It's exactly 1 and a half months left of my intern.

However, I really have no idea how much longer I can take it.

I mean, if you look at the physical side of it, actually it is nothing. I mean if you are numb enough to all the mental pressure, it's nothing. But seriously, working everyday, knowing that no one appreciates you, and the job means nothing to me except more a paper cert, and it's not meaningful at all, doesnt make a difference on earth, what for??? Is all there worth it?

Here I am, trying to tend to every customer needs, and I get comments like "Customer do not like", and that one incident (which apparently not my customer), caused the supervisor to think I have a bad attitude, and commented that I should serve more with heart and not to get rid of phone calls. Then, being solo in Ecom, need to clear emails, I know I am slow, but I'm working on it, and then complain I take too little phone calls. Then, ask qn, they would say I kept asking, no ask question, they say why I no initiative to ask.

Then, everything I do, though a lot of new cases which I get the privilege to see how the company handles all different types of situation, I am also wrong. I mean, lots of case for me is new. As much as I love the gaining knowledge part, at least give some appreciation?

I am halfway there, it will seriously be "Ban Tu Er Fei", literally. Yet, still, if I walked till the end, only to get lousy remarks and appraisal, how is that worth my time? When i can always do much more meaningful stuffs.

I didnt get as bad as my friend though. But seriously, I think I seriously do not suit this environment. I cant multi ask, I am clumsy, I am slow. Sigh. Then all in all I gotta suck thumb and absorb all the indirect sarcasm and seeing so many ppl "disappointed" in me. Sigh.

And if you wanna compare, I think I perform better than my colleagues? At least more emails sent out, more phone calls handled, but its forever seems like they are against me. Am I really that bad? Where should I belong? The thugs? The mugs? The murderer? Gosh, if this is the future world, I seriously rather be dead. Where is humanity? Where is compassion? Where is understanding? And unique purposes?

I guess I shall discuss this with my parents. Perhaps it's really not worthwhile to put up with all these shit. I mean, I can always look at the bright side, cuz endure all the way, be robots, be dumb ppl, be dogs, but why should I forgo my ego, my dignity, my freedom of speech, for something that should not put a thumb on me, should not affect my life, should not give in to?

I got so much more more meaningful things to do in life, or at least still searching for it, why must I be stuck here, waste my time on it?