Last week happened rather fast.

Some highlights was the barrage trip on wed.
I invited my cell members to join, and strawberry jie jie was popular in less than half an hour. Managed to capture few really nice shots, and also a really nice moment of ky smiling with the kids. Dont know why their smiles are so captivating!! The kids, and ky too.

On thur I sent my mum off, then went to collect the payment on her behalf at geneva, followed by buying liquir at Shen's WoknBarrel at outram. Along the way, went into the nice looking apartment finally, been wishing for that since we went to the Celebratory Dinner long ago.

Fri was the BBQ, so thur I stayed over at J's house, then fri spent the whole day preparing for it. Also a nice experience, though I was really upset YouLian and HuiYi couldnt make it, their bonds made me really really happy. As I spoke to J today, yes its a silence agreement that we are eyeing on that 5, that reminds us of our past, to become the next batch of trainers, as we slowly retreat. Im glad ky found a new group of friends to hang out with, hopefully their will foster a strong friendship with each other, and his personality make it more probable that the 5 will remain as 5 instead of 4, zanne being our 5th.

Sat we went to SDC for youthphoria, I think I had a burnout that day, I started off rather reluctant and lethargic, and perhaps so thats why I almost flared out when they all refused to try the remote controlled tank game. I was so upset, as if wasting money effort and time when they could grow more joining Kok Guan's speech. In the end, they saved the tix to play at another station where they enjoy more. Snow White was not very suitable for them in my opinion, and due to the short time we had, we had to cab back since it was already 8. Totally planning fail. Perhaps it could be better if they did not tag along? Then the games are better appreciated, and we could catch the Madagascar 3 on the 2.30 slot since I could have been there at 10am.....

Sun since J stayed at my house, I left wushu early. Oh, it was a bad day, massive toll of puking trainees.

So reflection after a whole series of fun filled holidays:

I think I have destroyed my image to my cell members through certain things, and I deeply regret it. I think I'm backsliding too. But on the good side, I think I have also exposed them to lots of new experience. Sad thing is, I was called for another review by J, which I predict it will be unpleasant, they were upset of me bringing in the cell members, I was at wrong ofcoz, I think I shouldnt have done that. I was coming from the perspective that things are better with A.Imm, so if they were to "meet" at an outing, and she witness how much the kids love them and their potential of being volunteers, it would be win-win situation.

Then, for the bonds Ive seen from few groups, I don’t know why I had this really happy feeling, even though it could be really trivial. Like when I know of certain people doing something Ive never heard of, in terms of some achievements, I feel really happy, and not to say ofcoz when people get connected, J got taught piano by T, and etc. It was like the interconnectedness of people and how each benefit one another and all have fun, these really really delights me, that I felt like capturing that emotion, that participation, that networking, into an ever-lasting frame, photographs.

So then I was thinking, that feeling, could it be that all fathers feel this way too? That kind of pride and joy, of living vicariously through their children, to see them grow, achieve things. This feeling is not common esp to peers, perhaps if you mention your achievement to a peer they would give u the sian, or diao, or no-big-deal face, but to your parents, it would be better than striking lottery or receiving promotion. And the kind of feeling, where you wouldn’t mind to do things to pave their ways, to the expense you wouldn’t mind compromising ourselves for them. I find it so illogical and absurd yet unable to get out of it. Imagine then, how happy would our creator be as we “report” our great doings in His name and how we worship with our own lives. =)

Oh yea, must thanksgiving for the incident today too….

Just now as I do the laundry, J’s shirt flew down to a seemingly abandoned house due to the closed windows and dusty empty front. Thus I was so worried that I went to the house on top to try to push it out using bamboo pole, but to no avail, so I wanted to climbed out to get but the owner freaked out and forbid me to so I was so vexed before sch. Then I found it on the letterbox when I reached home. Really really thankful.

Then again, after all my thoughts, I chance upon the verse, Galatians 6:3, the verse isn’t new, but the version is new, the New Living Translation: If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important. It’s an interesting perspective, the usual versions led me thinking it meant we must be humble and not to think too highly of ourselves, but then this version mentioned about “help”. What is “too important to help someone”? Could it mean that by putting in lots of effort to help someone might also suggest how highly we placed ourselves in that person life such that we are fooling ourselves?

 This is to be pondered upon and to be seek for enlightenment and deeper understanding.

Is your life on Earth a success?

Dalai Lama was asked if he thinks that his life is successful, for myself, I would say that at least, 10 years down the road, I would say that I had an awesome childhood and teenhood, full of vigor and vibrancy, of energy and enthusiasm, of care and contributions. No matter what changes, at least the moments captured in those photographs are forever, are constant, are ever lasting....... Even if I dont remember them anymore, those pictures will narrate a million tales........ 

Been a busy week doing the survey job with Solid Rock ppl, Jo, and Brian n frenz too.

Overall I think i like the survey job, I love how we can interact with the old folks and chit chat especially for some that is living alone. Ofcoz, towards the end the sincerity isnt there anymore, we just want to complete them fast. Anyway, so other than that was wushu training and all.

On Mon, I met up with Alvin for a quick basketball, it was really tiring but rather fun.

On Wed, I had a pri sch gathering at ECP too, where it was so embarrassing I puked. That night, was the only night I saw Jorgen sleeping so peacefully like corpse. I wrote on FB:


Really thankful for last night. First time saw u sleeping like corpse like that, must be really tiring for u, my gratitude for that is beyond any literature could express...... 

On Thur, I had Patching Session, though the participation rate was rather discouraging, but I got to learn alot. Esp on Photography, and Cinematography, where Im sooooo looking forward for Junior to have a go at filming. I was thinking whether or not to sponsor him but with me as one of the roles. Beaunice was really really sporting!

On Fri, we had a Solid Rock BBQ. It was rather fun, somehow our cell loves the sea so much I took 60% of them enjoying the seaview. Then, I went to Jorgen house to sleep again since no one went for the dumpling event.

Sat morning was skating at ECP, really expensive and time wasting, but then I had flashmob at 3-6 =) It was soooo fun~!!! Im glad I could catch this, so at least by 30th June I had participated in half of the flahmobs.

Sun should be father's day, but he is not around, shall have one when he come back =) I was told to reach Elias CC at 8am. Sigh, do saikang. Not that I mind, but those first timers went today, sat, and did those, without learning to wrap the dumplings, like waste of trips. We live to learn new stuffs everyday, not being exploited like that, at leasrn after learning then wrap also can.

Oh, then the wushu competition, I was told it was due to lack of participant, so I participated, I guess this would be probably the last or second last competition and wushu related stuff I will be doing until year 3 end. Was reluctant, but looking at sx expression, really I feel super bad to ditch wushu. Shall slowly distant, for the transition effect to fall in. But I really hoped Tai could participate this competition, since this is the only year where everyone was sent for competition, a major breakthrough.

The week was smooth. I met the Solid Rock kids almost every day. Along the way we fooled around and joked here and there. Nice people. =)

Today im addicted to the song, Kristy Are You Doing Okay.

Probably some events triggered me of this song, I felt like I should find out the truth and do something.
Hopefully, whatever I suspect is wrong, and I trust the words. Hopefully, I intervened at the right timing. Hopefully, our friendships wont be ruined. Hopefully, we could let these pass, I was really rash for my actions, no matter how concerned and worried I was. Sigh. Those feelings, I feel like writing a poem, but all my thoughts just devastated my inspirations. Thus, I resort to the song. Sigh.

The week went fine. I think I conquered econs, socio work and bbfin, but major screwed up at sales, unstable at gender, and totally gave up on socio ageing. Today’s post should be quite dry, as I start to discuss some of my viewpoints on comments and issues.

The first came was “If Longevity is a gift to mankind, Ageism is the curse.” This was taken from my exam paper. I wrote 2 pages for this, I really had much to vomit about. I wrote that Ageism could be defined as, from internet source, the tendency to assume all members of society is young based on negative stereotypes the society has, and thereby neglected or fails to address the needs of older persons appropriately.

Next, I start giving examples such as infantilization of elders, overaccomdating and the image of industries for the young by the use of sports and war metaphors. I followed by ageism in profession (the reluctance to treat elder persons), and elder abuse.

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Everyone changes with time, on the inside and outside. You can almost see them change from a young child into an average teen, then to a matured adult, prettier/more handsome than what they were just awhile ago. When you observe this change, you will tell yourself "why didn't i know that person better before? – Quoted from a facebook friend.

It not only takes time, but an embracing spirit to know more about a person underneath the mask he might be putting on, a concerned attitude to understand the societal forces affecting them, a sensitive heart to detect the slightest shift before it is obvious..... It just takes too much that it's rather impossible to do these for everyone we know..... Esp for parents to their children.....

Yes, especially when there are rumours and news on the person you know, your image of the person just changes constantly. Then, with our actions and behaviours, we shatter and deform our image in others too. But after all, it is really incredible how human changes over the time. What is the motivation or trigger that made the change? Simple stuffs like pace of walking within a crowed place. You could see certain awkwardness when someone fails to understand the pace and flow, then tried to “squeeze” through it, causing lots of misfocus and disruption, that at times could effect the whole structure for a certain period of time. How do people respond to a trigger, that could have changed their pace, or the failed confidence a person might have, wrongly gauging the pace of the crowd.

Human mind is the most complex study in life. Sometimes I really would take a 3^rd person view on me, I wished I could have honest feedback from people that observed me. Similarly, I love observing how people interact to each other too. Was playing with some kids at playground, when I was not in the mood to play, but I acted along. The kids was enjoying the company. Well, sometimes I feel like being child is a blessing, their world is rather small, and the ability to detect mood isn’t too strong yet.  These few days I have been really financing and devoting time to few groups of people. I really enjoyed to see them enjoying themselves, however, the fear of the fading memories kept haunting me as I archive some of the photos I took. Why couldn’t our eye be a camera to absorb every details in life? Every genuine smiles, every delighted face, every blissful joy. This is really important to me, because as time pass by, I could only remember the scenario, which silhouettes in it other than me, then got to slowly fish back the image and memories.

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Life is short. 
Live it to the fullest(:

If living to the fullest means taking risks, would it be wise to make a short life shorter?

Good thought. I would say that depends how do you define risk, in a symbolic interactionist perspective, and what is the ultimate aim in your life, the motivation for you to get up the bed every morning, be it from maslows HON or some other goals. Or we can use economist perspective to see the opportunity costs that you have to forgo and the reward that you could get for taking certain risk...... Life is short, it might become shorter, but with more quality. =)

I often wonder about the opportunity cost I forgo for going out every day. I feel bad if mum or dad is alone whole day, I really prefer them to have fun outside too. Then, as I watch the new drama, Yours Fatefully, more fears came into me, I fear of my night blindness, that I will be a burden to my loved ones, I fear of being alone in old age, I fear of responsibilities I have yet to face, I fear of leaving my mum alone, since she have a tendency to over react at many times. I feel bad in ditching her. I do ask her dinner out, and talked with her during drama time, but that’s it. Yet, looking back, my parents are the only ones that could hear my horrible voice all day long without uttering a word of complain. The only ones that could hear me talking all the crap I know, that bothered to listen to me talking about Work, Alienation, Sociology, Philosophy, Econs, etc etc. Though they probably don’t remember, they do give feedbacks as they are listening, they indeed responded. And these, are the only pillars of life that I can be sure that it is worth putting my efforts in them, that will always be there for me, that embraces me for who I am. 

Life is really short, I feel I could have done better. Ive heard many stories of others' families, I do think mine is the best so far, excluding extended family. At least there is a certian kind of humour in my household. =) Then again, isnt Yours Fatefully portraying negative stereotypes of elderly being dependent, troublesome, burden, etc?? Thinking back in the old days, if I were the elder, i would suicide to ease the burden of younger generations like how the odlen tribes of hunterers and gatherers do. Fear of mortality, fear of not being there to witness the growth of the society around you. Sigh. Do men have that much fear?

Yet the feeling is not right, I do still prefer to have someone of my age to assume that role. Not even a brother. Oh, I might say I have a “brother” now, after the efforts, finance, time and care I invested in him. Perhaps it might be in vain, but at least it allowed me to have a feel of what is it like to have a younger brother not too wide in age gap. Really thankful for him. Anyway, so why isnt the feeling right? Ageism?

Fun-tastic Day~

At YOUth Fun-Tastic Amazing Race

by East Coast GRC

The day started at 6.30am, where I stated to mass sms and morning call. Then we met at BK simei for a breakfast treat by me =) My team consists of Jorgen, Nickolas, Cheuck, De Quan and Zheng Hui. They all come from all sorts of areas, all sorts of streams, ITE, Poly, JC, NA, Exp. It seems to be the oddest team ever, as if pulling in strangers and forcing them to bond. However everything turns up way way better than expected. 

So we started off with a little Ice Break and joked around, before we finally set off! Our first stop, FengShan, luckily I thought of getting there by 14, so we alighted at Tanah Merah for that, thus managed to get there 10 mins before 10, which they insist we start at 10. Anyway, the stations are easy, broken telephone, movie charade, and eating pizza. I think considering their sizes they are one of the fastest groups. Really awesome.

Then, I left for Bedok CC where they RAN all the way to Kampong Chai Chee for the photography and Magic The Gathering. Then, it was Library, followed by Bedok CC. Bedok CC was one of the toughest station, but it was fun, we had to recite a looooong speech, pop balloons, learn some martial arts, throw some balls.

This was when I left for Changi again, and they had fun singing Stand By Me together at Siglap CC!!!! Aww it was soooo fun~!!!

At Changi, we wasted quite some time trying to find the challenge station, then we breezed through the tasks, and that nokia game, tower of something. Next, we head to the most isolated place, the Changi Fire Station. We didn’t even need to be briefed and DQ started to do all the tasks in utmost speed and quality, the Madam and other firemen were full of praises. Here I bought them a packet of Chicken Rice for a quick lunch.  

So then it comes to our last two stations, the first was easy though waste time, the second was really awesome! They had to do some handcraft thingy which I overheard the staffs saying that we were the fastest and most cooperative group. “They must have known each other for 6 or 7 years” hahahaha, that really brings joy to my ears. Then, the next task was to dance to the music “Hot and Cold” by Katty Perry. Here too, they were saying that there was a boy who sang the song with much enthusiasm despite the cramps, and the willingness to learn the dance moves. They gave us a 80. =) The last task was stacking cups.

So that was all for the amazing race portion of the day, we went for the laser tag, and then it was my performance, Ji Ti Ba Ji, San Jie Gun, Ji Ti Dao. Linnet was there too, really grateful she took her time to come down and support. She has always been very supportive of us since I known her.

Then, we played the carnival games, till our results came in……….

And 5^th prize goes to….. wow this is a good number, Team 5~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wooootsss~!!!!!!!!!!! And though I thought we won nothing, we actually won 150 bucks~!!!!!!!!!!!! =) we had a great dinner at BBQ chicken with KY and Serb joining us. Really really awesome time I had for the whole day.

So  after such a tiring day, with 6 papers coming up this week, I wrote them a long long thank you note, that I sent out this morning:

Hey team, was gonna sent thus MSG yesterday but it was 2 so now is a better time. Thanks once again for the participation!! Hope we had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun (and mrts n bus n cc). I really appreciated your effort to come down on a Sunday morning despite ur busy schedules. This is the best team for amazing race ever, will contact u again for future events like this =) despite all the funds n running n fatigue, I really feel its worth everything for that day! U all came from a diversity of streams n schools, yet I received so many compliments for ur team being the best, the most cooperative, most enthusiastic, most resilient... Etc... It really brings me joy to have the honour to manage this team. Furthermore, we conquered the temptation to cab and stayed true to integrity and sportsmanship, I'm really really really proud!!! I could go on and on but I gotta slp for exam tmr 9 so have a good rest, have a great week ahead, and may success n serenity shower on u in anything n everything u do!!!!!! Best regards, ur awesome manager Kaya Yap =)

  

The amazing race was really fun, the performers, especially the first timers, were all so awesome~!! I thought that they were the best first times I had ever seen, did not blank out and screw up too much. I think they had lots of confidence in the trainings.

So then I thought, I might have the answers as to why despite all the activities and fun I had, I always feel so empty inside, especially at night, like something somewhere is missing a piece. I guess, of all the fun, I did it in a hope that years down the road, we can have such fun again. Perhaps it wasn’t that my self concept is high, but rather the fear of isolation is high. I guess Jacky Wu might feel this way too, that we are always so crazy and enthusiastic in events, but after all these, I think we are all just very lonely people. Perhaps is not that I try to “Gei Khiang” or “organise too much activities”, rather the activities come to me by showing themselves, then I grab people to join them, creating a vibrant Singapore teenhood life. I can always relax at home, watch movies, and not go for any activities, but hey, these are not what life is about, life is about people, about interaction, about interconnectedness. I am also busy with much stuffs, but I would still try my best to compliment with everyone’s timing, to get the most fun out of everyone. Tiring, but worth it.

This was the best amazing race team ever, that really filled me with joy, as the praises and compliments piled up as we move along the tasks. I hope my team had as much fun too, I received many great replies, these are the propellers of my life, that made me feel great about bring fun and laughter into people’s lives, connecting people together. I guess this is more of myself.

 “Hahaha! : ) Thanks Manager! :p”

“good job team manager ^^”

“:D thanks kaya!”

“Good night man, thanks for today! Good luck for your exams tomorrow!”

“Hey thanks for sponsoring us nbring us tgt! And helping us with the race too!! Had loads of fun today : )”

Wednesday I met Solid Rock again at the noon after my briefing. Then, rushed back to school for Econs, realized I didnt complete the article review, 10% gone. Sigh.

Thur was more busy, a whole day of school, then went to 0303 right away to study for Mon's paper. Time flew, 2 hours passed, oh right, this was the result of mugging:

The cai fan guy is surely experiencing alienation of all forms. Product alienation cuz he dont feel the joy in serving me the food, activity alienation cuz he finds it a chore to even scoop the tofu at the far end of display, species alienation cuz his mind is obviously somewhere else thinking what should he be doing, social alienation cuz he don't even smile n thank me!!!!!

Crazy much? Haha, then training was awesome too. Then comes Fri, training again after sch. This time, sx wasnt around, then we had some fun climbing roof haha, never expected myself to accomplish that feat. Guess it was the motivation the guys gave me, YouLian, Wayne, Sheng, KY. 

Then, it was sat already. I conquered Econs like a boss, walked out of class in 30mins. Mugged again for BBfin and Gender. Then, it was cell, we trolled wc in heart attack haha, rigged cards, then all heart attack at the same time. =) After that slacked at BBT shop as usual. Nothing much happened till my volunteering briefing at 7pm. After briefing, went to the LAN centre (Tai house) and went back home with Jo and KY. So including tomorrow, I would have met KY everyday for 9 days........ wow.....

Well, it was indeed a busy month, but looking at all the things Ive done. Im really glad that my academic is stable, events are vibrant and fun, and most importantly I think Ive made a difference, at least to the lives of people around me. 

Today out of randomness, I stroked the gift sx gave us long time ago. It wrote, 子曰：“吾尝终日不食，终夜不寝，以思，无益，不如学也。”  This translates to, "I've tried to stay up all day and all night to think, to lean on my understanding, but its pointless, rather to seek for guidance" 

Somehow, this gift is really significant to me. I guess I was never so passionate on learning. For now, I really loved my course, to be able to apply and link stuffs I learn in everyday lives. I think Ive had a better life than most people. But I have a higher self concept to sort of pursue for more, which at many times might not be totally good. Anyway, I just thought that it is rare for people to ask me out instead of me organizing, and I felt rather good about that, yet certain stuffs happened, and it sort of rock bottomed. Well, though the intention is good, sometimes, things just happen, but shall remain silent, for its better to keep that good intention alive than to distinguish it with fear. 

But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

Its interesting how we could observe people through actions, and from actions analyse people too.