The past month was crazy.

Since Phrase 2, my schedule is suddenly packed. Mainly because other than the Courses I am taking, I'm on a project to look at Domestic Travel too. On top of that, I'm doing part time at Red Dot Brewhouse. However, I am very grateful that despite my busy schedule, I have friends who tries to squeeze in some time before or after my work, for a Birthday treat. Unlike past years where I throw huge parties and invite my entire social network over, this year is initiated by my friends. Feels great, that the entire month of July has been filled with such breaks.

So this year National Day feels very weird to me. As I am working, I am surrounded by Non-Singaporean colleagues, and the patrons are half expats, an the other half nonchalant about it. For once, I felt alone. I guess I'm probably the only one humming over the familiar tunes as the music plays in the background.

Every National Day, I would either be in a KTV, or somewhere with friends. I'm not the one who would physically join the crowd for the fireworks, nor rush to some pinnacle or book a table at a rooftop bar for the fireworks, but at least I would be with people who have at least a sense of belonging, a little hype about the special day. Last year, due to Tourist Guiding, I'm with a guest at Mr Stock, full of praises, full of joy.

So in the spirit of SG55, Robin and I gathered a few guides who are available for a quick 3h video shoot on Hari Raya, and took a half day filming segments at his house and mine, to put up a Music Video. Hilariously, the guides available turns out to be all guys, so we joked about Let's Go Boy Band hahhahas! Historically, no Tourist Guide groups have done a Music Video like this. I must thank the spontaneous spirit of Robin to agree on this less than 2 weeks before National Day, and that he sacrificed 2 sleepless nights for the editing. I dream that one day, the entire Tourist Guide community can piece together some kind of theater show having Tourist Guiding as the theme.

https://www.facebook.com/kyanta.yap/posts/10157414485170060

This entire year, makes me even more grateful that I am here in Singapore. The support I get, the people I meet, the sights and sounds around me. I'm also excited to be part of the next 20 years, for when I look at the current revised syllabus in Primary and Secondary schools, I am very optimistic about the next generation.

Though sweeping statement, but generally, my generation has been what they called the Strawberry generation, for we were raised by those who went through the industrial revolution, and thus we were brought up to expect good grades = good job = good life. So my generation would choose stability and career progression over risk and entrepreneurship. The kind of self employed are usually financial consultant rather than start ups too. But Singapore being at the plateau, this mindset hinders progress, we need breakthroughs and innovations. Therefore the infrastructures and ecosystems supported for the future. Financial literacy, exposure, design thinking, are even taught on secondary level. The access to information, the convenience, the avenues of groupthinking and networking, is plenty in the next generation. Though before that, we might need to deal a little with the "Ice Cream" generation first, where I defined as people raised by my generation who have everything taken care of thus privileged, entitled, and fragile, so much so that it actually takes effort to hold them up else they would just melt.

Truly excited for the next half of the year, when I see my project into completion, and a little glimpse of hope that I will be back in action for Guiding again, though not tourist, but at least I hope I would be on the ground.

Ciao,

So now we entered Phrase 2.
That was a Friday.
It was rather surreal.
I honestly was not expecting this to happen so soon.
As I was at the open staircase outside my unit
on that Saturday morning, I saw life............
The traffic didnt increased much on sight,
But the coffeeshop was brimming with people,
Sounds of the little metal spoon clanging on their cups,
And I kid you not, slurping sounds! Heard from my unit.
I felt great!

It was then a couple of days before I went down for dinner,
the Makcik asked me "Makan or Packet",
I was shocked so half a second!
SOOOO great to savour my Mee Rebus and Satay in the wet market.
The noise of the space, people shouting across,
The stench, the fragrance...... everything.

So I resumed working in Red Dot, but deployed at Dempsey.
Due to people cooping up at home,
Though our capacity is at 60% or so, maybe 70%,
But sales increase prior in relation to Pre-Covid.
I guess this really proved the purging period of Covid,
But then, hidden cost and diminishing returns come.
As much as we are grateful we can resume business,
It's really hard to juggle Customer Service with limited manpower,
and hard to juggle Customer Retention with Flouting of Rules,
If we chase customer, customer not happy,
If we dont chase, we get fined,
In my opinion, SDA should deal with customer direct because :
1) Everyone knows the rules
2) Restaurant already stated clearly about closing at 10.30pm
3) Reminders have been given to customer and last order was an hour before already.
But apparently is always Service Provider problem -.-

Then the hot news nowadays is GE2020, I come from an Immigrant background who became Singaporean, I really loved this country thus far, no where is perfect but Im comfortable here, not saying im living a luxurious live, but neither I have to worry about my 3 meals, ofcoz all these with much initiatives to hunt jobs, multiple jobs, tap into grants, etc.... at least there are ways to survive even in covid. I shall not debate argue etc, since im just 1 person stating my own opinion, but gonna state my unpopular views:

- CPF works because we are using a pool money to generate investment returns to get us more money, most accounts in Ordinary and Retirement can be transferable to children, and how many percentage of citizen actually have enough CPF to retire? this means that even the CPF is not enough for a comfortable retirement, imagine without it who shall be taking care of you? Solely on your next generations? Such burden..... I agree though, for older people who felt they were promised to withdraw CPF, if they can proof their future gen can take care of them and have enough personal insurance, enough safety net, ok la let the withdraw ba....... their well deserved lump sum. But when the time comes when money is squandered and then some reason need money, on what moral grounds should we then help? on who's expense?

- Is Healthcare managed well? Looking across the world, I would say it's managed really well considering quality, cost, subsidy, avenues for help. Inefficient when getting money? Yes, unfortunately, shall we improve on this?

- GST is great to get money to build infrastructures, though I think in Covid situation this should be put on Halt, should have no plans to increase and even consider decrease to cushion economic impact, I think progress and development can make way to recovery for now? Im not expert in economic this is just my opinion. Ofcoz the issue comes with where do the money come from, that, i wont have comments on that.

- COE too high, but public transportation is done well, land space is small, we dont get to be stuck in traffic for hours, just compare with the neighboring country, compare also with developed country. Occasional breakdown (probability of 1 person gets repeated breakdown is how many percent? Ive only experience once in my entire 20 years here), so okay another hour of your time, will die?

- Foreigner influx, but in ALL my FnB experience, I dont see much locals doing the job, how to not let foreign workers in? Mindset? Stigma? What's wrong with foreigner is they have the hunger you dont? Foreigners fight against their entire country to get this 1 place leh. Lets look at PMET then, people getting displaced, yes, unfortunately, this is a highly competitive country where people are indispensable, if not replaced by cheaper foreigner, then is higher qualification or more prominent portfolio, or my technology, or by the young bloods. We only got to rely on our own hunger to upgrade, do we have avenues to do that? Yes, skillfuture, CET framework, HR compulsory upgrading hours, etc etc, or....... migrate to a country where you can work 30 40 years and enhance your skillset without worrying too much on change?

- Fresh grads now do grab, where is the promised jobs. I guess this MAY be attributed to the mindset of the previous gen. Again im not expert in economics nor sociology. During our economic pursuit, it seems that the higher your education, the better job, the better future. The more effort you put in, the more likely to succeed. Was it the case now? no. Capitalist, rich getting richer, big getting bigger, economies of scale, high entry barriers. For someone who jumped 3 industries, I think it's not easy without High Qualification, Rich Industrial Experience and Remarkable Leadership Qualities. Ridiculous to demand for a fresh grad, but well, thus I advocate youths now to exercise foresight, to evaluate choices, because "go with the flow" or "go with your heart" may not be suffice anymore in this ever-changing ever-evolving society. Price Penetration dont work now, it's Market Disruption, is Innovation.

- HDB issues, well, we have no fevelas, no slums, no ownership but at least lifetime of shelter, with this it prevents hoarding, prevents private developers to sky rocket the prices, able to PLAN for 10m population, why not? It's a plan for accommodation doesnt mean is a TARGET, it's not a goal.

- Minister salary, there's just so much envy in this issue, who cares who is paid what, as long as I have a livelihood, I am happy with my job and life, this relative happiness is full of toxicity, is like when you get in Harvard but unhappy cuz you're in the bottom 10 percentile. One thing for sure, some great ministers do contribute the money back for society, but not all sadly. With heart or for show im not sure but as long as it helps im not complaining.

- Candidate not competent. This is personal attacks, im not gonna comment on this. Are they as committed as our forefathers, I guess not, since our forefather is working for a better future, not sure the motivator now? So if there is a better candidate that has equal wealth, connections, experience and power, by all means, let's work towards it rather than attacking one another? If this means pushing this potential candidate into the parliament system, yes why not. I believe this is a country that is run where decisions where passed through many rounds of many voices to be passed as law, first hearing, second hearing, committee, third hearing, minority voices, then presidential approval. Whether there are majority bias, party siding, etc, I guess its quite realistic? As long as reasons where given, perspectives are considered, not flawless, but I can accept. Besides, all the 16 ministries, stat boards, judiciary, executive and legislative, are working towards a common direction, ofcoz its commonly believed to be the founders of the nation spearheading it, but I see they are doing a good job still, so.......... not a problem for me.

- Poor people cant receive help. Yes and No, I would say help is there, whether sufficient, I guess all of us would day no. I dont deny that I myself do at times things I should "deserve" more help, but that's my selfish side right? A country can have disparity and poor, in singapore, there's a HUGE middle class, which we consider ourselves heartlanders, but there should have systems where one could break the relative poverty line either by the next generation of by yourself, through education and opportunities, and altruistic community. Are we lacking? unfortunately yes. We should advocate this more, I know of Social Enterprises struggling to survive to help. Many complained about not being aware for help....... so whose fault? Multi-lingual and multi-dialects, and even multi-generational campaigns were put up, sadly there will be those overlooked, but I dont really believe its 0 avenues for help, though efficiency is lacking, but I believe help would eventually be rendered. 

- If you have brilliant suggestion, raise it up, work it out, yes may take a painful long time, but I believe change is not impossible, it's not a matter of which party, but a collective management by multi agencies and government bodies. Can we have drastic progress, maybe not, we are reaching plateau, its a product life cycle thing, it's harder to see drastic changes when your product is already of high quality than when you started off.

- Using unproven Military Generals to run GLC, okay, well this is rather elitist and very military-regime focused. I personally dont think it's fair though I understand from the standpoint that in military its a test of leadership without P&L risk, but then there's just so much difference in my opinion, and this meritocracy thingy places too much emphasis on certification over anything else, not only in this regards but the entire nation too.

- About 100 billion support leh, comes from all the years of prosperity, this is indeed the "rainy" day and they had taken care of it rather well, still unsatisfied? Who owes you your living?

- And the way I see it, if you're unhappy, change the things you can, by helping whoever, by engaging in active feedback with constructive suggestions, not just empty criticisms, if not change the mindset, or leave the country, there are plenty in line waiting to be in, in this globalized world, who is entitled to what land? No one owes us a living, it boils down to how much hunger for success, how much hunger to adapt, how much hunger to search and forage for help, for connections, for social mobility.

- Lastly, "make you vote count", "deny supermajority", really necessary? Well it seems to be in this country, it becomes a norm to diss at whatever efforts of the country to praises to the country, to attribute it to brainwashing, bribery and all, and whatever is opposing seems to be painted with "speaking of truth" and "heart for citizens".

Nation started off with immigrants......
Developed by trades and diplomacy.......
Relatively young nation therefore much case studies to reference to.....
Thrived with Democracy and Meritocracy........
Then benefited from the industrial revolutions.......
Quality of life increased.......... attract too much immigrant,
Xenophobic looms..........
Questions leadership........
Accused for complacency and controversies.......
Make the Nation Great Again.........

I fear that one day, someone will eventually "Make Singapore Great Again"..................

The survey states "Keep Singapore Going", not "important roles in Covid situation", with 1000 respondents, I think this is a poor sample pool.

Artist is perhaps what keeps my sanity, and all the entertainment Im glad I have to pass time, it's an evergreen industry when AI could not replace just yet. HR, BD, Social Media, are part of Industry 4.0, when Human Capital is key for progress.

And these "essentials" they pre-determined by asking the questions "cleaners and security guards" ironically may face serious threat of Automation may be obsolete. Top 5 essential Hawker and Deliveryman, but I do hear about complains about surcharge of delivery fees and making hawker not affordable etc (yet on fine dining they bother to spend worhh)

Ask if "triple salary" would you take on the job, what is this trying to show? that we should all revert to 30 years ago manual labour keeps us busy? Appreciation is one thing, helping towards vertical mobility is another. Half of this pool of respondents are rather money minded, only do jobs if highly paid, where does this "high salary" come from then? Who's paying?

And really, is there a necessity to rank? We are all but spokes in a wheel, it's just the matter of in which one moment in time, some seems more important to YOU, but that doesnt mean it is not important to "Keep Singapore Going" as stated in title of survey. It's collaboration, not competition.

Unpopular Opinion,
But here goes anyway.

So I was eating at my kitchen when the bird flew in to forage for food.
Then for some reason, all the flashbacks of "optimistic" news of
Flora and Fauna all thriving and all...... then my cynical mind starts to doubt.

Why do the birds flew in?
Why are they hungry?
Could it because the hawkers are desserted now that they couldnt find enough food now?
Could it because of the heat of the day they look for shelter?

So unlike Singapore, many countries have zoos that are constructed for profits,
They rely on visitors to feed the animals.
And there were many cases of zoos having a problem with Animals famine.
Good thing is, some may escape from captivity,
Bad thing is, the eco-balance is disrupted
and they are domesticated to not survive in the wild.

Fruits, this is the period when the wild flowers blooms again,
But what about the tons of fruits and vegetables made to matured and ripe,
But left to wither when demands decreased?
And the farmers who depend on demands for their livelihood,
Only to get "failed" investment on their yields?

The more I think about the global impact,
The more I silently wept, the more bleak the future gets........
Then again, I have not done a scientific research on the negative impact on Covid,
so these may just be my myopic, naive, deductions, but somehow I dont want to go into this,
For I fear that the devastating results may kill me more........

Cling on Netflix, cling on food,
Is my way of being an escapist.........

Finally, 2 months is almost over.
However, the progressive recovery transition is another hurdle.
Again, the pessimist me would think that 2020 is basically over until everything resumes.

So ofcoz the latest news would be the budget release again.
Yes, in Singapore, we had Unity, Resilience, Solidarity and now Fortitude budget.
Seriously speaking, in relation to many countries worldwide,
I think we are doing super fine.
And just because election is coming, every action seems to be deemed
as a political stunt. Sigh. I have no comments on this.
And those comments about tax-payer money and all,
Historically, from Imperialism, Socialist, etc etc,
To what extend are government money belongs to us?

In my naive worldview, I choose to live in a country,
Where I get avenues of help, straightforward, I get infrastructure,
I get stability, safety, future-oriented, progress-centric, factors of this young nation.
The price to pay, is I gotta follow all the rules and regulation,
It's a package. And I dont really care how are people using my tax money
and how much they are paid etc, and all the political stunts etc,
I know that I am happy about what I have. Period.
(reference to pre-covid la ofcoz)
If you are unhappy, can you do something other than just revolting?
Apply to some position, make some changes, start a group, disrupt system,
If you cant contribute, but only have hate speech, then just get out of the country,
Leave the resources for those who have uses of them.
*not gonna debate on political views etc, im really not interested, just suit yourself*

So many of my SEP friends were disqualified for SIRS,
though not specified which criteria was not met.
My case, I wrote in for an appeal, awaiting result.
It's a mindset thing, I am not prepared to get it,
If I do, it's a bonus, it's a supplement to my plans.
I cannot rely on such things. I need to have concrete help.

Then again, with all these budget, how much of them are useful for me?
Frankly, very very minimal. Why?
From top down perspective, the mid careers are the most at risk,
they needed to be carefully care for because they are still in the workforce,
and this loss of income is like a mid-career crisis amplified.
So in short, its about Supporting Workforce, jobs in general.
Companies that have most potential to achieve retention of jobs gets priority.

Then is about helping family, especially elderly and young. Why? Vulnerable group.

So individually, its quite bullshit, in another perspective,
actually mid career have savings to fall on,
assuming non hand-to-cash workers,
and reasonable financial plannings,
the most disadvantaged are the young people that just started career
and yet without covid-friendly skills, we are stuck,
without indoor jobs certs, and no money to pursue to diversify skill.
This would also include fresh grads, they are stuck adding to the
jobs supply without jobs demand.

My case, worst, when qualification do not match jobscope,
and then try to diversify again? hopeless, will lose out even more.
The funny thing is, when I look at things at different Sociological Perspectives,
I kindda understand the Functional side of things,
and to some extent, some Conflict side of things
But doesn't mean I get the benefits,
It's like you understand how things come about but helpless eitherway.

So looking at the next months,
My most probable steps :

Disrupt my ACLP, clear Module 3 by end July.
Job hunting in July for Aug onwards,
Just a temp job to tide over until Tourism Recovery again maybe 2021.
For a week I wanted to make this 2 years count,
To find a job that : Diversify my Skillset, Career Progression in 2 years, Future-Proof
It's impossible la.
Either takes too long and too expensive to get the pre-requisite that I'm better off waiting.
Or job is not future-relevant, or no relation to my expertise, nor complement.
I do have more windows of opportunity if I compete ACLP asap,
But financially I cannot wait that long.
And I dont really like to owe people the favour.

So now until Aug, I will be applying more courses,
As long as it is within my means, financially and time wise,
Either for the cert or for the money under SEP Training Fund.
Taking on UX Design Courses, Data Analytics and Service.
And pending on Security Courses. If can afford, maybe HR,
All these are backups qualifications for a cushion to fall on.
Then gonna start applying for jobs in July,
Not gonna be choosy, take anything that open their door for me.

But if Aug cannot find job,
Then maybe do ad hocs while completing ACLP,
So by Dec at least will have a lot of windows of opportunities.

So I have been taking on these NTUC courses,
That pays $10 an hour for the lessons fro SEP Training Fund.
But it's running out, cuz Im maxing out my $500 SkillFuture Credits.
At the max, this would give me about $1200 for all the courses I attended.

But I need a more feasible plan until Tourism Recovery.
From the look at our main target market US UK,
It's not gonna be this year for Tourism,
But my wallet is not on my side.

So all these NTUC courses are generally useless for decent jobs. I needed Diploma or something in new industries if i were to venture out. But Diploma courses cost alot due to limited funding for people below 40 years old. As a cash-to-hand worker, I cant possibility afford that on these Diploma Courses. My current skillsets involve nothing that works right now in Covid situation. My whole life is about Service - Events, F&B, Tourism, Ad-Hoc. My Diploma is towards Social Work - Service. The road to recovery is looooong, and I cant be doing nothing in months to come.

I have zero interest in Financial Advisors and whatever along the line.
I have zero engineering and IT skills nor any software or hardware stuffs.
I have zero knowledge in IT or Construction field for Project Management roles.
Not interested in delivery and rider kind of jobs.
The manpower supplies in the market is saturated.
The job openings are very very limited.

To make things worst, my enrollment in the ACLP made me not eligible for many stable jobs that requires 5 days work week and all. I am unsure if I can change my enrollment type to Modular Staggered Cohort. I would probably postpone some modules if I can, to get some job first before resuming ACLP again when I'm on my way back to Tourist Guiding.

But who wants a temp? If  I shift to a perm, what am I gonna do with the remaining modules of ACLP?

Government funding such as SIRS and Study Awards, are not something I want to depend on for survival. Applied, but not optimistic. I need something more concrete, instant, and with continuity at least until Tourism Recovery. Or worst still, if I get a stable path, I might just forgo Tourism. I dont know.

When you're young, you got no money, and without income, you can only rely on Subsidies and Grants for Skills Upgrade, but all the Skills Upgrade are disadvantageous to being young, because useful course are not subsidized enough for me to afford.

It's few weeks to lift on Covid, but the gradual recovery is worrying. The future is worrying. Looking at Industry 4.0. Im honesty useless in it. No expertise in Data and Analytics, no expertise in Autonomous Bots and all, no expertise in and Additive Manufacturing, no expertise in AR VR domains nor any proficiency in programming languages, no expertise in Cyber Securities, and definitely not enough industry experiences to be in any kind of consultant / purchasing manager / simulation jobs.

As much as I am enjoying the current "work" to be paid to study and get certificates.
These are meaningless. With the free time today to think my next steps, I'm reminded again - I'm useless, at least in covid and the road to recovery.

I can go back to ad-hoc manual labour kind of jobs, provided I can postpone my ACLP. But is that my best option?

So, things turn out to be a little better this month.

For about 2 weeks I worked to tabao hawker food.
Was a hectic job because there would be 2 main waves,
12nn and 1pm, or 6pm and 7pm.
So orders would come in and you have to get ready the orders to be dispatched
by the stipulated time. Orders come in quantities of 30 - 100 orders.
Not easy at all due to the different preparation time of hawkers.
Meanwhile, there would be this phone who would ring when there's an order,
these orders should be ready in about 15 mins time for dispatch.

The problem also comes when 2 part timers coordinates.
Some only writes order number while some postal codes,
For me, I write both as well as Name.
It's hard when you dont have the item on your dashboard,
and have to find the food items for the rider to dispatch.
Worst is when all the plastics are of the same colour.
And riders arent empathetic too, time means money to them.
So yea though I was getting used to that,
I shall close that chapter of my life.

I am now enrolled to various courses in NTUC to get money.
Literally "work" as student.

How it works :
- For every hour of lesson, we can claim $10 from SEP Training Fund
- Course fees can utilize Skill Future Credits
- Advance Utilization of our Oct Credits is Eligible

Eg :

Course : WSQ ABC
$50.00 // 16 hours
So use Skill Future Credit to pay $50
After completion, claim $10 x 16 hours = $160 from SEP Training Fund

So by cramping myself,
I get free certificates, and being paid to study, why not?
But virtual lessons are a pain-in-the-ass.
Pace is super slow due to virtual environment,
Alot of effort to concentrate because more attention needed.
Things are worst when it comes to Adult Learners.
I am okay when there are newbies, and slow learners,
Though the pre-requisites are supposed to have certain competency levels,
But the irritating ones are the demanding learners.
Demand to get the easy way out or to get what they felt they are entitled to.
Example, they want a recorded lesson for reference but
Would be against school policy.
Walao write notes yourself very hard ah.

So yea now its a bit better, for I am earning to study,
and most of the modules though tedious its easy for my level,
and free time between classes or during classes I can do some
Own readings since i have to be in front of the camera.
So it forces me to be slightly more productivity with this webcam function.

So, it's almost the end of the first month of Circuit Breaker.
I'm finally better. Not because I adapted to this though.
So there comes a time when my mother annoyed me so but I threw a
HUGE tantrum, and it was for a very very trivial thing.
That was when I thought damn this CB shit is taking a toll on me.
The hopelessness, the coop up angry bird,
the loneliness, the rage.

So yes while I am still glad about government support,
This and that, BUT financially and functionally,
I wasnt getting much yet, in fact till date,
I have only received the Temporary Relief Fund.

You see, as a Tourist Guide, I am jobless now.
At the start of Covid, I thought that it would be affected,
thus I went to do part time at a brewery.
Meanwhile, I signed up for ACLP,
Thinking it is great time to part time study, part time work.
Then comes entertainment suspension,
I still get 2 or 3 hour slots, enough for daily meals,
and then comes Circuit Breaker.
Im then jobless.

Due to my involvement with Brewery and all,
The SIRS payment is not applicable to be back then.
And then I am not considered Self-Employed just due to part time,
So I cannot tap into the Training Fund,
My goodness sake dont tell people good news when there are fine prints,
To make accessibility so damn hard, might as well I prepared for no help at all.
I felt super betrayed.
I forsee a problem with my livelihood,
Time and again I tried to alleviate the situation.
Time and again I hit the wall.
But then there are tons of people out there,
Sitting their ass whole day doing nothing,
Just wailing and complaining,
But now they receive all these Grants and Support so seamlessly.
Now I'm appealing for most of these again,
Hopefully SIRS will be open for me at the very least.
I have gotten the Letter of Eligibility from E2I,
But then I realize most of the course are out of reach because CB,
And the ACLP I am on now its "too late" to apply. WHAT?!?!?!?!
Sigh, appealing again, but Im so prepared of the worst la.

So, the situation now is that I can't get a good temp job because of my ACLP course,
I have random days of the week dedicated for that sessions,
So most of the jobs are out of reach for me because :
- Travel to the west for a few hours of work
- Require full commitment without non flexible off days for my course
- Long contract that I cant commit to it
- Some technical skills required I dont have
- Too popular of a job that I didnt get any reply

So eventually, now I'm q-ing up for food in hawker,
for 2 waves of orders, dispatch to riders,
and thats it. It's again just enough to cover my meals,
So financially its shit job,
But then the latent benefit it brought me was sooooo much.

I got an excuse to go out in the sun again,
I dont have to walk at night to get fresh air,
I talked to the vendors, got some hope here and there,
I am being more optimistic about things,
I can get my lunch without q-ing!
I am eating relatively healthy again,
My mood improved!

Yes by optimistic, I saw a few changes in lifestyle out there,
There are actually hawker vendors that are glad we continued deliveries,
That theres this app to continue business,
Some people are super happy when Macs and BBT were closed because they got more business,
Some neighborhood stall enjoyed being in the limelight now that
the CBD is empty, and they can still get gov support and pay off their rent.

Yea, so being out there gets me going.
Social media is toxic.
People criticizing for everything and anything,
To the point even Singing and Clapping seems like a crime.
It was such a great initiative,
Where people feel connected through this organised act,
Be it to show appreciation or to kill time,
It's something for the entire nation to do,
I really dont see the need of dissing the effort.
Starting to be annoyed as SGAG cuz of the lady keep shouting.
Sighhhh the world needs more empathy, more care,
Not insults and sneers.

Elderly exercising alone inside cordoned area,
How deadly and the freaking spread be?
An activity for him/her to kill time right,
say nicely la, no need virtual-shaming,
some person after exercise panting sitting down without mask,
give him/her a break la, how to breath with that shit?
People queue for ikea, people are observing 1m and all these precaution,
People may not think upgrading their home furniture was necessary because
They were most of the time OUT, now need to spend 2 months IN,
They rush to buy, Understand them la.
People rushing to buy Macs and BBT,
Hahahahs this one I got nothing to say,
they say Hungry people are Angry people.
Every "last" meal is gonna be like this what,
but again measures are still observed, they havent lost their minds,
don't you forsee? blaming these "covidiots" are such a Privileged, Myopic and Apathetic act.

Oh well, I'm only alone, with my unpopular views, ciao.

This week passes rather quick.
Other than the fact that I still sleeps 12 - 18h a day,
It's interesting how fast it seemed to fly compared to the previous 2.
So anyway, this week was feeling better,
I actually started some kind of "Meditation" as defined by Dan Harris.

The book was called 10% Happier, so one the first chapter,
we touched on "Mindfulness".  Not a new word.
BUT, on reading on,

"Mindfulness is the ability to recognize what is happening in your mind right now—anger, jealousy, sadness, the pain of a stubbed toe, whatever—without getting carried away by it."

What it meant was that first I do recognize my insanity creeping up, when I have thoughts on what if I jump off the ledge and I appear somewhere in another reality, or what if I throw a hammer down to the carpark and cause a chaos, or what if I can set fire on every house unit of the first 3 floors and get people burnt to death or jumped to death, or skin myself little by little and preserve them so one day as my skin grow back I could construct a empty body of myself.

These are negativity, sadistic in fact. And "Mindfulness" is not to start loving myself again and to convince me not to do stuffs, but more of facing the ugly side of me and look into the root of my problems. And in fact, there are no problems, just some loneliness, just some boredom, and I realize, it is ultimately my rejection to be socially connected by virtual platforms. I need that human interaction.

And a little part of me I got to found out too, is jealousy and envy. I am jealous that most of my friends, are spending wonderful time with their loved one in virtual space, and me being the one rejecting it, will naturally feel frustrated, and jealous, that I lose my friends whom I used to go out weekly with. There was this weird yearn that some friends will knock on my door and surprise me, how stupid is this thought, but that was the root of my jealousy, the impossible hope. It only proves how much I need companion as much as I thought I didnt. And there is envy, I envy gamers and introverts who are used to use virtual platforms to connect with each other, to laugh, to have fun, and I dont, because I dont play games, and it irks me so much to do video conferencing, so I naturally envy their ability to accept, to connect, while I sulk my way through the 2 weeks. 

So.......... I talked to my family, face to face, start teaching them stuffs, this was all because of the heavy torrent that drenched me as I took a bike back from my office, for I shall stop ordering delivery and so out to takeaways instead. This little trip outside, made me so much energized. Though the fear of social vigilante and crazy extremist catching every movement I make, is still there, but at that moment this evening, I only had one resolution. If I were caught (and I probably have no excuses because I am probably gonna be classified as "non-essential" loitering because I was just about to take my bike, I was gonna kill that bastard on the spot, then kill as many random privileged-looking adults as I can before caught into a death sentence. Yes, I was that determined and insane.

When I got home, had a dinner, talked to my mum, read the book, and felt much liberated actually, and suddenly, I felt better. Indeed as the book reads, "10% Happier". As cliche as it seems, it probably wont work on me if I were not in this state of mind, sometimes we just need a little reminder.

So then I watched Big Bang Theory, been watching until season 2 so far, but man, I got so bored and annoyed at Sheldon, and I went back to How I Met Your Mother. It was still my favourite comedy series. Variety of perspectives of narration, variety of format of screenplay, very relateable topics of friends, love and life in general, lots of memorable moments, it feels like a great grandfather story learning how to grow up. I jumped here and there and one episode on "Sunrise" caught me.

"Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary unless your friends are there to see it." Barney Stinson S09E17

"That's how it goes kids. The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies, and partners in crime you love so much when you're young, as the years go by, you just lose touch. You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it." - Ted Mosby S09E21

"You see, everyone’s got some baggage. It’s part of life. But like anything else, it’s easier when someone gives you a hand with it.” – Ted Mosby S05E23

"All I wanted to do was enjoy a night at home, but there ws something I had to do...... More than a legendary night we'd remember forever, Uncle Barney needed a bro to help him forget." Ted Mosby S07E21

"And that was when I realized why I hung out with Barney. I never got where I thought I wanted to go, but I always got a great story." Ted Mosby, S01E03

Yepp, that is why HIMYM is still my favourite. Seeing the bonds of the characters, that friendship, things they compromise, stupid things they do together, how they support each other. Is perhaps something I rather envy. Not say I dont have, just, not till that extend yet, and damn I still miss having a cup of coffee with my friends now.........

世上没有真的感同身受
No one truly understands, 

There's no such thing as "I know how you feel",
No such thing as "Stop whinning, deal with it", 
No such thing as "Its just a phrase",
No such thing as "Just look at the bright side", 
It's not that simple! 

Cuz what the fuck! 
No one truly go through the same predicament, 
with the same situation internal and external, 
the same life trajectory, 
the same personality, 
the same world views and past experiences,
It;s not that simple!

So don't think what works for you works for everyone else, 
It's not that simple! 

Looking down on others just because you are tiding over it well, 
Is fucking myopic, arrogant and apathetic! 
It's not that simple! 

Came by a wonderful post by "Singapore Matters" FB Page :
https://www.facebook.com/SingaporeMatters/photos/a.710662802353449/2859092637510444/?type=3&theater

WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT

I heard that we are in the same boat.
But it's not like that.

We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat.
Your ship can be shipwrecked and mine might not be.
Or vice versa.

For some, quarantine is optimal: moment of reflection, of re-connection. Easy, in flip flops, with a whiskey or tea.

For others, this is a desperate crisis.
For others it is facing loneliness.
For some, a peace, rest time, vacation.
Yet for others, Torture: How am I going to pay my bills?

Some were concerned about a brand of chocolate for Easter (this year there were no rich chocolates).
Others were concerned about the bread for the weekend, or if the noodles would last for a few more days.
Some were in their "home office" .
Others are looking through trash to survive.

Some want to go back to work because they are running out of money.
Others want to kill those who break the quarantine.
Some need to break the quarantine to stand in line at the banks.
Others to escape.
Others criticize the government for the lines.

Some have experienced the near death of the virus, some have already lost someone from it, some are not sure their loved ones are going to make it, and some don't even believe this is a big deal.

Some of us who are well now may end up experiencing it, and some believe they are infallible and will be blown away if or when this hits someone they know

Some have faith in God and expect miracles during this 2020.
Others say the worse is yet to come.

So, friends, we are not in the same boat.
We are going through a time when our perceptions and needs are completely different.

And each one will emerge, in his own way, from that storm.
Some with a tan from their pool. Others with scars on the soul (for invisible reasons).
It is very important to see beyond what is seen at first glance. Not just looking, more than looking, seeing.
See beyond the political party, beyond religion, beyond the nose on your face.

Do not underestimate the pain of others if you do not feel it.
Do not judge the good life of the other, do not condemn the bad life of the other.
Don't be a judge.
Let us not judge the one who lacks, as well as the one who exceeds him.

We are on different ships looking to survive.

Let everyone navigate their route with respect, empathy and responsibility.

--Author unknown"