Had a tiring day cleaning up the wushu storeroom, it looked so much cleaner, yet i dont have a full satisfaction yet, why?? just because i didnt mop half of the area under that mat? dont know leh, felt not complete enough. Anyway except for the running part, wushu was fun, and i think the 6 people relay liu lu tan tui is super cool...

rest at tai house before making my way to tuition.. urgh so tired, now just finifhed chi homework, gonna owe eng homework once again sigh. as usual.

yesterday skipped pop excel tuition for debrief of reunion dinner 2010. no tio meh session so its quite cool. then supposed to study yet obviously we didnt do much, somemore got pissed by johann who was pissed by me. get it? right here's how it all happened: he was playing pokemon i called him, so he had to restart, after such a long time, i didnt expect him not to save, i called him again. i know i had part to blame but com'on larh just because of pokemon turn your back on your friend. I was shocked, then dissapointed, then angry, then sad, speechless. partly angry with tai too for adding oil to fire. i threw my hp though nothing happened, rv was rather stunned im really sorry. see how fast can 2 just part? Frankly what i did is a prank, not an insult, compared to how many insults have you all gave me, all the 'noob' and the 'loser' and the 'nub' plus the 'fail', all the 'bird brain' and 'pig', i did not, or even if i did a little, say such insults, i prank to try to liven up the atmosphere, you think i like that, being dao and left out without anything to do, do you ever put yourself in my shoes? how i pretended to be childish trying to spice up a dull atmosphere, to try to have a topic to be active in, to just hear some conversation that are not alien to me?

Sigh, im used to those actually, I spent that night thinking, and got my epiphany, nothing lasts... not happiness, not age, not friends... the world is just an illusion, an vast emptiness, and what matters last isnt what i got, i mustnt be selfish, is what i gave out, contributed, helped out. I come from nothing, I go back with nothing, why waste the process of this nothingness? I felt much better off now than when i tried previously to bottled up those 'im not surprised if you teach wrong' kind of remarks when i got such high hopes on a potential, or how one could joke and tease me when i tried to bestow some wisdom to them. I might be better off alone, what what would that make me?

Blues beneath the joker mask is a phrase for me. But I will never chicken out in any show.