What do I want to be remembered for at the end of my life?

1) A Dependable Friend 

As I have always shaped my identity and self based on the people around me. I do things based on the needs and happiness of people around me. Though Absolute Altruism is not possible, I only hoped that through everything, I only request to be recognized as a Dependable person at least at some points in your life. Thus I would be hurt, easily, when people are disappointed in me, are angry in me, or find me annoying. This might stem from the need of approval, but then again, whats "me" without the definition of "me", in my case, I want it from the people around me. Thus, I have to constantly remind myself of distance. Cuz at times, I also assumed the needs of others, without giving them a space to seek the help they need, or the space to grow, which may cause dependency, may deprive people of choice, so that is why I am slowly refraining from doing. Starting to have a bit more self love. 

2) A Vigor Fighter 

I'm a workaholic. I chose this path never to greatness. I chose a path to live for the city. It's selfish, it's not fair for Asian Parents especially. It's not a glamorous trophy. But if I don't take it who will? For to me, there is the beauty of how things fall in place, the efforts of every forefather bringing a piece of them to this land, making sense of this place, and creating an assimilated identity and invented sense of belonging no longer through just language but shared spaces and experience, and the need to manage dynamics with the surrounding so much beyond what most people see on the surface, much more thoughts and stories behind every landmark every person every practice every culture. This is such a great nation where people of all walks of life exist. Thus, I would like to raise the status of Tourist Guides. I hope that in my small ways here and there, I could make a difference in this Industry, to make it a possible Career Path, a more respected job, an Intellectually Demanding Job, as a Storyteller, a Performer, a Problem Solver, a Navigator, an Encyclopedia, a Thoughts Facilitator, an Enabler, an Advocate and all in all, an Entertainer. 

3) A Transparent Book 

I would not want people to piece the jigsaw of me in various groups of people. I am Who I am, to everyone and anyone. I want to be an open book. I want no incongruency or inconsistency in my personal reccounts, I want no dispute to who I am as a person. It's difficult of course, but I shall not act or take on a persona. I especially do not like to be untruthful to myself. I say what I believe in, I do what I like to do. If I ever hurt you in any ways, I am sorry, and thank you for the grace extended to me, I will be better. For I am not complete yet, my core beliefs do change, and it shall mould, it shall grow, so continue being patience with me, and I will adopt what I am comfortable with, and change what is detrimental to me. 

4) I am Happy, Ultimately 

I choose to believe Happiness is not the end goal, is not the default. Evolution has made mankind be on guard of lurking dangers. Our Fight and Flight instinct, our Survivor instinct, our Hedonistic nature. There's nothing really meaningful in this world unless I put a value on it. Every memory, every experience, every lesson, every object, every person, is then meaningful to me, on my journey of life. And I am rather glad that in my short journey thus far, I've made you smile, and that has made me smile too, that completes my life, that fulfilled by purpose. For without this, life becomes meaningless. I don't have much that I really want, that I must really have, that I must attain, so I'm giving vicariously in all of your lives. Just know that with this, I shall smile on my deathbed. Thank you all. 

5) I've Loved Hard, and Nothing Else Matters Then

I hope that at the end of life, people do recognize that I've tried loving this cold harsh world. I've tried in many ways to alleviate the situation for everyone and everything around me. And I hope that's enough. Anything further, I shall not be the one accompanying. I've lived to prioritize the Power of Now, where the most important thing to do is to be with the very person with me right "Now", always. For that, I may be late, I may change plans, I may readjust, I may double book my schedule, but I tried not to bail. But if I do, thanks for understanding. 

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Lastly, a Namewee tribute to the renowned Beyond, with lyrics that strike the nail directly :

黃明志 Namewee - 我們的海闊天空 Our Boundless and Vast Sky 

原諒我總不停受傷, 跌倒, 無處可逃 

Forgive me for constantly being hurt, for failing times and again, and cornered or trapped yet again.  

用盡力氣掙脫, 我卻只能咆哮 

I've accepted whatever destiny has for me, for I have given my all to unshackle what I can.

前路茫茫, 遙望夜黑風高, 抵不過這浪潮 

The boundless journey ahead is paved with highs and lows, inevitable. 

伸出手我依然去擁抱

But I would still choose to embrace, and belive tthat I am able.