Capgras delusion is a disorder in which a person holds a delusion that a friend, spouse, parent, or other close family member has been replaced by an identical-looking impostor. Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon involving a vague and random stimulus (often an image or sound) being perceived as significant, a form of apophenia. Common examples include seeing images of animals or faces in clouds, the man in the moon or the Moon rabbit, and hearing hidden messages on records when played in reverse. Savant syndrome is a condition in which a person with a mental disability, such as an autism spectrum disorder, demonstrates profound and prodigious capacities or abilities far in excess of what would be considered normal.

Another day has gone

I'm still all alone

How could this be

You're not here with me...

Spent the day with J n T, never fails to make me laugh alot and come home with aching abs hahahas. Played monopoly and was crazy about it. And wow historical moment when Tai is out of luck! Then had so much crap going around such as the loserville, brothel street, kidnapped princess and grandfathers road hahas! Oh we have SMRT too! He won due to the monopolizing the 4 train stations hahas! His most epic victory.

Then went to Santouka, they weren't that hyped on it as me, big after 10s of ramen shop I still think that's the best. 

Then wanted get smoked duck pizza at timbre but it was full house and a long queue, so strolled to city hall n went home. 

Simple day for me.

We were talking about how in the end we still having most fun n endless topics together, and our crazy expectations that no girls could match. Hahas!! 

Well but yea,

It's always a challenge to me, 

To be contented on the 80% I have 

And not be blinded by the 20% I seek.

At least I guess we are natural A&C with one another, to keep us in track, not doing irrational stuffs, and to support one another. 

That time someone asked me "you want us go over?" When I talked about my graduation. I seriously meltz.... They too right away marked their calendars.

Oh well, actually quite a huge portion of my social circle feeling worst being alive at home so I'm contented hahas. 

Well still, my ideal :

Love food 

Love coffee

Love Chinese culture 

Oldies

Adventurous 

Understanding (wise? Kan de kai?)

Knows my needs automatically 

Don't throw tantrum till at home

Settles arguments ASAP at home

Get along with parents 

Still close to her friends 

Energetic to cheer me 

Loves surprises 

Don't mind snoring 

Don't mind burps 

Don't mind fat 

Camwhore but not obsessed 

Live the moment 

Volunteers 

Appreciate art

Do not mind sports 

Converse intellectual topics 

Sociable but not butterfly 

Spends wisely but not frugal 

Musically inclined no need talented 

Not too sensual 

Well, guess CNY was awesome.
Being "Xing Zai Le Huo",
Jo could join us due to some cock up in their registration.
The whole bai nian was great,
though in the end is mainly 4 of us, and ky, and yk,
but yea we had fun.
Even the yearly tradition bbq at JL house seemed so fun.

Hahas, then sadly gotta leave them at 7 to go for sleepyheads gathering.
Well, not the kind of gathering I wanted.
Rather quiet.
When I reached,
everyone was watching the fking tv rather than
talking, laughing, catching up....
so yea, was disappointed.

Well again im comparing,
but yea sorry that I have so much expectations,
especially when I have less than 6h sleep over a 24h priod,
I have no mood to entertain ppl,
waiting ppl to entertain me......
but nope, not the kind of group,
that could actually make me last through a whole day.....
thx B4! really!
for at least, to have a mentality to carpe diem!

Then, towards the end,
racked up some teasings here and there
to brighten up the atmosphere,
then escalated too quickly......
now I think im a little in trouble?? =((

Hmm, yea today I scrolled through my hp,
realized that Im getting more distant to a friend of mine,
and I had foreseen this happening,
any close friend of mine wouldnt last more than a year or so being close.
Soon, it may just be another passerby, a "guo ke"
cant even past june where I wrote than write to future note.

Ofcoz, connection will be there cuz we will meet once a week,
but guess it stops there?
getting lesser replies,
and the absence of presence,
sometimes at times I needed the person.
sometimes even reluctant to help?
maybe misunderstood that I am trying to irritate?
but yea, must i explain so much if u know me well enough
to know my personality my intentions my character?

Maybe soon I might develop a phobia,
phobia of establishing a close friendship cuz I know it wont last more than a year.
But ofcoz, bits of heartwarming love is felt,
when I see them using my bag, my wallet, my shirts, my shoes that I bought them...

Well, started a penpal. 
Hopefully some "zhi yin", the person who knows my melody.

Oh, and started a new tv series, perception. 
Love the quotes!

-------------------------

Normalcy

What is "normal"? Some kind of neurochemical imbalance?

Is it all bad? For some who were labelled "abnormal", their psychological or neurological state protects them of painful truths, some have Cheerful Disposition that may have helped them to cope with situations.

The baseline is, it is how our brain response to certain stimuli,
If we are able to treat these "abnormal" people to code "normalcy"
Though we are helping them to fit in into society,
We are also stripping away what makes them unique,Robbing them essential part of who they are........

-------------------------

Our brain creates fantasies to concoct elaborate scenarios,
We imagine ourselves achieving our dreams and ambitions. 

But fantasies can turn dark,
when we started to believe there is monster under bed
or that the evil forces are aligning themselves against us.

All these fantasies stems from a revolutionary imperative
our brains exploring potential outcomes that help achieve our goals avoid danger 
But when we allow fantasies to overtake our thinking that we miss the reality in front of us, and sometimes, reality is not so bad.......

---------------------

Are we really seeing?
In actually fact, we are all pretty blind.
The optic disc is a point where no light sensitive rods or cones are present to respond to light stimulus of matter.
"We all have eyes but we don't see."
The reason you never notice the blindspot, because your brain is good at guessing what should be there, and automatically filling it the blank on our own assumptions and knowledge. The eyes sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.

On a seemingly unfruitful day yesterday, I  slept through the day.

At evening, went to BCC to clean up, and do up my spear.
Luckily met Tai at Hans.
So we talked, and as usual, whenever we talk, topics seems endless.

Talked about life, about friends, about future,
juz like long lost friends meeting at coffeeshop.

Then we concluded,
though this year bainian seems so meaningless,
we shall not break the tradition.

Wushu, after all, B4,
are people who would be there for us in the end,
after all, they made me laugh the most,
and we have so much to talk about,
yet we are so different.

Only friends of a strongest bond,
would hate each other attitude so much that we fill in that flaw ourselves,
that would allow occasional "pangseh",
and would still come together someday, 
without grudges of the past. 

Well, then we concluded too,
no point forcing the horses to the water if they dont want to drink,
we can do all we can, organizing events and outings,
but if they dont want to feel bonded at all,
there is nothing we can do,
in the end,
it's still empty dutiful feeling,
not sense of belonging.

It's all from the inside out.
Sometimes, we try so much to make our juniors bond,
but then we did not look at ourselves and ask,
am I bonded?
In which areas? and how about other areas?
We will find in the end,
that the bond starts from within.

It's chemistry. 
Valence electrons from group 1 and 2 do no just come together and bond,
you need to have a strong shell of 6 and 7,
to recruit in that 1 or 2. 

One a brighter note,
I guess we have slowly included that 1 or 2 in us already. =)

Really in love with that song, 想你的365天, it's so uplifting.
Reminds me of 宝莲灯that cartoon.
One of the early cartoon I watched besides Tom and Jerry hahas.

Well these few days been watching a lot of movies and singing competitions.
It always drives me to sing.
And yes, of all the years of me singing,
I kept getting remarks like "oh gosh its going to rain",
or other similar comments.
Yes it hurts to know that I been singing at least an hour everyday,
and perhaps every single moment possible,
I really dont think I deserve this,
my passion and diligence at this is my only constant in my life.

So yes, I've emailed a few singing classes and will work part time to go for them.
At least before NS, I need to get this straight.
Despite perhaps tone deaf, and no musical talent,
I hope the classes at least would make my voice sounds nicer.

Its not like I dont dare to sing,
not like I have trouble understanding,
it's just my voice.

Just my voice first,
then work on my appearance?
though I think its more worth it to invest on musical instruments
Yes, new year, new resolution!

Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air.


I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows!If I fail ! if I succeed ! at least I'll live as I believeNo matter what they take from meThey can't take away my dignity


我努力唱完主歌
我忘了走音没有
我到底哭什么
哭什么 明明搞笑的

我努力唱完这歌
我忘了破音没有
你心里触动的
下一首已经不是我

我努力唱到嘶吼
我不怕剩我一个
只要你能记得
这首歌给我最爱的

春风 扬起你我的离別
夏雨 打湿孤单的屋檐
秋叶 飘落思念的红叶
冬雪 转眼又是一年

在 想你的三百六十五天
听 你我最爱的那首歌
泪 总是一不小心翻涌微笑的脸
突然我感觉 你沒走远

怀里 有你紧拥的温度
眼里 有你微笑和痛哭
心里 有你说过的故事
嗬...梦里 你在回家的路

在 想你的三百六十五天
读 你写來的每句安慰
爱 圈住你我在同一个圆
你的冷热我能感觉

在 想你的三百六十五天
海 我多想能看得更远
爱 两颗心间不断的长线
我的喜悲都让你包围

怀里 有你紧拥的温度
眼里 有你微笑和痛哭
心里 有你说过的故事
嗬...梦里 你在回家的路

And so......

CNY starts off rather well.
It's weird in life that when things are not okay,
it's really not the end yet.
It always happens that when something bad happens,
something good is ought to happen.

Today we also had a last minute decision to visit relative before going to flyer,
their first time up that one revolution of nothingness,
but yea they enjoyed too!
Then again, I think they would prefer cruise.

So day 1 Jan 31, we had a last minute decision to enjoy that Ice Art exhibition.
Though we did not get any discounts or good deals,
it was a once in a lifetime thing.

Though reluctant, my parents enjoyed themselves a lot in the end.
Appreciate that my parents are people who understands.
In many cases, though the situation seems bad,
though they were reluctant,
yet when they are there,
they will enjoy themselves to the fullest.

This is something that is not very common.
As I told a friend this afternoon,
Life is pretty mundane, repetitive, boring,
but then it is up to us to make it lively. 

Been very envious on big families, 
that they could occupy a full table at restaurants,
could order family feasts,
could appear full of laughter on photos.

Yet then again, I thought, with big family,
means there are more problems
means everyone has their schedule,
common time might hard to find,
bond may not be strong,
most of time the head of house probably feeling "incomplete",
there would be more interpersonal problems,
more personalities, tastes, preferences......

So with that, perhaps Im lucky enough just to deal with 2 people. 

Used to hate taking photos despite dad EXTREMELY persistent on it,
then I understood the value of a moment.

Well, throughout all these years of my life,
valueing ppl too much and constantly feeling incomplete",
I made up my mind to just get on with my life,
perhaps being a backpacker,
and do what I like, go where I like,
until I find one that i could settle one with,
and with that one, we will have love so strong that
it doesnt matter how the world collapse and chaos,
and it doesnt matter if our kids might not turn up for reunion dinners,
or they do not want to tag along to places,
because we have each other,
we shall walk in the door hand in hand, 
and shall walk out of it hand in hand too!!