This week passes rather quick.
Other than the fact that I still sleeps 12 - 18h a day,
It's interesting how fast it seemed to fly compared to the previous 2.
So anyway, this week was feeling better,
I actually started some kind of "Meditation" as defined by Dan Harris.

The book was called 10% Happier, so one the first chapter,
we touched on "Mindfulness".  Not a new word.
BUT, on reading on,

"Mindfulness is the ability to recognize what is happening in your mind right now—anger, jealousy, sadness, the pain of a stubbed toe, whatever—without getting carried away by it."

What it meant was that first I do recognize my insanity creeping up, when I have thoughts on what if I jump off the ledge and I appear somewhere in another reality, or what if I throw a hammer down to the carpark and cause a chaos, or what if I can set fire on every house unit of the first 3 floors and get people burnt to death or jumped to death, or skin myself little by little and preserve them so one day as my skin grow back I could construct a empty body of myself.

These are negativity, sadistic in fact. And "Mindfulness" is not to start loving myself again and to convince me not to do stuffs, but more of facing the ugly side of me and look into the root of my problems. And in fact, there are no problems, just some loneliness, just some boredom, and I realize, it is ultimately my rejection to be socially connected by virtual platforms. I need that human interaction.

And a little part of me I got to found out too, is jealousy and envy. I am jealous that most of my friends, are spending wonderful time with their loved one in virtual space, and me being the one rejecting it, will naturally feel frustrated, and jealous, that I lose my friends whom I used to go out weekly with. There was this weird yearn that some friends will knock on my door and surprise me, how stupid is this thought, but that was the root of my jealousy, the impossible hope. It only proves how much I need companion as much as I thought I didnt. And there is envy, I envy gamers and introverts who are used to use virtual platforms to connect with each other, to laugh, to have fun, and I dont, because I dont play games, and it irks me so much to do video conferencing, so I naturally envy their ability to accept, to connect, while I sulk my way through the 2 weeks. 

So.......... I talked to my family, face to face, start teaching them stuffs, this was all because of the heavy torrent that drenched me as I took a bike back from my office, for I shall stop ordering delivery and so out to takeaways instead. This little trip outside, made me so much energized. Though the fear of social vigilante and crazy extremist catching every movement I make, is still there, but at that moment this evening, I only had one resolution. If I were caught (and I probably have no excuses because I am probably gonna be classified as "non-essential" loitering because I was just about to take my bike, I was gonna kill that bastard on the spot, then kill as many random privileged-looking adults as I can before caught into a death sentence. Yes, I was that determined and insane.

When I got home, had a dinner, talked to my mum, read the book, and felt much liberated actually, and suddenly, I felt better. Indeed as the book reads, "10% Happier". As cliche as it seems, it probably wont work on me if I were not in this state of mind, sometimes we just need a little reminder.

So then I watched Big Bang Theory, been watching until season 2 so far, but man, I got so bored and annoyed at Sheldon, and I went back to How I Met Your Mother. It was still my favourite comedy series. Variety of perspectives of narration, variety of format of screenplay, very relateable topics of friends, love and life in general, lots of memorable moments, it feels like a great grandfather story learning how to grow up. I jumped here and there and one episode on "Sunrise" caught me.

"Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary unless your friends are there to see it." Barney Stinson S09E17

"That's how it goes kids. The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies, and partners in crime you love so much when you're young, as the years go by, you just lose touch. You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it." - Ted Mosby S09E21

"You see, everyone’s got some baggage. It’s part of life. But like anything else, it’s easier when someone gives you a hand with it.” – Ted Mosby S05E23

"All I wanted to do was enjoy a night at home, but there ws something I had to do...... More than a legendary night we'd remember forever, Uncle Barney needed a bro to help him forget." Ted Mosby S07E21

"And that was when I realized why I hung out with Barney. I never got where I thought I wanted to go, but I always got a great story." Ted Mosby, S01E03

Yepp, that is why HIMYM is still my favourite. Seeing the bonds of the characters, that friendship, things they compromise, stupid things they do together, how they support each other. Is perhaps something I rather envy. Not say I dont have, just, not till that extend yet, and damn I still miss having a cup of coffee with my friends now.........