Time flies, Xmas this year was different. We, Me&JTS used to spend Xmas on sx attic, this year was so different. No one turn up at sx's house, and everything was last minute and not planned. At my side, I only managed to get a few of them over. So I decided to combine mine and sx, so we ate at sx house and then drank at my house. It started off quite standard, then slowly the ice is broken, to the point I think I let out all my secrets away. It's really scary thing, though there is this sense of freedom, like the chains are gone, free from the burden of things, but then at the same time, fear creep in as they all know me completely now. But the fear was managed by the thought that these are the people who will stay with me into the future.

Yet again, though the nice moment, it was not as cosy as the one at sx's attic, where it all left the few of us just chatting, I find that somehow chatting with tai one on one is really cosy and warmth, even better than J, though it could be because of maturity points of views and experience, or just that his language is more assuring and comforting. It's a sad feeling when 5 years of friendship and you know nothing about someone, at least in my opinion.

The next day, wanted to sleep after sending them off, but after breakfast with parents, surfed the web and watched dramas here and there, and then gotta go bedok point to hunt for present. I got a "mindless" one for the moment just to fill the atmosphere, I'm thinking of the Jacket at malaysia which cost 80 ringgit, gosh how am I gonna afford it.

Then, at night, the cell, nick, zh, J and S came over for the gathering. Started off awkward and nothing much to do, until we went for a huge Zhi Char dinner costing $88!!! Nice number~!!! And then back to my house for  snacks. Then we started singing some songs and then the gift exchange. We did it like the Secret Santa format. We all draw lots to buy a gift $10-$15 for our recipient. Then we exchange. I thought that they would open them on the spot thus I bought mine a jacket. If known earlier I would have bought underwear cuz it would be more practical because he lacks them hahahha! Then we had bball for the night. Again so nice to see a group of them playing the bball over the half court, makes the "electrons" more attracted to the core. Hahahas! Really liked to see people having fun together, especially in a rather big group.

People come, people go, this topic surfaced once more. I still couldnt accept this harsh changes.

Say for example, about T leaving wushu, midst of all the busy schedule, we totally forgot about planning one xmas gathering together, neither new year. I mean like its not about being in a group, but the friendship that we have forged over the years!  We not gonna lose someone just because the person walk out of a group. This is exactly my fear, whether there are such things as true friends, who could have nothing in common yet able to go the extra mile for one another and totally be yourselves and have fun together, achieving mutual understanding about priorities and commitments. 

I guess thats where the wall theory comes again, people build different walls between different groups, some higher some lower, and with different colours, and thats where they will realize some walls are matching or complimentary, thats where they have common identity. 

Then today, I rejected all 3 meetings because I wanted some time to sleep and alone time, REALLY SRY ~!!!!!!!! in the end woke up so early at 8! with 5h of sleep for 2 days, and a week of inadequate rest!! Cant believe it, so then I started to watch City Hunter, until I decided to watch miotv and realized the TV is spoilt. So instead of Gardens by the Bay, we decided to go Courts, and then tomorrow to Expo, Bugis and then MBS. So the day is peaceful, a Sabbath for me, nice being all alone and quiet once in a while. Wanted to visit wushu and sleep at J house but in the end I reached home 10pm on the news he is sending her home so lazy so over, though got nothing to do with sending her home, more of lazy and City Hunter. Anyway, watched 15 episodes today~

City Hunter made me think, why love when you know its gonna fail? A topic most guys thought and experience before. Also, would you sacrifice for a better future of your beloved? Alot of heroic stories I heard around me, really really really admired them. Would you risk to love then? Maybe my life is so that I could understand the feeling of people, and similar to that feeling, the feeling of forbidden love, where love is restrained by societal/family or external reasons, like the Werwolf Boy, Romeo Juliet, Homo, or internal reasons like afraid of your own mind??? Its across any genre, be it animal-human, girl-girl, boy-boy or girl-boy.

2012 is a hectic year, still prefer 2011 though, but oh well, look ahead, Sincerely hope for a happier future~~