Sigh, today I realized, despite walking through the emotions and problems of life, I still fall to what is common to man: pressure. Yes Life is full of CRAP, especially the P part, P for pressure, and perhaps the C part, Critisims, or maybe Assholes too, but yea, I felt so defeated. I was pissed, not because of the taunts I received, nor the humilations, or how of a failure am I not daring to 'gua mian tui', but the fucking efforts and time spent in vain to look through life like a glass, to be open and secluded from social norms... sigh...

Well, yea they meant well and just kidding around, they are awesome and supporting people, yet I really think I cant handle the pressure, I'm a rather sensitive and fragile person, moreover I'm someone who thinks alot, so to prevent these thoughts to develop and mutate into anything worst, I should take flight from thinking these thoughts, and to not take a second 'glance' at these thoughts, so I think I should just simply quit. Yes, though I cannot quit now, I'll just meander around and just deliver my innate best. I dont mind considering myself a coward, cuz what is life without fun and happiness and joy? Life's too short to have so much goals, as much as we focus on goals, we should have time for sightseeing too. I wont be regretful or whatsoever, since I will never let anyone and anything that deprives me of my rightful share of happiness, and probably sanity, or delusion as what some might label me.

Why so? because I started to feel that wushu is no longer a major part of my life, firstly is because it really had died, no longer having the fun I had in sec 1 and 2, those days where we used wushu as a refuge, a retreat from then torturous, toil-ful, laborious school life. I no longer see efforts being paid off. I see members having conflicts with each other, I see new members not devoted to it, I see a sense of deadness in it.... I learn wushu, is for the culture, for the knowledge, for the ability to improve myself through fun, through team spirit. But afterall, I still failed the resilience part, the pressure part, the hard part.... I'm going for soft only, and only soft...

So yea, I think I should spend less time there, and more time in other places especially church and maybe Samy. Had a great time in Samy, met up with Beaunice, a classmate which we started off as facebook friends, and we had a really good time chatting and sharing and discussing. Oh, there's this Gerald, I think he's really 'cute', he makes the class lively =) Well, Samy is an awesome guy~

Oh, have I told you my cell group advisor/supervisor KG? He's really awesome too, a really disciplined and strong man. He actually refused orders from boss politely to do stuffs betraying his conscience, not a crime though, but it's just against his beliefs. So glad to have so much awesome people. =D