 2 with retro themed outfit.
Thought it was awkward, but the after party was great!
VIP KBOX room with pool and street fighter!!
It's really great that he had such a great boss to treat him that.
Felt so happy for him to be recognized at work.
Ended ktv at 4am.
Slept 4h.

Right.........
gonna start tmr with volunteering caroling all the way at Sembawang!
Woohoo! excited!
After all, im most happy with music and volunteerism.
This is both at the same time!

What a day.

Today went for a last min cycling trip.

During the trip stopped by the payalebar Lao Jie bak kut teh. They had the culture to don on sesame n chilli sauce instead of the normal thick sweet sauce. 

Then we went MBS again. Anyway 2 days back we saw Jackie at MBS!! For his gala premier which I didn't win. He is the only humble celebrity that would shake as much hands, he even went back to the other side if the red carpet as he first shook the hands of the ppl on the left. 

Anyway yea then halfway down the road we saw a man lying on the middle if the road, we called the ambulance. Shall not comment on this, but as suggestion, they should send few of the paramedics to the  casualty first then they communicate where to park their van, at least they could assess the situation. I mean, some of us may have no clue about traffic n ambulance. Also, have sense of emergency. Do not just expect casualty to answer even if he is conscious. He is in great pain I suspect extreme gastric till liver failure, that he curled up twisted n stiff. 

So yea. Well Ktv yesterday was bad too, was pissed at first till wc saved us. Then we were stranded at Changi and luckily C agreed to help even though he was on bed!!!! Omg great friend!! 

Other than that I guess sometimes its good to just let it be, why the need of all the reunion... Though was closer to some, but then like could have just meet for dinner. 

Schedule keep piling up. Cash tight. Still seeking for happiness, but a quote I advised to friend hit me, to not lose the 80% u have to pursue perfection of remaining 20%, perfection in imperfection, taiji.... 

Badminton today with ZG and BW and J was great, it's been long since a formidable foe for badminton. Great match, good fun!

Juz now a good friend of mine told me a truth of my kids.

It seems like the kids are finding my "chinese teaching" lame and boring.

Initially my thought is that well that's what most ppl nowadays would react, who cares?

But now, I thought it over, these "culture" is supposed to motivate them and make them a better person, so is their mindset is that those are lame, then wouldnt it mean that they dont give a damn? then its pointless? although what I thought initially is that it will be a subconscious thing jsut like Tang Poems and BPMF pinyin during my kindergarten.

Anyway, part of the reason is I guess I am getting bored? Not exactly bored in terms of no passion, is more of those disappointed type of bored, when u see no result despite persistence and as usual, I would wonder "why bother? why cling on? why force something thats not gonna happen"

Next year, after FYP, guess I have to change a lifestyle, to venture where I would belong for the next year.

Timbre night at substation was great, we actually found out that the band Goodfellas consist of our former sec sch teacher. So cool! The coincidental part is where we were talking about our teachers, and talking about him, and then he went up the stage with that nostalgic distinct voice. Great time looking at them enjoying the night~ I always believed, if the world makes more great music, the world is a happier place.

Before that was a tiring day out at Ubin, this outing was rather good, the pace is good. Not too much of dragging time, there was conversation here and there, weather was hot and cold, in an interesting rhythm, and thus to me the pace was really great. One thing we've learnt is to eat to sustain stomach only at Ubin and eat at Changi Village.

Other than these...........
Still as lost in life, felt so empty yet no space, really unsure what I am feeling.

There comes a time
When nothing rhymes
Where you no longer know where on to hold
But to drown on music and alcohol.....

Tuishou is over.

I must say, it is an interesting and exciting competition.

For once after the competition I felt I have benefited alot. it is really unlike those routine competition where we are seeing the same thing again and again, just competing who got the least mistakes. This is more fun, you will never know how is the opponent until on stage. Though I might have preferred sanda, but I guess this requires more technique than sanda.

The bad thing is that during this competition, I was rather distracted about my project that is about to due. Looks like right now all is well. Great =) must really thank my team members for all the hardwork, efforts, and help.

=) ciao.

The week passed, Hossan Leong was brilliant at the theater works, French Kiss in Singapore.

The plot is basically narrating the lives of 4 well known french musicians, with their notable songs.

However, in midst, all the movements, such as when they were drunk, or playing a fool, or broken hearted, was soooo brilliantly choreographed. The pulling of ties especially, how they tangle up each other and break them free again, and the use of simple props for a very delicate style of dance.

Hossan never fails to keep audiences entertained when he dressed up in different characters, and making funny faces, impersonating voices, silly actions. He is really talented beyond words. His fluency and french is remarkable!

I think I shall work towards being a stage actor, at least one production in my whole life! It would be an accomplishment!

I will perhaps start with directing a short video, with plot, comedy, expressions, and music.

Then, will  work towards musical.......

Well, today I had an accomplishment, to lose 5kg in 2 weeks plus! I was 82kg during the weigh in!

Hahas, yea anyway found out that my competition is on Sun, omgosh everything clashing, project, reflection, competition, shows........ sigh.........

Well, today after settling the project stuffs, had badminton. I think I made up my mind not to invite a certain person anymore, like everytime at a corner using phone, so socially awkward, and will make mood down....... but they are fine alone, so shall leave them alone in the future....... then I donno, maybe my efforts are brought across displeasing?

Like at times Im really tired and needed help, but all you do was moan and doubt and reluctant, I wonder if its really fair to me? My good intentions constantly doubted, oh well..... Like I think alot of times I initiated to provide your needs without being asked to, sometimes I ask you for favour and you cant/unwilling to deliver...... (not specific to one person, is collective)

Other than that, still struggling whether or not to go cell, like I think all our hearts not into it anymore, the bond just breaks...... and I dont know.... like I dont really see the effort to show care and concern to our problems........ maybe too much things to worry, but yea lorh, is like....... not sure how to put it across, nvm...

This year is a rather bad year, I made up my mind I shall just explore the city again, less with outings anymore. Maybe one of two ppl is alright, but not too many, and shall work towards appreciation of arts, culture and music. Some part of me shall try to be an entertainer or some form, I see a classmate chasing that dream, I shall embark on mine too!

Today morning didnt start off great, I knew it my parents gonna make a huge fuss over the red packet. Sigh, have no idea what to do. To them, the sincerity is not there, not to mention the efforts and gifts, then they started to link to all the other stuffs i do, they kept moaning they dont see the ROI, all they think is that I am wasting money away.

Sigh...... sometimes I seriously rather be a spoilt kid, drown in riches, that I can spent all I want on anyone I want and they dont give a shit. I mean others are encouraging volunteerism, mine is like "dont mind other ppl business"...........

The biggest news is they think I am underpaid and wishes that I quit teaching.......
Sigh.......

Then, lots of work to be done on proj, and all the social stuffs that suddenly juz flood in...... off to night cycle in a short while, tmr try to do reflection and log book, then cycle again, then dinner, then wed proj whole day, evening meet, NE talk, then proj again, thur proj, then Hossan Leong, fri bball, wushu.......

Today I was the videographer for Kaiyu and Winnie's wedding.

Got a frame for them as well as a DIY photo of them in it, along with a wedding 'storybook". Expenditure: $38 + $14 + $2 + $1.

Anyway, yea glad I didnt screw up, in the end though I ordered excess macdonald's, the sister managed to finish them.

Well, the first wedding I actually followed all the way through and helped video the moments. It was really really tiring. Never knew so much to do on a wedding. Anyway, had a rough idea of my future wedding "if have".

Some funny ideas are to gatecrash from the windows with hooks and ropes, so shall think how to do it in a safe way. The gatecrash must have a cool theme hahas, maybe some military actions with simulation smokebombs, flashbangs and grenades. It would be so cool~!

Then the whole wedding itself, dinner and march in is so cliche, must change the theme abit, must have drama or musical numbers hahas. These so that guests wont feel that they are there just for a wedding but for some entertainment as well.

Then, the pre-wed, wedding photography in interesting poses in unusual backdrop like water, cliff or zombie apocalypse, with action themed instead of just still portraits. The cakes, DIY ourselves, the ring also customized some cool unusual ring, no need too expensive.  The music, some sexy salsa and upbeat music. Def wedding dance! Perhaps self written and composed song too, will be cool!

Then, no need too much guests, no need too high class place, some casual lively place, enjoying the party to the fullest.

Hmmmmm......

Yea so, 2 huge part of my life gonna change, first is cell group, since the leader is wedded, now wushu, the leader also wedded, how would these areas change?

It was just one year, when we have reached our peak and then fall back to square one, almost in both areas of my life. At cell, from 4 to 10 to 4 again, at wushu from 1 to 3 to 2 now. And the results, disappointing. Sigh. What a year this year. I mean like just last year and the previous year when there were so much warmth and joy in christmas, this year, the invite list is so limited, might as well lump all to one day.

But then again, saw online about an article about how life goes on, we get busier, we started to dont mind "missing out", thus more time spent on ourselves. Makes sense.

I felt Im getting more and more negative every day, have no idea when did I started to be like this. Have to change, have to get back up, have to cheer up........

Oh well, next task, the major project =)