<SPOILER : Hi, Mom>

So I watched "Hi, Mom" starring Jia Ling as the main protagonist as well as the director. It probably wasnt easy to assume multiple production roles in this. Wasn't a movie I thought I would watch but it was a group outing with the entire clique. In the end, I guess I walked out of the theatre will swollen eyes. Trying not to make too much sound, the last moments of the movie was rather an agony to "squall" silently. 

In the movie, Jia Ling played as someone who is rather despised by society, and therefore always an embarrassment in the world of social status amongst her mum's friends. Guilty about her failings as a daughter, and hoping to give her mother a better life, Jia vows to do all she can to make her mother happy. After an accident, and witnessing her mum on the hospital bed, her wish to make her mother proud came through as she was transported to the good old days - to the younger days of her mum. Throughout the "history", she tried many times to make sure she got the best for her mum, tying to get her to win volleyball tournament, trying to get her to be the person that brings the first television set to the village, and trying to get her mum to go for a more promising man so that "she wouldnt be born". 

The twist came upon the realization that her "dying mum" was transported back with her, and all the while, she was very proud in Jia Ling's achievements and efforts, leading the village and taking charge. In the end, after months of effort from Jia Ling to get her mum to be closed to the promising man, she chose her original husband, which means she meant that she was never disappointed to have Jia Ling as her daughter and wouldnt want to change history with that. She also subtly tells Jia Ling that their world view differs, that all she wants is for her daughter to be happy, not "rich" as self imposed by Jia Ling herself. 

The cinematography was quite well done, albeit the old school editing. The camera pans that transits scene to scene, the pace of story progression, the techniques of anticipated expectation vs contrasting reality, the comedic moments that though slapstick, it does not "cheapen" the characters, and the historical references. Jia Ling herself, was very genuine in her joy, it radiates through the scenes and transcends to her fellow casts and perhaps audience too (at least myself). Her selflessness was shown in the way that she rather her mother to be happy instead of her being born, or her persistence to make sure the volleyball match happens. Then her eventual realization of the different state of mind between her and her mother. Lastly, her sorrows for not giving her best for her mother, her despair of slowly losing her mother, her anguish of not knowing her "present" mother was with her all these while, her gratitude towards her mother, all felt so so so real. 

<Reflection>

Thus the waterfall at my end. 

You see my mum, is a typical asian mom. From young, never fails to compare, never fails to be a nosey person trying to be involved in every part of my life. She is a typical "auntie" trying to live vicariously through me. Being not a very exposed woman, there is just so much ideals in her world view. Not a very macro picture, nor not someone who knows market situation, she is an extremely bias mother who is blinded by her yearns of her son's worth. She is constantly at odds with the entire world just because she thinks her son deserves all the riches and wealth of the world. At least, that is how she express her "love". Being born in the Industry 2.0 era, to her, good grades good career means happiness. I guess, deep inside, she is probably happy that I am happy, but she dont know that. To her, not sleeping early, being a workaholic, and all the social activities, are not her definition of happiness. 

But myself, I am genuinely happy in every decision and every situation in my life. I am happy at where I am, despite the many "lacks" I have. But the greatest self-imposed pressure is that I felt that I am incapable to providing them a better life, I am not able to shoot to riches to provide them with the best livelihood. Despite the little fame I have, I do feel inferior not being able to fetch that pot of gold home for her. She is frugal, she does not demand. But occasionally, her slip of tongue suggests that she does enjoy the luxury of life too, which I fails to give. I always think I am not good enough as a son for her. Or rather, I think I am always never enough for anyone around me. Kinship, Friendship, Leadership, I am inadequate. And I am forever in debt to every single one of you in my life that sacrifices to be with me, to make the conscious choice of trusting me, to grow with me, to 

<Post Notes>

This year especially, I guess on the surface, I am glad things are going rather smoothly, and I am getting happier, but this happiness always carry a sense of guilt of selfishness, that though I am happy, does people around me feel happy? Does people around me feels burdened? Are people around me having enough? 

As someone posted, "Thank you for those around me, I am comforted by the patience extended to me, and not being rushed, if I fail to be the person you want me to be, yet." okay lah not exact words cuz I dont remember, perhaps added with my own variations too, but bottomline, I am probably not the easiest person to deal with, but I am thankful for all your presence, every single one of you.