Was doing some quiz then these are the results:

You are special in every way. You are one of everything. You can be mean and bitchy but be a kind person at the same time. You can be sad and crying, but push it aside for a friend. You are creative whether its artisticly, or mentally. You have a temper, but you only use it when neccesary. You are curios, and talented. You have many friends, know lots of people, but inside, you wonder about everything. You have been hurt in the past, but you saty calm and focused enough not to show your hurting inside.

You don't let many people in, but when you do it's the most intimate thing you can do. You have a depth many don't see immediately, so don't think negatively if someone shines the eqivilalent of a flashlight into your waters. They can't see your true beauty. Remember, beauty lies within. Your heart and soul encompasses all that is you. You are giving, loving and engaging. You are unique and mysterious, but don't let your murky depths rule you. Every once in a while, let someone see a flash beneath the sea.

So I recalled what I felt last time. Used to felt as if everything was a show, that everyone are just putting up fronts, thus somehow im rather ambiguous myself. Alot of times in situations, I have mixed feelings, mostly on the two extremes, especially the 'enlightened', the 'childish', the 'dont-give-a-damn', the 'sensational'. Thus i wondered what am I truthfully. It's a feeling like I want to have everything, as well as have nothing, perhaps nothing therefore everything? Sometimes always want to be rather intimate to some, but hold back due to the fear of change in personality. I think if I have a fear, I would have the fear of not recognizing myself. Samy once quoted: I have many friends, none close. True, on one hand yes I have many friends, yet all I want is for them to be happy with me, thats all, so besides that im rather lonely, and nothing much to talk actually. I felt my topics with people will run out, have to teach or do activities to spark off conversations.

Anyway I think I teach better than I learn, or rather set questions haha, teach wise, I think I have tendency to make simple conplex, make complex simple, that ppl screw up coz of me, thus bad teacher... but due to butterfly effect, im sure somehow can help, in fact, help in the opposite direction still help, can make them feel urge to rearrange the screwed up puzzle in their head.

Anyway really glad 'studying' with cheuck and hua long these few days. Felt like had taught them something, be it whether they fully comprehend. and their energy level very high, very motivational. sigh, wonder if they feel the same....

I think they really make me feel good, make me feel useful, motivate me to continue make a difference, like the boy flinging starfishes into the sea. Though he did nothing great but just to accompany listen to my crap and torturing him with weird questions, I really really appreciate it, more than teaching anyone else in my life, except maybe sheng hui in his piano, but soon i'll leave music, coz i just suck at it, untuned ears for them. I might consider cheap tutor as a part time, minds cafe too, and many lil of storytelling... HAPPINESS