Internship has ended....

Ystd had a simple dinner with bds ppl, but I guess dinner with wushu was more lively, we dig up every rumors on Jo and had a great laugh. Then I felt rather unfair to them cuz months back I was thinking like we do not have much activities together anymore and they don't enjoy volunteering or food touring so at that moment I thought I should prioritize another group instead. Then that dinner made me reflect I was damn dumb. I mean like the group that frequently make me laugh until lose weight (cuz abs too pain, burn alot calories) is this group.

It was like those childhood friends once in awhile meet but had so much fun n laughter. But everyone has their own paths, like 3 idiots. 

Sigh today going to fix cam n try out coffee place at Everton. Obviously anything that requires spending of money is highly frown upon by parents. But to think of it, there is nth that I do that really make them support. I don't get it. When other people trying to find comfort at home after pressured in society, their parents were supportive. But mine? They always think I'm wrong, always think I'm incapable, always think I'm just screwed up. Hurts. In society, nth goes well for me, I screwed every single shit there is in life. Sigh.

Seriously these series of misfortune makes me realize what the fuck am I of use in life. Is there anything in society that really suits me, that I'm actually good at? I never thought I would have suicidal thoughts, but these days at I lean on the escalator up to plaza sing or look out my window I seriously feel like taking a short cut in life, I mean, it's really just a simple act, though a selfish one, but still life will go on as usual eventually. The river won't stop for a rock rooted in the middle, it will flow on. 

Sigh..... Future is so bleak, what can I really do in life? What must I do in life? Entertainment is like the only things that gets me not think about life and let me carry on.... Not just the arts field, but every  single thing on life, coffee, wine, martial arts, music, etc...... Without these, the impulses are high..... 

What else will I screw up?

My greatest fear now is that I might screw up the wedding which my friend hired me as the videographer. It's a lifetime event, pls have mercy on me.