Jakarta. 01 Dec - 06 Dec. 

(Procrastination, Learnt to say no, pop kid, trendsetter, non mainstream, real, possessive, sensitive to death, social awareness)

The trip was organized by a good friend who I have reconnected recently, KH. So he invited me to a Music Festival of 15 artists or who which I only know 1, Jackson Wang, for his mandopop covers, and heard 2 others before but never played any songs, Yoasobi and Nikki. As I write this, my playlist has expanded so much more to Joji, and Rich Brian. They are part of this management company call 88rising. Their rap or hip hop kind of genre is so meaningful in their lyrics. This was my first Music Festival Experience, so much fun! 

Other than that, the trip consist of Fine Dining at Namaaz, a playful contemporary dining experience, where I was so impressed who they kept the Indonesian Food Flavors but present it playfully through tossing game, raincoats and showers, and as a Candle with edible wick, wax and wrap. Sambal Telor reimagined, Pulut Hitam reimagined. Soto reimagined. and more, 15 courses. 

The rest of the trip was a revisit to my childhood places. I connected with my cousin whom came with me to Singapore, and her husband and 3 months kid. So interesting. Ive learn about the development of PIK and plans for 11. I revisited places I used to go such as Anggrek and the Hoka Hoka Bento, and Ancol Dufan with 4 more theme parks and a Telaga Samporeieun there too! (same as Bali but localized to state cuisine). This trip is particularly personal as I visit my Grandma at Old Town, walked Kun around my hood in the past, and explaining how much have developed, and my entire life story from the Racial Riots that got me out of Jakarta, the eventual settling down in Singapore, the family dynamics on both sides of the family, introduced him to my 90 years old Grandmother still without walking sticks nor wheelchair, whom could walk up the steep stairs and water plants. 

He shared a fairly huge amount of his life too, from his younger pop kid days, to poly uni, to his hospitalized moment, to his realization of what he wants in life. I am so impressed on his travel experiences and road trips. He introduced me to his surf skate friends whom happened to also love the 80s retro! Air Supply! And we were invited for the after party by his Secondary Sch friends, who all welcomed us in open arms, and join in for a night of fun too. Very honored to be considered a close friend even though we just reconnected. He did mention my trust level to be a double-edged sword. I mentioned that I would like my life to be as open book as possible from 2020 onwards, so that in the future, I have friends who could remember and recount my life. He asked me what I would want to be remembered by, I did not give an answer until now. I would like people to remember me as someone who once came around and made an impact to your lives. This statement sounds like my happiness is highly dependent on people around, I accept the risk and destiny perhaps. Speaking of which, looking at my family history of unutilized talents, naive trustings, and bad decisions, I confide with my friends all my life events and emotions, I am not surprised if one day it would bite onto me. I accept the risk. I guess that made my life fulfilling. I guess my family too, despite everything, we live vicariously on the good life that people around us are having. It's after all a social construct. Still, at the end of the day, I am who I am because of the grace the universe has extended to me, who allowed me to, that I may grow in my own pace, in my own race. Thank you all. 

So touched when he offered to buy me some accessories, and also to use his film camera on me too. I enjoy basking on these small actions people do for me, like WL, DQ, ZH and JL too. Appreciate their honesty too and their constructive criticism. I guess my greatest flaw is my laziness, there are 1001 ugly things I dont like about my life like being fat, ugly, and not improving even though I could have made changes, but the inertia which stems from a pseudo learnt helplessness is rooted too deep within myself. Many times I had a courage to change, but its a 1 step forward many steps back. Hate that about myself, so I thank everyone around me to have the patience and forgiveness on that. Slowly but surely, I will be better! 

There are some mini regrets that I took matters on my hand or too busy to brush it aside that might have made the trip better such as an upgrade may sound good but may separate from the other friends who made the festival better, or when we were cancelled by our initial accom and I changed without consulting. In the end KH had to go through 6 sleepless nights due to my snoring. Really bad, whoever in the same room with me cant be a light sleeper, I might consider a surgery or chiropractic to alleviate this situation. Was not a problem prior to NS, until the middle of it. The next regret is I was just pushing off the concept of social butterfly and contested whats real whats fake whats facade whats connecting. It offended him. I admit, was a terrible friend as I thought we werent that close in NS cuz he is prolly the only few from Platoon 1 I talk to. Lots of brushing judgement and impressions. Also, the fact that at that time, I was just being a social butterfly around, never thought to have forged and strong friendship. 

Then I got super curious, there are these people who are sooooo spectrum with me, such as KH, JQ, ZH, KP who in terms of fashion, music, lifestyle, are worlds apart really, so why bother reaching out to me, I sometimes do feel I dont deserve the goodness of what they are, so I'm just curious what people actually see in me, isit that I am more open to try new things? isit ulterior motives? isit I seemed more happening? ; and for KH, is because I am an open book and sincere. Thanks! So I wasnt sure if it's social battery, sleep deprived, or other factors, but despite sometimes non reactive expressions, he is enjoying his time, and he is glad im enjoying mine, and that actually all along, he was so drained of his social battery, as an introvert, yet dragged himself to make sure he catch up with every single person properly, and make everyone comfortable, wow! Amazing dedication! I have only seen his "beaming with joy" look a few times so I was afraid I was being the deadweight but im glad its not. 

So while I am trying to be as transparent as I can to everyone with me and me only, his perspective is more of the Looking Glass Self where you show a certain part of you to certain group of people, so everyone get a slice of the real you and not all, I am prolly blessed enough to see the multiple sides of him so I see a bigger slice, I guess. Hehe. Some people though, I believe, is more of Goffman Dramaturgy Theory of Self where you consciously act a certain way to manage the impression of yourself to the ideal person you want that group to see you as. I, will be the Mead's Social Construct Theory of Self where the environment and experience of people around me shaped my identity, where I have a core self, then I discover more about the people around me, I "play" with what kind of "me" is comfortable, and then I internalize it.  

Well, all in all, in any areas of inconvenience, im so sorry friend. Great honest friend. Thanks for sticking by, thanks for listening to my mediocre life story, looking forward to improve and to more adventures together!