Midnight clock strikes, im not gonna write poetry dont worry haha. Well, its 15th today, 2 days more, Im predicting a usual one, not significant, not grand, nor even satisfied i guess. Lots of timing clashes, lots of problems. Im really gladful though, that sx cancelled wushu, but i really dont know how it would turn out, i want it joyous, i want it memorable, frankly I was thinking about this idea of birthday celebration, i was talking with Johann, when it dawned on me that I dont even remember how I celebrated last year's with them. Suddenly, I really think its pointless celebrating with them, no distinction between it and usual. I rmbed harry potter and soul garden though, thats where I saw how randy sacrificed by sitting at front of cinema (uncomfortable seat) for me. I was touched. On the other hand, I felt exploited, I felt that my birthdays are like where they come to 'ying chou' (put up show), and have a great feast, thats merely all. Where I actually bought sculptures, even if its small ones like doraemon and garfield, and a 20 bucks cake the year before, bbq party?? Whats for mine? The most memorable, ktv, mine cum nicole's party. My gift, 10 ppl sharing a 10 dollar gift, though it was most memorable of their gifts. I felt so sad, so pathetic, so... fucked. My parents were asking me of these years, "for so many things u did for them, planning, buying, making poems, do you receive good repays?" They're practical I know, they dont believe in birthday celebrations for they seldom have in olden days, but its true, and I had been so dumb to kept lying to myself, to comfort myself, to safe face, by making up stories of how grand was my party... perhaps Im expecting too much, but I really doubt so, not even 10 bucks of transport fee, cant even turn up for a food tour, that i most yearn for? FUCK! Though again this might yet be another misunderstanding, but I truly feel terrible now, fucking terrible. In comparison, church people are nicer, they celebrate my achievements, they celebrate my milestones, they celebrate wholeheartedly, they... are rather awesome. To think back the years, of my belief and stands, sigh.... an invisible drop of tear pierced the silence of the night, and had shrouded the moonlight, mocked on my life.......

Oh well, appreciate what I still have, go for what I really enjoy...
No point further deceiving myself, Im better off in church, in ~

On the solid rock I stand~
All other ground is sinking sand~
all other ground is sinking sand~

and... I could sing of Your love forever~