The survey states "Keep Singapore Going", not "important roles in Covid situation", with 1000 respondents, I think this is a poor sample pool.

Artist is perhaps what keeps my sanity, and all the entertainment Im glad I have to pass time, it's an evergreen industry when AI could not replace just yet. HR, BD, Social Media, are part of Industry 4.0, when Human Capital is key for progress.

And these "essentials" they pre-determined by asking the questions "cleaners and security guards" ironically may face serious threat of Automation may be obsolete. Top 5 essential Hawker and Deliveryman, but I do hear about complains about surcharge of delivery fees and making hawker not affordable etc (yet on fine dining they bother to spend worhh)

Ask if "triple salary" would you take on the job, what is this trying to show? that we should all revert to 30 years ago manual labour keeps us busy? Appreciation is one thing, helping towards vertical mobility is another. Half of this pool of respondents are rather money minded, only do jobs if highly paid, where does this "high salary" come from then? Who's paying?

And really, is there a necessity to rank? We are all but spokes in a wheel, it's just the matter of in which one moment in time, some seems more important to YOU, but that doesnt mean it is not important to "Keep Singapore Going" as stated in title of survey. It's collaboration, not competition.

Unpopular Opinion,
But here goes anyway.

So I was eating at my kitchen when the bird flew in to forage for food.
Then for some reason, all the flashbacks of "optimistic" news of
Flora and Fauna all thriving and all...... then my cynical mind starts to doubt.

Why do the birds flew in?
Why are they hungry?
Could it because the hawkers are desserted now that they couldnt find enough food now?
Could it because of the heat of the day they look for shelter?

So unlike Singapore, many countries have zoos that are constructed for profits,
They rely on visitors to feed the animals.
And there were many cases of zoos having a problem with Animals famine.
Good thing is, some may escape from captivity,
Bad thing is, the eco-balance is disrupted
and they are domesticated to not survive in the wild.

Fruits, this is the period when the wild flowers blooms again,
But what about the tons of fruits and vegetables made to matured and ripe,
But left to wither when demands decreased?
And the farmers who depend on demands for their livelihood,
Only to get "failed" investment on their yields?

The more I think about the global impact,
The more I silently wept, the more bleak the future gets........
Then again, I have not done a scientific research on the negative impact on Covid,
so these may just be my myopic, naive, deductions, but somehow I dont want to go into this,
For I fear that the devastating results may kill me more........

Cling on Netflix, cling on food,
Is my way of being an escapist.........

Finally, 2 months is almost over.
However, the progressive recovery transition is another hurdle.
Again, the pessimist me would think that 2020 is basically over until everything resumes.

So ofcoz the latest news would be the budget release again.
Yes, in Singapore, we had Unity, Resilience, Solidarity and now Fortitude budget.
Seriously speaking, in relation to many countries worldwide,
I think we are doing super fine.
And just because election is coming, every action seems to be deemed
as a political stunt. Sigh. I have no comments on this.
And those comments about tax-payer money and all,
Historically, from Imperialism, Socialist, etc etc,
To what extend are government money belongs to us?

In my naive worldview, I choose to live in a country,
Where I get avenues of help, straightforward, I get infrastructure,
I get stability, safety, future-oriented, progress-centric, factors of this young nation.
The price to pay, is I gotta follow all the rules and regulation,
It's a package. And I dont really care how are people using my tax money
and how much they are paid etc, and all the political stunts etc,
I know that I am happy about what I have. Period.
(reference to pre-covid la ofcoz)
If you are unhappy, can you do something other than just revolting?
Apply to some position, make some changes, start a group, disrupt system,
If you cant contribute, but only have hate speech, then just get out of the country,
Leave the resources for those who have uses of them.
*not gonna debate on political views etc, im really not interested, just suit yourself*

So many of my SEP friends were disqualified for SIRS,
though not specified which criteria was not met.
My case, I wrote in for an appeal, awaiting result.
It's a mindset thing, I am not prepared to get it,
If I do, it's a bonus, it's a supplement to my plans.
I cannot rely on such things. I need to have concrete help.

Then again, with all these budget, how much of them are useful for me?
Frankly, very very minimal. Why?
From top down perspective, the mid careers are the most at risk,
they needed to be carefully care for because they are still in the workforce,
and this loss of income is like a mid-career crisis amplified.
So in short, its about Supporting Workforce, jobs in general.
Companies that have most potential to achieve retention of jobs gets priority.

Then is about helping family, especially elderly and young. Why? Vulnerable group.

So individually, its quite bullshit, in another perspective,
actually mid career have savings to fall on,
assuming non hand-to-cash workers,
and reasonable financial plannings,
the most disadvantaged are the young people that just started career
and yet without covid-friendly skills, we are stuck,
without indoor jobs certs, and no money to pursue to diversify skill.
This would also include fresh grads, they are stuck adding to the
jobs supply without jobs demand.

My case, worst, when qualification do not match jobscope,
and then try to diversify again? hopeless, will lose out even more.
The funny thing is, when I look at things at different Sociological Perspectives,
I kindda understand the Functional side of things,
and to some extent, some Conflict side of things
But doesn't mean I get the benefits,
It's like you understand how things come about but helpless eitherway.

So looking at the next months,
My most probable steps :

Disrupt my ACLP, clear Module 3 by end July.
Job hunting in July for Aug onwards,
Just a temp job to tide over until Tourism Recovery again maybe 2021.
For a week I wanted to make this 2 years count,
To find a job that : Diversify my Skillset, Career Progression in 2 years, Future-Proof
It's impossible la.
Either takes too long and too expensive to get the pre-requisite that I'm better off waiting.
Or job is not future-relevant, or no relation to my expertise, nor complement.
I do have more windows of opportunity if I compete ACLP asap,
But financially I cannot wait that long.
And I dont really like to owe people the favour.

So now until Aug, I will be applying more courses,
As long as it is within my means, financially and time wise,
Either for the cert or for the money under SEP Training Fund.
Taking on UX Design Courses, Data Analytics and Service.
And pending on Security Courses. If can afford, maybe HR,
All these are backups qualifications for a cushion to fall on.
Then gonna start applying for jobs in July,
Not gonna be choosy, take anything that open their door for me.

But if Aug cannot find job,
Then maybe do ad hocs while completing ACLP,
So by Dec at least will have a lot of windows of opportunities.

So I have been taking on these NTUC courses,
That pays $10 an hour for the lessons fro SEP Training Fund.
But it's running out, cuz Im maxing out my $500 SkillFuture Credits.
At the max, this would give me about $1200 for all the courses I attended.

But I need a more feasible plan until Tourism Recovery.
From the look at our main target market US UK,
It's not gonna be this year for Tourism,
But my wallet is not on my side.

So all these NTUC courses are generally useless for decent jobs. I needed Diploma or something in new industries if i were to venture out. But Diploma courses cost alot due to limited funding for people below 40 years old. As a cash-to-hand worker, I cant possibility afford that on these Diploma Courses. My current skillsets involve nothing that works right now in Covid situation. My whole life is about Service - Events, F&B, Tourism, Ad-Hoc. My Diploma is towards Social Work - Service. The road to recovery is looooong, and I cant be doing nothing in months to come.

I have zero interest in Financial Advisors and whatever along the line.
I have zero engineering and IT skills nor any software or hardware stuffs.
I have zero knowledge in IT or Construction field for Project Management roles.
Not interested in delivery and rider kind of jobs.
The manpower supplies in the market is saturated.
The job openings are very very limited.

To make things worst, my enrollment in the ACLP made me not eligible for many stable jobs that requires 5 days work week and all. I am unsure if I can change my enrollment type to Modular Staggered Cohort. I would probably postpone some modules if I can, to get some job first before resuming ACLP again when I'm on my way back to Tourist Guiding.

But who wants a temp? If  I shift to a perm, what am I gonna do with the remaining modules of ACLP?

Government funding such as SIRS and Study Awards, are not something I want to depend on for survival. Applied, but not optimistic. I need something more concrete, instant, and with continuity at least until Tourism Recovery. Or worst still, if I get a stable path, I might just forgo Tourism. I dont know.

When you're young, you got no money, and without income, you can only rely on Subsidies and Grants for Skills Upgrade, but all the Skills Upgrade are disadvantageous to being young, because useful course are not subsidized enough for me to afford.

It's few weeks to lift on Covid, but the gradual recovery is worrying. The future is worrying. Looking at Industry 4.0. Im honesty useless in it. No expertise in Data and Analytics, no expertise in Autonomous Bots and all, no expertise in and Additive Manufacturing, no expertise in AR VR domains nor any proficiency in programming languages, no expertise in Cyber Securities, and definitely not enough industry experiences to be in any kind of consultant / purchasing manager / simulation jobs.

As much as I am enjoying the current "work" to be paid to study and get certificates.
These are meaningless. With the free time today to think my next steps, I'm reminded again - I'm useless, at least in covid and the road to recovery.

I can go back to ad-hoc manual labour kind of jobs, provided I can postpone my ACLP. But is that my best option?

So, things turn out to be a little better this month.

For about 2 weeks I worked to tabao hawker food.
Was a hectic job because there would be 2 main waves,
12nn and 1pm, or 6pm and 7pm.
So orders would come in and you have to get ready the orders to be dispatched
by the stipulated time. Orders come in quantities of 30 - 100 orders.
Not easy at all due to the different preparation time of hawkers.
Meanwhile, there would be this phone who would ring when there's an order,
these orders should be ready in about 15 mins time for dispatch.

The problem also comes when 2 part timers coordinates.
Some only writes order number while some postal codes,
For me, I write both as well as Name.
It's hard when you dont have the item on your dashboard,
and have to find the food items for the rider to dispatch.
Worst is when all the plastics are of the same colour.
And riders arent empathetic too, time means money to them.
So yea though I was getting used to that,
I shall close that chapter of my life.

I am now enrolled to various courses in NTUC to get money.
Literally "work" as student.

How it works :
- For every hour of lesson, we can claim $10 from SEP Training Fund
- Course fees can utilize Skill Future Credits
- Advance Utilization of our Oct Credits is Eligible

Eg :

Course : WSQ ABC
$50.00 // 16 hours
So use Skill Future Credit to pay $50
After completion, claim $10 x 16 hours = $160 from SEP Training Fund

So by cramping myself,
I get free certificates, and being paid to study, why not?
But virtual lessons are a pain-in-the-ass.
Pace is super slow due to virtual environment,
Alot of effort to concentrate because more attention needed.
Things are worst when it comes to Adult Learners.
I am okay when there are newbies, and slow learners,
Though the pre-requisites are supposed to have certain competency levels,
But the irritating ones are the demanding learners.
Demand to get the easy way out or to get what they felt they are entitled to.
Example, they want a recorded lesson for reference but
Would be against school policy.
Walao write notes yourself very hard ah.

So yea now its a bit better, for I am earning to study,
and most of the modules though tedious its easy for my level,
and free time between classes or during classes I can do some
Own readings since i have to be in front of the camera.
So it forces me to be slightly more productivity with this webcam function.

So, it's almost the end of the first month of Circuit Breaker.
I'm finally better. Not because I adapted to this though.
So there comes a time when my mother annoyed me so but I threw a
HUGE tantrum, and it was for a very very trivial thing.
That was when I thought damn this CB shit is taking a toll on me.
The hopelessness, the coop up angry bird,
the loneliness, the rage.

So yes while I am still glad about government support,
This and that, BUT financially and functionally,
I wasnt getting much yet, in fact till date,
I have only received the Temporary Relief Fund.

You see, as a Tourist Guide, I am jobless now.
At the start of Covid, I thought that it would be affected,
thus I went to do part time at a brewery.
Meanwhile, I signed up for ACLP,
Thinking it is great time to part time study, part time work.
Then comes entertainment suspension,
I still get 2 or 3 hour slots, enough for daily meals,
and then comes Circuit Breaker.
Im then jobless.

Due to my involvement with Brewery and all,
The SIRS payment is not applicable to be back then.
And then I am not considered Self-Employed just due to part time,
So I cannot tap into the Training Fund,
My goodness sake dont tell people good news when there are fine prints,
To make accessibility so damn hard, might as well I prepared for no help at all.
I felt super betrayed.
I forsee a problem with my livelihood,
Time and again I tried to alleviate the situation.
Time and again I hit the wall.
But then there are tons of people out there,
Sitting their ass whole day doing nothing,
Just wailing and complaining,
But now they receive all these Grants and Support so seamlessly.
Now I'm appealing for most of these again,
Hopefully SIRS will be open for me at the very least.
I have gotten the Letter of Eligibility from E2I,
But then I realize most of the course are out of reach because CB,
And the ACLP I am on now its "too late" to apply. WHAT?!?!?!?!
Sigh, appealing again, but Im so prepared of the worst la.

So, the situation now is that I can't get a good temp job because of my ACLP course,
I have random days of the week dedicated for that sessions,
So most of the jobs are out of reach for me because :
- Travel to the west for a few hours of work
- Require full commitment without non flexible off days for my course
- Long contract that I cant commit to it
- Some technical skills required I dont have
- Too popular of a job that I didnt get any reply

So eventually, now I'm q-ing up for food in hawker,
for 2 waves of orders, dispatch to riders,
and thats it. It's again just enough to cover my meals,
So financially its shit job,
But then the latent benefit it brought me was sooooo much.

I got an excuse to go out in the sun again,
I dont have to walk at night to get fresh air,
I talked to the vendors, got some hope here and there,
I am being more optimistic about things,
I can get my lunch without q-ing!
I am eating relatively healthy again,
My mood improved!

Yes by optimistic, I saw a few changes in lifestyle out there,
There are actually hawker vendors that are glad we continued deliveries,
That theres this app to continue business,
Some people are super happy when Macs and BBT were closed because they got more business,
Some neighborhood stall enjoyed being in the limelight now that
the CBD is empty, and they can still get gov support and pay off their rent.

Yea, so being out there gets me going.
Social media is toxic.
People criticizing for everything and anything,
To the point even Singing and Clapping seems like a crime.
It was such a great initiative,
Where people feel connected through this organised act,
Be it to show appreciation or to kill time,
It's something for the entire nation to do,
I really dont see the need of dissing the effort.
Starting to be annoyed as SGAG cuz of the lady keep shouting.
Sighhhh the world needs more empathy, more care,
Not insults and sneers.

Elderly exercising alone inside cordoned area,
How deadly and the freaking spread be?
An activity for him/her to kill time right,
say nicely la, no need virtual-shaming,
some person after exercise panting sitting down without mask,
give him/her a break la, how to breath with that shit?
People queue for ikea, people are observing 1m and all these precaution,
People may not think upgrading their home furniture was necessary because
They were most of the time OUT, now need to spend 2 months IN,
They rush to buy, Understand them la.
People rushing to buy Macs and BBT,
Hahahahs this one I got nothing to say,
they say Hungry people are Angry people.
Every "last" meal is gonna be like this what,
but again measures are still observed, they havent lost their minds,
don't you forsee? blaming these "covidiots" are such a Privileged, Myopic and Apathetic act.

Oh well, I'm only alone, with my unpopular views, ciao.

This week passes rather quick.
Other than the fact that I still sleeps 12 - 18h a day,
It's interesting how fast it seemed to fly compared to the previous 2.
So anyway, this week was feeling better,
I actually started some kind of "Meditation" as defined by Dan Harris.

The book was called 10% Happier, so one the first chapter,
we touched on "Mindfulness".  Not a new word.
BUT, on reading on,

"Mindfulness is the ability to recognize what is happening in your mind right now—anger, jealousy, sadness, the pain of a stubbed toe, whatever—without getting carried away by it."

What it meant was that first I do recognize my insanity creeping up, when I have thoughts on what if I jump off the ledge and I appear somewhere in another reality, or what if I throw a hammer down to the carpark and cause a chaos, or what if I can set fire on every house unit of the first 3 floors and get people burnt to death or jumped to death, or skin myself little by little and preserve them so one day as my skin grow back I could construct a empty body of myself.

These are negativity, sadistic in fact. And "Mindfulness" is not to start loving myself again and to convince me not to do stuffs, but more of facing the ugly side of me and look into the root of my problems. And in fact, there are no problems, just some loneliness, just some boredom, and I realize, it is ultimately my rejection to be socially connected by virtual platforms. I need that human interaction.

And a little part of me I got to found out too, is jealousy and envy. I am jealous that most of my friends, are spending wonderful time with their loved one in virtual space, and me being the one rejecting it, will naturally feel frustrated, and jealous, that I lose my friends whom I used to go out weekly with. There was this weird yearn that some friends will knock on my door and surprise me, how stupid is this thought, but that was the root of my jealousy, the impossible hope. It only proves how much I need companion as much as I thought I didnt. And there is envy, I envy gamers and introverts who are used to use virtual platforms to connect with each other, to laugh, to have fun, and I dont, because I dont play games, and it irks me so much to do video conferencing, so I naturally envy their ability to accept, to connect, while I sulk my way through the 2 weeks. 

So.......... I talked to my family, face to face, start teaching them stuffs, this was all because of the heavy torrent that drenched me as I took a bike back from my office, for I shall stop ordering delivery and so out to takeaways instead. This little trip outside, made me so much energized. Though the fear of social vigilante and crazy extremist catching every movement I make, is still there, but at that moment this evening, I only had one resolution. If I were caught (and I probably have no excuses because I am probably gonna be classified as "non-essential" loitering because I was just about to take my bike, I was gonna kill that bastard on the spot, then kill as many random privileged-looking adults as I can before caught into a death sentence. Yes, I was that determined and insane.

When I got home, had a dinner, talked to my mum, read the book, and felt much liberated actually, and suddenly, I felt better. Indeed as the book reads, "10% Happier". As cliche as it seems, it probably wont work on me if I were not in this state of mind, sometimes we just need a little reminder.

So then I watched Big Bang Theory, been watching until season 2 so far, but man, I got so bored and annoyed at Sheldon, and I went back to How I Met Your Mother. It was still my favourite comedy series. Variety of perspectives of narration, variety of format of screenplay, very relateable topics of friends, love and life in general, lots of memorable moments, it feels like a great grandfather story learning how to grow up. I jumped here and there and one episode on "Sunrise" caught me.

"Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary unless your friends are there to see it." Barney Stinson S09E17

"That's how it goes kids. The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies, and partners in crime you love so much when you're young, as the years go by, you just lose touch. You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it." - Ted Mosby S09E21

"You see, everyone’s got some baggage. It’s part of life. But like anything else, it’s easier when someone gives you a hand with it.” – Ted Mosby S05E23

"All I wanted to do was enjoy a night at home, but there ws something I had to do...... More than a legendary night we'd remember forever, Uncle Barney needed a bro to help him forget." Ted Mosby S07E21

"And that was when I realized why I hung out with Barney. I never got where I thought I wanted to go, but I always got a great story." Ted Mosby, S01E03

Yepp, that is why HIMYM is still my favourite. Seeing the bonds of the characters, that friendship, things they compromise, stupid things they do together, how they support each other. Is perhaps something I rather envy. Not say I dont have, just, not till that extend yet, and damn I still miss having a cup of coffee with my friends now.........

世上没有真的感同身受
No one truly understands, 

There's no such thing as "I know how you feel",
No such thing as "Stop whinning, deal with it", 
No such thing as "Its just a phrase",
No such thing as "Just look at the bright side", 
It's not that simple! 

Cuz what the fuck! 
No one truly go through the same predicament, 
with the same situation internal and external, 
the same life trajectory, 
the same personality, 
the same world views and past experiences,
It;s not that simple!

So don't think what works for you works for everyone else, 
It's not that simple! 

Looking down on others just because you are tiding over it well, 
Is fucking myopic, arrogant and apathetic! 
It's not that simple! 

Came by a wonderful post by "Singapore Matters" FB Page :
https://www.facebook.com/SingaporeMatters/photos/a.710662802353449/2859092637510444/?type=3&theater

WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT

I heard that we are in the same boat.
But it's not like that.

We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat.
Your ship can be shipwrecked and mine might not be.
Or vice versa.

For some, quarantine is optimal: moment of reflection, of re-connection. Easy, in flip flops, with a whiskey or tea.

For others, this is a desperate crisis.
For others it is facing loneliness.
For some, a peace, rest time, vacation.
Yet for others, Torture: How am I going to pay my bills?

Some were concerned about a brand of chocolate for Easter (this year there were no rich chocolates).
Others were concerned about the bread for the weekend, or if the noodles would last for a few more days.
Some were in their "home office" .
Others are looking through trash to survive.

Some want to go back to work because they are running out of money.
Others want to kill those who break the quarantine.
Some need to break the quarantine to stand in line at the banks.
Others to escape.
Others criticize the government for the lines.

Some have experienced the near death of the virus, some have already lost someone from it, some are not sure their loved ones are going to make it, and some don't even believe this is a big deal.

Some of us who are well now may end up experiencing it, and some believe they are infallible and will be blown away if or when this hits someone they know

Some have faith in God and expect miracles during this 2020.
Others say the worse is yet to come.

So, friends, we are not in the same boat.
We are going through a time when our perceptions and needs are completely different.

And each one will emerge, in his own way, from that storm.
Some with a tan from their pool. Others with scars on the soul (for invisible reasons).
It is very important to see beyond what is seen at first glance. Not just looking, more than looking, seeing.
See beyond the political party, beyond religion, beyond the nose on your face.

Do not underestimate the pain of others if you do not feel it.
Do not judge the good life of the other, do not condemn the bad life of the other.
Don't be a judge.
Let us not judge the one who lacks, as well as the one who exceeds him.

We are on different ships looking to survive.

Let everyone navigate their route with respect, empathy and responsibility.

--Author unknown"

right......... so now the lockdown extended as expected.

Sigh.

2 weeks, im already out of my mind.

So many people, but never felt so alone before.

Sometimes as I look down the block when smoking, wouldnt it be easier to end this fucking life?

But no, too many stakeholders....... too many expectations.

It's tough. And you'll never understand it.

It's almost 2 weeks down since the CB measure.

I'm not doing great.

To evaluate how and why and what am I feeling right now.

How am I feeling :

- Purposeless, nothing seems to make sense right now
- 0 Motivation, I know I can do a ton of things, but no motivation
- Lethargic, I rather spend a $3 delivery to get a bubble tea next block from my house
- Helpless, I recognize the insanity but there's nothing I WANT to do

Why am I feeling :

- All my life, all my skillset involves being out, now Im stuck in
- I have no interest in games, workouts, virtual meets, whatsoever
- I dont find virtual meet meaningful, I rejected so many of them despite being great social tools

What am I feeling :

- I don't know......... I can't describe
- Anger, Frustration, Helplessness, Empty, Lost, a mixture?
- I probably think there are similar people out there feeling this, but they are probably shutting the world out as much as me

See, there's this conflicted response I have in me now. One part of me recognize that I'm spiraling down into despair, but one part of me is stronger, it's like what is the point of living anymore. Then there's this glimpse of hope that I am clinging on that lets endure this few weeks or months, and things will be over, and the other part of me would be like vanity of vanities, does any shit I do even makes sense? What's life? Why live? Why exist? What have I done? What have I accomplish? I'm a mere vapour in the wind, a wave tossed in the ocean, how little am I worth? Why bother?

I used to have that passion for knowledge, to learn, to read, I have 21 course on my list to complete, but the irony is, with the privilege of time on my hands, I want to just sleep, and wake me up when this all ends............

It's not a matter of "quit whining" and "just deal with it", so easy for people to say. So easy when you have avenues to escape life from, games, music, workouts, whatever, but when the idea of virtual dont excite you, when you dont feel like talking to anyone, where else can I find joy? or may a purpose too?

王源 - 世界上沒有真正的感同身受

世界怎麼這麼安靜
I wondered at the silence of the streets

感覺被所有人拋棄
Feels like I am being obsolete
生活這麼拚命努力
All the things I've work hard to accomplish

是不是也算一種遠離 Was it all just a reason to live?

這世上除了我 只有千萬個你 And I aint the only one in this

逃離那些讓你波動情緒的事情
So then why bother?