It's almost 2 weeks down since the CB measure.

I'm not doing great.

To evaluate how and why and what am I feeling right now.

How am I feeling :

- Purposeless, nothing seems to make sense right now
- 0 Motivation, I know I can do a ton of things, but no motivation
- Lethargic, I rather spend a $3 delivery to get a bubble tea next block from my house
- Helpless, I recognize the insanity but there's nothing I WANT to do

Why am I feeling :

- All my life, all my skillset involves being out, now Im stuck in
- I have no interest in games, workouts, virtual meets, whatsoever
- I dont find virtual meet meaningful, I rejected so many of them despite being great social tools

What am I feeling :

- I don't know......... I can't describe
- Anger, Frustration, Helplessness, Empty, Lost, a mixture?
- I probably think there are similar people out there feeling this, but they are probably shutting the world out as much as me

See, there's this conflicted response I have in me now. One part of me recognize that I'm spiraling down into despair, but one part of me is stronger, it's like what is the point of living anymore. Then there's this glimpse of hope that I am clinging on that lets endure this few weeks or months, and things will be over, and the other part of me would be like vanity of vanities, does any shit I do even makes sense? What's life? Why live? Why exist? What have I done? What have I accomplish? I'm a mere vapour in the wind, a wave tossed in the ocean, how little am I worth? Why bother?

I used to have that passion for knowledge, to learn, to read, I have 21 course on my list to complete, but the irony is, with the privilege of time on my hands, I want to just sleep, and wake me up when this all ends............

It's not a matter of "quit whining" and "just deal with it", so easy for people to say. So easy when you have avenues to escape life from, games, music, workouts, whatever, but when the idea of virtual dont excite you, when you dont feel like talking to anyone, where else can I find joy? or may a purpose too?

王源 - 世界上沒有真正的感同身受

世界怎麼這麼安靜
I wondered at the silence of the streets

感覺被所有人拋棄
Feels like I am being obsolete
生活這麼拚命努力
All the things I've work hard to accomplish

是不是也算一種遠離 Was it all just a reason to live?

這世上除了我 只有千萬個你 And I aint the only one in this

逃離那些讓你波動情緒的事情
So then why bother?