We all have needs and wants, be it if you base on Maslow Hierachy of Needs, Leisure Ladder, or William's Trio. I would like to give attention to William's Trio, the Need for Affection, Need for Inclusion, Need for Control.



Humans are after all humans, we speak a generally common language of love. Need for Love. We desire love, love from the 5 languages of love, Acts of Services, Gifts, Words of Encouragement, Intimacy and Quality Time. To make time for each other is also a language of love, but too much of it might be a little stilling.

Then, is the Need of Inclusion, though we build walls from each other, these walls marks what holds dear to us, and thus some people may overlap their walls with another person, which thus gives us a common interest or identity. Sometimes, it's good to allow people to walk into your life.

The last is Need for Control. I think generally we need to assert some form of authority to feel superiority to have a better self concept. This must be controlled if not arrogance and conflicts will arise.



Self Concept is affected by Direct Definitions, Reflected Appraisals, Attachment Styles and Identity Scripts. Direct Definitions are straightforward direct comments  whereas Reflected Appraisals is linked to Cooley's Looking Glass Theory as I mentioned 2011 sem 1. Attachment Styles have been covered in Psychology in sem 2, and of course Identity Scripts when people have stereoptypes and biased labeling due to social expectation.



Then, we have conflicts, there are a few ways to manage conflicts, Exit Voice Neglect Loyalty.

Exit has the active and deconstructive role where you just hold the argument and walk out of it without solving it. Sometimes though, we need to do this to allow the other party to have space to cool down and rationalise.

Voice is basically to voice out expectations and understanding of the situation, then misconceptions could be identified and problems could be solved constructively.

Neglect is to passively exit the problem, ignoring it. This is the worst kind to handle conflicts as the bad seed could grow. Of course, in some instances, it actually allows more understanding and acceptance that the conflict vanish,

Loyalty is the hardest to do, is to gulp and settle with differences on the intention to stay committed in the relationship. We all have to learn to do it. For example, my relative's driver constantly lied to his wife that her culinary skills are good to avoid making her upset, avoid having to cook himself after work and to compromise in the relationship.



Next, we have the Triangular of Love, its the Commitment, Passion and Intimacy. Its ideal to have all 3 for a stable consumable relationship. Commitment is found in many in later stages or in arranged marriage. But In my opinion its still alright because as long as there is commitment, they dont expect too much from each other and many times simple innovative acts could make a nice romantic atmosphere. Intimacy is the liking of a person, and Passion is of course the excitement lust and arousal.

Commitment and Intimacy results in Companionship Love, where love arises after a period of time together, as both feels comfortable with each other. This might be a reason for LGBT behaviors, because of the misconception of Love. Intimacy and Passion is

Intimacy and Passion results in Romantic Love, emotionally and physically bonded. They feel comfortable with each other but not secure for long term.

Passion and Commitment results in Fatuous Love, where marriage is decided before they are intimate, just based on the confidence that their passion and commitment will take them far.



After knowing the levels of love in each of the 3 areas, we shall see the type of lover we are.

Eros – a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love Ludus – a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest; may have multiple partners at once
Storge – an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity (kindred to Philia)

Pragma – love that is driven by the head, not the heart; undemonstrative, very practical, concern about future and marriage, these lovers would like to specify their desired traits first before trying on a relationship
Mania – obsessive love; experience great emotional highs and lows; very possessive and often jealous lovers, they are Eros with Ludus attitude
Agape – selfless altruistic love, loving others without expectation of personal gains or returns, putting others' happiness first before them, a really rare lover nowadays, more in arranged marriage with loyal wives.

So knowing all these, many we can understand how conflicts might arise, and have better understanding of how we can keep the flames ignited.

Sources from Wiki.