The death of a talent seems to be mourned more than an unknown. Yet every life matters, have we placed a value & significance on people based their performance & talents? Death is also a reminder that life is short, so carpe diem and do what matters most.
- Quoted from Linnet.


Yes its true, that our society recognizes the death of many many famous people, and left the nameless ones "shi bu ming mu". Not really, but yea, just like an ancient saying, behind every great general lies the corpses of countless nameless normal warriors. 


So I was wondering, what would be my last words if I were to die? And what last words would I receive from the people around me? Last words usually impact people the most, especially closed ones, they are anchored deep within you, and they reverberates within your eardrums. 


Today, something really sad happened. Last week, I thought we had decided the group arrangement for a tutorial class, you see, it all happened because I jumped class into this current one, thus I have to join the class 2 people for the tutorial. So then, today I heard, and rather devastated me, was that they actually "kicked" me out, leaving only 4 of them. Well, just as I thought, I might have found a new social group, this happened. 6 years ago, guessed I would have cried real bad, and then throw stones into the reservoir, and climbed up that slope and doodle, or come out with some poetry, full of hopelessness and hatred, and alienation and anger. Sigh. So ofcoz, they had the stutters and uneasiness when they broke the news to me, I understands, since I'm int his social sciences field too. Guess, this is the way of men. 


Seriously, the story of Job impacted me much, he was stripped off his assets, houses, wife, children, wealth, everything, so in this context, since 2012, my life turned, my lifestyle morphed, my personality changed, my everything, seems to be so new, truly a huge transition. 2011 ended really well, why must 2012 be this way? Then comes his best friends accusing him, where mine no longer stayed as my listener, perhaps one, one really awesome one, that listens, and talk too, so there are interactions, that I wont feel tired to be always the one talking. Sigh. When life just doesnt make sense anymore, we tend to look into faith, and I shall hope that there will be a way, there will be an answer, there will be abundance once again. Perhaps, its time that I re-evaluate what matters most in life, perhaps I should start returning to the old me, where nothing really make sense in the world, where everything are Earthly, and shouldnt harbour any emotions in me, where I will be in my own world.  


Though tracing back, there was really that few times when we used to inform each other on upcoming events, but there was this talk where they excluded me, then from then on, everything went downhill, to the shark fin events, to other activities. Sigh. Everything was so superficial. 


2 sides of me. One, I really want to shout out, vent out, cry out, release the emotions in me. Two, thats how the world is made, no surprises, I was ready for it, why should I be so affected by it? I got through alot through my life too, and have seen much too. Unsure which is the more normal way to cope with it, perhaps counselling might help? Meeting with Samy soon, maybe he could give me a boost =D Ofcoz, thanks a few persons in my life who noticed a change in my verbal presence. But these things are too small to trouble you guys, too trivial to have you to be worried about. Maybe this one still able to talk out, but some other issues perhaps not very appropriate, as in better to have someone of the same generation. =D