Well, Today's post, I shall start by talking about "一念之间". It is a kind of philosophy where it means "that Moment of Enlightenment". It is why we say it's a "moment" of enlightenment, because that moment, that very second, may very well be one of the longest second in our lives, where we undergo a transformation of the heart, personality and attitude towards a world view.

According to it, there are four concept that we would understand:

1) There are no difficulties in the world, only difference in levels of persistence and resilience. After all, after the problem is solved, as we look back, it isn't very hard actually.

2) There are no good and bad deeds, there are only good and bad intention, and there are nothing which is absolute bad or absolute good. Sometimes, thing that may seems bad is actually good. And the outcomes might lead to a good thing or a bad thing after all, 塞翁失马焉知非福.

I once saw a movie, where the supporting character, out of good intention, about someone thought that by doing (something), then the main character will be saved, but did not save him and instead give him more troubles, but the main character, knowing it will bring him more troubles, did not say anything to her, letting her "give him more troubles", because her intention was good, because her mentality was that if he did that (something), the problems will be solved.

Or something like that. I didnt understand why he did that, like couldnt he tell her it was ridiculous? Now I understand, it is her intention which is good, and although harmful/futile, he rather let her cling on that hope.

3) There are no success or failure, there are only disheartened or satisfied people. Success is subjective, everyone's definition of success is different, some in numbers, some in quality, some in fulfilling purpose, some by finding one. One thing might result one to gain in something, but there might have a side effect of losing in some other aspects.

4) There are no happy or sad things, there are only peaceful or frustrated mind. With a frustrated mind, nothing seems to gain true happiness. In a peaceful mind, doing nothing might be something happy too. This effect, if like a candle in a dark room, that brightens every corner of it. If there is peace within, you will be enlightened.

So speaking of all these, I remember talking to a good friend of mine about me finding my own peace of mind. I guess I'm like my sec 1 self, kept feeling there's a caged beast inside of me. So I told him that what I did was to keep me busy, so I'm always on the move, and thus the small happiness I get from events and activities might snowball and perhaps eventually develop into a happy state of mind. But no, I guess it was momentary, and so the "snowball" remains in size, and by inactivity it diminishes. So a quote makes sense to me.

When young, happiness is a possession, we need to own happiness.
Growing up, happiness becomes a goal, we need to reach it.
Maturity, happiness is actually a state of mind, we need to be enlightened for it.

I guess I'm at stage two, because I aim to attain that stage 3 happiness, which satisfies the second stage description, I cant get out of it.

So I began exploring myself more in martial arts, as it is a form of "pursuing yourself" kindda thing.

Well, school started, same old same old, scholarship taken away, and work continues.

Perhaps one of the funny thing happened this week is that as SX announces his marriage plan we were all congratulating or taunting each other instead of congratulating him, for very long hahah!!! Cuz Me and Jo think that it will be very soon, and I was getting anxious when Lin got maried, and true enough soon is his turn!! Hahas, and Sheng and Tai said that he would do so after our NS.

Anyway today in wushu, Full Force came down. Really happy to see that. =) somehow got that anime feeling, like those dawn is coming, then full team facing the sun, get ready to chiong for a common goal, runnign towards the sun... hahas! XD Great ambition, but I dont feel like taking up SJG, but for wuhsu sake, I shall find a suitable SJG! Feel like taking up new weapons like Pu Dao instead.

Recently listening to: 張震嶽-認輸 (Admit Failure)

原來自已不聰明       　原來什麼都沒有
原來應該瞭解的道理　       現在才知道
原來輸給了世界　       原來輸給了自已
原來錯在不承認失敗　   誰可以原諒我

Anyway, also on Sat, after spending the day with my parents, when to meet with friends. The whole story begins with them wanting to meet for Iron Man 3, which I got lazy to watch. I didnt talk in the whatsapp chat at all. Then, knowing that they will eventually not watch, I wanted to meet them, but decided to stick with my parents first, then go bar hopping at CCP Then, found out that they cancelled it, so I called J to inform him that it was cancelled, afraid that he might be angry if he reached but plan cancelled, so I asked what is their plan then. So on the phone to my understanding is that they say meet at church, I say want to go dinner, I suggested Manhattan, but they say they wanted to go nearby eat, like BBT or so, so I declined. After awhile, realized they were waiting for me famished.

I didnt say I am going, they assumed I am going. On the surface I was rather pissed, but then I realised, they actually willing to wait for me, so it means something about my standing in their hearts, I became happy then. =) Similarly, despite cancelled plan, J went to meet, means he misses them too? =) things are not always so bad, just understand each other. There are times when people are hard to get along with, but sometimes I think, maybe it is just that "I" am the one hard to get along with.

Though ever since last year I didnt "care" them so much, we are after all still one family. =) Just that I have grown out of the teen years, kindda felt that I have no use to know about their lives and etc anymore. On the contrary, someone is really showing great care and concern for them but seems to not receiving well. Pity him.

Hey folks, Im back

Well, school is starting. Anyway, missed Thur competition because after sending YongJie off on Wed, I went to ton through the night with WC because I have work around that area at 6am. So after that 3h, Thur after work, went to bar hopping at CCP, and then waking up at 5am on Fri to work, then wushu class at night, and then night cycling with Jorgen. Finally on Sat after Linnet's Wedding, we went for the long awaited formal poshed dinner, and then went drinking again till 3am. That was why I  missed wushu, I thought of a power nap of 45mins, but slept for 3h, and then went Qing Ming with JL, then stayover at CL house, and that crazy guy asked me to wake up at 5am!!! Yesterday I knocked out real bad. Total of 21h sleep for a total of 120h is really crazy.

Thats my life. With tons of reflections.

The sending off was quite common as I do that often. But this time, it's rather different. First of all, the duration was not long, yet he had alot of people to send him off. That's a really big success for him as a person, to be able to make such great impact on all of us to send him off. It was also the first time I saw him almost teared when KG approached him. What a heartwarming moment. Then, the next was about his wait, he waited till the moment I arrive before going in. He is really a man of his word. If he say he'll wait he will! This sort of made me more assured of the decision I made last tue. Also, this reminds me of J who send my parents off on 3h sleep! He was the first and only one to do that, sadly, it seems like it was his nature instead of a good friend I am. Really speaks so much about me. Then, the last one is about the cell not waiting and left. This grew doubt in me that this is the group Im gonna grow up with. I mean like, one little storm, 2 persons left, how about the rocky road ahead? Anyway, WC bothered to wait for me, and we chatted through the night, about our lives, our future, families, and everything. A good catch up.

On Fri, it was so funny when we were talking about taolu, and our forms, and everything, then on my own I was combining BaGua and TangLang haha! Then Sheng Hui saw and LOLed me, and he too made a BaJiTangLang hahahas! That night was so called "The night we all achieved a higher level of wushu" hahahs! We internalized our forms into Tang Lang ever since XingYi TangLang during camp!!

On Sat, Lin's wedding was cool. Simple, loving, blessed. That got me thinking of my own in the future. Perhaps, I might like simple too? a simple getaway?? but it will be a once in a lifetime thingy, I would prefer grand, even though got little guests, make it grand? hahas. Or make it unique, a wedding that lasted a week? Plan some cool activities that link up on the theme of marriage?

After that, we decided to go town with blazers, short and SLIPPERS!!! hahas!!! Fun outing! Then we also decided to use the blessings form Lin for a posh dinner. Okay, not we, is I. Sometimes, I really wish there would be someone of my age with same mentality as me to share this "burden", but oh well. Anyway, I also decided that instead of my credit, it should be Lin's, as seeing how broke I am, I wouldnt give such a treat, and also, I decided not long ago, to pay it forward instead, to participate in Chope For Food movement. This way I dont just benefit people around me, but random strangers, a total random act of kindness, as benefiting people around me might be a biased action.

Then, Qing Ming. we went to pay respect to ShiGong Chen Yu He. That was when I saw how happy Jl was, to see his TuDi TuSun coming. Though we had a punctured tyre on our way, then me and Tai was like, "Okay, Im in red, you're in white, we look like the triangle signal thing, but stagnant, we should move!" hahahs! Then we went left right for awhile hahas! Something fun about Tai, he is able to think these dumb ideas at my frequency hahas! JL taught us about chinese history, about why grave is called "Mu Bei", it is because Confucius thought of erecting a stone to identify the grave he is visiting since the grasses would grow in a while. He also mentioned how only Southern China has "Bao Bing", which is to pay tribute to ancestors by wrapping ingredients in it.

Then, he mentioned about how famous was ShiGong, having disciples who are Rich and Famous yet at the end of the day, it is all up to us, one small wushuhub. Sigh. Sometimes, we should really treasure those people around you that dont seem to shine, cuz what glitters eventually leave for the brighter stars. Same as dramas and families too. After all the nurturing, those that returns are normally the ones we most neglect.

JL inspires me alot, with his life stories, with his level in the Martial Arts Realm. I remembered how happy I was when he praised my Ba Gua despite me not practicing it. I also remembered how disappointed I was when he stopped me before one part of my taolu, I really thought I was rubbish. He was different, he explained that after all it all goes to basics. When the basics are not right, taolu is not use. He usually stops people before half a taolu, some even at the very first step. He was right. I really had much to learn. He then showed me and enlightened me to some of the techniques, he didnt expalin, he just let me watch, and I understand. He is really that awesome! So I decided to visit him once a month, staying at CL house or BW. Why once a month only? Cuz firstly I had no time due to busy schedule and sch starting and responsibilities coming. Secondly by doing so he wont have too high expectation of me, leaving me with more chance to be diligent and impress him. He said, 勤有功戏无益 I think, cant remember exact wording, it means that hardwork pay off, acting wont show results. I witness how tough Chen Lei trained with him, to be able to achieve such standard.

So then mon, we all went to watch CL competition. Hahas, we can also see how strong is his ties with JL, we all tried to reassure him and calm him, but that hour was all in vain until he called JL to just talk to him. AWESOME! Really touching to see such Shifu-Disciple relationship!

Anyway, competition was stupid, all the 8.3, 8.4 ppl had lousier standard than him, jus that he was unlucky enough to have a strong one just before him. Then, they minus 0.4 marks! gosh so much! kns anyhow give marks, oh well, pointless pointless. I once thought what is the point of competition, so unfair and so pretentious, rather fight stage, but then again, what is Martial Arts if it is only about fights? After all, it is a personal journey of understanding yourselves, the peace and the world around you.

What a day! Woke up at 5am to prepare for morning job. Then, during the job, I suddenly had this idea to sell one product of food. Since we need alot of work and capital if we were to open a brand new shop, plus the credibility, traffic and "sign". Thus, we can always sell products to existing famous stalls to improve their popularity? Why didnt I thought of that?

Anyway, so then since Samy was really sick, we cancelled our meeting. Hope he get well soon! It's good that we didnt meet too so I could rest at home, watching TV, eating lunch, and then biked to CL competition. 

I felt really sorry for him. He put in so much effort in wushu, practiced so much, so much hardships, so much training  yet he didnt get a result that he was satisfied. He was very scared, terrified I could say, and extremely disappointed, depressed, he really didnt want anyone to see his performance. So although JL should see it to critic and improve, I made a firm decision not to reveal it at all. I promised him not to. Some other person broke his promise and showed sx, I felt really terrible. It's really a matter of principle. Just because he is still rather young, and "easy to bully or tease", doesnt mean his dignity and words are to be taken lightly. I really think it was overboard. My trust had dropped to half. I think it's belittling to exhibit a person's ineptness in a burlesque manner, especially when he had the trust in him.

Well, coincidentally I was playing "What Are Words" on the Piano before going for the competition. This is why I was firm, I guess it was a warning? A foreshadow? But then now I feel worst, as I think I had said alot of stuffs to some people close to me, even though I dont mention names, when I share my problems or getting comments and viewpoints, they could guess who the person I was referring to. In a way, I was not keeping my promises too. Dang I felt really bad right now. Seriously, what are words if we dont really mean when we say them? Emptiness. Gone in the wind. We are so easily manipulated to talk out the problems and from their all the mists could be breezed away fast. Then, this is indirectly breaking promises too. This also meant we are weak, so weak that we need someone to vent the problems to, to direct the "burden" away. We are weak! We cant fight it on our own!

That's life actually, we like to focus on weakness, we find faults easily, we rank people, we label losers, we compare. Competition seems all so meaningless, who are we competing against? What is Martial Art?  What is the value in it? What makes a man? Why learn Martial Art? Seems like I have gotten to the stage, where I start to question back the origins, the very reason why I do the things I do, that feeling, that mentality, that moment. Or perhaps I merely took a break from this stage of life by occupying myself to distract myself from thinking, and now with time in my hands I started to think again. I think society will be alright if everyone is busy, cuz when we got nothing to do, we really really really think alot.  

A fool will lose tomorrow reaching back for yesterday;
I won't turn my head in sorrow if you should go away.
I'll stand here and remember just how good it's been, 
and I know I'll Never Love This Way Again.

Sometimes in life, there are times where we would make rash decisions, infatuatious decisions, for that moment of time. Sometimes, we dont. It's really funny, how that one moment of fear could enshroud us from our view, from our judgement, from our rationale. It's that fear, fear of no tomorrow, fear of losing that moment, that we would do things out of our mind. Yet again, it might be the other way round, where the moment was lost, and you want it back, you regret that moment, you would think that the moment was wasted, that the consequences could be minor, and you didnt do a thing. Well, happens alot in our lives I guess - always that indecisive moment!

These few days are listening back to the oldies, from the Disco 70s, to musicals like Dirty Dancing. Oh reminds me of how I wished I could be as slim as charming as those ballroom dancers, shaking their hips and twisting their waist like rubber. And maybe I could meet a beautiful dancer as my partner, for dance and for life? Then we can dance for the rest of my life, in ballroom occasions, events, and cruises! Hahas! Hopefully sexy Salsa! Hahas! Then I can sing "Save the Last Dance" hahas!

Then I also listened to Whitney, esp her rendition of "When We believe" with Mariah, seriously, 2 powerful singers, sing with faith in God and deep friendship, and joy of singing. Then, I heard her "Greatest Love of All", in my opinion best song that represents love, not "I Will Always Love You", cuz I think Dolly sang it with better expression of the "letting go", and "stubborn-ness" and love better than Whitney, since Whitney version is more of long extended breaths and high pitch melody. Dolly's spoken version was better. Anyway, yea, then as usual one of my favourite songs, "That's What Friends Are For", my nose soured, Somehow this song never fails to let me reflect on the friends I have, the friends I used to have, the times with friends I had, and all, and always make me time travel back to the past, and then as the song ends always force me back to reality, with great inertia from myself. Till date, I always envied other people's friendships, always think that I dont have such, but I think I should be accustomed to my lifestyle and be contented already! Sigh, too high demand, just as what was said, "Happiness happens within you, not around you"

Today woke up at 6am, yet cuz I thought I beat the alarm, I doze of on the sofa, thus completely missed the alarm. Late for wushu, then cycled after training. Had a really really fun time. XD Hope we have more of such outings to increase the bond. Then, there is this trainee I felt so much like me, his personality, his lifestyle, his habits, his preferences..... Really hope to see this kid grow, and not make trouble! Haha. Sometimes when I see people that are so like me, Im rather scared that they would be like me. And perhaps till date my biggest loser of me is not able to motivate anyone at all towards studying.

Gonna be a week of early wake up cuz of my job, so not gonna blog for awhile again. Ciao.

A week passed again.

This week pieced itself together in an very interesting way.

Firstly, I had no mood to go out, totally did not plan to go out at all. Perhaps still the post-cruise syndrome. Anyway, so surprisingly I had people calling me up everyday. So there goes my week. But the highlight of the week should be centered to my job. Initially, the job vexed me up, I have to cover the transport fee, travelling time, for a little working hour and rate, on top of that I had to "train" my dad to do it as I had to be covered for Fri and I thought he could do it. However, now that the week is almost over, I am grateful of the opportunity. My dad is cool! Through the week, my dad had to cycle from Eunos to Esplanade everyday, giving him exercise, and got him to understand that not all jobs seems so easy, and then get him to "upgrade" his skills to multi task, and it's a kind of silence bond between us. It's quite heartwarming actually.

So basically my job requires me to just sit on the bus stop for 2 hours, taking note of the plate number, wheelchair accessibility, advertisement carrier, boarding, alighting, left over and capacity.

Tomorrow will be a full day for me, and to take on a new wushu class which I totally have no idea how to make it different, so I shall see their performance first then think of revolutionary way to bring up the wushu culture. The biggest problem is their age. Followed by my lousy voice of command.

Wed went cycling to sx workplace for Hokkien Mee with Jo and Sheng. Really fun trip! Next one coming this sun! XD

Anyway, was talking to a friend, and I find him so similar to me last time, mentally and all..... Really glad to see how people have so much stamina to try to make people around them happy. Hopefully he wont let words impact him too much. I think EQ wise he is quite strong, in a sense his "self cure" works well. It really comes to the point that I think I will be the hermit, just staying with the current contacts, and perhaps have a large pool of connections for business purposes, and no relationships with them. I think its rather fun to be working in a cruise, you dont have to be too attached to anyone, and get to meet all sorts of people, and be remembered despite you not remembering them. XD There is really just so much in life, most important people in existence are parents, and the rest is just come and go. Pointless, maintain good and friendly connections, but not overly attached. XD

So then I came across this: Life does not consist in the abundance of possessions

To me, the sentence means that abundance is not forever, its not ideal, its not all that is in life.

We are so accustomed to think that the bigger, the more, the better, as Ritzer termed as Calculability in his Mcdonaldization of Society, where people quantify everything and substituting quantity as the determinant of quality.

Today cycled to MBS with Dad. Felt so great that he accomplished such a feat! 1 hour there and another hour back, with rest stops at Satay by the Bay and Old Airport. He didnt complain much about the distance or anything at all. In fact, he enjoyed the trip.

I'm still in the Cruise mood, so mood for anything else. Oh, I was ona movie spree suddenly, from Infernal Affairs, to Ba Gua Master, to Grandmaster, to Old Stephen Chow movies, running man and Despicable Me!!! It's so interesting to see how we loved the minions so much! They represent the very raw behavior of men, vicious and selfish, at most dutiful. But they're so adorable!!! They also wished for recognition and love.  Well, tomorrow shall find job and a movie before April come. Needed a job as April is full of events, Alvin's Bday and Lin's Wedding.

With money, anything is easier. Cycling down east coast, kallang and marina, let me thing that actually Sg is the only country I know that had its downtown area focused on the river. I guessed except for perhaps Venice, downtown is always at city area with buildings and more buildings. Beside Satay by the Bay, there were ongoing constructions too. Imagine the speed of development.

So my point is, actually Brunei could utilize its money too. Perhaps some of the rich countries could start developing a city for the old? Catered for elderly? If all the developed countries are all economically orientated, then there would be competitions and little room of originality, So perhaps if some of the emerging powers could decide to head towards providing quality old age living, they will definitely attract the rich ppl. Actually, they are just like kids, they need security, service and convenience. Period. At least for the basics. Personal Customization differs on service providers but the basic facilities shouldnt be hard to imagine?

Then I saw a few of my friend's photography web and singing talent. If only I had the capability to sponsor small companies on their start ups, and see them prosper, it would be so great. I think that's my big companies are willing to offer chances for ideas to roll in. Since capital is the most important factor, the big company provide it, and then the money will roll in as they had chosen the creme de la creme idea/company to invest in.

Seriously, with money, so much things could be done, can enroll yourselves into music schools, skills workshops, get good teachers, and you can be superman in a short while. Yes, practice and hardwork and diligence tops that, but seriously, that's a wishful thinking, something that is meant to comfort commoners. The power of money, can buy appearance, that comes with charisma and charms. And then can buy "talent", cuz they dont need proffesionals, just up to standard, and jack of all trades kind, and you will be a superman already. Next can contribute greatly to the world, as you can use your fame and etc to support cause and sponsor people, to help them get whatever they need as a foundation to achieve their dreams.

I imagine all the water jet packs, luxury cruise holidays, gambling for fun, just have the feel of putting in chips or getting chips, and to give money freely to street buskers that have hardwork and dedications, and even hire them, trian them, and give then a chance to pursue something greater, and can support causes, can have no pressure about not being able to support family, can secure a future as there would be people who are grateful of the help in the past so if something happens in the future when you got no money, there will still be a lot of helps and ways.

I remembered someone asked: Why does heaven seems to only help when someone is in most desperate situations? (reference to deities movies and dramas).

Cuz I guess thats the most critical point where people need help, if not then there might breed greed, and no sense of contentment among humans.

If I were a rich man,

Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.

Just back from a really enjoyable cruise trip. And I made up my mind to name my son Jeffrey, as every single Jeffrey I met was charismatic and cheerful, people persons. Jeffrey was my activity manager, frankly speaking I think the whole cruise was only enjoyable because of him.

Anyway, lots to talk about it, probably elaborating on thur or fri.

Today, Alvin came by, a short meeting, then I went to see CH concert. Again he dont seem to have any other supporter, what this the most I could do, so snap a few shots and perhaps 10 year down the road he might appreciate that we had this archive of his performances?

Then at night, chat with a guy, who I had nagged many times, who had followed me quite a lot at some point in time. Today, he did something really marvelous, a great achievement, and also that he stepped on the journey to lump people together and be the entertainer.

Being the entertainer is not easy, and definitely not for all ages. I could say I am no more the entertainer of kids, but more to the elder population now. So I'm retired to make way for new people. XD I remembered seeing a trainee entertaining kids too the other night.

Jeffrey was similar to a clown too, he is able to entertain without even uttering a word! Hahas! But of all the jokes aside, he was very sincere and caring off stage too. Really really awesome. For that I dream to working together with him in Royal Caribbean Cruises.

Yesterday we were talking about abandonment, forsakened. Sometimes, when the going gets tough, when we are hard pressed on all sides, we feel that its Me against the world, that sense of helplessness. But then, there is always a way out, life will find a way, we are not crushed. 

But recently, perhaps influenced by the piano guy Will, the song If Tomorrow Never Comes kept playing at the midnight hour. However, instead of the subject being someone dear to me, I actually would think of all the things I could not do if tomorrow never comes, and that whether my love and contribution to the world is even enough to make a little difference, whether it even mean something. What if I die and lose that chance to make huge contribution to society? Will I even be at ease? In peace? My bucket list grew, of unknown things, but I know I have this hunger to do something big, just not sure what and how and with what or who.

Is the love I gave her in the past,
Gonna be enough to last,
If tomorrow never comes?

Also, I came across the song, My Way by Frank Sinatra, and thought that the lyrics are really meaningful too. It's probably an aged man, after experiencing so much, felt that he has no more things left to do, since he had done everything his way, and understood the world, so he is really to die. I aim for that day when I had done so much that I will feel nothing could be done further.

Thinking about future often............ Ciao...........

True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. - David Tyson Gentry

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. - C S Lewis

For all my life Ive been searching for that someone that could act as a bro, someone to know me totally upside down inside out and vice versa, that we could grow up together, and brace the society together. Yet no matter the resources and emotion I always give, just seems to lack. It's perhaps a problem in me, or perhaps destiny, of a lone wolf.

The other night was asking a friend if he feels happier with his gf, he said even if they do nothing, they felt happy. Nothing wrong about that, but thinking back, he always moans and groans and complain and restless when he is doing nothing with us, he dont really like to meet just to talk and simple things like that. So guess Im not even close to that level. 

Also, stumbled an awesome quite from lonelyreload.com, "Don't let the people who do so little for you to control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions" I got to learn to be neutral, to be like Grandma.

Then again, sometimes even my family dont understand me much but Im thankful they do listen and change. In fact, they were not worked up for the Gambling Incident. Elaborate next post.

Today met up with S. Mainly cuz I forsee people quiting out cell, so dont want her to feel abandoned. So no choice, tired, but still gotta go.

Today, my topics are so saddening. For example, I talked about people who are just enough to live in Singapore, their expenses=salary, and so in big risk. Then, I talked about supporting family members. Then, talked about friends, what is true friends and all. Sigh. Guess as we grow older, we are more emo.

Temptations....... always seducing me. Sigh. Gotta brace through them as usual. XD at least Im not alone!

Got alot to say, but no mood to blog, so keeping this short, nights!

This week was great catching up with an old friend, knew of so much secrets and happenings and updates on stuffs, and his personal stuffs and also current situation of other people.... Really admired his "holiness", how he greatly relied on God to curb his problems and all, and his heart for the people, and etc.

Interestingly he do share problems up openly too, grateful for ppl like him, that I can also talk about my problems and get the stifling cotton wool off my lungs... But then again, I'm still feeling that incompleteness.... like there isnt a reli satisfying friendship i fostered throughout the years, like yes even if my purpose is to bridge people together, can at least have someone by my side to talk to and rely upon??

Perhaps I'm too into the quote:
"You measure yourself by the people who measure themselves by you."

Sometimes I'm really angry that i am inadequate towards stuffs, and the possibility of better outcome without my existence, and etc........ and that sometimes I think I had too much expectations towards people that the other party did not place me as high as what I do so for the person, and etc, like the song "you needed me", that i would do so much just because I needed them.... and the different behaviors of people... and then I see many bonded groups like gigantic covalent bonds, sharing and strong. Perhaps, Im more of ionic, strong due to giving, but could be taxing, and might be superficial. Sigh.

And also, those charming people, those good at singing people, am Im jack of all trades master of none, nothing i can really excel in, with so much passion but no ability to do anything significant... sigh

Then again, its like getting angry and thinking you're a failure and flipping table, it simply just making your flaws more obvious.   

Okay move on..... Then..........

It's called the Basil Soup Incident. Basically I have never tasted a Hakka traditional dish and so I followed the recipe, to turn up with a bowl of green herbal strong and weird tasting soup, I thought I failed.

Thus after we went to taste it, we conclude I succeeded the recipe but it was not tasty...

So then we had second round at bak kut teh, which made our taste especially good, and so we named it the modern version of "starter" dish. And the concept of "not knowing what is nice if you don't go through the bitter ones" (卧薪尝胆).

Hahas we're quite sure that ancient Hakka ppl was playing truth n dare in herbs and created that, then a prankster had the idea to make it a traditional Hakka dish to troll future generations like us...

The week passed by fast, again mainly cooking and teaching, and a little of sports here and there for leisure.

Thats all for this post, ciao~!

It's been long since I blogged. Anyway my exams wasnt really done well, mainly because I only studied them both 6h each. Anyway, sleep deprived most of the time. Home alone requires me to water the plants, clean the house, refill the water, and all these trivial stuffs, and for the curiosity of a 19 year old boy, to cook too. On top of all these, gotta guide J on his studies, as I only have these 2 months to boost his foundation.

So anyway, nothing much to blog about. Some milestones are to meet up with Samy, cooked a few dishes, Lunch with Tai before he fly for 6 weeks, and such. Well, I'm actually very thankful of a friend for being always there for me when sometimes my attitude might destroy friendships. It's like Wreck-It-Ralph, sometimes, we all feel undervalued, but oh well, all is fair in heaven! A faith to justify for them. And another that showed concern when he mentioned that I looked tired and wished me to take care of myself. Really feel great about it. Also, one long lost friend fb me to thank me for teaching the person to prioritize friends. Though actually im just merely prioritizing the particular person with me at that particular moment.

Next, its about the topic on true happiness, I wonder how it feels like. These fews days I think Ive experienced one time of that, but then as I feel happy, I wonder if the others there would be feeling the same way.

So yea, anyway, I was told that people envied my large social circle, really appreciated that people thinks that I helped expand their social circle, P.Jac words cam back to me, maybe, it's my purpose to be the resources and plan and they build the bridge themselves. However, sometimes I feel that I failed to start the sparks in certain groups of people.

Someone also commented that he would like to have a group like any other groups, all very close to one another, and have frequent meetings and etc. Well, guess kindda thik of it dont think I have such group. He commented to say he dont quite sociallize well, but in my opinion, given his fun-loving and appearance, many would like to hang out with him, perhaps its just him that dont wish to do so.

Well, money depleted real fast. =( im seriously wondering what to do, thus I went around looking for jobs.

Oh right, I might help a trainee to organise a running man soon. Hopefully would be big and fun.