Nothing much happenings today, perhaps Monday blues, I felt a little down…..
So I started to observe details in life, and I observed a few interesting trivial stuffs in life that we often would ignore.

Few days back I was rushing for time, at the same moment as my next door neighbor, so I was like kanchiong spider packing up my bag and rushing for lift, which I saw my neighbor about to reach the lift first, so I thought she would wait for me as I suddenly remembered to bring some stuffs, so I went back in. Then, when I came out, she was still locking her door, and my mum was the one holding the lift haha~! Just nice both of us ran back into our respective homes to grab stuffs haha.

Anyway, so yea I observed my class at a 3rd person view, again I have this feeling as if I was black and white, and the world is coloured, as if I was an observer, going through some simulation or some 4D device. Somehow, I don’t feel the bond. Also, checking out the class wall, guess ive been missing out a lot, that Im so known to MIA, nobody bothered much about asking me for certain events. Similarly, I was rather surprised to see no empty seats around my normal clique. Sigh.

So yea in Psychology, it was as if parenting course part 2, we were learning about different attachment styles and parenting, with lots of input from tutor’s personal experiences. Looking back to my good old days, guess my pri was a lot fun, perhaps really, I had more love – To love and be loved. Ofcoz that was upper pri. In the children’s world, everything is small, everything is limited, the world is precisely what I know and what I see. This brings me back to the 天越高心越小 concept (the bigger the world is, the smaller my capacity to love is). Ofcoz, this is only my interpretation. Looking back again, ever since the new sem starts, I had not much of genuine wildness, or any outburst of joy. Sometimes, as I laugh with few of my cliques, I felt my smiles and laughter so mona lisa. Then, I as I often do, I wondered do my presence brings more benefits or burden? For example, how my friend’s sister came in and had an awkward and abrupt conversation with my friend. Or how my sec 2 na class failed maths. Well, it’s time for me to migrate again, the first half of the year was filled with amazing times in scc, which now seems rather alien to me already. I gotta find another place, full of love and laughter.

Then, I had always wondering, where is life leading me to? And the very purpose of me again. Somehow, I wanna be youthful, to not think so much, to enjoy teen years thoroughly. Speaking of this, I gotta catch “apple of my eye” soon~! Like fri~!!

Argh, back to Psychology, today we touched on the topic of love languages again. One strong point I caught is that, often Asian parents lack in their communication medium to express their love using touch or intimacy. This is a very crucial area, as many case studies shown that the touch and intimacy could prevent lots of future problems. However, there is always this Asian culture to not hug and kiss. My parents do not do that, not that I remember. Thus, it’s only after o levels do I hold my parents hands, like finally….. what an un-filial son I was. So hugs and kisses isn’t really our practices, just look at my dad, cant even pose a nice couple shot with mum, gotta CUT and adjust lots of times. Oh yea, so now that I’ve seen lots of broken families, I do envy those ideal family where generations are still close and have fun together. They pull their dad’s ears, fall on their chests, pinch their noses, tease around, have dinner on the same table….

Which then this huge dilemma struck me, do I want to be a father? After the much ambiguous future me and my future family have, the struggles and etc, the responsibility to raise an ideal kid, the fear that my child would deviate some day, or over control or under control, the image of them leaving me and establish their own family, or grow up not receiving the ideal care. Sigh.

Actually, Im still looking for someone, someone that I don’t mind spending the whole day doing nothing but talk, sharing the same frequency to talk about anything and everything under the sun, and able to keep up with my energy, to party and sing whole day, or simply just be happy when im around, and not giving me the “you again” expression, someone that will lighten up his/her face at my presence. To find someone like that, will be a dream come true? Often I see people with best friends, best buddies, best clique, but till this day, frankly I haven’t seen one who I feel can die without them. All are but come and go, have fun, leave happy memories, and go, like the train. But then again, perhaps that’s life.

Urghhh so emo……. Tomorrow will be a brighter day~ ciao~