Uncertainty in all - This is what I see, and what troubles me. I look on all sides, and everywhere I see nothing but obscurity. Nature offers me nothing that is not a matter of doubt and disquiet.

Uncertainty in Man's purpose - For after all what is man in nature? A nothing in relation to infinity, all in relation to nothing, a central point between nothing and all and infinitely far from understanding either.

Uncertainty in reason - There is nothing so conformable to reason as this disavowal of reason.

Uncertainty in science - There no doubt exist natural laws, but once this fine reason of ours was corrupted, it corrupted everything.

Uncertainty in religion - If I saw no signs of a divinity, I would fix myself in denial. If I saw everywhere the marks of a Creator, I would repose peacefully in faith. But seeing too much to deny Him, and too little to assure me, I am in a pitiful state, and I would wish a hundred times that if a god sustains nature it would reveal Him without ambiguity.We understand nothing of the works of God unless we take it as a principle that He wishes to blind some and to enlighten others.

Uncertainty in skepticism - It is not certain that everything is uncertain.

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Above is a few categorization of Doubt.

The reason of this post, is probably a few issues that came up to me, with one of them as lame as the drama , it was doubt that could destroy one's life, be it yours or others'. Then I thought of more in depth issues of doubt.

Perhaps the teacher ask you a question, and you were so sure about the answer, you raised your hands up straight and shouted it out, only to be replied by a raised eyebrow and a squinted eye, "are you sure", and you started doubting yourself, doubting your intellect, doubting your answer, doubting your ability.

This can be really devastating. I admit I often doubt myself. I doubt myself of my capability to achieve, capability to make a difference, ability to teach, ability to nurture, or sometimes even doubting myself whether or not I could accomplish simply tasks.

I was asked, "Do you get jealous/envious easily". On first response I considered "NO", yet as I thought through, I realized I do, and it's common and frequent, almost al the time. It is just the matter of how do I handled those. Thus I subsequently realized that I often adopted the Distortion and Dissociation.

Distortion is to distort the reality, despite knowing the fact, to suit personal needs. It's like bluffing my ownself. This is often in form of mind humour, "Without people like me, you wont recognize those 'talents'." This is simply a denial act, and an obvious biased decision, to boost a little self esteem. Yet, deep inside, I'm sure I do feel extremely bad, worthless.

Dissociation is to temporarily modify self-concept, to avoid emotional distress. This would normally postpone the unhappiness or other related feelings that is associated with the predator (the cause of defense mechanisms to act). I do at times just force myself to believe "Let It Be", just because I couldnt achieve the meet the standard of my ideal self. I had limited strengths with loads of building passion, like a peacock that couldnt spread its feathers as it was pinioned.

I often doubt myself. I doubted myself whether or not I really made a difference, by stepping back and observed or simulates what would it be like if I were to be removed from the picture. I doubted myself whether I am a man of my words. I doubted myself even if Im very sure of an answer. I doubted myself at my ability to accept the changes of the world.

So I often get envious, of good teachers, of charming personality, of good tact, of good performance, of good popularity, and many more. And now I thought of it, its rather a torturous inner conflict of what am I feeling inside of me, what am I thinking inside of me, and how about others?

And so as such, the scholarship thing really makes a huge difference in my self esteem. As I hate rarely achieved anything great out of life especially academically. Mountains are always higher than me in anything and everything, it was really hard for me to get somewhere to the Creme De la Creme.