It's been half a year again since my last blog.

This year had been rather good for me. At least rather happening. 

It all begins with a rather boring section compared to the rest, this was the old section. So then my choices are very clear for me, I either had to do something about it or just avoid it all the way. 

So then I decided to start brushing up on my cooking skills and all, and started to find ideas and things to do for mount, I and yes it worked for a while, as the commanders tried to get everyone involved in something and have some fun. 

But then soon, that batch of commanders are gone, close to the mid year, and then shortly, we found ourselves facing a total new set of commanders. When they first came in, they carried forward their snobbish attitude from their cadet lives and I hated it so much I told OC right in his face in front of all. 

However, things slowly turn out fine, training became much tougher but increased relevance. Scenarios were more challenging but realistic. Many grey areas were slowly tied down, people started helping out each other. Soon, there are understanding between ranks and welfare gets better. 

Then it comes to the exhibition. I'm really grateful for a stranger who gave a very positive feedback for me. With that I became somewhat a unit star. Star service award, perhaps the greatest Honour I received. Grateful for my unit for this opportunity, my commanded for the platform, and the troopers for their cooperations!

From a sleeping unit now my unit has made its presence known very quickly, from the utilisation of new vehicles to winning games at Sports League we are stealing to show in this camp. Very high profile indeed. Very happy to see progress and advancement! I'm really Glad I'm in this transition batch. But now as global threats increasing, I'm confident we will continue to do our nation proud. 

Yet it was also that period where a great commander reminded me, that leadership is not just about doing things well, but to influence your men to be equally good. That's when my focus started to shift. I started bossing people around in a way, I started delegating, even though I'm of the same rank. Thus I'm thankful too, for a bunch of commanders that trust me and troopers who steps further than needed, and these people are understanding. 

Then the next highlight was probably my birthday. My weekend turned from zero plans to packed exciting schedule. From parade, to bar, to club, to ambush under my block by my plt, to Wilson elaborated surprises to cafe hopping. 

I think for this season of influence, it's him. Every year or so there must be this one guy that I would suddenly be very close I with and then some where some part after that we just drift apart. And everytime that happens my heart tore, it's like a part of me just left behind, sink into a moment of history. 

He told me once that he had a Friend who told him to get him back if the Friend backslided, but unfortunately this guy drifted, now is happening to me, I really don't wish that the same thing repeats to him. 

Yet I think I'm dried, and also I felt that I am not contributing in it, compared to my NS life. Everytime I'm in cell it's very standard ans, empty books, silent room, I really find no learning taking place. My ideal was that everyone did their work, bomb their thoughts, discuss, get enlightened, then fellowship go step out to the society, to help, to be the change, but at least to me, not of such sort at all, seems to be Andre social gathering to me. I'm happy though, that one great fish I know grew so much, she is well equipped now on the god universe. 

Then my absence probably caused people to think I'm just wasting my life away partying all day, or so I inferred from their conversations, and I started to feel oh well, what's the point if proving otherwise, it's my own rs with God, all the worship I sang n prayers I poured, it's all about me, not them.

In comparison, I have a great bro in my movie kaki, know me so well, keeps supporting me, though our schedules often clash. In TLC, my presence brings joy, brings unity, in music and jamming sessions, theirs laughter and joy, but in church, all these are no longer present, and I would say it doesn't really matter if I'm in or not. 

Self centered I may be, in a way that if I feel I am not making a difference, I leave, but leaving takes a great deal of courage, cuz memories are tied, but all feast comes to an end. Thus I probably stay lukewarm for now, stay low, my season this year is NS. 

And so it comes back to the point I am almost out of this 2 years, I really have mixed feelings. As my song says, there are many many plenty people I want to care, there are many many plenty words I want to share, but so many scripts for me to write, only so much hours to make it right, I'm only one, trying to make the world a better place one action at a time. 

What my future holds I really don't know, what I'm sure is that after this year I'll need quite a long while to stabilise my life, my income, my family contribution. 

Seemingly happy go lucky N spendthrift but the fact is I have 8 mouths to feed soon, Ageing parents (means loss of income), pending debts to pay (loans and upgrades and surgeries), by the next 3 to 4 years or so I probably need $3k plus to survive, without Uni fee not any degrees. Not an easy life soon but I'm still young and able, I hope to stabilise these before it snowball larger. 

Oh well, the boat shall be straight at the docks! C'est la vie!