Right now situation is that I am always careless, either that or situation is new and I have no experience in handling, and out of own initiative I tend to make mistakes.

As much as company ppl are disappointed And angry and keep scolding, I just apologize again and again hiding my emotions.

Bottling up the anger n frustration causes harm to my mood and ppl around me esp at home. It is not healthy. Violence building up, I have no idea when is my limit.

Maybe just dont have potential here, I am just not suited, it's misallocation of resources. Not that I'm not trying it that they are incapable but it's just not my thing. Fruitless persistent is in vain, a stupid wooden log can't lay eggs, what is the point? No one at fault, is just no fengshui....

This goes on I doubt I get a good appraisal anyway, should I persevere on or just give up? Might prevent further damages to company anyway. I'm coming from a remorse, guilty, hedonist point of view instead of complains and anger towards company, so company is not at fault.

Grateful that I have great friends to keep encouraging me, tearing for the push they kept giving me. Few times was so overwhelmed with appreciation for some colleagues.  Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.  This is working life... How am I gonna survive on? In the future???