Well, it has been like forever since I blogged again.

So after graduation, I converted to full time in my current work at Adstragold.

Much to say about this experience, but then again it's all about perspectives. When comparing, the grass is always greener elsewhere. One of the most crucial factor of the convert is colleagues, yet sadly after a week working with him, he gotta leave due to family problems. So now Im stuck here. Initially, work was not as smooth, but I have gotten used to it, I believe I'm a much more patient and understanding person. Working with me are nice people, I sort of have an authority here, just that sometimes they boss always have his misunderstandings, and kept having an impression of me not being focused. Well, nothing really new about it. At least till now, none of my direct customer have any complains of me, and actually received a number of praises. These brightens my work life.

So while working full time, I utilize my off days to take a break from work, mostly food though, and yes, this week, due to re-scheduling, I have 2 half days and 1 full day off in a row. A break well timed! Last wednesday accompanied a friend in wake, slept 3h before work, then the following day is world cup when I bet, and then followed by Beerfest, so that 4 days, I slept only 3h a day.

Anyway, Beerfest was disappointing in terms of beers, there are all light beers and all taste like tiger, no flavor at all and are rather flat, However, the list of bands are awesome! First time seeing smashing guitar, and crowds standing on tables and piggy-back each other to rock with the Killer Queen!

Then, I spent my tue with cell group plus zh to the Trick Eye museum! Though more exhibits than Bali, the exhibits werent as interesting, but then it's well worth, considering we even had the 50% off sales! Then on wed, I visit the SCC kids. Surprised, that after so long, there are still kids flocking to me, hugging and pulling me, shouting my name like a celebrity. Maybe someday I would really set up a child care and set a whole new culture of children! That we teach them the traditions and values, and let them have the freedom to explore, the knowledge to grow, the resources to be creative! And wow! Im so impressed with this lion dance kid, that he is interested in this chinese culture, and are training everyday, and is rather cute!

Then we went to strictly pancakes, cost me a bomb! but oh well I guess I have depleted their menu hahas! Then went for How To Train Your Dragon 2. The movie was okay, lots of concepts not convincing, but the message it brought forward was good. I guess one of the things the movie taught is never to look down on yourselves. Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measures! Who are we to look to ourselves and think "Im not as capable, Im not as equipped, Im not special", because we should be looking into ourselves and think "why not?". By being inferior, and being afraid to take on responsibilities, and to not dare to try, is not going to give glory to God, for we are all His people. We are meant to shine, and unleash our potentials, such that we give inspirations and hope for others to shine as well! And as we are liberated from our fear, we also give others a chance to liberate themselves of their fear.

It's gonna be graduation.
i have no special inclination to it at all,
just another rites of passage thing to me,
rather pointless, cuz probably I didnt put it much effort
so the cert isnt something very worthy to me.
But anyway, glad that I gonna be graduating,
all the projects and intern all over.
I had a catch up with a course mate,
really amazed how much of our theory works he could still rmb,
really rare to find ppl like him that treasures the knowledge we gained as much already.

Anyway, so it woudl be friend bday too,
so gonna have a rojak celebration tmr.
First is for wushu post graduation dinner,
then is for my graduation,
then is for fren bday.

So honoured that without organizing,
wushu guys are coming, cell, ex cell, and ex students.
10 ppl are coming to see my graduation,
I think thats the most number of visitor anyone I know ever had sia!

=)

feel bad not having much time catching up with ppl,
but cuz of work anyway.
the pay isnt good right now,
but i still accepted the full time position,
due to more working hours,
job familiarity and satisfaction,
opportunity to exposed to more things,
and yes, as a lazy person, proximity is high on concern!

Well, I guess, soon, I'll close one chapter of my life again!
50 years of my life ahead.....
still pondering,
still contemplating,
still bewildered,
and rather fearful,
but hopeful,
and ironically a little anticipating.

But nothing is definite in the world,
so yea........ just gotta let time unravel the future~

Back from Bali. 
Land of Gods, Paradise Getaway, Island of Terrains.....

Loved it there.
Different parts of Bali has different experiences.
There were beaches, and hills, and sun, and breeze, and chill, and stars, and disco balls.

This trip made me think alot as well.

1) I thought of family. What does it take to be a family? What is an ideal family? Sometimes, despite the many wonderful places, my parents tend to spoil them with their tones and attitudes. Sometimes it's so irritating when you throw tantrum just because things doesn't go your way, and you assume this and that, and always think you are correct. And then you are rushing itinerary that you dont enjoy the places at all. Or you take pictures for the sake of taking them, and often frowns upon good photos that you spoil the mood of the photos. And then complain about money again. And also weird behaviors, embarrassing, and not being graceful. But then again, We Are One. Things dont always go the way we want. But we are still as one, looking ahead for better things together. But then again I saw the interactions of other families and all, I just kept feeling why cant I have a family like that? Sigh, un-content-ment.

2) Wages there are so low! That most locals there cant really enjoy the development of their own country. I think that's something common through all countries, that the developments are meant for tourists to enjoy not locals. And welfare, somehow I think sg has relatively better healthcare. And education for mentally challenged, in Bali, there isnt classification of mental challenges and its a taboo, as they believe in karma, that misfortune such as these occurs because the family did some grave mistakes in life, they shun and alienate these ppl. Pitiful....

3) The kind of life they live is rather carefree, simple, yet happy. Sometimes Im too burdened by my parent's enforced expectations of earning huge money. Like as if money is all worth in the world. Sigh.

4) I always believed that no matter what, if a person wants you down, you have no defence against him. You can take hundreds of precautions, but it all boils down to heaven. But above all, a good person, no matter how bad, there will be a greater help for you.

5) Service. Service standards were so much better there, to every person there even if the person is not in service sector. They greet you politely, they are patient to guide, they are appreciative of gratitudes. In service line, in F&B, they provide wet towels as you enter, and welcome drink, no matter if you decide to sit and eat or to change your mind. They always speak nicely. Oh! they speak languages! Dutch, France, Holland, Cantonese, Mandarin, Korean, English, Balinese, all types!!! wow!!!

6) Culture. No matter young or old, their traditions are passed down well. Their dances, practises and skills are hereditary! Yet in Chinese culture, it's becoming shitty as generations go by. Why? See our traditional music and dance? The lion dance? now got hip hop? face palm!

7) Health. I see old folks there are to climb the steps with ease, carrying their harvests, yet young tourist like us struggling.

8) Religion. So many types of religions and practises! shall not discuss much here.

9) Some teachers abandoned classes to drive tourists around, to earn extra money, and even have under tables to secure a government jobs, that dont necessary fetch good money, though guaranteed job, but they are that "desperate"? Why? What would happen to the children of their future? So sad =( Knowledge is compromised!

10) their bars all so entertaining! they do have a night life though their night starts at 6 till 11 only. Short working hours, but they lived good. So relaxing there! I think I drank every single night except the last night.

Have been mia for very long.

Basically my life is all about work right now, my boss was great to me, my welfare was good, and he allowed me flexibility at work. Ofcoz, I have also strive to make myself useful in the brewery. Learnt alot about the business and customer relations. 

Really happy when customers compliment about my smile, my service, my enthusiasm and all. 

Life was ironic for me.

Never be too quick to speak, nothing is really definite in life. 

Long ago I never thought I could be accustomed to such working life, I would never imagine myself being in a job the whole week, doing the same thing and all... I enjoyed work right now.

It's like long ago I have never imagined myself liking club songs or rock songs.

Long ago I wouldn't have interest in TCM and now JL approached me about it, and since 2 years back I actually wanted to know about TCM cuz it's a great safe solution to elder health. 

That brings me to the irony that long ago I have never considered migration, I would be devastated if I leave all my social connections and life in sg. But right now I actually have thoughts to go to Sydney. I mean like there is nth that ties me down to sg anymore. 

Now I understand why ppl say that friends could be established again. In life, there is a limit of close friends you could possibly have, cuz of the need of connections and the scarcity of time. And friendship now is a different phenomenon, all these years I have been searching for those kind of die-die-stick-together friendship that do everything together go everywhere together. But then it's not practical in modern society. 

Firstly cuz we take connectivity for granted due to social media. We lose that value of physically spending time together. 

Secondly there are too much interest activities in the world that ppl have different tastes.

Thirdly time drifts ppl apart faster cuz much things could be completed now in the same period of time as before. 

Thus I chanced upon groups on google, it's amazing about the number of ppl liking a particular interest. So it becomes task specificity social support model, we go to different groups of ppl to seek what we want at it's best possible chance. You don't approach a photography club if you need help in business, you simply approach the entrepreneur club as it yields higher chance of finding help. 

That being said, I guess I'm saving money for a trip to Sydney to see the culture there. And ofcoz, the retirement villagers there. It could be a path for me in the future. 

How I Met Your Mother has officially ended.

The last 2 episodes finale filled in all the gaps of the whole drama.
All in all, it's so "life", every thing about it, is like life in a dramatic way.
In the end, at some point in time, we still gotta say goodbye,
There's a time for everything, for all relationships,
Sometimes you realize the journey you've been taking has reached its final stop.
So the question becomes : Where do you go next?

That's probably the hardest, most intriguing question at some point in our lives.
I felt like Ted, except perhaps in a different manner.
I started off didn't really care about social relationships,
I am just friendly to anyone, then I get close to a few gradually,
then it hurts me when we drifted,
and the cycle repeats.

No matter how close were you,
I guess in the end, everyone got their own family,
own careers, and time spent would be much less,
but then once in a while on big moments when you reunite,
That's when time seemed to just rewind to the past.

Most important moments shouldn't be missed, you cant have them back, so don't give up crazy moments with your friends, they're probably the real-est kind of love you could get even for a moment. Some people are worth the effort to keep, some just have expiration dates.

Ted also thinks he is ready to be a relationship guy at the start of the drama,
but we found out that the whole 9 seasons is preparing him to be a good father.
Somehow I'm like that too,
I felt that having kids is the only worthy love I could pour to.
I felt everything is so superficial,
and that I always come across to friends as Older Brother Syndrome,
not really the kind of friends people have,I am rather awkward.
Yea often I heard comments that i'm like a "father" to my friends.
So perhaps I would want to skip all the relationship to having kids.
But then it's impossible, cuz I alone can't do that,
need a compatible someone..........
Someone...... perhaps with a yellow umbrella at the train station of Farhampton.  
But things happen for a reason, I'll just have to wait for it.

Ted is "old" for his age, is rather a bore, and likes things other ppl dont,
he liked to lecture and display his architecture prowess,
capable of perhaps dating at the lighthouse,
saying cold jokes and stuffs......
I feel so much like him....... hopelessly romantic.....

Anyway yea, then Barney finally became father too,
his marriage fell with Robin, cuz the sparks are too great,
that they are overwhelmed, and Robin is definitely not the kind of mum,
but at least they are frank to each other, complete honesty,
just like the vow.
Robin found her love in the end too,
at the right time, when all the possible knots are untied,
unfortunate that the mother, Tracey, actually died,
but in her final years, Ted was the perfect man for her,
loved her every moment of his life,
So for Robin, her final relationship would not cause her to be tied down with family responsibilities.

26th Mar:

Spend my whole day at the Ageing Conference at Pan Pacific, one of the last moments of my poly life with my class, I concluded our class still had more laughs hahas! Bunch of fun loving people! So Then at night went for Timbre, and had a casual talk with a friend. Simple day passed.

I guess it's official that my friendship with a friend I once considers close restarted.

Perhaps will not be as close anymore but at least I'm happier at this conclusion, at least I know what pisses him off, and realize our friendship rather superficial. I mean one moment will ask me for lunch n dinner, and talk about games and all, then one trivial matter can totally shut me off, so its all still at a companion level, no personal level yet.

It's ok, hope can continue eating and talking about games, I don't mind.

Sigh now that i know, at least no more resentment, now feel like holding something to give me some security feeling, but none....

Sometimes it's really hard to get a shoulder to rely on, or even to get a hug, esp with all the homosensitivity around. I really feel sad for ppl like me who got no one to receive hug from, and can't find a guy to do that cus it's just weird.... Cuz our culture, ppl stereotype fast... Esp for males... so ya, only bolster lor...

---------------

Time can never mend
the careless whispers of a good friend
to the heart and mind
ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth
pain is all you'll find

-----------------

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

-----------------

I know it's not enough to say I'm wrong
You know that I will miss you now you're gone
I know it's not your life to see this through
Just know that in my heart, it beats for you
So leave a little note for me behind
I swear I have to know the reasons why
This won't survive

27 Mar:

Gathering with sec sch friends,
really surprised most of them remembered whatever I said long time before,
and yea other than those,
we really Talk Cock Sing Song,
lots of cold pun jokes by Cheuck as usual,
and then yea it was mostly laughter.
BKT and Cheesecake Cafe were closed,
we ate Tian Tian and O Coffee Club.
So excited for the next big event,
driving to Malaysia.

Yea, I rmb a few of my friends never flew on a plan before,
I seriously felt like devote one month of my time working,
so could have a short trip on a plane for them......
Then again my work is only 4h a day,
cant fetch me enough money.

Sigh~~~
Someday I will!

Yea it's really heartwarming to gather and have a good laugh,
I think in the end, the 94s people in my life
are the more lasting people.......
even though we not as gung-ho,
totally "xi shui chang liu" (thin water runs longer)
=) cheers to Talk Cock Sing Song!!

What an idiotic episode.

Sigh.
Today a close friend of mine suddenly left group,
the group was about to decide where to go tmr.
So then I was suddenly saddened, terrified.
This is cuz I just lost another close friend last weel.

Then I thought that, it should be bgr that he did that.
So then after awhile I found out I was right.
Then, it became worst.

I was disappointed, pissed.
I told him countless times,
not to vent anger on innocents,
not to deprive ppl of their rightful share
of happiness and time with him,
and this happened.

Dont tell me cuz no mood or what,
The whole world go through the same damn thing,
We are emotional I know,
I tear alot too, it's no shame,
But in the end I did not carry my problems around.

Then, Im disappointed in myself,
that he is not even talking to me his problems,
talking about bonding,
we came from a 10-ppl cell to 5,
then how is it bonding
when simple life problems such as this
not being shared........

Also disappointed in me being a lousy friend,
that people could walk out of my life on trivial matters,
my gosh, what bullshit about social,
total bullshit,
social ties are so superficial and shallow,
maybe cuz I couldnt taste the grapes to say its sour,
but whateever......
dont matter anymore......

Totally devastated,
to think about all the efforts and time,
to even rush there in 10 mins,
with a bike without  brake,
almost banged into traffic twice,
forgot about the steep slope and almost out of control also,
sweat like pig and all in vain cuz he's aslp already.......

sigh.............
never been so angry in my life.......
though I think I probably soft heart again,
but for now, Im a cold hearted machine.......

Mundane these few days.

Fri talked to JL for 3h before training.
We talked so broad that I cant remember everything he said,
Then sat morning training, then is fellowship night with the cell roaming marina,
before that was service, which is kindda in line with whatever JL say.
Then today, bought an electric guitar,
Hossan Leong show later.

So..... some summary:

- Heaven chose extraordinary people to achieve feats, that doesnt mean only they can do it, doesnt mean you must have something in order to do it, you are able to achieve it too even with ordinary stuffs in your hands.

- "And so you helped, and so you succeed, then you look back, ohh, there are so many people", we cant help everyone in the world. 

- The human need of Carnality, often builds mental blocks, self drawn lines and self built perimeter that restricts wisdom and understanding.

- Human define and explain things in our limited knowledge, we must also accept the fact that there are knowledge we do not yet understand, until then, we can only learn

- People in the end are all the same, things and problems are the same, just that it happens still, because we have yet to experience that path, these kindda paths probably are meant for us to go through only then we can be better than others.

- Moderation. We should achieve moderation in all we do to do our roles well. However, this do not mean compromising. If we compromise in order to achieve moderation, it is not true moderation. Our priorities, attitudes and times should be in moderation.

- We should not bring home our troubles from roles to roles unless deliberately discussed. No matter how passionate a teacher is, no matter how much the society emphasize on going the extra mile, who defined that extra mile, who gave the concept that a good teacher must go the extra mile. As a teacher, during your role, you can reach out, show concern, etc, but other than that, do not bring the worries home to your kids, your spouses, etc, if not, it becomes a problem, a burden, a distraction, for you to perform your other roles.


------------------------

Sigh, a friend is still not responding to me after the friend got angry. Sigh, I choose not to aggravate the matter to visit and etc, shall just await the return. If by wed no news, I guess I have to accept the fact that people come and go, I probably lost another close friend. Sigh. Lost so many people in life that I guess Im not really a people person after all. As much sadness as I feel, I should learn to put it down.

-----------------------

On the other hand, some random new friend dreamt of me! hahas dont think anyone had that before?? random but yea, thats cool~

Oh one more random thing, the whole cell actually knew about that Thai song, Kamikaze, Splash Out........ like....... seriously???? is THAT popular????

-----------------------

想妳三暝三日　從頭到尾把妳想一遍
　明知影無彩工　風吹草動嘛心震動

Thinking of you 3 days 3 night,
Thinking about all these memories we've been,
So obvious thinking wont change a thing,
But it's like the grass wants to rest but the wind kept blowing

想妳三暝三日　一點一滴按怎放抹記
　乎妳帶走的我的靈魂　只有是隨風亂紛飛

Thinking of you 3 days 3 night,
Every detail so reluctant to be erased,
As you took away my soul as you depart,
Leaving an empty shell wandering

夜雾那么浓 开阔也汹涌
有一种预感 路的重点是迷宫

Just had a gathering in celebration of the champion team, 
great day I guess, but not really perfect,
kindda screwed up cuz one of them left. 

Sigh, didnt expected that,
then drown myself in more songs...

Sometimes, I really wished the eyes are cameras, 
that could capture every hearty laughter and gleaming eyes, 
of that moment of joy shared by everyone, 
perhaps thats a common goal for event photographers, 
but to me, it's more than a moment, more than a memory,
it's like a diminishing essence of life.....

I mean, life is not perfect, 
we have unglams moment, 
but not like we are gonna display unglams to shame on people, 
somethings these unglams make better memories than glam posed shots....

Sigh, no idea how our friendship would go, 
Ive seen people walk offs,
and as they left, 
it seems like a part of myself, my memories, my emotions, my life, 
have left along as well.....  

I really wonder what would NS life be. 
Normally people would have strong bonds with the platoon, 
but how about former friends?
Are we friends just because we have a common "group",
Could we be more that companions, 
those kind of people that may not meet but could gel perfectly fine?

Oh right, anyway I found someone to sing Ji Pa Ban with me!!!!!!!!
So damn high that day la!!! we quite gam, like some partner in crime!!
All the cold jokes, lol-ness, guffaws and all...... hahas!
So damn "brother" feel lo!! hahas !!!!!!

Hmm, decided to consider Blue Yeti,
cuz it seems reasonably good for a starter mic,
then hunting for electric guitar, digital drum / cajon, harmonica.......

Other than that, starting work soon to pay for all the musical instrument spree......
Then it's till NS I guess..... 
Hmm, yea the end of the path is yet another labyrinth......... 

It's been like decades since I last updated again.

Well I'm kinda aimless in life right now. 

Kindda feel like I wanna enjoy my holiday but not much happenings.

PTL though that before the haze saga n monsoon season I went to most parks already. Hort park to Mt Faber, botanic gardens, by the bay, etc.....

Some highlights would be:

The Quest 2014, we had 3 teams, DQ. ZH, KY and CH came in champion!!!! Walked away with iPads and cameras and lots of gift vouchers, including celebrity fitness membership!! Cool !!

Bought ukulele for the cell, complete colours. Long term investment, hopefully can bond us better. I mean after all these years I still think we are not truthful enough, not open enough, not dependable enough, etc etc. 

Choke full of bean is cool! Went with dq n family, made me wonder what kind of a brother would i be if i had siblings. Many ideals bro i wanna be but im sure it is freaking impossible. Slept over at dq house for first time hahas. 

Went for Rolling Stones concert, ofcoz their music themes not exactly nice, it's after all power, sex and drugs, but they are really awesome to maintain the energy the hype the quality at such pioneer age. Sad though about the death of his girlfriend. I think self harm and suicide are signs of coward, lame, immature, failure, escapist, good for nothing, waste earth resources, losers. 

I guess everyone feel worthless in some time in life, I think I feel that constantly, no doubt thinking of vanishing on Earth is easy solution, but seriously, no problems on earth are totally new n unprecedented, why all the fuss?

I think I struggle alot through own things, about lying to the point my life is a lie, about loneliness and desperations, some addictions or fetish, some rebellion, some self pity, misfit, but that don't make me suicide at all.... 

Sigh. 

To all ppl in the world....

Stay strong!!!!!