couldnt sleep, or should i say no mood to sleep, drankly, i cried, 2nd consecutive day, dont know why tears just soaked my eyes. it's about studies again, i think, cant really remember how it started, was watching tv happily then mentioned english again. didnt really catch his words but the word 'childish' kindda triggered the beast inside me. yesterday too was the same problem. he said i played too much games, i felt deeply hurt as compared to others, i am like half of them, many had comlained the devoid house i have, not much online gamesnor board games. i felt insulted when they said those words, and have always hoped for someone to cheer me up, since i dont know when. well, he said because of games i write fantasy stories, unrealistic. i must admit i dont read alot of books thus unable to come up with nice stories, but, sigh, to me his words are like saying im not realistic at all, which is crap, who do he think am i? today did not wish to quarel, but seriously, the constant mentioning of past mistakes mkaes me so pissed and therefre flared up. as a human, not dogs or cats (which i believe they will too), we feel guilty of our mistakes, so why mentioning repetively, like as if purposely wanna create quarel. so i said that he had never congratulate me for anything this year, all i remember was the time he said my improvement at piano was good, i was so hoping they would congrts we when i got 82 for emaths as 3D had only 1 passes, but yet they did not, therefore decided not to tell them the rest of the marks. then on parents teacher meet, my life is doomed. i do appreciate how to improve on my studies, but not critisising old mistakes. until now, i think i've lost quite a number of valuables, but think again, each time i lost, it would be an apoclayspe, so the next time lost something it would be like, so what, sooner or later also kena. i dont believe small bad lucks would lessen the huge misfortune lies ahead, shixiong is wrong. im weird i know, i yearn for a family time where there is a common topic besides stocks and studies, maybe family games and such, or picnic etc. this would probably sound insane to most haha. sigh, hope my own family would be a better place. i dont know, my parents seemed to have hih expectations, im just not up to the challenge, cant blame me, and he said it himself, all this is for my future, to earn big $$. seriously, $ had deprived children. example, for many, because of the good for child's future, some parents give ever-going tuition, for the rich, endless toys, spoiling them. are they really happy? society is shit, i just could not take it anymore, i dont really know how to explain, but i had this suffocation in me, like i want to release all my strength, and become violent and brutal, weird and scary feeling... sigh, well, blame my luck, i've got nothing to say.  someties i really feel like trying what is life without home, the door is always open as he said. blame me for a big stomach, doubt i can survive a day. maybe family isnt a good choice, maybe 'home' is a better description, get the meaning? in family, there are bonds, communications and faith, in home, there is only shelter, place to sleep and food. i really doubt my life would have a purpose, but suicidal isnt a wise way to find out, sadly...

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!

exams are over, yet I got nothing to do still, school's back to normal except for the study part, rot through the days Im bored. My poker was confiscated by a bitch, wth I lent to a friend, they played so long didnt get caught, I was just playing my first round she came and confiscated them, fuck larh blinded bitch no one told me cannot play. 

got bored and pissed, that was yesterday, monday released results and got quite disapointed, failed eng yet do well in chinese, opposite of CA, my sciences are borderline, should be dropping soon ba, try my best for next half year lorh, but prefer to drop now if they offer, then get good grades and be happy and work hard happily ever after lol. I dont know, if eoy screwed then no mood to study lehh... I work for reward, reward for work, well at least thats one of the guiding principle of govenance. SS was glad I passed as I never study at all, all I study was sciences. Lit still sucked, 30/50.  Interesting subject, stupid student haha, really lorh learn about people, can take psychological course in TP, although future job kindda.. erm... limited... Anyway emaths get 82 when 3C highest 74, 3D 1 passes only, yet parents still not pleased with the results, siao... amaths did not get A as expected, stupid signs lost me my As. 

Well, today... no PE, slacked in class, as usual singing and feeling damn bored, reccess, then chem lesson broke a chair, and sang more, chi lesson went over next door played dou di zu with ben and ming xin, lol but yea got nothing to do. Then went back to class, split my PE pants while jumping across legs and under legs, then assembly, apparently all eyes were on few of us who were late, few sec of the centre-of-attention feeling, it feels good... haha, combine humans, ss and lit in our class only me and Evelyn, screwed the average score badly as I got a C5 but she got an A2, lowering the average score to 3.5, just nice school's target, haha. Sigh, work harder lorh. 

Was gonna swim at 5 today but gambled at alvin's house instead, 10 bucks lost, probably biggest loss ever but well, no harsh feelings they are just for the sake of fun joy laughter. In the end due to rushing kindda rash and all-in with triples, lost to an straight sadly, furthermore, decided not to swim in the end. Do not want zijian to get into trouble with his strict parents. well, sometimes swimming could help kill time, and the feeling of it is great, floating like in heaven, somewhat free, diving here and there, and kindda calm too despite the crowd. But seriously, the water IS SO FREAKING HOT !!!! anyway hope we going to minds cafe, with shixiong ofcoz or would be somewhat unenjoyable... thats all folks

ARGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry wanted to vent fustration

was still singing these few days, wonder why is it that hard to hang out with friends nowadays, they sound so reluctant to go out. was planning to go dapeng's bbq party, kindda overslept. anyway only chueck going, if i late so paiseh haha, sigh, blame my luck for being born too late, should have borned at the 70s or 80s, in the western countryside region, where I could have been drinking and singing with some folks in the pub. well, the more i feel money is important, with them could have solo time crisis or daytona; high class coffee or  big feast; solo kbox or movie marathon, so great, though lonely, but no choice, better enjoying alone than not enjoying at all. maybe i would be now karaoke-ing with some grannys, or perhaps im already in heaven looking at how ridiculous is the world now, well, i think i know my purpose in life, to be that minority who are cosidered social pariahs, those that doesnt think that online games are form of socializing. i find it weird, rather brace the insults in the game, facing a dead thing and is happy. actually, im too, singing towards a dead thing, how silly haha. many times is like here people shouting to online players noobs and laggers, considerate larh, not all people have good comps and good skills, by the way, i swore that im not gonna play any other online games except facebook or occasionary wivava. no gunz, no maple, no warcraft.... hmm, back to topic, i came by an old song 'if i were a rich man', which have been ages since i sang that, again memories of past flooded my mind, well, no choice larh, be happy that i have throat to sing, perfect limps to do stunts, normal brain to think, an average guy. appreciate that people are different, which makes life enjoyable, although at most times sucks haha... by the way, wondering if i could even find a girl next time, who would be my type, who doesnt mind my oldie personality. sigh, yearning for someone who could spent time singing oldies, maybe the 80s haha, or leeway of 90s... rare.. very rare... impossible... just simple impossible... 

Sarah Brightman - Love changes everything

Yesterday was a whole lot of fun. Was suppose to play basketball, but got bored since 3E teamwalk over, so we won, thus have to wait very long. There is a gladiator duel there, blance on a platform and fight using a big inflatable pole. My first opponent was Jehan, he's good, by the way, the rules are that if both fell down, no matter who first, it's a draw, so pounching suicidal is frequently seen. We fought very hard, was breathless, but managed to win. Oh, criteria to win is 3 CONSECUTIVE knock out. Thats why kindda hard. After that rushed to basketball match with trembling feet lol, tried my best to run but lost... 10-0.. trashed, but it's okay for me, no grudges. Went back to the gladiator duel, this time against Bowei. Wei Heng helped video, after the experience with Jehan, managed to knock out Bowei easily. I use it like using the pole taolu in Wushu, as long as I can balance and opponent didnt hit me before I whack the first hit, should be instant win... Tried it with Byran too. Oh yea, Irfan was the funniest. He couldn't get up, thus took like 5 mins to get up, yet 5 sec to get down. I was so bastard when he's out of balance I blew him, rofl. Another one of the match he threw the pole towards me, I did same. Then we use hand signal to gight lol, he lost his balance and fall, but it was decided a draw... hilarious... Oh, there's a briefing on the elective module thing, no one participated so I dont. Not very interested either, but poor Ms Soon trying hard to persuade participant, I said I'll go on November then. In the AVA room was singing with the mic, as usual people tried to shut me up, haha dont really give a damn, whole lot of fun. Skipped CCA, then was suppose to meet up yet Jo is sick, cancelled too, spent 2 hours singing at my desk, haha, watched O Brother WHere Art Thou, movie about christianity, but I just love their songs haha. Today is gonna be bored too, wanted to swim yet no one's free, wanted to go out but dont know about Johann, hope he's fine.

ESC 1994 Winner * 03 Ireland * Rock ´N´ Roll Kids *

I remember sixty-two
I was sixteen and so were you
And we lived next door on the avenue

Jerry Lee was big and Elvis too
Blue jeans and blue suede shoes
And we never knew what life held in store
We just wanted to rock 'n' roll forever more

We were the rock 'n' roll kids
Rock 'n' roll was all we did
And listenin' to those songs on the radio
I was yours and you were mine
That was once upon a time
Now we never seem to rock 'n' roll anymore

Now Johnny's in love with the girl next door
And Mary's down at the record store
They don't wanna be around us no more

Golden oldies, but we hardly speak
Too busy running to a different beat
Hard to understand we were once like them
How I wish we could find those rock 'n' roll days again

We were the rock 'n' roll kids
Rock 'n' roll was all we did
And listenin' to those songs on the radio
I was yours and you were mine
That was once upon a time
Now we never seem to rock 'n' roll anymore

hopefully my life arent as stated haha, but yea, when we were young and unafraid, the world seems to revolves around us, some may say its selfish, but i would want that almost care-free life... but thats life, cant stop in the middle haha so continue appreciate what we still have... speaking of that, walao sway I didnt bring tie kena detension, will escape till caught hopefully haha

just watched angels and demons today, as expected for a tom hanks movie, really nice and creative like the da vinci code and national treasure. one thing very unrealistic is that why would the  Camerlengo go through so much just to be the pope, during the last 5 min before the antimeter activate, (which is also unrealistic as it would be more than 5min to run out of the church, control the helicopter and fly), he could fly the helicopter acting hero, then drop the antimeter onto new york, destroying it... also 1 hour is so short to unlock the mysteries to the place where illuminati is keeping the antimeter... well, gonna watch night in museum hopefully on friday is all them could make it 

will not use comp in the day due to relative staying at my house. Im using dads comp so gonna afk until he is done using then take over, exams been quite managable but parents nag more and more, chatted with aaron kokuanyu, long lost classmate, he changed alot as in appearance, not in mind though sadly, have been taking quizes on facebook, alot results somewhat acurate in terms of personality. Well, cant say 100% acurate as sometimes I could be random, like suddenly random sadist, random high... haha, souls, minds, spirits is still mystery. God is also a mystery. this world is full of wonders, like a spider could spin web just as when it was born, and anything can happen in just a sec... Still i do want some thrill and fun in live, probably life's objective is to pass on generation, thats all then live live fullest by enjoying life. Dont get it why some people so scared of death, life will end,just matter of when and how... Some people on the other hand ennjoy money, money so materialistic, although again without life, you cant do nothing.  Probably when I can make it, I would buy an island in Indo, then create a simple living there, maybe only for people who love the sun and breeze, elderly, those who want to enjoy the world as it is in the beginning. Right, the word is 'care-free'... One quiz i find particularry interesting is that I resulted 'The Underappreciated Bestfriend'.

You try to keep everyone happy, and sometimes at your expense. You foot the bill when you're all out to celebrate, just so everyone can have a good time and not worry about money. You'd do anything for your friends, even though they forget to thank you or don't show you the appreciation you deserve. Although it's nice that you're being everyone's rainbow, think about yourself, too. No one will think you're a bad friend if you say no to some of their requests..

This was a result I had never had, quite true larh, one example is 3A, all them so unwilling to participate in activities. I could just dump the forms, after 10 mins oh 3A has got no participants, but dont really feel right doing that. Then also sec 1 stayed back help arange classroom nicely, every row neat like hell sia dont think I have the patience now... then in one committee meeting they say i worthless, so disheartening, though cant control the class at least did some help... if not wrong i cried there, dont really remember this incident or another...

Maybe is just me, that people seem to not have the kind of friendly tone that I expected. Simple things like when I intro a game u dont like, dont just walk away like some assholes. Also saying things like noob and such like they so pro, or exagerate a fault to huge extent, the victim feels badly guilty already lorh. Some tend to be hypocripe like example person B loves the thing person A is doing yet person C despise that, so person B agreed, so coward... Maybe just ying yang of people. Some people was treated badly therefore he became tyrant too, some people was abandoned before therefore later in their lives they tend to abandon people too.... and maybe society has changed too, maybe this is the way to live life, aiya, so many maybe, troublesome, I would be still be, although trying to suit other people, but never change what i believe in...

Weird ping pong match

hilarious !!!!! MUST SEE