So tired of life..........

Don't get me wrong, I dont have a terrible life,
In fact, I have the best of life anyone can get,
But thats all.... and maybe thats why famous people suicide.

I'm tired of being strong,
I'm tired of pressing on,
I'm tired of not being able to break free from life.

It's all about choices,
To what extent you change yourself to suit others?
To what extent you can press on but to destination unknown?
To what extent you choosing living over dead?

Adele - Chasing Pavement

Should I give up
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere....

You see, your life doesnt belongs to you,
You belong to parents, society, friends, and everyone else around you.
Maybe it's Generational Nihilism,
But what good would I bring to society for being a weak person?
Perhaps our problems of society now isnt physical suffering,
But an internal struggle to respond to the situations we face.
It's always an easy way out - death, maybe not me, but whoeever who angers me,
But law and order exist, and it will drag everyone around me into it,
Then why not me? Because only few accepts death as a liberation.

Being Hedonistic, why not death?
It's selfish, but it's liberation.
But, what beyond death?
This is perhaps where religion exist,
Will there be heaven? Will there be an eternal punishment? For being weak?
A fear, a uncertainty, and humans hates that, humans hate uncertainty.

And temper, I have temper, I have a terrible temper,
Not say I can't surpress it, but what good will that bring me?
I've had enough having to swallow my temper to please people,
I know countless ways of service recovery,
But I aint willing,
But it inconvenient people,
Then why should I make people inconvenient?
Too much inter-connected-ness,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all~~ Carry on..... Carry on....... 

So yea no I cant,
I cant leave them in a lurch,
I cant forgo my diving trip,
I havent fulfilled my bucket list,
I can't be knocked down as long as my parents are alive........ 

So, the year is ending.
Time flies, literally.
What have I learnt this year?

I got back on the ground shortly after July,
to receive some negative feedback,
a week streak of it.
For some reason, the more I rectify,
the lousier I fair,
and just at this moment,
a headhunter came.

An established company,
Looking for someone who is young,
have a tourist guide badge,
able to do tour leading overseas,
have experience in conducting/facilitating,
have passion on enrichment.

Sounds a perfect match!

And thus the dilemma.
One of the loooongest dilemma I ever had.
But all these is settled through a very interesting way.

I actually went for tarot reading, so scary the accuracy...
Among all the 78  cards, choose 10, and place in a certain order,
then each card represents something,
my first card was "lovers", it's not bgr but a dilemma between "jobs", which is true cuz of the job offer,
of all the cards the 10 I chosen are swords and wands, a few cups only,
some talked about current "traps" and about "burden" that comes from myself, and supports of "knights" from people around,
future is tough with conflicts and competitors await but the "ship" will come in soon, means fruits of labour coming,
talking about purpose, my purpose has been fulfilled as of now and its time I strive for bigger things,
subconsciously something else is bothering me but no idea what, but this thing will cause drastic sudden change one day and will cause either huge conflict or huge embarrassment however its a pathway to something better, which cant decipher is what,
but do not accept "noises" that may seems lucrative but full of greater struggles that may "bind" me down, but to hold on, again true. Then there's something about "teaching" which is random but that I should look into.
Lastly, message from "Angel" is Magdaline, which something along the line of "Do not worry what others think or say", but believe in "your worth".

Cool eh? So I decided to stay? Maybe its just dog year?
It was the right decision.
I would say that now we are more stable,
And I started to let go all my burdens and worry,
and simply focus on guiding,
I found more peace.

So I began reading books............

I started with "Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck".

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ART OF NOT GIVING A FUCK

MAIN THEME - EMBRACE THE UNCOMFORTABLE

The more you pursue "feeling better", the less satisfied you become as it reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.
We should instead evaluate the "feel bad" part of life and change our perception.

PURSUE NEGATIVITY INSTEAD

Overcoming shortcoming leads to growth.
Suffering is inevitable.
Don't ask "what do you want in life?"
Ask yourself "what would you be willing to suffer for?"
Do not wish for a stagnant life
Ask yourself "why am I suffering, for what purpose?"
Some negativity is essential for breakthrough.
"Our most radical changes in perspective happen at the tail end of our worst moments"

ACCEPTANCE

Do not just focus on your strengths.
Do not compare with others
Accepts your flaw, how do you view it?
Do not fall into "Entitlement"
NEVER view yourself as an underdog or unappreciated potential or undiscovered genius.
Thats why the question I always wonder.........

What's the fuss of all these "Regardless of Race, Language, Religion" madness and class divide.
To be honest I find a lot of people started to blame our government for every thing that dont go smoothly, it's spoon feeding to the extreme. Yes classification exists, so that things can be done more efficiently, what's so bad about yardstick, it provides aims and goals and allows breakthroughs to happen.

Some are 生不由己
Some are 井底之蛙
Some just 蒙在鼓里
Some are 落井下石

Ultimately is we are a generation brought up by a generation on Singapore economic development era, they been through the hardship, the emphasis on academic excellence, so we became kiasu we became elitist, its also not their fault, its sociology over time.....

More importantly then, why are we so affected by classification, so affected by inquality, so affected by labelling? Its is ultimately "us", ourselves.....

OWNERSHIP

Do not ask "why is this happening to me"
Ask "Okay I screw up, how can I improve?"
Taking Reponsibility is not Taking Blame

CHALLENGE

Certainity is the enemy Growth.
Do not search for Certainty.
Search for Doubts. Be Skeptics.
Being Wrong opens by the possibility of Change and thus Opportunity for Growth.

GOALS

Commitment, focus on few quality goals and recognise that it ties you down to remove your FOMO and there's then no need to chase for more goals. Remember time is finite so act on your goals fast. Bigger goals need to be broken down in pieces of the jigsaw to let you take the first step.

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So then shortly after, I started reading into Ikigai. Turns out Ikigai of Work is too myopic. It is only one small portion of the pie. I actually finished this book as I was coaching a junior on his maths. This boy is a gem, at Sec 2, he has achieved maturity more than his peers. He understands moderation, he understands consequences, understands gratitude and very advanced thinking for his age. To spur his motivation first by passing maths and eventually ace-ing them, he moved on to critical thinking and developing a very balanced world view.

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IKIGAI - A COMPREHENSIVE ANALYSIS

WHAT IS IKIGAI ?

Loosely translated from "Ikigai" (life, worth), it suggest the value of life. But ikigai exist in 2 domains, the "Jinsei" (lifetime) and the "Seikatsu" (daily life).

Ikigai is about Finding Happiness :
Shiawase / Kofuku : happy state
Ikigai : looking towards the future by enjoying the present
Action : what steps what suffering what small arduous yet you can see past it as a task but a small portion of happiness from your desired goal

Living the moment : keep life busy
Ikigai : attention to details even on idle
Ikigai is to achieve Consistent Joy

Ikigai is to recognise the ephemeral of joy
Hakanasa : frail transient momentary
Eg Cherry Blossoms
Hanami : gather under cherry blossom, enjoying the moment as it is, that would not be the same at any other point of time

IKIGAI DEFINED

Everyday Life > Lifetime
External World > Internal World (link)
Giving > Receiving
Fluid > Fixed (change/progress)
Emotional > Logical
Specific > Abstract (tangible)

Ikigai leads to :
Intrinsic Happiness
Blissful State of Mind
Control over Emotions
Purpose of Life
Vitality of Living

IKIGAI AT WORK

How much autonomy? How much motivation? How can I achieve job?

Do we possess a grateful heart?

What tasks am I doing? Are we focused on big things or small? Are we affecting perception with history or living the moment?

How do I feel when doing a task? How am I spending time? And what joy am I enjoying or expecting?

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So then I started to become very obsessed to the "now" moment. I started to take every moment as it is, of every ephemeral state. I started to guide as if I am not gonna guide anymore, I started to focus on people, on delivering the best of every moment, I started to lose purpose, I find my motivation in that every moment of my life whether on the job, on meeting people, or roaming the streets. Then it came............ PURPOSE !!

So now, I enrolled myself to driving,
I aim to get financial capability to start funding for Sign Language class,
I would want to one day get a part time entertainer as a Magician too.
That is at least by the end of next year.

Nowadays this song keeps appearing in my life,
In sheng shong, in ice cream uncles, in radio, in barber.......
But now that I listened to the lyrics, WOW!
Long ago I thought about the lyrics being a "Singapore Dream",
Perhaps because Xinyao songs are written in the era,
where SG is going through economic developments,
so lots of material pursue and hardships,
thus the "Whisper of a Commoner"

I now have enough financial capability to fund my lifestyle,
I am working towards achieving median soon,
Yet I have the flexibility of time,
And able to find meaningful things to fill my void,
I have great friends, good company, good work, good parents,
good boss, good colleagues, good lifestyle, good health,
I guess I am the most blessed person in Singapore!!

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小人物的心声
WHISPER OF A COMMONER

也许我一个人
不能成就一番大事业
但我尽力贡献一份微薄的力量

Maybe I alone,
Cannot achiever greatness,
But I will give my contribution with my limited power.

也许我自己
不能发出万丈光和亮
但我能为斗室带来足够的光芒

Maybe I alone,
Could not be the one in the limelight, cant radiate for society,
But I think my dim flame is enough to fill a small room.

我从来都不在乎
自己不是一个大人物
因为平凡也是一种幸福

I never actually care,
To be a great influence of the world,
Because being a commoner is a form of blessing.

看到名人总是忙忙碌碌
我的时间由我控制
平凡日子一样会充实

Seeing great people being always so busy,
But my time is within my means,
Being a commoner can be fruitful and satisfying too.

2018 is indeed an exciting year,
So many changes to life.
Since my 24th, Ive been catching up to several groups of friends,
Very heartening to see how some of them are excelling in their fields,
When we all came from the gutters once.

I guess it's maturity, we start to value education,
We start to take charge of our lives,
assume autonomy of our decisions,
and became much more earthed.

Whilst so, on the sideline also guiding some of the youths,
but it's almost impossible to fully motivate them,
as how we were all unable to appreciate too in the past.

I guess thats the purpose of education,
at the end of the day, it's not teaching you knowledge,
knowledge cant get you far, if anyone wants knowledge, just google.
Education before tertiary is teaching you the complexity of problems,
How subconsciously we are trained to find patterns, seek solutions,
understand the layers and affiliates of each problems,
and then diligently work towards it.
Whether or not you understand the concept or plain memory work,
both are valuable skills to the society in time to come. 

And then we talk about death, there's a philosophy discussion about it.
A very interesting topic and opens me up to some of the view points.
Could be a more meaningful discussion but anyway, some of my takeaways, 

Death - The victim
What is a good death?
How do we prepare for death?
How much of a taboo is death?
Are you frighten of death or jovial?
Is death selfish?

Death - The mental state
To learn how to die is to learn how to live.
To be able to accomplish things you always wanted to do.
To be able to help those you wanna help.
You see, without death, life is meaningless.

Death - The left behind
To recognize our time is finite enables us to cease opportunity.
To be able to be generous in praises and forgiveness.
To be able to accept phrases of life.

Death - the visit
How do we comfort? and why do we say what we say?
Why do we visit the dead? Closure? Memories?
What do we go at the gathering?
Emotional Growth. Social Support.

Death - The suffering
Is death a liberation to some?
Views on Euthanasia and Assisted Suicide?
Why do people suicide? Is it really painless? or simply less pain?

Death - The cultural differences
Funeral practices in Western and Eastern doctrine.
Singapore context of funeral and death - Crypt, Cremation, Festivals, Laws
Types of funeral - Heaven, Fire, Water, Wood, Earth, Wind
What are the superstitions related to deaths? Colour white, Red, Yellow, Black, etc
Views of deceased - gone to better place, or life ends, or rewards for suffering, or detached

Yepp, so anyways, some greedy dude spoilt my week totally.
1 person in the team, always inconsistent in the words,
Say come out with something, but never did,
Say company buy something for stakeholders, but dont want to do the job
Say my planning sucks, but felt not paid enough to takeover
Say be transparent, but never was,
Say we are family, but skeptical whether got reciprocate,

And on the side all of us have been very considerate and sacrificing for this person,
Last thing that tipped me off is that this person felt that either me or another person,
has been not doing jobs, but getting paid a same base salary.
Freaking hell im so damn pissed, not having jobs means we fking get lesser pay,
and we sacrifice our slots for u and thus very free, thus go on holiday,
for fk sake be grateful! Fk it has come to the point, I really dont want this person in the team.
Either this person or me!

So....... My 24th its over.
I am really really grateful for people who turned up.
109 friends, much more than I have expected,
twice my 21st.

It's really touching when friends cancels events,
or make a stop in sg from penang before uk,
or to rush from work,
or to take leave for the party,
and all the little things they did.

This year, I had more chance to actually catch up and talk,
I hope it spearhead many more gatherings to come,
and hopefully I dream of a huge reunion may come true.

Well, gotta say, it's my good year.
The year started with a "curse",
Saying Dog Year babies will be a bad luck,
Fail in business,
Strained relationship with people around,
and no progress in studies.

Look what have I achieved,
1 year of Monster Day Tours,
Though not earning lavishly,
Rather breaking even,
but comparing to regional and also similar companies int he industries,
we have come so far, and we're still going strong.

Ive passed my Tourist Guide,
had gotten my Singapore Citizenship,
ever learning new things in my guiding and my PDC courses.

Ive only yet to take up driving by the end of the year due to my PDL.

TLC was going good, tour leading to a few nice getaways.
Hindering my earning opportunities by volunteering,
but the knowledge and friends Ive gained in my travels are priceless!

I have no idea about the future, but i know next year will be a better year.
Hopefully with ever changing strategies, and continuous support,
I will be able to afford a party with Live Bands and Emcees,
and maybe something experiential to impress or memorable to bring back.
This year did a farm tour, I wonder if we can do hands on workshop in years to come.

But then reality strucks ofcoz, im back to 0 again, gotta save up again.
Life wasnt like golden tap for me, but Im super grateful for all the things I have.
But as greedy as humans, I want more to come,

I want to be :
able to have afford $50 a day meals yet savings of 1k savings per month,
able to volunteer once a week for some social cause,
able to continue conducting classes of any kind once a week
able to set aside $500 for subscriptions charity such as wildlife, education, or sponsor a child
able to set aside $500 for all insurance and accidents plans,
able to comfortably take a getaway once in every 2 months,
able to go for a day class or learn something curated once every 3 months,
able to go for a musical once every 6 months,
able to organize a huge $2k gathering once every year

thats gonna take me like $7.5k a month hahahas faint

And I was asked to update my blog.......

This is forgotten, mainly because life's good. =)

Well lets have a year in review...........

So 2018 started.

This year started with me, preparing for my Tourist Guide badge. It was a stressful beginning definitely. For those who knew me, I never was as hardworking for all my 24 years combined. But ofcoz, alls well ends well, I got my badge.

Being a Tourist Guide in Singapore was never easy. We have to memorize 14 itineraries of 3 sites and 3 coach commentaries, each with a different theme. Themes includes Architect, Culture, Food, Flora and Fauna, Engineering, Economy, War History, Colonial History, Development History, Independence History, Arts, Modern Events, etc etc. It was amazing how much this little red dot has! Literally wonders at every corner, a passion story behind every person.

My exam goes like this : Theme : Development of SG

Coach commentary:

I was the very first speaker, I briefly mention routes, then development of orchard frm plantation to 44 shopping malls, then stuck in traffic, i talked about CK Tangs, then lucky plaza cuz attraction of foreigners leads to melting pot of culture. Then talked about chicken rice, and passport holders got food sampling at basement 4 orchard,  then talk about layers of underground.

Feedback:

Coach commentary terrible, no mention on weather, location, basic stats of sg, too brief on route, too much on CK Tang, very good intro of chicken rice, but didnt say the price, and also didnt explain ion orchard, and nutmeg commentary too early, inconsistent voice volume, jump back and forth in timeline when talking about development, unnecessary jackson town plan

Site commentary: URA

Caught off guard, only tested on level 1 sg map, at this point I'm at my "que sera sera" mode, so I actually began with a song........... "We Will Get There". I briefly sang the few lines, where it states "Look where we are, we've come so far, and there's still a long long way to go", then straight to development of sg in terms of eco and land reclamation, development of diff industries, the famous water story of how singapore river got clean up at Marina Reservoir was formed, sheltered walkway to be built (5foot to 700km) , subways, automation, and more. My Assesors keep bombarding qn around the map, but later they explained it was due to shortage of time.

Some of the questions asked:
- Jurong Cavern
- Waste management
- Water treaty years
- Changi airport (and old airport)
- What are the blank spaces (military)
- How is sg a city garden
- Why shift JBP
- How to assess to nature reserves
- Whats the newest area to develop

Feedback:

Didnt mention basic stats of sg, too long intro about land reclamation which audience are looking at the map, no mention about sg map and directions, only mentioned land size and population, should mention gdp, import export, races and religion, qns are answered mostly, good reserved knowledge but could have better presented, flow could be jumpy, but passionate commentary, very clear direction of development of sg, voice can be too soft at times, but able to guide audience eyes to the areas of discussion.

Yepp so mainly thats how it goes.

Basically I had an easy time. I was lucky. REAL lucky. But at that point in time, on the test, I felt as if it was the end of everything. And this journey had taught me A LOT. I realize how naive and frog-in-the-well we are, living too comfortably, taking everything for granted, and not thinking deep enough of the bigger picture. This is not propaganda, but I genuinely think that this is such a wonderful city of order and opportunities and things are more amazing than what I thought it was ever.

Till now, on my guiding, my passion dont burn up. I really love to share all the fun fact and development stories, and the little off-the-beaten tracks places and stories of passion made possible in this little red dot. At this point I would say me, myself, is an example of a passion made possible. I really love the job, I guess i'm at the best of life I can ever be. I get appreciated, people love my commentaries, life goes by, I explore new places every now and then, I witness the small changes of things little by little. Everything is awesome.

But ironically, after I get my badge, I dont guide much, I'm back to Admin. But instead of operations, I'm more like a business developer. So I love this part of my job too. I get to go do whatever I like, going cafes, bars, events, and what I need to go is to get a group of expats to go with me. Then, I network, I open up new possibilities, new opportunities, new market. This is amazing! Years ago I never thought this was possible.

But then again, I have to take a tour or two from time to time. I cant keep my mouth shut all the time. I need to share! And I need to share with people that borders, people that got interest, not my local friends and juniors who find me a bore, not people who are narrow minded, not people who are too spoilt to appreciate what we already have.

Monster Day Tours turned 1! It was a really really wonderful journey! I remember the times when I had to pull people off the streets for a tour, and now, people just show up. And all the satisfied customers, and returning customers, its amazing! When I travelled this year, I did actually went for Walking Tours around Asia, and I come to realize we really have a VERY VERY VERY good progress! It's amazing how we have came this far!

All in all, im loving life, im loving my job. This is passion.

I actually went for a philosophical discussion on Passion. Obsession. Addition.

It's actually a whole lot of interesting perspective. But I shall leave that to the next time.

It gets really tiring.

Nothing in my life is actually going very smooth.

Is something really wrong with me?

So I failed my BTT, like such basic test, failed by that 1 mark.

Then I guess I failed the Guide Course too, Im just not up to that kind of in depth knowledge and expertise in anything at all.

And I guess I failed my company.

Whatever falls in my hands I screwed it up.

Handling emails, conversion 10-20% whereas my boss achieved 70-90%. Might as well don’t hire me right?

Handling guides and schedules, missed out a couple here and there, and guides gets misunderstanding, simple matter also screwed up.

So someone flared out to say that I have been pressuring, to ask for feedbacks, and also saying that i send guides over to check on him. Firstly, I've said it to all the guides already that occasionally I might send people over, to attract more guides to join us, and for everyone to learn from one another. He is one of the few I had NEVER even send people to spy, it's just new guides to join his tour completely to understand the tour model. I did nothing to spy, which I actually did for other guides, but not him! And he mentioned about filling up slots etc, what the heck nothing is confirmed, and I ensured fair chances for all. Cannot la no matter how much he says he bury the hatchet, but still this kind of suspicious character, I cannot tahan, Im fucking transparent! cant people do the same?! Then he made it sounds like the feedback is I pressure, but seriously the company give u a platform to earn, and company gains nothing but these valuable feedbacks to find out where we should focus our marketing, very hard meh!

I was so close to making walking tours big, making concurrent tours, now everything just screwed up, I have shown ZERO success in any shit! ALL my collaborations etc all in the end ended in failure.  

Joined the company in hope to come out with interesting off the beaten track tours and food tours. Working okay in the beginning then now scrapping everything already. Even the After Dark gonna become something super out of the world, not the current “Development of SG” theme. Then why do I even go through all the knowledge of the guide course.

I wanna promote sg, I wanna guide, but this seems to be more like event organised now, event host.

I guess im not that capable as I thought I am.

Then at home, every month end need to explain data usage, need to explain expenses. Yes I know im over spending. But then again, it’s a kind of lifestyle I want to live. I need my travels every month I need my theatre and shows and events. Then extra expenses here and there for drinks if not it would be weird to not drink on my tours which involves drinking. And smokes of course. And occasionally here and there to cover for my generosity.

I didnt.really have this problem back then though. Had much more time, had more spending power. And I seem to excel better at F&B. At least in F&B physcially tired, not mentally, and I think Ive achieved that kind of level to handle anything more emotionally detached.

Why did I chose this?

Am I on the right track?

Am I being a quitter, am I not persevering enough? 

But why struggle to get what might not be my destiny?

Sigh.......... Why am I not born in a silver spoon?

Why is my luck not picking up?

Why am I so tired………. Moodless………

Reviving a dead blog.....

Well, it's been a while since I started running this Special Interest Travel Agency that does inbound markets. Honesty it's luck to step into this, as this was exactly what I wanted in life - The freedom to do and develop what I always wanted. Again this rash step of life was due to reassurance from my friends that I am suited in the Travel Industry, during my ORD trip with WH and friends.

Anyways, the Travel Industry is definitely exciting now. There will be some drastic change in Travelers Profile. There will be a rising trends in FIT, as people are so widely traveled they no longer needs souvenir shopping and commercial photogenic places anymore. Many started looking into local experiences, when they actually start to eat, drink, sleep, pray, like locals, to fully dip into the local scene to see the world in different angles.

That's what we aim to provide! Not so much on restaurants, but normal hawker centres, with good local street food, at least for our Foodie Express, with commentaries about what makes the Singaporean Dishes special. These are popular ethnic enclaves, Little India, and Chinatown, but how many actually went to explore every corner, every alley, every story?

Then we do Night Tours, not many operators are doing this, or rather I think we are the only one, that breaks from the standard 4 bars 1 club model, and actually provides for a range of personalities. With inclusions such as  rooftop bars, local supper scene, speak easy bars, night dating spots, and ofcoz the iconic Singapore night view of skyscrapers, we are fun, but not the wild clubbing kind. We do what the locals do at night! Chill, date, stroll, eat!

Myself, I'm a strong advocate for Asia 101, a tour developed for travelers to taste and explore the South East Asian countries around Singapore, Myanmar, Indonesia, Malaysia, Vietnam, Philippines and Thailand. This should be promoted for cruises and travelers who came to Singapore for a layover but may not have planned South East Asia in their itinerary, then this is definitely be a value added experience.

As for the Foodsteps of Gordon Ramsay, I developed it as that was the very first Tour I ever did when I submitted this experience with a Local Experiences hub like WithLocals or AirBnB.

So when everything is getting established properly in just these 2 months, we run Daily FREE Walking Tours and are rising in fame with more outreaches to Hostels and Accommodations, as well as F&B establishments. Yet, come June, we will be facing lots of strong competitors emerging, backed by strong big players overseas, bringing the model here.

Commercial tourism will decline definitely, which would be beneficial to us, but a huge paradigm shift in the industry. It WILL definitely affects the traditional travel suppliers, such as Hotels that solely depend on Tour Agencies, and due to the surplus of hotels nowadays, but declinign supply of mass tourism. Hotels and hostels will be taken over and combined into something big, because the small ones can't survive the price war and the old 3 to 4 star hotels too much vacancy since commercial tourism not bringing them people.

Sentosa will burst, with Locals and Travelers, and soon there will be measures for traffic flow. Ethnic quarters will be the next "in" thing, Chinatown, Little India, Bugis, even to heartlands and outskirts like Changi, and Jurong, and Mandai will rise in Fame. Ethnic and Culture will definitely shift to be more commercialized and may lose some of the very traditional practices and start to become like staged acting for travelers, but then again, as long as culture lives on, knowledge are passed on, why not right?

Tour buses will decline too, more smaller kombis and mini bus or vans would be in demand.

So I could sense the excitement and all already! Yet then again, in terms of resources, financial and manpower, do we really have enough? Are we able to grasp the attention and exposure before some big players come in and steal the limelight? I seriously do not know. And myself, my experience with fate isnt that great, I always considered myself unlucky by nature, but lucky due to strong support from the people around me, which I'm truly humbled by them, I wish to do more, but more often than not, I'm only as a man can do, there's only this much a man can do. Opportunities are there, but I'm not fortunate enough to score the right ones, I can only bang more walls and walk my way there eventually, but slowly, hopefully surely.

Anyways for those of you who has not:

Website: www.MonsterDayTours.com
Instagram: @MonsterDayTours
Facebook: www.facebook.com/MonsterDayTours  

Late night thoughts......... again

Well, today just watched a Movie about Frauds, Master.
crazy people,
earning money from people who
snowball their pending doom?
these kind of money can sleep at night?
then again undergrounds and black money are fastest money....
Great movie, but then again,
seriously, it's amazing how people can earn so much money really.
money makes the world go round.
It's true, was talking to a friend,
then on hindsight now,
feel so "poor".

I mean ofcoz when compared to many others I'm more than well to do,
but then again, looking at people around me, closed friends
they are never bothered by money,
though they may not live such a crazy life,
but they grow up typically,
they follow the society path,
isnt that bad after all.......

me,
my lifestyle cost above average,
my parents loves money,
and everything they talk about it money,
they are fixated with money,
not that they are not loving,
but ultimately,
money matters always ruin every family warmth there could be,
this is not present in others,
as they are not lack of money you see.........

i feel bad though,
my dad is always supportive of me, 'my mum are at times overly concerned that
it may become a hindrance instead,
too much naggings,
instead of encouraging you see,
so little understanding,
so many reprimanding or lecturing
like adding legs to a snake drawing,
i'm really not complaining about not born in silver spoon,
it's never their fault,
but you see,
same life different circumstances,
not like we are far worst then others,
but then a little more wealth would solve so many issues.

Then again,
often the rich are the stingy, crafty, cunning ones,
that counts to the last penny,
if i were to be at that stage,
would i be as wasted as spoilt as ignorant?
not saying anyone is that bad now but thats the general description of silver spoon?

ultimately,
to break from the "work=money" cycle,
is through passive income,
but then again,
totally no talent in these,
then i thought of people who did,
they are doing fine even at young age,
and im now searching high and low to forage some penny,
not to mention some already bought a condo at 22,
like wow........
admiring........

life's hard yo...........

Sigh, every since ORD, i dont know, things were rather great, tangibly, but not so intangibly.

Many times I felt Im really not a good son. I cant communicate to my mum at all.

You see, there's just so many things that she is different. Personality wise.

1) She always felt that what ever I am doing that do not earn money are useless things. She never see the value in socialising. She has been a housewife all her life, how can I expect her to understand? Then how else can I make her understand?

2) She is too petty to everyone. For example, she expects people to pay sky high 2.5k and above for starting job. She never see the need of probation period. She never understand the need of progressive or proportionate to performance. She expects the whole world paying for my every effort I did.

3) She always thinks the whole world is using me. Yes I know a lot of times Ive been cheated of money, or that I spend unnecessary on people, on cakes, on food, but that doesnt mean it has no value at all. I mean, at the end of the day, if a little expenditure takes away others stress on financial issues and thus we can have a good time enjoying a meal or activity, why not?

You see, most importantly, at the end of the day, all I need is a home where I can go back to, asking me hows everything, briefly know what I did and then care more on whether ive eaten, or how do I feel, instead of "oh why cant you do this? or why must you do this?" kindda conversation. I envy families that watch movies together, play games together, organises family outings, and never seems to have such tough conversations. Can't she talk about "oh, you did this, how did it go, anything funny happened?" instead of "oh how much you spend again, you know you poor dad earning very little.... etc etc...?"

I am blessed enough to be in this family, because they are really nice, to be constantly helping me to get stuffs when Im busy. I know their effort, I appreciate, but you dont have to put other people down to steal the limelight. You dont have to say things like "why arent you given money to buy the materials?" or "why they dont provide you transport to carry the props?". The problem is:

1) If every trivial problem I ask for money, I ask for "red carpet", what kind of man am I?

2) I am normally an understanding person, usually I'm not peculiar about money matters, not because I dont fret it, it's because I know if I can afford, why cast this burden on others?

Now that I am unemployed, it's really really a heavy stress on me. my time is so occupied with all the small stuffs that in a long run will get me somewhere (hopefully), and so for now I wont earn much, I cant provide them luxury rich wealthy life........ and I will depend on them for now, but even this basic "love" or "support" that I want to, is filled with so many tears and unhappiness. I mean, everytime taking our plight to scold me, how could I even bear to take such money.

Am I not good enough?

Am I not independent enough?

Everytime bring them out so much comments so much critics........
what did I do wrong?

Everytime say "I did not say that",
what am I suppose to argue back? confirm lose one.....

Am I not considerate enough?

I'm so tired........ of not getting the ideal kind of family dynamic i wish to have.
Or maybe it's just me, not seeing how lucky I am.....

sigh....... useless.....

........ nvm continue this next time....

Farewell text 

Hello guys!

It's been a great pleasure to be in SRF Platoon 3 meeting all of you here! 

It's wonderful that I met so many awesome people that made my NS journey so much more bearable and even fun! 

Thanks for all the joy and laughter we had! 

I started off SRF being like an alien, since I come back from PRV course, but eventually u guys are very much friendly and approachable. I learnt many things through you guys to help me blend into SRF. 

I'm grateful of being posted here as I guess the system here is much like the ideal system I would want. I believed that the new world leadership is whereby leaders say what they want to achieve and men work things out for them, and together they have good welfare, understanding one another, understanding as matured human beings with trust and responsibility.

*for all laojiao, commanders n troopers*

So here in SRF I thank each of you to cooperate, and slowly, hand in hand, to slowly achieve this vision I have. Not many conflicts and not too many politics here. Commanders have our welfare in mind and always fight for our rights and benefits. I thank you all for giving me the chance to realise this. (This applies only to plt3 commanders.)

You may have many opinions on me. I apologise if there were certain social interaction flaws I have, that I might have offended you in one way or another, be assured I bear no grudges and probably I don't even realise them. Some of u have sponge a lot of old man wisdom, some I just gave up, sry about that no time for everyone, I can only influence so much, up to u all to absorb.

Sorry that many times I do things way more than I'm expected to, because I feel that it's always the extra 1% that I can only grow, because 1.01^365 is 37.7 but 1% less effort means 0.03. There are days where I cut corners ofcoz, but as long as it's not too much of my effort I strive my very best, I hope for your futures out of SAF to be like this too! 

*for all laojiao troopers*

I especially thank those that really did the extra mile for our platoon, those who had to come back on 90ntm to cover, to postpone appointments because we are lacking of men, and even small things like helping to carry ilbv and helping out on Monday stores. 

During training, I am heartened to see you guys taking the initiatives on how to fight missions, to switch roles so that certain positions are not too taxing. The level of chemistry, pls keep it up! Esp section 2! 

These are things I find makes our platoon who we are. We look out for each other, help each other, and work together. *I see teamwork in Mission I see communications in decisions*, thank you all so much. 

*for all commanders*

As for the commanders, thanks for entrusting me with many responsibilities, to put up with my muddle-headed-ness, rebellious attitude, casual talkings and straightforward-ness. I sincerely think all of you are great people! You are *receptive to rebuttals, coherent in commands and sincere in service*. 

*for all laojiao mounting ppl*

Thanks for the many mountings I have, for how many $120 and tomahawks we ate, all the food outings, overseas and cohesions we have, all the jokes the accents and legendary moments we have, the changi airports the muffin maggie the sean chan the naruto the harlerm shake in toilet and all the many many others funny unforgettable stories. I come from those Tanglin days and shifting of bunks, those were the great days, n up till these days, we still have the "never to bojio boshare bobrother" commitment. These made up to what we are, our identity. 

*for all laojiao troopers*

I thank my fellow friends who surprises me at 12 midnight on my birthdays, and for supporting the KTV cohesion. I thank too for all the bday cakes I bought, along with the pranks and surprises planned. 

*for new troopers*

I believe life will be a better place, if people achieve understanding and harmony, by empowering people to in turn empower ourselves, by focusing on nurturing assets, by accepting differences, by taking ownership of own life, own well being, own trainings, own management. 

Well for the new troopers, the journey head won't be easy, there's a whole load of information n skills waiting for u to sponge, no matter how much u don't like whoever, you gotta adapt, you gotta take sometime to uncover the many stories behind every character, you gotta have patience, have understanding, you gotta compromise, you gotta find a common ground to work things out, because u fight as a section, each of unique roles, and u gotta perform well! With chemistry, if not at least SOP.

Approach senior troopers when in doubt, esp ppl like Julian or Feng Long, and when they ask u do things pls help, I don't like hearing people say "no don't want" it's damn rude and disrespectful, shows how shallow your character! Help each other in stores and other stuffs to help out platoon function better! Think before u act don't sabo ur platoon mates! 

Pls do your roles well. Gotta work smart, work hard, work together, cannot man mode cannot half fk. Because ure in here by chance, but how you benefit or contribute is by choice, you gotta take ownership of it!* 

Oh and I think u all should come out with a *SRF fund*, to buy things like air refresher for the bunks, and mounting utensils like pans and woks or other cooking equipments. Mounting ingredients is mounting section settle for every mount not in the fund. Pls help each other for example is pepper n salt finish don't be stingy, the upcoming mounting section help replenish. Things like oil eggs no need replenish cuz every mount confirm buy new. 

*for all senior troopers still in SRF*

As for senior troopers, u gotta step up to teach to guide to inspire to groom, because what u are dealing with are new from the scratch troopers. Don't forget we all been there done that, u can do a better job passing down the info. *You are to teach who are given to you, not who you like to teach, to work with the people of right now, not the people you used to have, it's an extremely tough job, but you're given this life, landing in this position, because you are strong enough to live it!* Jyjy!

*for Megat, Feng Long, Julian, Yong Wei*

You have to be drilled to sect comd lvl, think specs lvl, what to be done, what to achieve. 

Eg:

- Every night briefly say the next day plan is what, who do what who help what

- in Mission think what is sect comd responsibility can help for example in PRV conduct overturn drill, force prep, or ask for reinforcement, linking process, etc. Take over admin matters like IPPT results, offs, leaves, (with date used and date gained) etc 2IC collate and keep updating every week

- driver IC (Julian) to collate Drivers mileage, class 4 mileage, accumulated and monthly

*for all current SRF troopers*

*Don't be too calculative.* Try not to expect benefits everytime you make the extra effort, think more on the bigger picture, the section the platoon the company, if you can help, please help, even if it seems unfair. As you don't do things to impress, that doesn't mean people don't see your works. 

*Contribute generously*, in terms of help and participation. Your rewards maybe intangible, the respect, the friendship, the trust, and who knows when there comes the time when you needed help.... 

*Accept changes*, like the ying yang 8 trigrams, its curved divisor suggests movement, means that equilibrium or zero sum is only achieved with time in consideration, in 3 dimensional picture. Nothing stays bad or good all the time, but there are traces of bad in good and good in bad. I hope that you will embrace changes, to have the courage to change the things you can, and serenity to embrace the things you can't. 

Don't deem things to be useless or futile too fast, you may think some experiences are waste of time, *but life is precisely so, like a tree*. It's made out of branches of various shapes and sizes. Some are useful, with many leaves, some blooms, but some whither, some are barren. But these experiences made up the entire tree. 

*One mountain is always shorter than another*. There are always mountain lower that you out there. Don't feel too bad for yourselves, have pride! Whilst not forgetting there are taller mountains, then aim! So never think you are incapable, you are not! You are awesome! You are good hands! You are talents! Thinking individuals! 

There are some things I wished to improve still:

- *communications*, we all have whatsapp, communicate if the actions you do involves others, let commanders know too, for accountability purposes. 

- *gratitude* when u receive something, THANK! when someone help u do something, THANK! Pls show ur ICs and commanders some gratitude! When ur ICs and commanders gives instructions, follow! ROGER!!  No need all but at least someone!!! People write bday wishes well wishes respond!!!! Ppl ask question reply!!!!! If donno ask others who might know!!!! Ask until u get the answer to answer back!!!! Initiatives!!!!!!! 

- *clarification*, if unclear, ask, if donno, ask, if know, apply, if understand, help those tht don't. Eg: 

Person A say go point X

Person B say go point Y

clarify with person B saying person A say go point C, then tell person A that person B say go point Y, they will discuss and get back to u, *NO MATTER WHAT RANK*

- *cohesiveness* within our platoon, train hard together, so as to finish training fast and sweet, no need for unhappiness or lousy AARs after that, either way we do have a lot of admin times. Help other platoons too, unconditionally, after all we are all one SRF. 

- *laziness* it's in our nature, but if you don't do, eventually someone else must do, so pls do! Some things have a larger consequences if not done properly, don't cut corners! You can be lazy but not irresponsible, that's what in trying to say.

- *discern* the weaker ones, help them, cover them, do something to cover everyone's weakness, while doing so slowly try to improve them

- *character* , I believe in character upbringing. Simple things like always leaves a place better than, or at least as good as, the state when you came. Easy, stand by area. It's really not about army discipline, is about character, respect to the place, and to the people before that who maintained the place. These are auto, if u see dirty help clean if u see untidy help keep. If u are a guest at someone else place help maintain and area cleaning because character, they are NOT obliged to help. 

- *mounting* it's like chalet, don't keep lying on your bed doing your own stuffs, do things together! Even if it doesn't interest you still do! So there will be bond, so there will be more understanding of each other. Take some time to accommodate to everyone's interest! I really wish I could have made everyone learn cooking and stuffs I apologise for not doing so. Pick up guitar, pick up games, virtual, sports or board, watch movies, sing songs, altogether! 

- *accept* everyone's differences and give and take, sound off of unhappy, accept criticism, work out a common ground whilst not compromising Cohesion or Mission. 

Ok talked too much, oh well hope I make changes to all of you, till we meet again!! 

Oh yes among all these the plt rules! Pls do not forget to Mandi (bathe)

I envision a platoon where people are willing to help each other (commanders or men) whenever they can, everyone to remember to care for the *Mission AND Men*, a balance is achievable, the greatest test of leadership is to have 2 different sides but yet able to function in unity, the most important word among the 3 is "AND"

My last days in SRF quite mentally shagged I was not in the best state of mind and behaviour to be a role model so take the meat throw the bones (learn the good part throw the bad), apologise for that, may be quite bahlonglong at times, but please don't learn that, learn more to be humble and respectful to each other. 

Left the platoon in a mess cuz I failed, in terms of I should have done a better job grooming others than grooming me, because in SRF it's ultimately not about one person can do everything but one person can inspire everyone to do everything together, because *we are only as strong as our weakest link*. Pls do a better job on this than me! 

It is how you function without a leader that actually determines how good is the leader. 

Pls help ur commanders and PC! 

Probably won't see me in SRF anymore unless visiting (or so I hope) 

Ok, sayonara!! 

Oh ya pls take care of your health and safety! Can't afford to status cuz one persons welfare may one another's suffering. If selarang fall down i have fastem gel to anti swell, if swell use hot water rub if sprain then blood clot then use ice, if dry cough drink honey eat medicine at fridge if wet cough got the coconut brand cough syrup too, if diarrhoea eat norit x 3 and snectra x 3, 5 hours one time, 4 times, should be fine by then. Okay? 

Rights ciao.