nothing much, the only sense of achievement i had was when i solved an emaths question that quite alot classmates couldnt. haha lame. anyway browsed through my archives, found lots of memorable events, just as jinnee mcd prank, and how KT was so kind to allow me walk out of class when she want whole class stay back. haha, see, its proven that nags make me frustrated, thats a reason why i kindda buay tahan ms soon nagging too. bo bian, they mean good, but i just hate naggings.
I found myself so funny last time, rather amazed of my thinking when im young. But my world used to be so vibrant, so much laughter, so much songs. Partly is ofcoz the bubble tea period, kindda miss the auntie, totally lost contact now. Last time there was still freedom of singing, unlike now lol, as if its a crime. Sigh, for now, im better off alone since it hurts so much to be heard.
Anyway was honoured to go to ______ house today, since somehow ______ had never let anyone stepped into his house. Knew more about _____ family. Was surprised actually, my impression had proven a distant from truth. But not as bad as another guy that his father was a gambler. Not very sure how is situation now. At least now I knew more of the people around me, these interest me, to KPO their lives, so I could see life in many different perspective, hopefully could help out someday. Sigh, still disappointed that i failed my best subject.. maths... frankly prefer yip, coz he gave difficult homework so i must copy others, and whenn i copy, i understand, i learn. Now all do my own, learn nothing much. Must depend on own motivation now, maybe after march ba....
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
totally not a good day these few days. the only thing worthy to feel happy is i got 11/12 for a seq that i screwed up the exact terms. so total got 17/25, furthermore CA marks will count ONLY this test. wootz my lit isnt as expected because the 2nd question pulled me down a lot, 10/25, whereas first question got 15/25. Sad, but oh well i did well for humans at least, im glad. will focus on chi and maths after march.
pissed by the first sentence ms soon said to me 'you sing!', what the fuck i swear i had stopped singing out loud and continuously in class, i had slowly disassociated with the class yet im pulled out as one of the handful of 'trouble-maker', seriously pissed, no matter how trivia is the matter, whoever knew me should know that i had quarreled and pointed middle finger at teachers for accusing me of wrong reasons even though they are good teachers. though understands and pity them, i still give priority for fairness in the top of the list. anyway she was lecturing about leaders in class must help chairman to discipline the class. lol totally not for me, i had gave up ever since 1D said i did NOTHING when i actually did alot for the class. So from then on i had decided to push 'responsibility as a leader' all the way to bottom of the list. and ofcoz randy had to add salt more to say we're noisy, knn...
yesterday too, so pissed with albs when i tried to help in his compo and he got distracted just after a SECOND !!! he would look away and engage in all sorts of thing then didnt catch a single word i said, hopeless being lol
sigh, still the same question, what in the fucking problem of singing?! one of these days i must go ktv again to vent my anger, probably swimming pool too in search of the absolute peace venue. seriously larh, i felt my heart gonna force its way out of its position, to bend and crush my ribcage, tear open my skin, and scream its blood out, and then dehydrate until motionless, no more pump, no more live, no more me.... something like the pink floyde the wall cover above this post...
the worst and most unbearable part is... not a single teardrop could flow out....
Reedited a really old work:
The splendid sunset will soon be gone,
As I listened to the smooth tone alone,
I shouted, “Goodbye sun, see you tomorrow!”
I shouted it with sigh and sorrow,
The breeze is blowing cold and slowly,
So I watched the sky evolving closely,
There are elks by the lake,
It was very cold but they seemed to not shake,
When I returned to see the sky, it was already dark,
Oh, no! it was pitch dark that I couldn’t see the ark,
So then I went back in the foothills of the land,
Still, I could see everything, yes, I can,
All except what is in plan.
Life is sorrow, life is pain,
Some say heaven is waiting at the end,
Yet where and what is heaven?
I no longer yearn to know,
‘Cause there might just be layers of cold winter snow......
Monday, March 8, 2010
Some comments I came by in facebook.
"I use to say as we grow older, we learn to avert falls and fall down much lesser. However, we'll hurt more each time when we fall and take a lot more effort to pick ourselves up. Does anyone have that type of feeling that you're falling although you have not fall, and it seems impossible to pick yourself up because you've not fall in the first place?"
Yea, absolutely true, this is because society had taught us form young to not to fall and just blindly follow rules. Therefore we are so afraid to fall, be it in terms of physical, academically or life case.
想到这里,胸口涌上一股暖流,泪水不尽意的往下流了一滴. 是我对自己的生命决得不满,或是对好友的思念,或是感慨的心情已不能跟这位好友倾诉,我也分不清. 可能全都有吧.
This description is brilliant. Form this sentence alone we could infer that the speaker had flashback a series of sorrowful event that had made him regret. Yet his confusion of the root of his teardrops explicitly suggests that he had went through so much pain that he was not sure of the pain anymore, that all these painful memories had flooded and numbed him.
Next, an opinion on ABSURDISM:
In absurdist philosophy, the Absurd arises out of the fundamental disharmony between the individual's search for meaning and the apparent meaninglessness of the universe. As beings looking for meaning in a meaningless world, humans have three ways of resolving the dilemma : Suicide, Religious, Acceptance.
Above is a wiki abstract. And I think I will soon fall into the acceptance category. Since I had always in conquest of finding true meaning to my life, of how can I impact another being. I had always been thinking what if I dont exist, will everything still goes on. From fate and destiny, I knew I was born for something, yet I still couldnt find a definite answer that is big enough to impact a being (hopefully to the better).
Firstly, who am I? Im just a ordinary kid that has limited knowledge and logic, so what could I offer? Im not a genius to offer my knowledge nor a rich man son that could benefit the needy. Im a level-headed man that would understand, forgive but never forget - such petty asshole that never treated any situation without the HISTORY-colored glasses. Further im a lazy pig that would be shunned off by the though of school every morning. What could I do? One thing for sure, I wont change.
Then, society had its routine all ready, just like a game, level 1-10, each representing the different stages in life. And therefore so does fate. Since fate could determine those major milestones of your life, what you could only do is to be optimistic about things, then why not tell me who could I help along my return path to emptiness or beginning of the cycle. At least I could get myself prepared for what would be coming and not absorb each and everything and then had to search my folders (compartments in my brain) for the necessary things.
Therefore I think I'll most probably find myself in the 'Acceptance of absurd' category and lead a easy-going life. As long as my parents are not neglected it should be okay, they're the ones that bo-bian had to bear with their flaws and changes - at least ones that I most willing to have problems with. Cuz as I had said, nothing last, not victory, not happiness, not memories, not physical things, not friends, nothing...
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Today was cool, and jiaolian was totally random haha, last minute, or rather second, summon performers up stage to perform haha. I was unfortunately first random kia to be called lol, zero preparation at all, was so stiff and foolish haha. Anyway sin5 was super zai, perform halfway answered jiaolian question coz jiaolian forgot a type of martial art. Also that day CNY visit he went ask jiaolian to return money hahahahahahahaha.... super zai....
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Found this on net, cool eh? Haha, cross country in an hour's time... lazy to run leh, just competing for the sake of filling positions. wondering what will happen on next fri. Eng, which i had quite a confident to do well, summary got 14, loss 2 points to the word 'fear' therefore strayed away from the question. vocab got 1/5.. pathetic.. sigh, once again i've given up... lol said too many times but still... sigh... others are screwed no doubt, except lit but i got a feeling the test marks will torture me more... sigh
Thursday, March 4, 2010
If I ever go to hell, I'll go with a full passport of envy.
Not the envy of fame or glory or position, but the envy for a talent, in fact, all of the talents... There is just so much other interesting stuffs than the ones I know, not that they are not interesting, just that anything interesting will be buried by the responsibility of a student and expectations of society. One can't be rigidly abide to a thing, it will only become a burden, and you will only treat is as a duty.
Some stuffs that seduced my curiosity:
Singing (obviously for years haha)
Musical Instruments
Ventriloquism
Acting
Human Psychology
Martial Arts
Culture
Languages
Painting
Animation
Cinematography
Anyway some of the most beautiful lyrics to me I'm listening this week:
"Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please" - Tears in Heaven
Very emotional and tear-jerking especially from the efficacious voice of the singer.
"It's only words
and words are all I have
to take your heart away" - Words
"I'm not an actor I'm not the star
And I don't even have my own car" - The Actor
Both cases stating the sincerity of a man without bribes of luxury.
"It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face." - Wind Beneath My Wings
For someone who willingly used lots of effort for you. Especially parents.
"Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word"
Self explanatory
"Have you ever seen the rain
Comin' down on a sunny day?" - Have you ever seen the rain
In my opinion implying that the speaker was crying due to some unknown reason, but by referring to the whole lyrics, it is coherent that he was coping with the ups and downs in life. He seemed to already know that, yet he was still unable to accept this phenomenon. Rather reflects a little of myself, though not much to huge extend.
"You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May" - That's life
As the title says, that's life. Anything glamorous that was showcased for too long will ceased to dazzle, what's more common stuffs, it will turn 180 in matter of days... Nothing lasts, that's what I believe...
wootz~! last day of week for studies (since fri cross country) and last day for CA !!!!!!!!!!!!! well, no big deal, too many tests will lose its respect...
To be frank, I didnt touch on anything, and the only tests I'm conident is lit and english. I think getting back english so hope it dont backfire me, and lit, I'm sure I wrote well enough =) As for sciences, phy as usual nothing much to study, for chem lets just hope for the best.