A busy week had finally passed, been attending 4/14 conference, tue, wed and half of thur, sadly today cant because im scheduled to work every thur 5pm-10pm, fri 12nn-7pm, but well look at the bright side, at least my supervisor preferred me than other part times, today one part timer worked, and I found out she had been working for quite some time already, but supervisor gave her once a week only. Wootz~! haha. Anyway, I recruited weeseng over today haha, hopefully he can switch his tuition so he can join me on fri =D wish himn all the best for his o lvls, i persuaded him to max work one day, which hopefully is fri, so sun we can still help him in his work.

But well, yea, lots of time, its really 心有余力不足, passion of helping is strong, yet resources are limited, resources in terms of time, monetary and 'trouble'.

These few days, some of my regrets are that on my way back from the conference, I sat down, and a kid beside me was super excited about coconut tree, that she kept yelling at her mum to insist her to see, yet the mum didnt even took a glance (from what i deduced), and asked her to tone down, in a commanding, firm, harsh tone. I really wanted to tell her to look at the situation another way, she could just take a look, and say, "Are you interested in it, shall we go home and look more into it? keep the excitement for later then." its really not a big deal for a child to be excited and shrieking for a few seconds, its not like she's crying or moaning or throwing tantrum which im rather annoyed with. Excitements, I'm totally fine, but yea, I didnt do a thing. Sigh. I was comign home after hearing all the passionate people for the 4/14, and yet I ignored..... because I thought, I was a stop away, and Im extremely exhausted, I should rest awhile more. Sigh, that couple of minute, could have made a big difference in parenting for that mum, and thus on the kid's life, rather than wasted on my sleep.

Then I heard so many stories there, and also even local stories, that I thought I could lent him a hand, yet well, situations didnt allow me to. ThenI realized, that for every person I enjoy talking to, I woudl always have the urge to go for the extra mile to help as much as I can, to give my best, to 'grow' the person, but it would be too much for me to cater to all their needs, and furthermore, 10 years down the road, I'm still pondering if I were still be recognized, be acknowledged?

Philip spoke on discipleship, about how he once had the thought, after raising up many disciples, he thought about how nice was it to see them grow, to see them acknowledging him, and made it sound like it was all his effort, and the effort paid off. However, as a christian he remembered that these disciples are God's, not his, that one day there will be taken away by God.

So I thought, yes, I think the concept of raising someone, to see them leave, and you have to sincerely wish them all the best, really hurts. Like teachers, how many effort had they put in? Just to see them leave, and wander off on their own. On one hand we are definitely happy that they have grown to a wonderful person, yet on the other how we hoped they were just as they were when we met them, with so much capacity to be taught, to be nurtured, but.....

So yes, many times I've made differences (well at least thats what I thought), but not much of follow ups after that, its like they would forget about the past, and sort of ignore, but not their fault, just that we all go in separate directions, lack of communications, not so frequently keeping in touch, and the relationship just fades. One one hand, Im glad, on the other, Im rather sad. Paradox of human.