A Decade of Me, Myself, and I : 

This year, on my big 30, or 29+1 as I want it to, would do a different kind of review, to go beyond the year, but to the decade. I compiled my life in 10 different themes below. If there’s one thing this decade has taught me, it’s that life is both messy and magical. It’s a paradox of growth and setbacks, of love and loss, of certainty and doubt. And through it all, I’ve come to realize that the journey matters more than the destination. Here’s to the next chapter, where the lessons continue and the story unfolds. Cheers to the beautiful chaos of being human. 🥂

1. Identity & Self-Acceptance

"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." – Carl Jung

Then : Like most, I was searching for “me,” only to realize I didn’t even know what that meant. Identity felt like something fixed, something I was supposed to find and stick with. Fitting in meant survival, and being different felt risky. Ive explored Personality, Expression of Self, Cooley Looking Glass, Goffman Dramaturgical Self, Eastern Philophy of Self such as Confucianism, Taoism, Buddhism and Hinduism. 

Now : Identity is no longer a destination; it’s a journey. It’s fluid, shaped by experiences, relationships, and even failures. I’ve learned that it’s okay to shed old identities to make space for new ones. Who I was at 20 isn’t who I am at 30, and that’s how it should be. Identity isn’t a box to check; it’s a canvas. Keep painting, and don’t be afraid to mix new colors into the picture. but one thing for sure, I would love to appear to every single individuals around me, as a singular congruent version of myself, instead of a jigsaw puzzle at my end of life. 

2. Family Dynamics

"Family is not an important thing. It’s everything." – Michael J. Fox

Then : Family was a mix of comfort and chaos. I yearned for an idealized version of family — one that didn’t exist. The generational gap often felt like a canyon I couldn’t cross. I used to also lament the fact that I'm not a typical "Rich Indonesian Chinese Kid", and let's just say my family didnt have a good track record of wise financial decisions. Then songs like "漂向北方" and other literature made me realise the courage of migration and I truly admired that. It is never easy to let go of familiarity to be on a foreign land, to rebuilt life itself. And I'm happy, in their own ways, they have shown growth in various ways including digital, and displayed their never waivering support for me. 

Now : I’ve come to see family as both my grounding and my challenge. I’ve learned to set boundaries while appreciating the love and sacrifices my family has made. It’s about meeting them where they are, not where I wish they’d be. Family isn’t perfect, but it’s home. Balance gratitude with boundaries, and strive for understanding over judgment. I remember the time I was in Hong Kong and on my playlist was "We Are One". As you go through life you'll see, there is so much that we don't understand, And the only thing we know, is things don't always go the way we planned, But you'll see every day that we'll never turn away, When it seems all your dreams come undone, We will stand by your side, Filled with hope and filled with pride, We are more than we are,

We are One.

3. Friendship & Connection

"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed." – Kahlil Gibran

Then : Friendship felt like a lifeline. I wanted to hold on to every bond, to keep every laugh and every shared memory alive forever. I wanted friendships that do everything together, share the same interests together, but I realised that's impossible, even for myself. But I also experienced the heartbreak of drifting apart, realizing not all friendships were built to last. And due to life trajectory, some friendships do drift apart, and it's alright. It takes mutual respect, mutual effort, to make it work. This would also mean, there's such thing as "Low Maintanence Friends", someone who celebrates your milestone, and remembers every part of you, even if you don't have to meet often. 

Now : Friendship is no longer about quantity but quality. I’ve come to appreciate the ebb and flow of relationships—some friends are seasonal, some situational, and a few become soul-deep connections. Effort and reciprocity are my markers now. A true friend doesn’t just share your joy without judgement and jealousy but also shows up in your storms initiated and sincere. Cherish those who stand by you, not just when it’s convenient but when it’s hard. Be the friend you’d want to have. Learnt this through many media too, movie films, theatre plays, fictional and non-fictional stories. 

4. Career & Purpose

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." – Confucius

Then : Work was a chore — a way to earn, to survive, to “be productive.” It felt transactional, and often, I wasn’t sure if what I was doing even mattered. Coupled with Sociology of Work, the functional perspectives and conflict perspectives of work, power stuggles, navigating office politics, facades, all these were daunting to me. 

Now : Career has taken on a deeper meaning. It’s become a platform to create, to impact, and to leave a mark. While titles and paychecks matter to some extent, what drives me now is alignment: Does this work align with my values? Am I growing? Am I contributing meaningfully? I hope my Work isn’t just about making a living; it’s about creating a life. Find meaning in what I do, or at least grasp that chance, that foothold, to learn about another world Ive never knew. I hope that my role as an Singapore Inbound Tourist Guide, could inspire travellers on the works of the nation, could educate the past present and future of the nation to travellers in a fresh perspectives beyond the tourism marketing materials, could guide travellers on the way they immerse themselve in the culture of every other destination for their lifetime. One traveller at a time, one local at a time, slow and steady. 

5. Growth Through Failure

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." – Thomas Edison

Then : Every failure felt like a verdict. Whether it was a failed test, a poor performance, or a harsh critique, it was hard not to take it personally. I saw failure as the end of the road. Adversity felt like punishment. Life’s tough times often left me questioning, “Why me?” I resisted the storms, wishing they’d pass faster.

Now : Failure is my best teacher. Each stumble brought a lesson - humility, resilience, or just the fact that life goes on, it is not a reflection of your worth. It’s through failing that I’ve built the courage to try, to risk, and to keep going. Every decision I've made, I shall make with no regrets, for the good, the bad, the ugly, it's part of me. I’ve learned to bend like the willow, to find strength in flexibility and grit in vulnerability. The scars you carry are proof of your strength.

6. Perspective on Happiness

"Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product." – Eleanor Roosevelt

Then : Happiness was a finish line — something to chase through milestones, achievements, and big moments. I thought it was a destination, and I felt lost when I couldn’t find it. I delved into pursuit of happiness, spiritually and materialistically, and fell into Existentialism and Nihilsm. So the chase often left me feeling empty. When the goals were achieved, the happiness I expected would linger often faded quickly. And when I fell short, I felt lost, as though the happiness I had invested so much energy in pursuing was slipping further away. This spiraled into deeper existential questions: What’s the point of happiness if it’s so elusive? Why even try if nothing truly satisfies? I have developed a fear of being happy, Cherophobia, that at that point of extreme happiness from biological reactions, the kind where tears of joy and drowned by the joyous environment, I would have an unexplanable moment of fear that something bad is coming because what goes up much come down. Then I recognised my Maslow and Baxter's Dialectics Theory of Needs. My pursuit of happiness wasn't wrong—it was misdirected. I realized I had been focusing too much on external outcomes, expecting them to give me something they never could : Internal Peace.

Now : Happiness is fleeting, like fireflies on a summer night. It’s found in the smallest moments: a warm cup of coffee, a heartfelt conversation, or even just a deep breath after a long day. And I’ve realized that happiness isn’t possible without its counterpart—sadness. The lows give the highs their meaning. Don’t chase happiness; cultivate it. It lives in the present, not in some far-off “someday.” Most importantly, I’ve realized that happiness isn’t just about external circumstances; it’s about being at peace with myself. It’s about knowing that my decisions align with my values, that I’m pursuing goals that truly matter to me, and that my definition of success isn’t dictated by societal expectations but by what brings me fulfillment. In the end, Happiness isn’t about having it all but about appreciating what you have while continuing to grow.

7. Mentorship and Guidance 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." - Marianne Williamson

Then : Being Guided. My journey has been illuminated by the wisdom and guidance of incredible mentors, each teaching me lessons that often only made sense in hindsight. Whether it was Ling Kok Keng's philosophy of life, of balance, of beign human; or Samy Rajoo's relentless generosity and global perspectives; or my NS officers' ability to lead with empathy; or Industry Giants, Wei and TY and even Robin Loh, about business and tourism; or passer-by who I met once or twice which graciously shared their wisdom of their definition of successes; these mentors saw something in me even when I doubted myself. They didn’t just teach me skills or knowledge; they nurtured me into becoming a better version of myself. They taught me to appreciate the forest, not just the tree. They guided me to balance patience with progress and to find growth even in setbacks. Above all, they showed me that mentorship is about trust, care, and the power of seeing potential in others. I feel like Im blessed in the era where resources are plenty and within my reach, that differentiates the endless possibilies in this era which the previous could not indulge in. 

Now : I’ve come to realize that the greatest way to honor my mentors is to pay it forward. Whether it’s guiding the next generation and beyond, I try to embody the same patience, empathy, and vision that shaped me. I’ve learned to balance being a cheerleader and a tough coach, helping others rise to their potential while holding space for their growth. I'm truly blessed to be deemed trustworthy by their parents too, which, given the rebel that I am and my many flaws, could have otherwise been far from the case. Through these, I’ve learned even more about myself too, there's always a reciprocacy in this dynamic. Just as my mentors believed in me when I doubted, I strive to do the same for others. It’s a ripple effect—one that I hope continues long after me.

8. Legacy & Contribution

"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." – Albert Pine

Then : Legacy wasn’t a concept I thought about often. Life, as I saw it, was about surviving, fulfilling immediate responsibilities, and navigating through the daily grind. Contribution felt like something distant—something reserved for the extraordinary, the geniuses, the leaders, the visionaries. I thought you had to create groundbreaking innovations or lead massive movements to leave a mark on the world. In a way, I had internalized the idea that legacy was for "important" people, not someone like me who was just trying to figure things out. Helping others was a good thing, sure, but I didn’t see how small acts of kindness or generosity could amount to anything significant in the grand scheme of things. Legacy, to me, seemed tied to fame or monumental achievements.

Now : Over time, I’ve come to understand that legacy isn’t about grand gestures or having your name etched in history books—it’s about the quiet, meaningful moments that ripple outward in ways we may never fully grasp. Inspired by Tuesdays with Morrie, I’ve realized that the most profound legacies often come from the simplest acts: a kind word that lifts someone’s spirit, a shared moment of laughter that becomes a cherished memory, or the time spent mentoring and guiding someone who needed it. Legacy, for me, is about the lives we touch and the difference we make in our immediate circles. I don’t need to change the entire world to leave a legacy; changing one person’s world is enough. Whether it’s through mentoring a friend, being there for a family member, or uplifting someone struggling with their self-belief, every small act contributes to a larger picture. This shift in perspective has been humbling and liberating. I no longer measure my worth by the scale of my contributions but by their depth and sincerity. A legacy isn’t necessarily about being remembered but about the positive ripples we leave behind—ripples that others may pass on, creating a chain of goodness far beyond what we could ever imagine. 

In Tuesdays with Morrie, Morrie Schwartz reminds us that life is not about accumulating wealth or accolades but about love, connection, and meaning. He says, “The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.” That wisdom has profoundly shaped my understanding of legacy. It’s not about how many people know your name; it’s about how many lives you’ve touched in ways that truly matter. It’s about the seeds you plant—seeds of kindness, understanding, and inspiration—that may grow long after you’re gone. "And I will live to carry Your compassion, To love a world that's broken, To be Your hands and feet. And I will give with the life that I've been given, And go beyond religion, To see the world be changed." 

9. The Evolving Worldview

"The mind, once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Then : I saw the world in black and white, defined by binaries — right or wrong, success or failure, good or bad. I saw life as a "For Dummies" book, a clear path. It was an oversimplified framework that made navigating life feel safe, as though there was always a clear answer or a correct path. There was a comfort in absolutes, in the notion that following certain "rules" would lead to predictable outcomes. It was the same mindset that made me believe that intelligence was static, that people couldn’t change, and that life was either about winning or losing. But this approach had its limitations. It left little room for understanding others’ perspectives or the layered complexity of situations. I often felt frustrated when life didn’t fit neatly into the boxes I had created. I sought clarity in a world that was inherently chaotic, and I felt overwhelmed when the answers weren’t readily apparent.

Now : The world, I’ve come to realize, is not a puzzle to be solved but a tapestry to be experienced. It’s filled with shades of gray, contradictions, and nuance. I’ve learned to sit with uncertainty, to find peace in the fact that not everything has an immediate answer or resolution. There's always a flow, a time, a space. The concept of "right or wrong" has given way to "what is effective in this context?" Success no longer has a universal definition but instead reflects what aligns with one’s values and goals at a given time. What changed me was the realization that complexity is not chaos—it’s beauty. People are complicated, situations are multifaceted, and answers evolve. I’ve stopped trying to label everything and started asking better questions. Why and How this situation occurs? What are my Johari here? What happened for that perspective to form? I lean into curiosity and exploration, embracing the idea that understanding is a lifelong process rather than a destination.

10. The Role of Reflection

"An unexamined life is not worth living." – Socrates

Then : Reflection has always been part of my life, but in the past, it was raw, unstructured, and deeply emotional. I reflected through poetry, spontaneous musings, and unfiltered thoughts — pouring out whatever was on my mind. These reflections were often reactive, capturing my frustration, joy, or confusion in the moment without necessarily seeking deeper insights or solutions. At that time, reflection felt more like an outlet than a tool — a way to express myself rather than a means to grow. I rarely looked at the bigger picture or thought critically about patterns in my actions or decisions. It was easier to move forward without pausing too long, as stopping to reflect sometimes felt like a confrontation with my own inadequacies or uncertainties.

Now : Reflection is my compass. Whether through journaling, conversations, or quiet moments, it’s how I make sense of the chaos. It’s how I see where I’ve been and where I want to go. Borrowing from frameworks like Gibbs’ Reflective Cycle, I think about not just what happened but why it happened, how I felt, what I learned, and how I can approach similar situations differently moving forward. Reflection has shifted from being a venting exercise to a strategic tool for awareness and understanding people and the inter-personal dynamics too. It is a continuous process — on action, in action, and for action.