As crazy as it sounds this week Im starting to procrastinate, when its just 2 weeks to the end!!!!!!!! why?!?!?! Anyway was rather saddened and affected by the news of the fatal incident in Tampines of the 2 Yap brothers. Hopefully tomorrow I have the time to offer some condolences I feel so overwhelmed how a mother could lose the sons just like that right before CNY.

Sigh.

I guess I gotta wait for the full day on Fri to finish up Prog planning, Innovation and Contem. Then shall leave the weekend for Intercomms.

Anyway, gotta start on Travel tutorial. Ciao.

Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in a lifetime;

therefore we must be saved by hope.

Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;

therefore we must be saved by faith.

Nothing we do, however virtuous, could be accomplished alone;

therefore we must be saved by love.

No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the stand point of our friend or foe as it is from our own standpoint;

therefore we must be saved by the final form of love,

which is forgiveness.

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. 

We stumble and fall constantly even when we are most enlightened. But when we are in true spiritual darkness, we do not even know that we have fallen. 

Thomas Merton collection

The loneliest people

Were the ones who always spoke the truth

The ones who made a difference

By withstanding the indifference

I guess it's up to me now....

Updating my life every week...

Fell sick on wed, but forced myself to go for the presentation as it was not worth it to skip, thus the headache and fever peaked during the wee hours, around 4am. Thus I had an MC on Thur. I slept till 11am that day, and I had never felt that great since the year started. Guess this is burntout, shouldnt have glutton the snacks and stayed up too late for wushu on tue. Anyway, on Mon, accompanied Jor to his school, then met up with YQ and WK. Oh my mum saw her and thought she was Uni hahahas!! Auntie~~~ I think I wasted my time that day but well, for the sake of the friendships I guess? Anyway, so the week is over, almost everything is over but the 3 long projects. Felt so relieved.

Today, bought DQ a ticket to Grease, since he has never went to a musical before. The production was low budget, with amateur actors, but I must give praise for the innovation and tweaks. Vocal wise, it is really different, the force, the melody and the emotions. Some parts the main was covered by the background singers. Yepp, I'm crazy about musical, was watching Les Miserables on Fri, midnight till 3, such a wonderful movie! Great emotions and acting especially Hugh Jackman! I enjoyed every bit of that 3h!

So today, I went for RK SX Mum's wake, quite used to the environment, but then again, it is back to the question of what's the toil under the sun for? Gotta remind myself then and again about the focus on its process but its hard to do that. I guess I am too carefree to be rather indifferent to stuffs. Like I had thoughts like what for the money to host such thing? Why would people "pronounce" such misfortune? Then a thought about life again, the 生、老、病、死、爱别离、怨憎会、求不得、五阴炽盛. That made me conclude that sometimes only saints are able to be indifferent to these. For a human to achieve apathy, I think they would be classified under Antisocial Personality Disorder already, or even more types. Oh well, like the Alchemy, alot of it goes back to culture, and the process, of respect and effort.

I felt that last year was a year I probably had a lot of emotions, which I dont normally have in my life, but this year, I'm back to the carefree and indifferent me. But some parts of me still prefer to ride the roller coaster rather than to enjoy the popcorn.

Tmr would be volunteering at a home to decorate for CNY, then church, then to Singapore Concert Hall to support friend's CO performance, and then Sun for wushu and to support friend at MBS. Weekend is here, yet I could see it ending already. =( JYJY~~

不见不恋。
Better not to meet, to not fall in love;

不知不思。 
Better not to know, to not miss or think about;

不伴不欠。
Better not to be companion, to not owe the favour;

不惜不忆。
Better not to cherish, to not recall the memories or reminiscence;

不爱不弃。
Better not to love, to not part;

不对不会。
Better not to face-to-face, to not meet;

不误不负。
Better not to make mistakes, to not bear the consequences;

不许不续。
Better not to oath, to not carry the burden;

不依不偎。
Better not to rely, to not be dependent;

不遇不聚。
Better not to encounter, to not have reunion.

Debate-able...........
Some things our ancestors have came up with,
disagree with a lot of viewpoints
but trying to see why it exists and whether it is wise
or is really short-sighted and irrelevant..........

The week zoom pass again.

Well, this week was not as tiring as last week, my major concern is the assignment 3. Let's see, this week, nothing much have been coming, being really focused on school school and more school. I rejected going to reservoir yesterday, and then they came over instead~!! I offered to cook maggie and they thanked me too~~ woohoo~! Happy about it =) finally I did something great in the week. However sadly they were not full.

Oh, last sat I actually went to the HSEU family fiesta, I think I wasted my money but oh well. The tenders are really dis interested and not engaging, totally fail to be tenders. I mean seriously, its a family fiesta, cant you smile more and etc? Oh anyway, got J a calligraphy name thingy, and it looked really really nice!

On sun we actually helped JL for the New Year Goodies distribution to Chai Chee residents. XD Enjoyed it much. Then, we had a little bball game before heading home. During the distribution, many parents and Bedok Trainee kids came. Really glad to use this event as a platform to showcase how different is our group. We dont just teach martial arts, we teach people to be a good human. There is just so much more you can learn besides the strokes and physical stunts in wushu. Wushu is a culture. I am who I am because largely of my wushu group. In here, we do all sorts of things, organizing events, leading, volunteering, and respect. As such, that make me expect alot from people around me as well, I think there is really a myriad of knowledge for us to stumble upon and grasp them, we should let the young ones expose to the world soon.

That day, I was explaining the real world of stocks, how it came about, how it works, what might happen, what causes crisis, and all. The world is a harsh place no doubt, but in midst these, there are many heartwarming stories too.

So on that day, this came up:


"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." 

Reminds me JL speech, he mentioned about doing good not for friends or hours but the passion to serve, must make it into something natural, then we won't be weary XD

He believe that as we do good, and people see it, they will have more empathy to not cheat us or that sort. And even if so, there will be people who are even stronger, to help us along. Remember the movie "World Without Thieves"? Despite being so naive, the monk had 2 master thieves helping him against the train of thieves, even if he is unaware throughout.

He also mentioned about balance, about shame too. It's an irony really, that the poor often demands dignity, refuse to admit their dire situation, whereas the rich are the ones doing the underhand methods and other shameful acts. Sigh. Anyway, yea, so there will be awesome people like JL that offers his money and effort to help, but there must be people to accept his help. Just as the World System Theory, the Core gives the Periphery(s) refined goods, and in turn they offer labour and raw materials.

Nothing wrong about poor, its how society is built. But I do feel the rich should be encouraged and educated to do good more, as I felt they are getting more and more corrupted and selfish. With understanding and kindness, Im sure the world is a better place. Ofcoz, there still must be rich and poor, so the government and the public sectors have jobs to do.  

Speaking about good, was chatting with a friend, and found out that her dad's company sponsored the furnitures for the show "dream home project". The show is about this team helping a needy to build a brand new home. And the home is not shabby, its hardwork and excellent design, better than most 3 rooms in fact. Though DIY, the style is really high class. Really blessed to have such a great awesome family. XD

The week passed by like the speed of light. This week, in midst of all the assignment due dates and all, Im grateful for some friends who came by. One was when she suddenly got very HIGH and start being random and fun ahhas, all the CAPS and the CHINESE WORDS and the spamming of JAY CHOU SONGS and random tunes like FA SO LA SI DO... FA..... hahas. The other one was WD, jsut now as we update each other of our lives and all, and sort of reflect on them, and get opinions. I feel like we are 2 sociologist being sent out to different worlds and then we compare and contrast hahahs and share our findings.

This week was really anal to a few people. Perhaps it was a spin-off effect from last week. Was so pissed with someone because the person sort of wasted my effort. However in the end despite my undone assignment I went down to check on the progress and showed my gratitude of the effort. Also, another person got a scolding from me too for the childishness. Then, was also kindda demanding alot from 2 people. Sigh.

So I subscribed Straits Times all-in-one for someone, in hope to boost the english. Didnt want him to pay but in the end he insisted next month on he settle it, which make me sad too cuz I dont want the parents to think Im making them spend money. Today I found out a cheaper private sch, 4.5k, compared to 7k..... I was soooo soooo sooooooo sad. Sigh. Money is really sensitive to me. Furthermore, they already have the impression that he always hang out with me to play. In fact, actually I went out a lot lesser already ever since...... yea..... Sigh. So I decided to not to contact unless he contact me first, and solely for academic purpose. Easy for him, but frankly hard for me, guess is a feeling I gotta fight, not in gay terms, but in the context of being so close, eating and etc, but now..... Was eating cheesecake just now, and those memories of cheesecake just floods back. Ofcoz, I wont tear in that public environment. Yes, as J mentioned, Im being so girly. Oh no......... 

Well, not everyday, I get that feeling, and I really understand it now. Heaven like to throw me into situations and make me emotional, then expect me to crawl out of it. The feeling, that understanding, of the kind of hope of a parent, for them to wait for their children to update them about what have learned in school and all the issues and homeworks.

If I were to keep asking, it would just be like my dad years ago where his first sentence when I reached home would always be: "did you sleep in sch?", "do you have any problems in sch?", "do you have homework to be completed?"........ Guess humans are really all alike.

I shall start to learn to be a modern parent, to establish the kind of mutual care and updating of each other, to have equal effort to help, and at the same time the responsibility to be accounted for. I cant be pushing and pushing and doing everything, they got to have the initiatives too, as what someone suggested to me.

Sigh, gonna start on the synopsis now so 9am tomorrow. Ciao~~

Shania Twain - You're still the one

(p.s: prefer the duet with Elton John)

Looks like we made it

Look how far we've come my baby

We mighta took the long way

We knew we'd get there someday

They said "I bet they'll never make it"

But just look at us holding on

We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)

You're still the one I run to

The on that I belong to

You're still the one I want for life

(You're still the one)

You're still the one I love

The only one I dream of

You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better

We beat the odds together

I'm glad we didn't listen

Look at what we would be missin'

They said "I bet they'll never make it"

But just look at us holdin' on

We're still together still goin' strong

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99 

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. 

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. 

Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

Brother and Sister together we'll make it through~~~

Someday its spirit will guide you there

I know you've been hurting

But Ive been waiting to be there for you

And I'll be there just to hear you out

Whenever I can~~~

Everybody's Free~~~~~~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQlJ3vOp6nI

But you're so far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know you're so far away~~

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away~~

海天 連線的 地方是那夕陽
The point of intersection of the Earth and the Sky is the Sunset

The lyrics so beautifully depicts the picturesque scene of the sunset, where the sky and the earth seemed to meet. Sunset has its common symbolic meaning of "close to the end", and the contrast of Earth and Sky just expresses how the two worlds are so different, and when they actually meet, its so beautiful, yet its the end of them. Makes me think of Romeo Juliet.

The Music Video explained how the fragrance brings Jay Chou to an utopia, hallucination, or alternate dimension, where he met this lady, yet he only got the time of that hourglass. Before the last drop of perfume diffuse, he wanted to savoir that last hug, but eventually couldnt, thus he started to research to recreate the perfume, but failed...... while she waits for him...........

Happy Memories are addictive drugs that made me feel alive for just that brief moment yet had left me in such unbearable state, yearning for more and got no choice but to counter the eagerness by consuming more...

Time is the cruel wine that temporary ease the burden and pain but those are small things that would eventually gather into a huge snow ball and kill me....



A compilation of quotes from everywhere in my facebook to try to make sense of how I am feeling right now. Not mentioning about ILP for this post, no mood for that, probably need some time alone doing doing, jsut stoning, and then continuing my assignment tomorrow before noon~~ gotta slp early to wake up early~

HAPPY NEW YEAR~ May the year be filled with abundance of joys and happiness, all the best for all your individuals aspirations and endeavors ~ Let's grow together in the new year~!!!!

The first post of the year I guess. New year this year, we had a great breakfast at 123, most of the cell turned up, really grateful they did, they mean alot to me. Their effort to wake up early despite sleeping late at night, to go for a breakfast, is really heartwarming. Then, we went to Changi City Point to walk around since someone havent been there. Then, CH came to my house, we played the game whereby we will all have a forbidden phrase or action on our foreheads and everyone else must try to make them  say or do it. Dq's was really funny, the first was "hot", so I was talking about how sexy I am and etc, he was like "yea, and you will then go "dont you wish your boyfriend was HOT like me", then he was caught! ahaha. The second one was when the song played sha-la-la, and I was clapping, so is yq, then him. Haha!!! The last was was easy, we started singing Truly Madly Deeply, yq claimed she dont know it so he sang and got caught. HAHAHA. S too, she changed a song when the forbidden action was "change a song". Hahah!!!

Then Jo and Tai came and we went to Sengkang for the cosplay event. J and  YK was extremely bored so I asked them to head to town. We went to Scape instead. Then we slowly stroll to Esplanade, and then walked around, to Bugis, and then home. Reached home at 6am, really really tired.

Well as I told a friend, sometimes being stubborn wont bring you happiness, like how I guess the couple probably have plans, but I asked them for breakfast and countdown, in the end they were bored, in the end they still left. But anyway he wore the Jacket I gave him, cool! haha fits him actually. So yea Countdown was just the 4 of us in the end. First countdown in town. I think we all agreed that cafe have a better warming atmosphere, like how in MindCafe we cheers and toast to any random strangers and continued the high mood in our games.

During the night, mostly is I ranting my stuffs again, I mentioned about how someone mentioned to me, "You brought me to hell, you gotta help me up" Really hurts me. For that I think im inadequate as a friend to not bring the person more joy. Similarly, there are lots of regrets in my life that I have no time or no means to bring more joy and "life" to people. Then as we talked, he mentioned some of the things I told him last time too, hahas so grateful he remembered, but then I gave him a harder challenge, to pay it forward to other people. Probably younger.

Younger people generally need more help, and they will look up to you, then you show them a good example, they could pass it forward. Haha, anyway still really feel nice when Im so distant in wushu but the 4 jr still look up to me. I see how 2 of them interact is so heartwarming, when one is the one creating trouble and the other one gotta clean it up, haha, like when he throw tantrum he need to bear with it, when he eat cake he gotta wash. Haha! Great to have people you can take are of, but I think not good to get a girl I think will be wasted effort hahas.

Well our countdown was at scape, great song~

I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE~
AND I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE
AND I SWEAR ITS THE TRUTH
AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU~

Thanks to people that came into my life, and make initiatives to maintain a friendship, to meet me at MBS from tanah merah at 9pm, wactch CZ12 despite watch before, bball, etc etc..... XD These little wonders, little efforts, little acts, are heartwarming, unique, priceless, these small hours, moments, are really great, enjoyable, memorable!

Would like to end the post with a song, Rob Thomas - Little Wonders

All of my regret
Will wash away somehow
But I cannot forget
the way I feel right now

Time falls away but these small hours
These little wonders still remain~~