南朱雀 - KayaOtah

2012-01-27T23:45:00.003+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zslsJGwk13I&feature=related

So cool, as a performer, he should be feeling really elated! To have the whole audience grooving with you, so cool~

Was listening to the few acapella by Metro Vocal Group, man they rocks~!! Their canto pronunciation are perfect in my ears! Then I drifted into songs by Beyond, and the bass of 光辉岁月 really reverberated in my ears like some rock concert, and then finally to an Eason song, 爱是怀疑, that was covered by MetroV. I think its really a cool song because of the beat, the pace of the rap, the chorus, esp the part that alternated the fake and real voice. So cool~ The lyrics are rather unique too, unlike most love songs.

So Jorgen just touched down on sg, and QinDa already planned for night cycling tomorrow~ Oh gosh, gotta rush my assignments either now or wake up early tomorrow for them, 3 essays, 1 presentation... sigh, should had done it just now, but went out with Angel cuz she had never been to PP, like OMG she went to suntec and vivo, yet had never been to PP??? We challenged katong laksa, obviously she lost haha~!!

Actually before that wanted to ask Johann out to BBT shop, since its been long time since we sat there to talk and play chinese chess, but then that annoying "orh" just dampen my mood completely, like what the shit cant you write more? will it hurt for you to write more, elaborate more? chuck in random topics and dont fucking kill the conversation? these days I think his One Piece fucking screw him sia!

Wait..... hmm actually last time he also like that, his lol, and kk, and sigh.... then kept complaining I always find him, sigh... personality... personality...... Walao, actually kind of think of it, seriously I have issues with almost everyone, just didnt really say out, am I that hard to please? Urgh, it's weird kind of think of it, that we could stay on so long, compromise, giving in, I guess, that made us last, since I usually kept them within myself and this blog. It's CNY, shall not display these fed up attitude.

Anyway, today Ive reinforced my stand that parents nowadays dont know how to be parents. Sigh, but actually some of parents also a little too unreasonable, cant always vent their frustration on the kids right? And kept using hurtful words like "dump you" or something like that, and their treatments too. Sometimes, I think using law, though very superficial, had its benefits too, like for couples to go through a year of "training and practical exams" before their ROM and maybe "Registry For Sex",
that can reduce useless parents that only know how to enjoy and screw the future generations.

Thats basically all for today. JYJY~~ after this week, it would be one module down~!!!

As shared on fb, was doing a project on Toilet Paper Dispenser, suddenly thought of a scene in , the part where the teacher say: "When people think of rubbish, they will think of you, rubbish, you, you, rubbish"..... so applied in this scenario: "When people think of toilet, they will think of us, toilet, us, us, toilet"...... hahahhaa

But oh well, at last it was all done!

Oh right, these few days I realized my topics with parents are about business already, sigh, the realization that im getting old sucks, especially when I gotta feed 4 families in the near future, where my Ji Pa Ban~~~??? However so far no luck in all the small business Im trying to establish, neither any attractive opportunities that I could spot on. An old friend was suggesting on potential market, but after analyzing it, seems like not a right time to strike since it is too new, so the start up cost still a little too high, and awareness or marketing of the product requires huge effort. Shall wait longer, perhaps High Achievers would be my forte.

Tomorrow gotta visit Bowei, then JiaoLian, then night cycling, Sun would be Bedok Wushu Annual Bai Nian, then the GateCrash event at chijmes. 3 Exams coming next week, excluding presentation. Sigh.

2012-01-26T00:51:00.003+08:00

So for CNY, first day we had a video call over to Indo to greet my grandma and uncle, then cousin came to seat awhile until another cousin came. That's practically all, oh yea we ordered pizza, the fortune bag pizza (it was shrimps) since the hawker are all closed. On the second day, we had lunch at QQ noodle house since it;s the only noodle stall opened at bugis, then proceed to thomson to visit that same and only cousin (as in with the whole family around). After that, we went back QQ for dinner before heading to the River HongBao. Along the way, we dropped by Mondial, a diamond shop, and had a little chat, since they're probably bored to death there haha. So yea we had gained knowledge about GIA number on the diamond belt, and the investment practices, and the grades of the diamond, which differs with its shape, having triple excellence the best in the world for rounded excellent, and double excellence the best for other shapes like heart, oval, etc. There's also the colour difference and the grade difference.

So basically my assignments are untouched, waiting to rush over them these few days. Today consultation was not very smooth. Oh well shall leave it to the group first since they're more familiar with it, and yea today I devoted into the CDS project. Completed the entire report, and gonna work on the presentation probably on fri or saturday. Gonna be busy this weekend, with all the assignments lining up, yet the bai nian tradition with wushu on sat and sun. Gonna look forward to it, I mean, well, despite being rather plain and simple, we tend to have endless topics to talk about when 4 of us are together haha, as JiaoLian says: Last time, the food we ate have extra ingredients, their tears or sweats, of all the hardwork making the food, nowadays also got extra ingredients, our saliva, hahahhahahaha, cuz we sang and talked as we bbq the food hahhahaa.

Thinking back, actually I do not remember much about the details of 2008 tuan bai, but somehow it's the most memorable, most smiles-provoking as I think of it, but not sure how fun was it, I only remember the bang game and the various chalet games we played at JiaoLian and SX house. Well, anyway, thats the group that despite all adversities, would always be there to put smiles onto my face, and would never leave. Im rather sure of it now. =D Despite all the joys I probably could get with other groups and all, they last only for that moment, and perhaps that all, whereas this is the group we can have constant joy =D weird personalities we have, perhaps we're really destined to be in such a pattern haha, fire, water, wood, metal.

Just watched episode 23 of Double Bonus, seemed like the drama ended, yet it ended on such a weird number, shouldnt it be 20, 30 or at least 25? But the last scene seemed to conclude everything already, having the whole family together for reunion dinner and the 2 good birth news. Sometimes I do wonder, how is it that possible to display such happiness in the filming scene, imagine smiling halfway then gotta cut and redo haha, then they still can have a time of their life as if they were their real family, and that bliss.... Hmm...

Anyway, an under rated, humble, low profile, random song I heard from the River Hong Bao. It has an easy-listening, folk song kindda thing, simple tune, like Dao Xiang.

《榜样》

用顽强去征服每一个困难
用顽强去感动所有的风浪
Using determination and resilience
To overcome all adversities and storms.

该种下星星时就种下星星
该收获星光时就收获星光
There's a time for everything
Including to raise a bright shining star

用智商去擦亮每一个笑脸
用智商去打磨每一个梦想
To put gloss in every smile
To polish every dream

该撒下豪情时就撒下豪情
该扬起欢畅时就扬起欢畅
At times, be humble
At times, gotta celebrate

2012-01-23T03:34:00.002+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year~!!!! May the year of dragon be prosperous and bountiful in all your desired areas~!! =D

新年快乐~! 祝你龙年吉祥，身体健康，笑容常开~！

Its CNY, and Im doing the 守夜 tradition, well, had a pretty hard time going into every person that still in my heart, posting greetings on their walls, spent like 40mins on that just to get 60 plus returns, but well, thats rather alot alreeady, there are some who seemed really grateful about it, really thankful of them too~ its really great to see people acknowledging your efforts.

The china CNY countdown was cool, lots of news like people who saved her kid from 10storey drop, a father who helped the refugees kids that he lost his own kid, and many more awesome story of awesome man doing awesome deeds. So there was this song they sang, and I think it's really great, that says that good people are everywhere around us, no matter what role they have, major or minor, they all made a difference to the world, and really, who knows, we can be part of the good people team as well!

好人就在身边，也许是老张小李
好人就在身边，也许是大叔阿姨
好人就在身边，也许是同事邻里
好人就在身边，也许就是自己

你不认识我，我不认识你
互相牵牵手，旅途就有了伴侣

你不认识我，我不认识你
互相帮帮忙，生活就少了风雨

你不认识我，我不认识你
互相暖暖心，冬天就有了含义

你不认识我，我不认识你
互相加加油，心中就多了勇气

Next I would like to share a video I watched just before my reunion dinner after sending Angel, Shishi and Chang Hong off,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OqOHxwRy04&feature=share

my comment: true true, parents often are not able to express their love clearly enough for us to feel it, but then again, why did they work so hard? isnt it for the family? to support us? that their burden of finding money overwhelm them that they often neglect us............ =D HAPPY CNY EVE EVERYONE, PLEASE ENJOY THIS MEAL, AND TRY TO MAINTAIN SMILES THROUGHOUT THE MEAL, ENDURE, EMBRACE AS MUCH, LEAVE EVERY HISTORY EVERY WORRIES AWAY, JUST EAT, AT LEAST FOR THIS ONE MEAL.

And just after the dinner, I saw this post on fb who said that the relatives all went home already when the countdown isnt completed yet, so technically it was not CNY yet, and thus it was only the person, the brother, the cousin and the family left for the grandma.... Moved me, it was liek so sad! I could imagine the frail old lady just having the moment of bliss to see the house filled with family members, enjoying, thus would carry a hope, a life, that was so uplifting, that they CNY would be great, and then the relatives all left.... sigh...... shattered....

And also Ive come to know some families that didnt have the reunion dinner, worst still to eat without the person, or to not taking it seriosuly, sigh..... Come to think of it, though int he past I didnt really take it seriously, at least I ate together at home, though might not be on the same table top, but yea, its homecooked, and at home.

Well, today spring cleaning was pretty well done I guess, re-did the chores again since tomorrow onwards cant touch the broom. Thanks the 3 people who came, though I think it was a bore for them, but well I told them i was busy and might not have time to entertain them. But yea still grateful much!

Then yea, now, im alone, in the middle of the night, parents slept. 2 more hours to go~! Oh yea, was looking around for deals, and saw many beautiful v-day gifts, and rather affordable, aishhh another v-day with me myself and i =D one day, I shall plan the greatest v-day for the one and only lady of my life, actually I would want to have a full day, starting out with homemade breakfast for her, then going into a dance worshop or baking or something or the day, then the usual sunset, and then take a stroll along sg river, ending up at a supper place of cheesecakes. Haha, then its all complete, 5 language of love complete~ and best if there are photoshoot too of the day, made into an album =D

2012-01-22T00:03:00.001+08:00

Watched We Not Naughty; just now, pretty awesome story I think, despite lots of negative comments among netizens.

After the successful hits of his I Not Stupid series and Home Run, Jack Neo finally released another movie tackling certain teenhood social issues in Singapore. Themes he explored includes cyber-bullying, where the point he was trying to make was that as we generate hate, be it virtually or physically, we would have our consequences.

So this brings me back to the point about criticisms on net, I used to agree that anything virtually shouldn’t be taken seriously and should not be involved into the physical world, but guess I was wrong, I think it do will have its effect. Nice phrase in the movie: “Last time, being out would lead children turning bad, nowadays, being in the house would turn the children bad instead.” Haha agreed, somehow, actually being out with curfew actually is more beneficial I guess, had more interactions and experience of the real world out there. Thus there are some people I believe had been rotting at home too long that their academic excellence doesn’t equate to their common sense of the world. Thus, these people often are ignorant and oblivious to the society around them, leading them thinking the world revolves around them, turning them into selfish prawns, “Otak Udang” as I label, means Brain of Prawn (No Brain). Right, I suddenly thought of the joke I broke to a friend who just dyed his hair, I told him: Now you will definitely survive zombie invasion (cuz zombie eats brains which he don’t have) hahahhahahahha.

The next theme he touched on was on education, as usual, specifically the polytechnic/ITE, cuz he used ITP, so not very sure which is he referring to. Anyway, so there was this very dedicated teacher that tried very hard to help them, that believed in them, that refused to give up on them. I think this part of the story was good, where the teacher actually stripped and ran the whole school on losing the bet with his student. Despite losing his job initially, he had gained his reputation as a man of his word. He then gained the approval and admiration of his students, for one who is dependable, and trustworthy. I think this should be a model, a yardstick for all teachers to aim for. It’s really hard to do such an embarrassing “punishment”. If it were to be me, I would at most run with underwear.

Furthermore, upon knowing that his students were running for loansharks, he decided to empty his savings for them. 60k~! That was a huge lump sum of money! And not being stereotype, but seriously, is it worth it? 60k for people who had such high probability to make the effort go in vain? That struck me again. So, saying that we don’t look down on them, we don’t give up on them, do we really feel that way. By thinking about cost-benefits and turnovers or return, that showed that I did not have such magnificent heart, rather a hypocrite. Sigh. Well, the thing is, that sum was almost 100% of that teachers, not 10%, personally, I wouldn’t give more than 50% of my everything to anyone be it in verge of death, seriously, sadly. For me, I would help solve every problem halfway, and leave the other half to their efforts or for them to find more “beneficiaries”.

One really awesome quote from him, “能怪父母没教好你，能怪社会不理清，可是未来掌握在自己的手中，自己的未来自己决定自己负责。你能怪父母和社会，但他们能替你坐牢，打偏吗?”

It translates into: You can blame your parents who did not govern you well, who didn’t show enough concern for you, or the society, the disparity, the biasness, the elitism, the inequality, that crippled you, that crushes you with all the obstacles, but in the end, your future is in your hands, the future is decided by your every actions and decisions you have made. You can blame everything under the sun, but can they replace you if you were to end up in jail or to be stroke?

And then, the next theme was parents, the examples parents showed to a child. I would say the script was good from the point of view that the way Wei Jie hit his sister was exactly like his dad, so there was this concept of learning. But there was this speech I think at the end where they say, sometimes, as parents, they could not express their love clear enough, but a lot of times, it is us who didn’t gave us a chance to, like these few years I have been occasionally buy them breakfast, chat with them, and I found out hey, they weren’t so bad after all, partly because of the scholarship perhaps, just like Samy said, “to shut their mouths up with your achievements”, but also because I initiated to start the bond. After all, they are probably the most willing to help me in times of trouble. However, in this society, ive seen many who do not. Sigh. Especially for mothers, seriously, don’t you love your kid after so much pain you’ve gone through during birth? It’s like at the scene where the 2 kids helped deliver the baby, it reminds me of the psychology lecture where they say men probably faint when seeing the birth process haha, which thus in some ways, women are superior in handling pain and stress.

The movie had a few nose-sour-ing part, like when the mom kept believing in “think positive”, when the small kid was framed for things he didn’t do, when the mother faint upon her husband’s violence, when the teacher tried to put sense into the 2 kids, when the teacher decided to run naked and asked for his wife’s support, when the daughter got her hair cut by her mum, when the brother bought a cap for his sister as he wanted her to study hard, etc……. I think the mood throughout the film is pretty well done, nice transition between funny and sad or serious, though in the middle a few boring parts. I do think that it was pretty well done for a movie to infuse in so many social issues. Though I think there are more issues to that. Oh I love the “foreign talent” part hahahahha~!

The pay-it-forward concept was there again, that the teacher had tried to help the kids, thus in the end, it was them who had helped his wife deliver the kid.

2012-01-20T00:55:00.003+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6bbOonyxq8&feature=share

Above is a short clip on CNY reunion dinner. Msg is straightforward and clear, so Jorgen went to Korea an hour ago, till then. Hmm, since yesterday stayed over at his house, this morning I packet nasi lemak and dumpling for family. I was home at 9.30am already, like wow so early... So spent time talking to them, about psychology, and various random topics and etc. It was a nice 3h, sort of bonding kindda thing.

So after that, since I didnt had anything else to do nor anywhere else to go, so I stayed at home watching movies and came across the above video. It's really cool, due to an Act of Random Kindness, the old guy got his family together for CNY. SO heartwarming.

(spoiler alert to 9pm show! and movie "Courageous")

So I watched miotv for the 9pm show, double bonus, and there was this scene whereby the "uncle" was found out to be an imposer, and the family was raged. Yet actually to my point of view, he didnt do anything real bad in the family, he had been good towards the "sister", so he's simply trying to give that "sister" a chance to care for a "brother". I think it's better this way being ignorant than knowing everything and make yourself so unhappy.

Well, though it might be freeloading, but to give a person an opportunity to care for someone close is really a big sacrifice, a big good deed. Not everyone is able to care for another one that they can be sure that their efforts would be worth it, and that the person is trustworthy enough to give your 120%.

So anyway, watched Courageous yesterday. The beginning was rather boring, until there was this part where that Javier was posing as the "Snake King". Haha, but overall, yea life works in an interesting way, that out of the sudden that Adam called Javier, mistaken him from another guy of the same first name. And a few nice parts, like how Javier stood upright against cheating, and that got him the promotion for the employers were testing his integrity. Speaking of which, I dont think I can ever par with that level of integrity, and perhaps so I often knew people who hide things from me big or small too, but it's alright, better this way, not too much of doubts and mistrusts.

One point I took back from the movie, is the ceremony where they signed the Resolution to be a good father, not good-enough, good. So these guys really cool, it was like the childhood perception of superman dads, and yea, wow that is loads of commitments and efforts. But the thing is, no matter how small is it, I think its good to have that concept of having a ceremony for it. Like wedding, like Xmas, like CNY, these are occasions that would remind us what our commitments are, and how serious are we into it, that there are these occasions, reserved to commemorate the purpose of these days. So IMO this is a great point to take away. Often we have the flame at the beginning, yet dies down fast, because we do not have grand visuals that could remind us of these decisions. Thats why Adam Khoo has loads of posters and etc.

Pretty cool, well the movie I watched today are "Our Family Marriage" and "Lottery Ticket". Our Family Marriage is cool too, talks about how 2 cultures of parents came together and plan a wedding for their kids, "Our marriage, their wedding" concept haha. This is a reinforcement of the "parents live vicariously through their children" concept. "Lottery Ticket" was lame actually, just a little sociology theory thats it, nothing much about life and all, and more of leading people into the delusion that we can strike rich by lottery.

Haha oh yea, today the 7m prize, sigh, weird numbers came out, and I found out that I had 5 of the numbers, just in 4 separated entries haha. Oh well, better luck next time. Seriously, if I were to strike, I would spent at least 50% of the 7m into others, perhaps supporting a family, or things like that, and others most probably for my parents, and I would just be contented with the 1m... Ji Pa Ban wish =D ofcoz if family allow, I would like to distribute them to some of the kids I know of. Though the sum isnt much, but it is a great start up for social mobility and opportunities in life of anyone's life.

Sigh, money is the source of all problems in society........... a constant worry for all......

2012-01-19T02:03:00.002+08:00

Today in LAW we learnt about the Grey Nomads, and several travel choices, and thus led us to think whether caravan travelling is possible in sg. After enlightenment by Terence and Mala, it got me thinking that it is really possible, for despite the ridiculously high priced COE, there are a relatively high number of car ownership. Thus, we see that it is in our nature to drive, to speed, to enjoy the empty road, to enjoy the night streets. That encourages people to actually drive to JB just for a meal, and stuffs like that, and then we link to the idea that sg isnt spacial limited, in fact, most of our ancestors would agree that because they are very much connected to their roots, thus sg is connected to the neighbouring countries, that we can link all the way to Europe from sg. SO that brings me to a relative too that would bike across Indonesia just for the fun of it, despite their Silver age.

So anyway, there was this topic on foreign workers in sg. So I was sharing how pinoys foreigner have very high perseverance and great hospitality. I was buying food and had a little chat, which allow me to know that he worked 12h a night, 9pm-9am, everyday full time. So I was like "arent you tired", and he shrugged, "well, I've got no choice". So then I compared to the few previous pinoys I knew, and I said, well, they are all of the same build, and facial features, and a certain kind of expression. They're really awesome magnificent people. Then my friend mentioned about how he used to have a maid that served them 8years, and now she's doing well as an experienced maid, serving angmohs, which fetches her big money. So his family changed her life. Yet then the sad thing is that her son passed away just before her contract end. It was so sad, I conversed with many maids before, and it's really heartwarming to see them mentioning about their children in their hometown, and they share the photographs with you, "this is my kid"....

Then he went on saying these people are so sad, they torture themselves living in this environment, just to sent money back to their hometown, and usually a large portion of it, at least 50%. However there are many cases of their husbands using the money to feed other women, and stuffs like that, and also cases where they were looking forward to see their kids, prepared with sea of toys, yet the bad news broke. Sigh. How is it possible for these people to go through all these, where some people just spend money in the arcade like running tap.

As I walked home, 1am, on the empty streets, again the song came.....

And I will live
To carry your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be your hand and feet....

And I will give
With the life that I've been given
To go beyond religion
To see the world be changed.....

So I was thinking, I know ive been spending tremendous amount of energy and time on random people that I feel "worth" helping, as much as I can, so what if 10years down the road, I couldnt devote that much time anymore... how? This kind of thing cant pass the baton.

So reminds me of what my dad used to say when I was young, that he hoped for me to be a big boss, to be able to feed so many families, by giving them jobs and taking care of their well-being, and yet have income to enjoy life as well.

Sigh. Big stress. I've started the moving blue project, trying to commission at a low rate of a buck per piece sold, and see if we can make this business grow, and if possible, get companies to invest on it for corporate tee or event tee, and publicize it, and could even open a branch here, by licensing it.

As for others, yea, just step by step, have faith in whatever I do now, the rest is all up to nature how it want to liven my life story. Soon, I should be starting to send resumes in to high achievers and try to get jobs there, and perhaps one day I could be one of the trainers too, making money with saliva like Adam Khoo, one of my biggest dream in secondary school.

2012-01-17T23:53:00.003+08:00

Today I only had consultation.

Weird feeling, felt that Siva was rather pissed, dont know about what, hoped its not of me... one way or another, but its like I didnt do much though my part was one of the biggest portion, but yea it didnt take me as much effort. Grateful for Jordan to be there cheering the atmosphere, like always, very optimistic, often helped me to not think too much as well, like how I did a typo error and was rather down then he was like "who cares, its all over, look at the bright side". He's awesome =D

Anyway yea no one was at church, so I went to the library after snacking at bedok. Noticed as I sat to eat my dumplings, around me were single old folks too, some with headphones, others with newspapers, just like last wed when I noticed as I package food for my family back, I saw this folk carrying 2 packets of chicken rice (i think), and kopi o on another, with the same slipper I had, tee and shorts. So cool...

Anyway, at the library, I noticed some interesting behaviors too. There is this guy reading and studying, but after a while kept flipping back like go stun to read again. This is perhaps he lost the stamina to focus after a few pages, and thus as he read something that caught his attention, he gotta refer back to previous pages to link them up again for the transition probably. So I became a little self conscious and realized I do that too often. Johann on the other hand was completely different, he cant skip at all, not books nor movies. He gotta read every detail, and thus perhaps thats why it was a struggle for him to read Games At Twilight by Anita Desai.

Then there was this woman, she was smiling to herself, yet that kind of smile sort of gave me a warmth feeling, a friendly, angelic feeling, full of graciousness and greatness. However her behavior was weird, she would walk a few rounds to the back of the library, then came back to put on her slippers, then walk a few rounds to the other end of the library, and then sit back and have some time on her own closing her eyes as if thinking, praying or meditating. Really interesting person. She seems to ignore yet not ignorant about her surroundings. I noticed that first because many people were irritated by some school kids on the comp, but she smiled. It was a "adult" smile, like uttering "kids are kids...".

Anyway, just had a thought, the lyrics to Sometimes When We Touch, it's about a broke up couple, perhaps 两个对的人，再错的时候, like 2 right people yet wrong timing.This is read as a one person speech instead of a duet like I had always thought so due to the Dolly and Kenny version of the song. The couple probably broke up and the speaker still loves the other party, and hoped that they can still remain in contact, yet the flame is too overwhelming for the speaker that causes the suffering, and the fact that they were together and now they were apart.

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Thats why when this party had intimacy with the ex, the speaker would think about all their pasts, and then would understand that the speaker needs the other person, that the speaker still loves the person, but broke up for some reasons, thus would have this dying need to burst out with tears and shout "I love you" and go back to the person and never part again. The fear of parting, the fear of not in contact with the person anymore, yet with contact comes all the memories and pasts.

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

The speaker do not want to lose face, and also perhaps have other reasons not to patch up, but there's this inevitable feeling of like "begging", like "surrender" kid of feeling. It's like a romance story, but couldnt continue the story, blocked by the incident. The speaker is also someone who is competitive, perhaps the other party initiated the indication to break up, so the speaker is hurt with the first 'failure" in life. Still very childish attitude.

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

Sometimes the speaker felt that there's a need to make the other party put in more effort into that past relationship, that instead of the speaker feeling pathetic now, she would want the other party the one who was so deeply in love to be willing to do so, since it is blissful to be loved. But then again, what the speaker ultimately wants and needs is the other party to be around, to be in possession.

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

Being together, at times the speaker thinks that the speaker knows the other party, as the person would had seen and known when the other party did great feats for the speaker, but yet the speaker self would know that the speaker had did things that the other party hates and loathes, and a little alternate meaning might imply that the other party had realized that the other party had missed out other kinds of love because of this romantic love.

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

Maybe the speaker would think that they are not suitable for serious relationships yet, and its better to remain as friends, yet it is rather impossible to do so, for the speaker is hopelessly inclined and devoted to loving the other party only.

2012-01-15T23:36:00.002+08:00

Today I served in Church,

Today was full force. Tired due to sleeping at 2pm, but well, Made it through the day. The whole event ended 3pm++, went to Jorgen's house till 6pm or so, then went for dinner at KFC for the promotion thing. Should have ate at hawker... sianz... Next few days gotta save up alot alot for the pizza =D its been long since I ate pizza, hope by sore throat and dry cough be healed soon.

Interesting things Ive learnt today, the rest was repeats and are rather bore, was expecting more, but anyway, yes, sometimes, when we fall short of our plans, look forward to the next, dont be discouraged. Just like as we are busy in our lives, we often skipped meals, but that doesnt mean we dont eat anymore, we simply look forward to the next meal and enjoy it more. Same principle applies.

Next was the Parable of Toilet Paper haha cute uh? When the toilet paper was brand new, we pull a few sheets, it turned a bit, but as time goes by, when we pull that same number of sheets, it would turn revolutions. So cool... haha.

So yea thats basically all... Oh saw this challenge Naomi posted on chat for Yin Kei, give few words then lump them into a poetry so as I see these words I have some ideas here and there and... ta-da~!!

horses, war, wild, wind, gates of hades,
swords, shields, tears, freedom

The Gates of Hades flung open.
For as the Trojan horses broke,
And the war commences,
And the silent wind went wild,
Swords slashes, shields clashes
At last, tickling down their cheeks,
Tears of Freedom.

The poetry can be read from top to bottom for the perspective that the enemies are those in the city, and as they entered the city, they ambushed them, for the freedom, perhaps after years of suppression or subjugation, and they fought for freedom.

Read from bottom to up, it seems like they wanted to be free from these "unwelcomed" and "unexpected" guests, and thus the fought to drive these people in the Trojan Horses back, to annihilate them, to protect their city.

2012-01-14T22:22:00.002+08:00

Oh no, weekends are burning fast. Fri planned to cut hair, play games, then rest already. However, due to MOUSEHUNT~!! I joined the tournament on thur that made me discard every tasks im supposed to do for that. So yea, it snowballed to fri where I got to stay in sch 11 to 3 to finish up the BNF and LAW projects. Sigh. So I ditched Jorgen at scc haha. When I reached, he was teaching Gerome. So it really surprised me but Im really glad he was arranged to do so. As his background, he should have seen several slow learners in his life too, so its great to train him in this field so he might one way or another help other people in his life too. I believe he got the ability to excel much, and help much.

So yea so I went there, chat a little here and there, so great seeing Alvin and Chalmers, and also Le Le too, and Javier haha, he hugged me and said: "You stink, but I dont care..." soooo sweet......

So then we went with Angel and called Chang Hong for basketball. We played till 6pm, then had dinner and went to Jorgen's house. I helped him downloaded utorrents and various applications while installing Need For Speed The Run. Woah he got an awesome comp and an awesome internet. Razor, made for gaming. So he was revising Customer Service. We went through the first 2 chapters and concluded it was rather crap, so much personal impressions than customers service, so I advised him to skip to chapter 8, Customer Retention. So there are certain new terms he learnt, and certain small details in customers service many would miss out, like the "Serve customer certain coloured cups or straw if applicable, when we "guess" what customer would like, and address their needs and wants before they even request". And shared with him the POM projects and learning points.

Then comes the sigh part haha. NFS was installed, and we tried, and frankly it was a great thriller. The stages are hard to clear, party because we never knew the acceleration button haha so we were playing without accelerating but pure nitrous haha. Anyway, yea so we played till 2pm.

Then we talked a little here and there about songs and music. Then we decided to sleep. It was 3pm then~! and downloads were done at close to 4pm.

We woke up at 8am then, planned for breakfast which obviously couldnt, which cost him a 7 bucks cuz he needed passport sized photos fast, which could have saved that money if he were to say that days in advance. So we had breakfast at Ya Kun, I had the french toast. Wow, speaking of that my stomach is grumbling now.

So just nice I enquireed about TCC solutions too, and cool, nice job for him. Maybe I would join too for a while just to adorn my portfolio and get that iphone plan benefit. Everything seemed to fall so nicely, we were studying about customer service, and he had to go to work today at last minute call due to manpower shortage. So I think he's still there now till 2 midnight. Really hoped he's alright!

Oh yea, because of that, he went home between 2 to 3 to put down his stuffs, which thus I tabaoed food for him and therefore late for the teachers meeting for half an hour. I thought it would be a very formal and serious meeting, so was rather kanchiong and all that, event thinking that if my 'attitude' was questioned, I would say that I didnt think my reason for latecoming would be justified yet I would repeat the same decision if there is a second time. Woah liek so "the oath" that show haha. Yea cuz I didnt drew money, thus he lent me 50, which made him pennyless, and no time to eat, and if he dont eat, his 4h of sleep wouldnt guarantee the energy needed to last through his work, so I made that decision.

So of coz, everything falls in place so perfectly, shortly after I reached, then they started the meeting, and bible study, and everything ended as usual. Cool~!! Amazing at lots of times how God works~! So during bible study, I was amazed my their deep and wise interpretation of the study verses. Impressed! Immediately as I read, I have lots of questions and doubts and all the whys, but they cleared it all without me uttering a word! Lots of it are simply because I did not read enough, or missed the point. But still, awesome because a certain verse was so trivial to me yet it was liek the crucial part of the study verses!

So A.Jacq was sharing about the ministry, and that till date there are 800 ex students out there, and how she hoped that each of them would find their way to the connection with God, but we shall focus one by one, liek the Parable of Lost Sheep. She mentioned Jorgen too, and about that day where we "昔日重逢" (met again after years). Im rather proud though, that I am still in contact with people liek WeiDe and Jorgen, and with KY's help, reached to Amanda, Jewel, Qinda and the rest. And she shared something so cool, that sometimes, we never knew if we are that crucial move in chess that would affect the whole game board, that would cost a huge advance or failure into the game. And the thing is that we dont have to know what is it, we dont need to move nations, we just need to do our best in whatever we are doing, and the rest will follow along.

Then, I met up with Chang Hong as he passed me old books for the scc, then went to Bedok Point for lunch and arcade, and Gong Cha~! and then finally back home. Hmm, 3 more hours to Jorgen's off, doubt I have the energy to last through though, oh well....

Arh yea, tomorrow is the Tribe Meeting. Seriously, I thought there was no wushu, when they asked me I was liek "only if I dont have wushu, if have I would be late and attend the gathering only" But dont know why got the image that last week was last week already, so I said okay I will turn up at 9am, and yea k I was just blur all the way.... So yea, was a little irritated when someone said to me: "More liek you agreed without thinking, more like you"..... Sigh, like for pass few events either I went after wushu or I skipped totally for wushu, can cross reference though this blog archive itself somemore, oh well, lazy to sort of "proof" myself, I always have a certain bad reputation in wushu anyway. First impression are anchored deep, hard to be changed. And also the Orh reply... oh well, personality.....

Right... Ciao~!

2012-01-12T00:19:00.002+08:00

Today in LAW we touched on financial issues on the Older Persons. Terence started off writing the three words: $$, Families, Older Persons, and then asked us to bombard him with our first impressions, and whatever we can think off, onto the board, then link them to the three words.

Now, here's the interesting findings, most of us would put the words "burden" and "dependent" under "Older Persons" and "Sandwiched Generation" under "Families". Then he questions us, how many of us are financially independent, and how many of us actually fix broken appliances, pay the electricity bills and all these stuffs. So what he is basically trying to point out is that nowadays, it is normally the other way around, where those baby boomers, even up to perhaps 60, are the Sandwiched Generation. They are the ones who would take care of us as well as their parents.

So the next part of the tutorial, he made us divide our time spent into a pie chart. And categorize them, as well as rank them. So after much categorizations and etc, I ranked them, and calculated them, and for the next step, he asked us to think of two Older Person, one male, one female, and do the same thing. So then I compared my pie chart and their pie charts. One finding is that, generally, females tend to have more category, and thus look more interesting, and for the males, work and family tend to be the top most priority, yet the rank of work might be one of the lowest, simply that it's now their chores, their responsibility, their duty to work, thus compromising time to be spent with the other higher ranked priorities in life.

Then, there's a vast difference between our pie charts and theirs. We have lots more categories than them, at least I do, and work is one of the lowest rank as well as portion. So as usual, he asked us how do we think our 3 pie charts would differ in the next 5 years and 10 years. Probably, we see that the older males or even females would start to have more categories now, since their can focus more on whatever they had missed out like gathering back their friends, pursue hobbies and interests, upgrade personal skills, etc, and for us, sadly, our categories get lesser and lesser, and more time will be devoted to work. So yes, I do feel that social network is really important.

Social Network is defined as simply the belonging in some kind of group or club by a certain membership by labeling or religious practice. This would then lead to Social Integration, whereby it is defined as how close the group is, how high the sense of belonging, how much we feel as a part of the group, or how useful, how recognized. Then it is Social Capital, defined as the opportunities and benefits we reap from being part of the group.

He gave us a economist pov of overseas cip, which cost around a thousand for a person, thus lets say 50k per trip, doing probably amateur standards of work, for the self contentment of the students such that they would feel good about their effort put in, thus felt benefited. Also, these students are most likely to want to repeat the act if given chances, as they formed a certain type of bond. Yet practically, the 50k would be better optimized if the money was sent there, assuming it would be trusted and etc, and would minimize wasted expenses on aircrafts and other stuffs like that. This is interesting, because I personally am strongly against sending money, but rather go there and contribute my effort. It wouldnt shake my stand though, but yea this is sociology.

So he was sharing about job opportunities and stuffs like that.

Then the last thing is that he said that you wont know that you are lacking of Social Network until it is already lost. Which is really true, sometimes we are too focused into our "ranked" priorities and even those low ranked but its a "needed" kind of priorities, that we slowly lose our Social Network, only to realize and dawn upon it when we retire, when there is a transition to life stages, a disrupt in lifestyle. As for myself, I sort of understand the shrinking of the categories, and sort of hoped that somehow or another, the bonds we forged would be resistant to time. Ofcoz I know its rather impossible, but Im really grateful for facebook, for it will somehow keep us updated, and thus years down the road, we wont be too awkward.

Shela Solita: As we grow older, we'll come to realise that we have lesser and lesser friends. But on a positive note, at least we don't waste our time on those fake friends anymore.

Weilun Ng: Life's about love & friends, & $$$. Although friends won't be there for us forever but i am sure we can't live without friends. (:

Both are really nice quotes, but look, fake friends are meant to be there, if not our categories can be really boring, and our Social Network would be small, so as Social Capital, and life could be really mundane then. For myself, I even have a small category devoted to "Misc", means random strangers I meet like Bubble Tea Shop Aunties, Helpees, stall owners, customers, etc....

2012-01-11T01:42:00.002+08:00

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DkqTc5snEtC4%26feature%3Dshare&h=MAQERrstWAQF7VfaCQ2VFPgpiR465m2KEIfd9CdUOb7491A

My once cent worth after watching the above video, basically the video is a series of interviews regarding monetary ability and marriage or love. I especially like the last guy who said that if women are so practical, why should men be so devoted into "love", the "love" which the hollywood framed as the ideal happily-ever-after criteria. It's seriously an unfair statement to say that men without capability of earning a certain amount of money is rubbish, is worthless scum, its like saying that women that couldnt bear child is like sex toys. Unfair? Totally.

First of all, the society now is consist of men and women in the working population, why must the men always be the one expected to be working and earning? By using the capability of earning as a yardstick as to how suitable or ready the man is, it showed how materialistic are women in the video.

As such, now to think of it, in the olden days, couples come together may not necessarily because of romantic love, could be matchmade, could be due to some culture or as a solution to other problems. Yet alot of them could sustain the family unlike nowadays. Why? It's the commitment, it is the commitment that they are recognised as husband and wife, thus gotta support each other to survive and live on and gave rise to the future generations.

So hollywood love is fake, so fake that I have seen many 'un-virgins" people in my social circle already. They simply just play around. However, there are also those who did a little thinking and took some responsibility to decide to raise family at such young age. They seemed to have happy families, as all worked together with effort put in by both parties, to compromise and support each other.

So even without money, the couple could think of ways to survive, after all, life will find a way!

Women with materialistic mind is rather pathetic, its like they are marrying to money instead of the man. With this mindset, when disaster comes, I really doubt they will last, especially that lady that wanted 5M yuan!! Seriously, I wonder if she will marry.

Ofcoz, men, in my opinion, are worthless only when they do not wish to upgrade their personal goals and fulfillment. If not, I'm sure, due to face problems, men will definitely try to be the main breadwinner of the household.

So they also point out about Social Exchange Theory, where social change and stability is a process of negotiated exchanges between parties. Social exchange theory posits that all human relationships are formed by the use of a subjective cost-benefit analysis and the comparison of alternatives. SO it's like trading, like economy. Women will go to men with a certain condition, and vice versa, does this call love then? But really, I think this is how the society goes now, there is no hollywood love at all. Maybe there will be staged hollywood love for the beginning, or the dramatized effect, but it will fade after some time, and then it is all up to the couple whether or not to stay to their commitment, of just "update" their goods.

Ofcoz, this is mainly sg i guess, first world country with big income disparity that led to social problems. In other fell behind countries, love is more feeling than brains, imho. This is because their needs are much lesser, their criteria as such are lesser too, which thus they have more room to find the "perfect love". They are simpler, married to a common goal, lesser complexities, more commitments and efforts made.

So yea, I think thats all I gotta say for the video clip. But last but not least, I find it ridiculous when 2 couples treat each other like mutual enemies with eternal grudges after they break up. Cant you be like FRIENDS or HIMYM or dramas, remaining as close friends after breaking up. It's like hey its all about practicality, no harsh feelings.... After all even the true definition of love is a one-sided willingness to commit to make and give the best out of the other party. So things will fail, no rights and wrongs in love, just treat as nothing happened, and remain as friends? Majority Ive seen broke up sour, but there are a handful still in contact, becoming best of friends.

Alright, 4h to sleep left...... zzz.... ciao

2012-01-09T00:24:00.002+08:00

Today wushu was rather dead, but those training days feeling was there, which is really good, not so slack, more disciplined. So yes as I discussed with First Class, I think what we are doing now is merely taking over the baton form the senior circle, we arent thinking of progression yet, as such, at least for the "activities" part, we had came up with several "games" that could train certain areas of skills or physical training. I do term this as "games", but looks like the definition for First Class is different, though clearer. So the next step I think I would like to improvise the warm up part to inject in some life in it.

So then me and sheng went for lunch, then waited for Johann, and we proceeded to play bball, and then we talked... and talked... and talked... wow first time lasted so long in conversation with sheng so cool~! Haha. Yea, so then I was mentioning about the wheelchair bound lady, and then for a casual remark I remembered during childhood, while watching "Xi You Ji" (Journey to the West), I asked, why must heaven aid only when one is really in deep shit, great pains, so when life graph d2ydx2 is more than 0 (amaths differentiation terms means the minimum point). So sheng replied something sx mentioned long time ago, that perhaps the person up there had already a fixed number of "sufferings" that is just being distributed or concentrated to make the intensity of "blessings" increase or decrease, long run short run thingy. I remembered I thought of whether we have a huge "misfortune" that every deeds are to decipitate it.

So then not long ago, after watching the channel 5 show about confessions of crime, which is rather boring and common, so while im googling for jobs, I uttered unconsciously, amen, after thinking about the many unfortunate people Ive came across, stranger or not. So then this passage of Job in the bible showed up, wow speaking of hearing the voice. So I read up a little, get a summary of it, and cool, looks like a relevant source to read up, though its rather long, just take it as another literature text I guess, heard of the story, but now shall look deeper into the words.

Oh yea, during wushu jiaolian was telling about the olden days lion head, about the centipedes, clouds, bat, pearls, teeth, and the eyes that swivel left right and not fixed on the front like modern crap lions, which even included a snake on the head, with no logic haha. He mentioned about the olden days disputes settled on lion dance as well, the fighting lion, which includes spear heads on horns and tails, blades on the rim of mouth and leggings, thus the fierce and widespread leg patterns.

Cool culture, liek its a lost tradition that will never surface anymore. And I think these cultures gotta use the snowball research techniques to find out, which the internet cant reach out that far. Asian culture, usually passed on verbally, no publicized journals or whatsoever, thus often lost very fast, just like how hours long ceremony of lion dance could be shortened to an hour or so, with limited knowledge, if not complete ignorance, on the traditional zhen formation and to cai the veg.

Then there's this youtube video, om Feeds Family On $4 Dollars a Week, really cool, I was expecting someone that uses debts and such tricks to circulate and somehow end up with 4 bucks expenditure, yet the lady merely uses coupons that she have searched for hours, and able to pay off 267.23 bucks worth of shopping goods for a cent~!!!! Wow, only available in US, here in sg, everything will have terms and conditions, even first customer will need to purchase to enjoy privileges. Though US had quite a complicated society and lifestyle, but these "policies" and such made people liek these possible, ultimate saver~!!! Feeding a family of 6 spending $4 a week~!! And the one previously having 10s of kids with age gaps of 20 years old or something, surviving on benefits from government only~!!! Really crazy! In sg, its either donation or charity, connections, community, cuz nothing is free in singapore. As we always joked with Marco, in sg, even gettign a girlfriend needs first and foremost, MONEY, no MONEY no HONEY, dont even care how pretty or charming, or kind or intelligient or patient or romantic.

Right, thats all, only possible regret is that I supposed to plan to take my family to Alexander Road, yet was talking till I forgot the time, so we didnt go in the end, and also that the laksa I cooked dried up so they couldnt really taste the laksa soup but just noodles with laksa flavouring....... sigh.....

2012-01-08T01:49:00.003+08:00

Woke up 8.30am today, to collect my bike at Tanah Merah, and then met WC, Alan and Jackson for breakfast, then cycled to TM to search for Birthday Gifts for YJ, and then went to Ikea to search for nice frames or stands cuz we were thinking of getting him a basketball for display. So After that parked the bike at church before heading home, did a last minute card since I was afraid that the mass card might fail. Oh well, guess I worry too much? Not my style though.

Anyway, yea then I went back to meet them at Manhattan Fish Market, and went with them to search for gifts, which due to my previous trip I made up my mind to buy the basketball and the sculpture from precious tots, the sculpture was a shepherd sculpture looking up on the sky. I think it's very suitable, because he had been a shepherd to us, herding us, and used his life as a great example of God's works. And his hunger for God is just like that sculpture, so faithful, so sincere. It's his 21st birthday, I really hope he can grow up strong in Christ and everything else too, and fulfilled all the emptiness he had in his heart, including being a good father, for he had not a chance to experience one himself, he shall live vicariously through his children.

Oh yea, joke, so I actually bought the "shuang xi" wedding wrapper for him~!!! It was totally not on purpose, time was running out, and precious tots had no nice designs for the cheapest 1.20 bucks wrappers, so I picked this since it was red, and from far it looked like ordinary present wrapper, until we took it out!!! Hahahaha super joke~!! Oh right, his mum was so cool, he refused when we shouted for him to kiss PY at the party, until his mum said so~ "qin yi ge!" hahahahahah~!!!!

Oh, then Pop Cell have him a set of jersey, which coincidentally matches well~!! It was red top black bottom, just like the ball we gave him~!!! =D so cool, we took few shots of him, one was especially nice~!! =D

The whole party was like celebrity meet, so cool~! Just like on news, with many reporters flashing the camera haha. Cake was awesome, sad I dont really eat durian, esp Mao Shan Wang~!! So strong durian, even the Udders Ice Cream of it I cant finish it. KY was emo-ing whole day, I think its just that he's tired from his medicine effect, hope it was like that, yet you-know-who messaged me, so...... hmm..... (link link, think think)

So yea, that day before the badminton, there was this Wheelchair Bound Lady whom I helped her to CC, along the way I chat with her, as usual, she was complaining about her state, and that she could do much due to her condition, yet there are people gossiping behind her back, labeling her as useless and lazy due to her size, and even her children refused to raise her anymore, and so she's a lonely widow now. Sigh. Dont know about the whole background, and though not surprising, not the first time I see, still, many times I feel, did He who made the lamb make thee? How is it possible to make 2 powerful creatures be of predator-prey relations? Dont it hurt to see your creations fighting another of your creations?

So then as I turned to desktop, this wallpaper appeared to me, something I did long ago. It wrote: Though with disparities, we share the same road n destination, on the walk of life. So yes, be it worrying about 3 meals a day or how to meet quota, after all, we still have our own individual exclusive problems in life, so somehow or another, life is still fair.

Today I drew closer to few persons, shall keep it up. Sometimes I feel more and more lazy about social relations, at times really, I took a shortcut to not think of pick up lines and try to search for common topic, I just ask straight what they are interested in. Sounds weird, but even to the extent of asking, how to cheer you up? haha. I missed the times where I used to skip stones at the reservoir when Im feeling down.

Life is just mot that simple, because if it were to be simple, there wont be any ups and downs, no roller coasters, then there's no need to sieve the strong and the weak in mind, then there wont be films and books that could attract many, there wont be fun at all.

The storm will come, so we shall embrace it, we should tell it how great God is, that we will get to the "yu guo qing tian", that everything will be okay in the end. Though many times Im really wondering, if everything was a part of a great plan, is every decisions made predestined? So wouldnt everything falls in place like a movie? So no matter how we tried to change the world or some sort it will all be futile because is either planned for you or not? And whatever planned to have will have, not will not?

But I dont believe so, because I do believe I have a great purpose here, and I shall fulfill it! Though might not seem very clear now. Anyway, Im still enjoying life, not much big troubles and difficulties.

2012-01-06T23:36:00.004+08:00

Been popping by this chatbox, Solid Pop's, not all though, so I once in a while make some noise........

The people there really mingled well, liek so surprising, better than I can ever imagine. =D Their jokes so funny, free entertainment, just leave the chat open and see wha are they saying, while doing other stuffs, works best especially when listening to TED talks, sch works or just surfing youtube. If they were to be on stage, their impromtu can last the audience 3 meals already...... (full because of the air they suck in while laughing) and free workout too (abs are used while laughing).So cool, and they actually are meeting as early as 8am~!!! Woah Im just gonna pop by and cycle and jaga their barang barang...

anyway yesterday just after my blog post, I came by this classic song,

The world is closing in
Did you ever think?
That we could be so close..... like brothers

The future's in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change~~

It's by scorpions, and it really speaks into me, exactly what I was feeling. So today I had work, and sigh, there are some things that I wish I could do better if I were to be a boss one day. And yea Rose is gonna be transferred, so there goes one money source. Nice working with her really, but I never knew how she felt about me, as in work wise. Shall send Johann to spy on her hahahha nah larh shall use Johann to find out how she think about me, and also to find out about the new manager, so I can decide whether to continue or to find yet another work environment. Actually, this isnt a bad thing after all, since last year I started to feel like changing environment already. This is an indirect way to open up a chance for me to jump again.

Regardless the future, I should think Ive done my best, broke lots of rules, learnt lots of things, Im satisfied enough. Yepp, I learnt about how trivial stuffs like throwing potato chips container could be noticed as a potential case and etc. I overall enjoyed my working experience, though I know some who dont, but comparing their attitude with mine, I can safely say I deserve to feel good. Guess this is what the oldies kept emphasizing on, do it with your heart, and "we" can see it.

And so tmr is YJ 21st, gonna wake up early to meet the boys and a girl to run..... then I should be going to tm to look for bball for him, then we can sign and give to him =D and then his party at night....

So 2012 is here, economy doesnt seem too good, and maybe changes are taking place, places like 123 bubble tea shop, mindcafe safra tampines, scc bbtc, bedok wushu... oh well shall have new lifestyle....... oh right, now then remember sx might have part time job for us as instructors =D

Then yea I might work with Tai for all the possible games to put in some education values and fun in it, to be proposed to workshops like MoneySense and other such workshop companies, and from there could make extra $$. And I shall start finding companies that often do events and shall write in to ask to be involved or to see or anything that I might help, even doing sai kang will do. And ofcoz eldercare, though this would be volunteering.

So 2012, shall look forward to Jack Neo's film, hope can have a good laugh though the trailer looks rather dumb, sigh, actually got several funny things from scc, these small cute incidents can be used for movies also, like the remixes of songs by the kids haha, and yea always thought of having a movie of teenage relationships, but kena chope by Apple of Eye already, on newspaper it said to even outshine Kung Fu and other Stephen Chow's shows.......

2012-01-05T22:05:00.002+08:00

Wed I went for badminton with Chang Hong, Angel, Jorgen and Qinda....
Surprised, cuz I was expecting Qinda most skilled, yet the opposite, skill wise they're all better. o.O wow! haha.

So a sudden decision urge me to go for night cycling with Jorgen. And so we went. Our first stop was Udders Ice Cream, then I12 Katong, and finally Old Airport Road. The trip was enjoyable I guess, I got to visit I12 which i had yearned to go since dont know when. Throughout the trip chat alot with him, though most of the time Im the one to start topic, almost exhausted of topic already. Well, yea 9 Jan..... where new chapters of life begins, may existing chapters be remembered and never be devoured by dust.

So as I was talking with him, environment is really important. He's one of the decent NT I have met, I really hope this can continue despite the complexity of the future. Though our time spent was so little, I grew a bond with him too, somehow I find him rather loner too. After hearing about his cliques, and his lifestyles, and how his life revolves around me and the SCC volunteers, and his self discipline and self concept to not be influenced by the "mainstream" ppl of his society, he's so cool.

So yea, some of the topics was about business too. So he's wondering where to go to after his first year, so I was suggesting either Event Management or Service. Cuz I think that Singapore is going to become a hub for Meetings, Incentives, Conventions and Exhibitions, (MICE), thus will definitely involved in many foreign investments here to set up events big or small. As such, the market for this should be really big in the near future.

So yea, it doesnt really require lots of capital too, but might need a diverse bank of social connections. Service, on the other hand, should be good too, though I think that it would be a waste of time? Since like you can learn it from workplace. Oh well, hope he will find his most suited area next year =D and perhaps, ten years down the road, we will meet again, perhaps becoming partners or something of that sort? Since looking at his current background, he should be capable to doing big stuffs with his big capital. This made me think of someone who told me some time ago, about him and his sister, being "sweet and adorable kids, but with challenging background". So far, I still dont see that yet. "Yet", because many thorns are not noticed as we glance through the surface of the field of red radiant roses. But anyway, not very important, whats important is to not waste whatever he is blessed with.

I sort of have a new dream to work to, is that 20 years down the road, the 4 of us (WuXuan) will come together often, to meet at a cafe, with our families, having great time bonding the 3 generations. And 4 of us would be successful people, whether together in partnership business or not.

Anyway had some chat with family too, about other companies, and how handful of companies, like Shu Dynasty, fall under the reign of their offsprings, which sort of include our family? Sigh, looking at their lack of guts to pia another career, and their stagnation of at least ten years, and their lack of interest to find opportunities in their hobbies, and their inertia....

I sort of have a self imposed stress to make them proud, to prove to them that everything isnt as complex as they think. With this mindset, I grow more and more afraid each day, that I wont succeed, and trace back their steps again. I notice my strong level of trust lately, and scared that history repeats itself and allowed betrayals to affect or rather to bankrupt a prospering business. Therefore, I really hope to establish good relation with potential partners, to minimize the trust issues and such. I also really hope that people around me can do well and not waste whatever they are blessed with now, for I will definitely need some of them in the future, and hopefully I wont be despised upon, since Im rather pessimist about my capabilities, and my status in the future. So yea, STRESSED..... STRESSED... STRESSED.....

KTV-ed today, some of the nice lyrics:

1)

爱的痛了痛的哭了
哭的累了日记本里页页执着
记载着你的好像上瘾的毒药
它反覆骗着我

爱的痛了痛的哭了
哭的累了矛盾心里总是强求
劝自己要放手闭上眼让你走
烧掉日记重新来过

2)

宁可空白了手　等候一次　真心的拥抱
我相信在这个世界上　
一定会遇到对的人出现在眼角

2012-01-04T00:14:00.002+08:00

After a great December, January first few days were more or less used for rest and family time. Since New Year where I went Orchard with family and cousins, Monday invited First Class over for the meeting because I wanted to stay at home, Today I invited Tai's mum too for the Manhattan Fish Market deal =D

Was planning, if possible, to complete all necessarily works to be free on Fri to bring family for the Alexander Road Bak Kut Teh too, and the Serangoon Prawn Mee perhaps some other time. Fri, well, if smooth, I might be able to meet First Class again for SP open house, then drop by Alexander Road before meeting Shixiong for our planned training plans for the first 2 months of wushu classes. I had included in many skills components which I think it might be useful for them outside wushu as well. I had also incorporated the schedule to match NAFTA times too, at least they will sort of train up for their school NAFTA too. =D

For future training, Im planning to include activities that is fun, that can help them learn some sports skills, with some wushu essence inside. Sports skills include ball skills, fielding or batting skills, and other interesting sports like tchoukball. We would also plan to train their reactions and mind too, and if possible, chinese culture, the chinese language itself, perhaps not to extent of tang poems, at least basic characters?

So then I had this idea to set up this committee to help people plan for ice breaking or amazing race games, that we would host them, like the laser tag team. Thus, we gotta come out with many interesting unique games, which we could pilot with Bedok Wushu first. =D As sx said, this is a platform where we could test our leadership, management and creativity without affecting much to anyone, since there isnt report book sor such things that would get parents complaining and questioning.

Next, I would like to bring Moving Blue over to sg, but sigh since starting of the year I only get limited photos of their products, website not updated, samples not sent.... How to do?

And so, hmm, over these few days, I got more insights to social problems in sg, especially in teens. Really, many of them were shocking, and some more common problems are ofcoz bgr. So I see that the recent few cases I see, it can really be a good thing, that love can change one person from head to toe, but there isnt really right and wrong, and what comes around goes around, so...... hmm, shall see how these episodes turn out in years to come. That got me curious, do people last time have all these problems too? Are they really that conservative? Or just that we assume they are more old fashion, or that they kept in to themselves. But one thing for sure, bgr is taking place at very young age now. Ofcoz, as I discover more about a person through another, it could be that the information provider is trying to use me to change the person's view of the information provider instead.

It's not a bad thing I personally thing, it teaches them to care, to manage, to plan, to love, to handle failures, to have responsibilities, to stick to commitments, to deal with social problems.

Anyway, had this talk by some random guy, Im inspired. He had a strong and interesting point, he said that giving allowances would discreetly condition the young to be employees, to work hard, in order to receive a fixed pay, determined by someone of higher authority. As such, he gave no allowances to them, but to let them look around and find things to do, then negotiate with him the incentives. Though this might give rise to money face people, but it actually encourages them to take the initiative to change things they can, to find opportunities themselves, to look at the diversity around them in one more perspective - money prospect. It also train their negotiation skills, their tact, their public speaking, their creativity.

2012-01-01T17:47:00.003+08:00

So, a year passed so fast. However looking back on 2011, especially while I write my Lengthy Note on FB, I realized other than 2008, 2011 was my most memorable year! Lots of ups and downs too, from the feeling of crushed as I was almost got rejected to volunteer in SCC, to my academic, to some other problems, and to the opposite scale, to receive standing ovation of hundreds of people, to win my first medal, and first gold medal in wushu, to achieve academic excellence, to receive appreciation from Samy and church leaders, to make new friends.

The year ended and a new year started with me working OT in MindCafe, simply because they are unable to find part timers for the night, and Rose and Marco was on the verge of collapse. Oh yea sent them 2 gifts, Marco was especially happy since I was the only one to sent him a gift. =D gleeful =D But weird too, 2011 ended weird.

So a sudden request from Rose to work got me to burn the midnight for that Lengthy note till 2am, and that night I actually gave a friend a mashed up verse, which Im surprised I could remember exact wordings for the first part despite not paying much attention to it in the bible study days, as I used to think I wouldn’t need it since I believed my self control is great. I realized at times like these, these words, these apt words are crucial, for I might be the only medium to reach to. I said:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

So hope that the person could grow strong too. And then somehow someone almost complete stranger, who used to dislike me, jealous of me, came to find me at work. It was about bgr, well at least the person felt better after that, yet it kindda spoilt my reputation in MindCafe a little. It all started with me throwing the chips with leftovers broken crumbs which I knew it would be thrown and not served so since I’m going to the toilet I ate them. That caught boss’s attention and perhaps grew suspicion on me? Then as I talk to the person, I think boss was monitoring the camera and disliked me talking. Ofcoz all these gotta thank Johann a lot a lot for covering me. He was exhausted I think.

After these many years of friendship, this was one example that I could rely on them completely, with complete trust. He was understanding enough to help me. Also on the same day, as I need to book tickets using credit card yet Im at work, I actually for once gave away my credit card number to Tai, I completely trusted him, for he had trusted me with his house keys once too. Though this might be a bigger issue and even bigger when my parents find out, I don’t know, maybe this would be a test of our friendship, and sure enough he is completely trustworthy.

So the year ended with many weird decisions, from accepting the work, to the buying of tickets, and meeting of the unexpected person, to OT, and such.
Anyway after that we went to 85 Market for supper, and then talked till 6am, knew more about a friend, which I find his character is really good, the environment that kills it.

Sigh, again we touched on commitments and etc. So first is ofcoz bgr, so I was like asking him that is he really serious, or still looking around to find the type of lifelong partner he have, but then I notice signs of love, really love, one that is one sided, basically to hope for the best for the other party, that he would speak sense to when the other party is wrong or something like that. However, yea as many men do he did quite a lot of things too. So his intention of love is good, but too much lust? Sigh. And his choice of partners of far are like…… But anyway more girls with looks are that way, until they decided to find a serious relationship, they started to change, but will eventually end up crushed, because party it should be the first time experienced being rejected.

Then we were saying about friendship too. I mean for myself, and for Johann too, we have this automatic reaction that for major events like New Year or Xmas, our first reaction to appointments are always “no we are sure we will have something on”, no matter how many people asked us out. So this time round, yea, we didn’t feel complete, it was like someone was replaced with another, don’t have that feel of the past few years. I don’t know, it’s a trivial thing though, not a bad thing too because the person I believe is trustworthy and dependable too, just that the person wore many hats, that gotta change time to time, and as he wears one, he’s focused on that one. Few years of friendship, I don’t know, a dilemma question struck me, if it would be a time to choose them or church which would I pick, I said them, because the number of years and bonds we had build. But 10 years down the road? I had now strong bonds with Solid Rock too. These people do care about me too as much I care about them. Especially one cell leader, she's very concerned about our well-being, often very appreciative, and very devoted to us, especially her Saturdays. Same as the other one, to decide to shepherd us instead of other one. And the members, despite age differences I think we are really very gam. So yea, difficult. Sigh. But yea it wont happen at all anyway.

Anyway after that we went Tai’s house to rest to 9am for JiaoLian’s distribution of goodies to the neighbourhood. Perfect way to start a year~! To do good deeds and bring joys to the citizens!

And so I started the year with a chapter in the bible too, Psalms 25, start of a new year, started off well, lets have another year of fun too~! And hopefully prosperous too.

2011-12-30T17:56:00.004+08:00

Hmm, sometimes, I feel that the few most powerful things in life are always double-edged. For example, knowledge. The reason of knowledge, of having knowledge, is to so that we know more about the world and the diversities around us, but there will always be people who use these knowledge to ruin the world. Another example is water. As a chinese saying, 水能载舟亦能覆舟, as much as water have the capability to float the boat, it can be the one who sink it as well.

Similarly, this is what happens, some person has been joining us and having fun for the past few church activities, and this person, I personally felt, has just began to open up to us and mingle with us. However, since this person would now have 4 cells, my own cell leader suggests that the person should just stick to one and sink the roots.

As such, I dont know, I really feel bad, I feel... cynical, doubtful.

Seriously, the very thing that had pulled people together, for a good cause, as ants sticking together to brace through floods and storms on the banyan leave, is the reason why some people will feel awkward together, the reason of a hindrance to social interaction, as we can see from another church where since i was "new", there are 2 cells in a tug of war of me. Either way told them I was just a visitor.

Sigh. So yea, I really feel the song: power of your name, as it shouts,

I will live
To carry Your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name

I saw some powerful changes in the lives of people by joining the xtianity movement, I saw powerful bonds forged like a piece of armor that could withstand the spears of a thousand armies. I saw hope of humanity, for it's able to harness up and save those clinging on the tip of the cliff with an index finger.

So why? why? why just because a member is from other church, or from other cell, or from somewhere else, to be restricted to join church activities, we are after all, one human race, serving the kingdom of heaven, not the church, we grow, through own relationship and connection with God, that cells are merely to help those without community to mingle around and have support as they grow, but the ones capable of having multiple cells shouldnt be restricted to have just one, for no one has decreed that an army of God, just like standard army, cannot join other platoons, we have a common goal, why choose to reach it own your own?

Pure dumb, pure ridicule. Who in the world knows best what the voice ask that armyboy to do? to go? Who decides the future? And if we were not meant to know, why make it awkward, treat every brothers and sisters well, for on this journey, you wont even know if there are Judases lurking around, for on this journey, we shall reach it hand in hand, why the need to "label" ourselves? through possessing identity, it builds walls around us, to be no longer reach out to lost lambs and helping them. As such, these poor people, will belong to nowhere, and unable to fully maximize the potential. Please larh, 20 or 30 years, in midst, I believe all cells, would have movement of cell members and faith.

We should really...... after all..... look beyond religion

2011-12-27T02:21:00.002+08:00

Its past midnight again, 2am... Cant sleep as usual, ever since my body clock was screwed up. Oh well, tomorrow, as in tue, supposed to have a big plan to go eat burger since I have coupons. It would have been at toa payoh, 6 of us, KY would have joined us, then off to my house to eat log cakes. However, sadly, unfortunately, Ky was down with cough again. Sigh, so vulnerable, just like lin. Sigh.

So this would be the most complete xmas so far. I spent this festive season with lots of groups of friends, solid rock cell, pop cell, scc alumnis, cheuck, wx first class and potentially joel sim and zkzj and toasted group.

Well Jo mentioned once to me on, that we sort of ceased to talk anymore, but rather crap around. Thinking back how I used to find him to talk 50% of things out, now lesser and lesser. But thinking back, I also mentioned to Tai before, that the reason is that Jo had a personality change during o lvls, and a little "mr. know everything" attitude as he talk. Which now should no longer have, but previously this turns away people. Perhaps due to academy stress, also perhaps he rather not exposed to the world enough, also perhaps too many people in his life finding him for listener. So I also realized ofcoz our relationship was stagnant, so I told him frankly not to get jealous of my involvement with other people. I mean 4 of us had gone through much, had peak of our bonds, have gone through disputes and conflicts too, yet still remain close, thats how we lasted through the tests of time. So occasionally, I might expand my involvement, just as how Kaya spreads =) so dont mind me.

That was also the 2nd time I did not send KY home, as I was afraid to miss xmas with them. Sometimes, really, I wished I could be split into different parts to make my relationship with people around me complete, but that would defeat the purpose of relationship, since you can be everywhere everytime, there isnt any quality time anymore, and isnt any worthy sacrifice or wise decisions.

Then appeared he is sick again. Sometimes he really reminds me of myself, how vulnerable was my body then too, towards virus and bacteria, and how much perseverance we had last time, where I was a yes man as long as my both legs are still in contact with ground. They say there are many mirrors in our lives, physical mirrors could let us see our appearances, history as mirrors, could teach us the future through our past, friends as our mirrors, could reflect on our character. 以銅為鏡，可以正衣冠。以古為鏡，可以知興替。以友為鏡，可以明得失。 Perhaps, these are the few most important mirrors in my lives, though he is one under construction I suppose. I told my parents about the few log cakes I sponsored and etc, as usual they kindda frown upon the idea but well, this is a generation kind of thing I guess, as SX and KG used to subsidize and sponsor us last time, it's time where we assume their roles and pay it forward to the next generation, this is where social support came in, under emotional and financial support. As most seniors do, we really hope that the person we are cultivating will grow up strong one day, and bear fruits for the next and next generations. Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever. The culture prevails, hopefully. Sometimes, I wished I could have a bro that I could take care of, or a bigger one that could nag me. Sigh.

A song reached me that day at City Harvest, here's a verse I like:
If you have some questions
In the corners of your mind,
Traces of discouragement,
The peace you cannot find,
Reflections of your past,
Seem to face you everyday,
But this one thing I do know,
That Jesus is the way.

Sometimes, I believe the success of Christianity is to give believers confidence and trust in the Almighty one, that we have the courage and morale to go on. I came across this quote: There are times when you don't feel good yet you simply can't pin down what you don't feel good about. Yes it's so true, Ive been feeling weird lately but just couldnt really tell what was it. A sort of emptiness, yet unsure what is it, cant be friends, cant be material wealth, perhaps fear of future? perhaps lack of spiritual faith? Im just lost in the midst of lost.

Anyway, Im suspecting something in someone's life, gonna slowly figure out the puzzle again.

2011-12-26T00:45:00.002+08:00

On 23rd Dec, I finally decided to have a day off, off from scc, for the 2 days in a row having to sleep few hours to meet them at 7am were really..... out of my ordinary mind (means not exactly out of my mind haha). So anyway, followed up a little on school work, and the project, then went to print 10 sets of the survey for auntie imm to snowball around. Halfway, had a brief chat and follow up at the block 123 bubble tea shop, and clear my debts. Then, I went to repair my bike, with an expensive fee of 15 bucks, before heading to scc to fetch them.

At the scc had a emotional farewell I guess, Im really regretful not being able to understand alvin's sorrow since he did not open up, hopefully not because of me cuz I wouldnt wanna get involved, just like previous incident lucky lele was okay in the end with me =D.

So yes Jorgen, Jewel, KY, Qin Da and I went to Bras Basah to fetch Amanda, and then we went to Lau Par Sat at Raffles for supper. Along the way we trolled Qin Da, it was sooooo fun~!

Basically we gave Qin Da a random friend's number to act as Girl A, so Qin Da was like trying to find out if Girl A likes him by acting as Qin Da's friend. So we puppet that guy to play along with him haha, in the end we twisted it to say that the Girl A was actually Girl B, having secret crush on Qin Da, and then embarrassed because she "did not know" Qin Da was smsing her. So then Girl B diverted to Girl A, which is actually Jewel, acted fumed with Qin Da, then I added on contacting that Girl B to forward me a sms to say: Eh kaya!! Eu go give that guy my number arh?! Walao i hate eu!! Go die make me paiseh only!!.... So I acted pointing finger at Qin Da saying he exposed Girl B's greatest Secret, made Girl A angry, and made Girl B angry with me, so 5 parties involved from the initial 2 (Qin Da and Girl A). That made him super stressed, until we revealed during the supper hahahha. Best is when Qi Da said it was private, but we knew since that Girl A was Jewel, then KY went over tricked him saying he screened his message. Like OMG~!! HHAHAHAHA really funneh~!!!

trololol day~ trololol day~ trolololololol ALL THE DAY~~ Oh WAD FUN ISIT TO TROL ON someones big bday! :p HEY~!! =D

After that we had a trolling part 2 to KY, acting it was a train crash down. Sort of pity him because he really thought it was real and prayed for us. He's really religious and a great friend, always concerned about everybody else but himself, he pushed me away to accompany the rest back and rather go home alone - the reason for the trololol ing haha.....

So after that we stayed at Jorgen's house. The next day I accompanied Johann to City Harvest. Really awkward to see so many familiar faces yet after all I went there for Johann, and actually ditched my whole cell because of that... sigh, oh well after that we went to set up for sx's surprise. I invited KY over too, grateful that he came too, but left early at 10 or so, he looked bored at times with me, which I really really really feel super bad about it.... Like I dont know, my fire starter bank is really limited, as well as my gas.....

So we stayed over to sent SX off to China this morning, slept for 2h then went for the xmas service at BBTC, to find out that only me and KY turned up. Felt bad too because felt like I ditched them so they ditched me.... Sigh, KY felt disappointed too I guess, which made him sian again. So accompanied him home, then collect log cake, then rest for an hour at home uploading photos then off to Kok Guan's house.

Had fun at Kok Guan's house as well, loads of food and fun, and finally reached home now to again upload photos, charge batteries and blog. Oh well, thats all for just a weekend. Really amazing. Really surprised. Really had fun.

2011-12-22T01:50:00.002+08:00

也许我一个人
不能成就一番大事业
但我尽力贡献一份微薄的力量
Though Im not the one with all the riches
But my contribution is enough to satisfy some

也许我自己
不能发出万丈光和亮
但我能为斗室带来足够的光芒
Though Im not the sun
At least im a candlelight that could provide warmth

我从来都不在乎
自己不是一个大人物
因为平凡也是一种幸福
看到名人总是忙忙碌碌
我的时间由我控制
平凡日子一样会充实

Conclusion: It's normally the ordinary that brings out the best in humanity.

Really, I really admired KY, Jorgen, Amanda and Qin da to go volunteering at SCC daily 7am-7pm, with much passion and enthusiasm. Besides me and Elizabeth I dont think there's other regular volunteers already. Somehow I think KY is like a magnet to attract awesome people. His presence always makes the place vibrant and welcoming. Really, on behalf of scc and the kids, i really would like to thank them much. I shall be frank that even myself cant make it going that far. Furthermore the bond I see he had with Adriel, haha can be his brother already!

Anyway today the seniors went to soul garden, I felt sad for KY and Yu Qian to be asked to stay in scc to help with the younger ones. Had a great time with them, but tomorrow shall be the last day I shall see them. Sigh. Time flies, one year has gone, shall write a long long letter for the grads tmr.

I really hope KY and Yu Quan could have their opportunities for outings and fun outside of scc, as appreciation for their passion and effort, of much sacrifice.

Anyway back to the song lyrics, I thought of this song, because i was speaking to someone, understanding the person's problems, and I found out alot that I never knew. As much as the person appears to be alright and complete, or idea, the person had lots of unspoken problems-to-be. SO anyway I thought of this song, that I'm really glad I could still use my limited financial power to help, to contribute to their growth. And I, just like tons other in the world, would always say: "just pay back the treat when you grow up and could work." But really, I'm prepared to down payment a heavy investment of my effort, time and money on this person. No matter the outcome, I just think that it's worth it. I shall discreetly (actually not very discreet either) hope that this person could grow up strong and successful.

Ofcoz until now Im really curious how others think of me, sometimes I really wish I could eavesdrop people's thoughts, like professor X, this way I would know best whats the best thing to do at the right time. Since I wouldnt know, lets jsut be ignorant and assume Im not a busybody nuisance that loves to KPO around and show off my ability, but someone just randomly like to help and contribute. =D

So yea enough with the person, back to scc, I saw how devoted is KY to volunteering, to some extend Im afraid that it might affect his other areas next year, mainly studies wise. If you're so good at a certain thing that I affects you to not do well in other areas, it would mean that you're doing too much. Though yes we will not know how far we can go until we reached too far, but as we reach too far in this situation, it might not be that easy to hold back. Im also at dilemma of what is best, I could only say, que sera sera, shall see how for the first month of next year.

2011-12-21T00:59:00.002+08:00

Lots of things to blog about now. Wed 14th I went to MindCafe to study psychology alone, I studied Motivation, including Learning - the Reinforcement Schedules. It's a really interesting topic! It talks about how should be handle reinforcements for encouraging a certain desired behavior. Then, as I'm feeling a little emo, I called out Jorgen for night cycling, which halfway his bike tyre burst, leaving us going to gas station. There, I bought a bike from a China Dude for Weide. This is so that I would have two bikes to choose from in Bedok, and also two bikes would mean I could always call up people to night cycling with me after work in the future. So yea we went to Kungfu Cafe, then he called up another guy, where we went to 85 market and the last stop is Macdonald, after we roam arounf NTUC hugging the 25 bucks big bear around hunting for mashmallows hahahhaa~!!! And yea we played Chubby Bunny. That morning then, I was sooo touched that Tai waited for me till 3am, yet I came back only close to 5am. Sigh, then we HTHT till the next morning, which I went to SCC and even stayed on for water activities, thus having the need to call my mum to bring my work uniform. After work, I was dead tired, and got a 5h slp till the next day. Fri was exams, 2 exams, then I went to meet SX to discuss about wushu procedures and we were "promoted" to become assistant trainers. So yea additional responsibility.

Next, cell retreat~!! I went all the way to Changi Village to meet them, which Kok Guan was very impressed, though I thought it was a small feat. Retreat was great, playing games, having fun, everyone was rather high, including Chang Hong. Im glad he started to open up to us, and jingled and mingled with us. But unfortunately YongJie fell ill, which thus after 2h of sleep, I went out to his car with him to sleep. Everything happens for a reason, his cough made him come out since he did not want to disturb anybody else, which thus he could lent out his sleeping bag to the shivering Edmund curling on the chair, not sofa, its a one person chair! Sigh, that stubborn kid. Luckily something just urged me to buy Qing Re Pian before I went Changi Village. So I irrigated him with that, thus he's pretty alright on the next day =)

Time passes slowly. On the second day, since I am in charge of breakfast, I bought some Otahs to share and also decided to buy Liang Teh for YJ and Edmund, which Kok Guan acknowledged this trivial feat as well. Made me feel really great and motivated. Perhaps this is one different factor of church, I receive more compliments, which is a vital part of my Signs of Receiving Love. Water games are fun too~! The clues and the hiding places are really creative and interesting. Oh yea during the whole retreat i taught Chang Hong and Wei Chong lots of piano too. =) I felt I accomplished much.

Then, just nice as we finish our bible study about 'The storm will come', we had a power trip during steamboat. After much fret, we managed to get full stomach too before catching the midnight show in Downtown East Cathay: Mission Impossible. Finally we slept. I again slept for 2h, before waking up to cover blanket for the stubborn Edmund. Then I went to wushu with him. I thought I couldnt make it, but in the end managed to endure through training, Shi Jie's PE lecture, lunch, and even hunting for Adriel's birthday gifts and making the card. Really amazing. So yea these 5 days, I slept a total of 11h, over 108h. Im really amazed by the strength I had.

So yea, about Edmund, I dragged him into wushu too, and hope he would be the next generation of our Wu Xuan too. I would start to train him like how we were trained in sec 2 too. I just got a feeling he will be a great leader someday, doing great things. Either way, I really hope we could revive Wu Xuan. Anyway, somewhere long before I wrote I suspect he was hiding alot of problems from me, I found out them today. Sigh, so I wrote in fb: Sometimes as I envy, I would remind myself again, that I'm really really blessed, to be out of adversities and calamities, yet because of this, I'm too blessed that I would have to burden lots of responsibilities, so at least i wont waste my life. Sometimes Im really afraid of what my future holds, afraid that I will fail myself, and everyone around me. So I really hope i could invest in people in my life that can reap returns in my later age, so I would not need to brace through them myself - dan qiang pi ma.

Anyway, it's because of him I had more activities and vibrancy in my life I guess, and also for many people's life. Whenever he go, there are followers, wushu, scc, everywhere, and its good, because he can be a great leader, I shall watch this boy grow strong.

Yesterday in SCC we played captain's ball before i left, and I headr when i leave my team lost badly. But Im really curious if they are happy. When I was around, I do try my best for every member to participate and touch the ball. I made Gab the catcher because people say he's a bad catcher. I pass to the girls, which people normally stereotype as weak. Im glad I can do all these, because Im sure they dont mind losing as long they actually played. Same case today, I had a match with Gab, KaiSheng against a stranger, Alvin and Jorgen. I think KS and Gab enjoyed it, KaiSheng scored well, rather impressed, and Gab learnt fast too. John too I taught him to throw the ball the correct way. I really glad I could be the one that gave them the chance to pursuit knowledge or skills.

Today, I went to SCC the whole day, for the christmas party and hanging around with the alumni, before sending Edmund home. A really fun day, the kids are sooo blessed, the toys, the food, the programs, the facilities, the staffs. Sigh, sometimes, how I wished I could be a kid, being enrolled there, having access to all these fortunate things. Oh well, at the end of the day, Im blessed enough to have myself today. Then as I reached home I had a few talks with parents since we seldom talked, then helped my mum with a letter to her teacher, and then now blogging. After this shall finish up project perhaps taking an hour or so, then die die must sleep for tmr, Im gonna meet them at 6.45 at Tanah Merah........... Crazy people.......

2011-12-13T01:00:00.003+08:00

On Fri went to "surprise" wei chong, but yea it was rather obvious, anyway yea had a mini celebration. =D Spend the morning hunting for gifts with ky, bought a friendship note and a photo frame for him, it was raining thus we spend time in the library to craft it, and met qianhui there. It has been so long time talking to her, like I sort of remembered sec 1 when I met her, she was like damn cute like movie, except im not in front but behind, kept annoying her with funny songs haha. "I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky, and got shot down by the FBI, but I havent die, I go macdonalds buy some fries, dont know how I got the grand prize, oh I believe I wont die, I dont want to die...." haha.......

So yea, time flies, I miss all those good times annoying people with my singing haha. Then I saved her contacts as "qian zhou" haha, so yea, good younger days. Then... well we split, and sec 3 sec 4, never talked much too.

Sat went for caroling with pop excel. Dragged ch along, felt so uneasy like daoing him, he must have felt damn left out, solo piano-ing and guitar-ing in the room. But yea ever since he gave me the tickets to the concert he started talking to me already. I decided to subsidize him for the retreat. He can be a very high and enthu guy as I seen as we go home, and his shuffling haha. Cool. Ive seen him enjoying himself and having fun with his friends once on my way to church.

Sun wushu as normal. After that went to watch beautiful sunday concert at esplanade, I thought I saw boon yang but he was with some juniors? so didnt approach him. Which reminds me of some good younger days too, when everything was so simple and fine. Funny how life can flip 180 in the matter of days. Anyway, yea went home early wanted to study, yet realized my notes were left at the caroling, so spent 3h singing haha.

Today, went to sch thinking it was BNF thus checked out the web for last min digestion tables to cramp, but turned out to be ASR, which I thought of spending my break to study, so yea, unlucky. I had all the answers, forgot them. For BNF, it was rather good since I had lots of time studying, yet it was just 10%. Sigh. Tmr LAW, should be rather confident. Oh well. Bird shit on me at the canteen, what a bad omen, a bad day, so I went home after test, to get the day over and done with, by sleeping and singing. Oh right it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life~!! And Im feeling good~~

Planned to visit scc before exam, then after exam find ky to talk about something. Sigh, I handled some sensitive info badly, lead to misleadings and misunderstandings, I think I ruined his reputation abit, really sorry about that. I'll try to make up for that, hope he wont take it too hard, damn myself for kpo-ing, I felt I might ruin his friendship with certain people and his impression.

Anyway recalled back an old song, which again reminded me of some childhood incident, enjoyable moments of life, and also since I only know this song in sec 1 at the bbt shop, it reminded me about those fun times again.

天空突然下起了一场大雨
我该不该现在送你回去
不想打断你给的甜蜜
干脆就让我陪你淋雨

So yea was talking to people these few days, about some awesome moments of our lifes, when we caught up the bus at the moment it was about to close its door, which thus made lots of other people able to catch up too. Also childhood days when we can have lots of conflicts one day, the next day resume as per normal, or that can be two parties fighting, yet as teacher questions we would say "Nah we're just playing" when we have bruises and scratches. Awesome childhood days. Ofcoz there are those irritating people who loves to gang up against someone better than them, out of jealousy or envy. They would throw erasers, kick chairs, verbal abuse, etc, haha childhood conflicts in their small small society. Those were the days, when our world is so small, yet mimics the exact situations in our complicated world as well. This is why the bible loves kids, and ted talks had used kids to solve world problems. Parts and parcel of life - how many of them do you still remember??

Anyway, some psychology questions, I know I tend to nag alot when im concern about friend or people, esp when sick or something, so I dont know myself either, would I actually want to find a life partner who would nag me back too? It would be Freud's theory where we tend to look in the qualities of our spouse, the qualities our mothers have. This is why some cases there are taboos and such. This rather amuse me. Looks like Im the only one who likes to nag at even friends, and that as much as I hate naggings from parents, I would yearn to be nagged once in a while, like once a few days? To have the kind of feeling that someone cares about me. Sometimes nagging is a form of love too, its expression of concern, that parents often do, thus will everyone nags too when they're parents, how about being nagged? anyone want that? as in not only parents, to have a spouse that nags? Reminds me of the "seatbelt design' sexist joke on fb, also the forum on tv where teens do want their parents to nag at them once in a while to feel their parenthood.

2011-12-08T01:15:00.002+08:00

Always wanted to blog, but too much to blog, so gotta postpone till im free. The next few posts gonna be reviews on (Stranger Than Fiction), and a few law concepts and stuffs Ive learnt in tmr's psychology. That should cover a few thousands words I suppose.... haha, nah gonna summarize into average language. Work today was awesome as usual. Boss came again, woah stalker, the last time he came was when I worked too, it had been a month or so, then he came again today, the moment I started my schedule.... Scary.... Anyway, something strange happened last night. The folders on my shelves fell and scattered on the floor, along with those on my chair, but the strange thing was that it was put tightly thus unless a strong force pushed it, it will never drop, not even shaking would drop them, must be a violent force or some sort. As we suspect it was just that I slept-kicked it, its impossible because I hadnt have such incidents since long time ago, and even if so, the ornaments on top of the shelves, which would drop upon little force such as the wind, would drop too, yet they didnt, and the rest of the shelves are completely fine. Dad said one of the files had my name "Kyanta" written in big and obvious font and colour. Scary? Then as I took noticed of my remaining value of my ezlink, it was, $6.66. Sigh, superstitious or not? Hope everything's gonna be fine tonight. The thing is that I sort of woke up right after the folders drop last night, but went back to sleep thinking it was wind or something, and only logically thought through this morning, and it freaked me out a bit. Anyways, ciao.......

2011-12-04T23:33:00.004+08:00

Yesterday competition was a total fluke haha. I had confidence since I was expecting the results for me to emerge last, so I was having fun, and my confidence got a gold medal! haha. Many thanks ofcoz to shixiong for such dedication for me to try this style, and KY for the thought to come to support me (though no one else cared). So yea thankful of such a great friend. I went to visit him for he was sick, even bought the qing re pian for him. Waited an hour for him to reply, but no reply, so I thought he might be in bad shape so I visited him, only to find him playing comp and seemingly well.

I was wrong, today he didnt turn up for training. He was sick, shivering when wake up, feverish. I think actually basing on logic, fever got 2 ways, one is to surpress, another is to let it out, normally for me is let it out, in that case actually shouldnt use 2 blankets, wear lightweight clothes drink warm water to let it sweat it off, but then u woke up shivering so thats weird, so lets say if fever is coz of body thermometer disfunction, and body generate more heat by shivering to achieve the malfunctioned thermometer standard, then drink lots of warm water should help?? So I so think it's coz of his lack of hot fluid intake.

But he sleeping in storeroom, sigh always think of this quite heartache, no comfy bed for him to rest well. Very alien what to do in his current situation, the least i could do is the pray and hope for the best. Maybe if have time I shall visit him again on tue after sch.

Wushu today was whole day of fun. Basketballing and catching. Basketball was okay, fun as usual, I think they all enjoyed it, but I think by abruptly stop the game very weird, like dont have the sense of finishing a last score or something. Psychology point of view, like some may have the competitive spirit to score next goal but just ended like that, momentum disrupt. Then catching, I dont know, unexpectedly 2 kids was turned off when the runner came up with stunts for them to imitate, and they would have to jump 2 frog jumps if unable to imitate. Then they just black face and sulk, like seriously WTF? Generations now so weak? its not like asking them to run whole basketball court or something, then we kept giving in, its like...... sigh.... play game nia complain so much, then sit one side diam larh, dont affect the rest of the atmosphere lehh, people having fun got crime arh? Thats why at times kids really irritating. Cant handle much nevermind, so "king" attitude, with the "far" prefix, rude somemore....... Well shall not care much, i wouldnt wanna be involved much, and certainly not the best baby sitter. =D oh well at least some kids do like me haha =D

Anyway, I think the rest enjoyed it, so oh well. Hmm, I think wushu is reviving! Plus the upcoming drama is about wushu too, might attract more people here. =D Hope soon we can have another camp =D would be super fun! Looking forward =D Was looking at archive on these fun times, really nostalgic haha.

So anyway went to BGSS band concert thing, was expecting like the anglican band concert but turns out like bds open house nia, oh well at least it's free. Rather surprising CH invited me, but just now I see everyone has someone to visit them and talk to, but he has none, not even his family and bro, I feel so sad, and so glad I turned up despite the rest of the church not free or cant make it, and despite ppl asking me not to go since no one else going, but I replied, imagine I was the performer and wants to invite 10 ppl, yet none turned up? Yepp so glad Ive put myself in his shoes, after all he's considered my student =D which teacher wouldnt be proud of his own student? haha. Shy boy as usual, but yea, awesome.

Ok ciao, lots of things to do tomorrow, especially PST, sigh headache sia. I shall do it during tmr break.

2011-12-02T22:41:00.002+08:00

Another week has passed. Basically the focus of the week is at these few days, as usual. Wed I had training at Tai's carpark. For the first time ever in my wushu years, I was complimented. I felt really great, really really great. As their culture is one that likes to criticize, to the point it was overwhelming at one point in time, this compliment really uplifted me. Im very thankful for that, since im sort of immune to critique from them already, after learning sociology and such. Ofcoz, except a few of them larh which will never suan people. Anyway, so Oishii was picking on my laid-back attitude, which actually I would disagree. I mean ofcoz I know Im always the que sera sera style, but actually, in certain aspects I do believe Im a determined person. As Samy said, I might look laid back, but in the long run, actually im doing fine too. Ofcoz Im lazy, but at least I think I have progression, just that others progress faster so it always seems Im stagnant, status quo. I do have many commitments and many things to deal with, basically my juggling skills is lousy, so gotta prioritize them some way or another, resulting in many compromises.

So anyway, thur was a blast, it felt like a century worth of fun haha. Psychology lecture was about emotions and motivations, which Sharon actually disagrees about Maslow. So curious about her arguments, gotta ask next week. I still do think that it is accurate, because without first level, you wont think of anything else. But knowing her awesomeness, I'll be looking forward for it.

Today I attended a Love forum which I find is quite crap, I didnt learn anything significant much, except a nice take away that one have to embrace who are we inside, in order to really love from the inside, if not it would be nothing but a pursuit of recognition from others. Other than that questions are lame, no matured questions like "What do you think about clingy relationships?" or "What if the other party have no confidence in future?" or "Long distance relationships" etc....

Anyway, Thur was still best, organised a MindCafe outing, which KY invited his clique down too, those people who stayed over at their class chalet. Other than them, Nickolas (Tai's friend), Jo and his 2 twin friends, WeeSeng and Jorgen.

Those long hours were tiring, but overall, the atmosphere kept building on, constant laughter, constant smiles, and I hope they enjoyed themselves thoroughly. Managed to capture few genuine happiness on camera, which made me sooo happy, not gay, but its just that as I see people producing genuine smiles with my company really lifts me up.

After that, Jorgen, WS, Nick and me went for supper at Simpang Bedok, slacked and talk cock, really great, we had satays and chendols and taught them how to play Bridge haha, surprisingly Jorgen didnt knew how to play Tai-Ti, just like Siva in the beginning on the year. They picked up fast, as what these types of people usually do. I think these are the people who have not much friends in their secondary schools and rather homeboy, such that they seldom mingle with nonsense we do when we are bored, so they only play sports and things that normally people take pains to organize due to their rare participation. Then I walked them home, and that's the day, slept at 4am, woke up at 10 today to do project, then went for lunch and then rushed to that forum.

So anyway, was talking to someone today, and this concept of friendship came up. The person said that trying to keep update with friendships and KPO-ing about them might be in vain, like it was not the effort since life is like cohort, where there's always a cohort to move along as we live our lives.

So I agreed, sometimes, life is like a train, friends and cliques come and go as we go on with life, sometimes its not really worth the effort, such as me sending friends all the day to doorsteps, treating bubble tea, and many things Im proud that I did for my friends, even silly things like running with ice kacang melting on hand all the way to friend's house, stayed up whole night to counsel, agreed to KPO into friend's stuffs when I have tons of other things to do, research and help with sch works I dont even know about, etc etc, but Im really glad and touched by some friends who had went great miles for me as well, or at least the thought they had for me.

Namely WeiDe, that long ago incident where of all friends, he picked mine and another's to be "blessed" in his religion. Other than that, I think I would credit to KY, as he's like a optimism magnet, Cheuck's optimism vibrant up my life directly, but his is different, obviously he not as kiddish and high energy as Cheuck, he's rather serious, but his efforts bring interesting people into my life and made my life more vibrant, more full of activities and happiness. He's down with fever now, I really hope and pray he will be well tomorrow evening for the cell because I think he enjoyed it much, and wouldnt want to skip, so as his character he would embrace his fever to go. SO I wont ask him to come to support me tomorrow, as he wanted to do so rather badly, that got me touched, and tried convince the whole cell too! This is not extra miles, extra lightyears already! His thoughts enough for me to be glad I have such friend, do hope I will stay contact with him for the rest of my life, and may our friendship stay strong. After all, it all boils down to "How far are you willing to go?"

2011-11-26T05:12:00.002+08:00

Thursday, after celebration, I went to help pop camp, didn’t know why I decided to do so! Its like suicide for me since I had little sleep time this week already! Anyway despite hearing complains and news about how out of hand KY’s group is, when I observed, they are normal naughty kids, rather I believe strongly it was the lack in team leaders cooperation.

When handling kids, we have to work on our facial expression, look calm when in trouble, to act as if everything is fine and under control. Both of them looks like the world collapse everytime there are small problems. Furthermore, the experienced one often mia, leaving the inexperienced to handle the rest, and being taught to be strict and firm yet his natural charm made him popular, it was really tough to take on several roles.

Then, perhaps this was all destined to happen, as I left at 5pm for 2h to do my school work, he snapped, and it seemed like a big issue. Perhaps someone up there really wanted him to try on.

As the performances was on going, we then found Child A, which was bonded close with KY, crying at the back, he felt betrayed on the absence of KY’s sight when he woke up, and assumed he went home without telling him. So as we found him, he was devastated, angry, exhausted of the crying. Ofcoz, KY thought he would be with his original group, thus was minding his own chaotic group. I saw his face filled with guilt and resentment that everything happened “under his hand”, he felt lousy. So I suggested he carry him onto the steps at the back, on his lap, hug him close. Not knowing what was best, he knelt down and hugged him. At instance I was really really touched. I rarely see such a dedicated leader for his team. Since I observed, he tended to the group’s need wholeheartedly and non hesitantly.

Then it was night hunt, it was really fun, I must say they did a superb job in planning and with the creativity to come out with the scenario. Then there are movies, and then my sleepless night. This was when I was shocked at myself. Since child A was beside me, whenever he seemed to be having nightmare or that sort, twitching or moaning, I would tap his chest or shoulder with decreasing frequency, sort of calm him down, and assured comfort and protection. Yet, as I heard a child coughing badly at the other side of room, I wanted to give him water, but I actually lie back down on the bed on the thought that my bottle was on the other side of the room! See how selfish I was! And how lazy I was! But after that epiphany, someone came over and helped him already, and so I was really ashamed of myself. Anyway, for child’s A, I saw the urgency and that kanchiongness in KY towards him. I smiled. Its really a great sight to see, a rather touching one, for their bonds.

So my observation led me thinking he’s a great young leader, potential servant leadership, a strong teen that carried on persevering everytime after he snapped, thus he didn’t just back down and leave the “rotten stall”. But I think he’s a little too perfectionist, he takes on issues too personally, carrying everyone’s burden on himself. Thus Pastor Jacq should be right, he was pressurized to perform, under seeing the other good leaders that could manage their group well. Being inexperienced, he’s unable to see whole picture, he tend to focus on the “lost sheep” without settling the herd, thus his reactions everytime someone deviated away made the herd feel lost, and that as the children see his hopeless expression, they might not be able to find assurance of a capable leader of them.

So KY tend to be stressed, and a huge factor of them is self implied. Other factors are that being new, he’s always pointed at by the other leaders, though not really being scolded, but being told what he should do and what he did wrongly, he must felt really lousy. Actually, handling kids will never have a model absolute answer, thus it’s really up to the cooperation, which is lacking. He was too strict in discipline, giving himself more stress only, under the misconception that strict is good, and he isn’t strict enough (though in my eyes I will never be strict to that extend) and thus he felt everything is due to his incapability, which isn’t true.

Performance wise, he is really good, perhaps even better than myself, but he was exhausted too fast, and that night he was on verge of getting fever, he’s people-oriented, so energy run out fast, which made his expression dull, that dispirited the team too, but everything was actually alright and in control. Whatever problems he was facing was common to the other groups as well, yet he doesn’t see that. As such, I do feel unfair for him to be 'scolded' by the other leaders of what to do, but then again, perhaps there's a reason for him to go through all these? Hopefully he will remain strong. One thing for sure though, he should be well eyed on by people, at least among the syrens and the "Pastor's circle" we all have seen and admired his great dedication and determination. Sad I couldnt see throughout the other days, but actually if fate wants him to go through hell, these might not happen if i was there, so in a way, lucky im not there. Haha. So... yea, proud, really proud, really great, to be able to know and see this boy.

So this camp killed me, but had given me a breath of life as well. I left at 6am for home, to regenerate for today’s movie and the rest of the day with Jorgen.

2011-11-26T03:52:00.002+08:00

Lots of happenings this week.

On 23rd, we were planning to buy a present for Jordan since his birthday is on the next day. So we waited for Jordan to go for his cds at 2pm, school ended at 11am. Unexpectedly, he was stubborn, he wanted to skip despite lots of frowns and encouragements and taunts for him to go. So then we decided to go tm together, which initially I planned for each of us to take separate path, like Faris will act as if he’s going home, I will say I need to go church, and Siva will crap up an excuse to leave Jordan with the 3 girls so he will feel awkward n leave, yet don’t know why as Faris went up on 8, the girls followed, and everyone followed….

So on bus its round two, me and Faris acted to leave them at Fari’s bus stop, Siva will then leave them at TM, saying he need to meet friend at Tamp Library. And he was so fake when I faked giving him a phone call!! Haha, in the end he didn’t leave, so we sneakily bought the ball, with Delia’s help, “go toilet”, or “take food” (cuz they were in Manpuku), then in the end, after searching the 3 malls, we fixed our eyes on one at T1. So Delia suggested he send lizzie off to the bus stop, and jane, being oblivious thoughout, thought it was all real, even suggested “why not go home together”…. Hahahaha

In the end everything falls back as planned. =D at least the 5h drama was not wasted, he enjoyed the surprise, and thought it was all real. Haha we can be Oscar winners already =)

We saw Wednesday and Thursday together at T1, they were so sweet~ Wednesday was clinging onto him, leaning her head on his shoulder. Lovely couple…. Made me little jealous haha.

At night I went to church to help out with the Bursary thing, and chatted with KY, since it was his first time leading, and heard he’s got a tough group.

So on Thursday, Psychology lecture was about Developmental Psychology part 2. I guess Something that I got back from these few psychology lectures, if I were to have kids, I would have 2, and would spend more time with them especially first few years, and gotta have loads of family activities to avoid the only child feeling lonely and the chance of going astay. Through Psychology, Ive learnt much more, and understand kids more. I actually sort of shocked ____ after the truth and dare session, saying that by changing steads so many times in a year means that his heart is not searching for a soul mate, but searching for the type of soul mate he really wanted. Felt rather bad shocking him.

So then it was pop camp, which will be going into detail on the next blog post ^^.

Today, I went for "Apple of the eye" with Johann, Wei Nan and Jorgen, again Ive learnt much too. Some awesome quotes I liked are:

青春是一場大雨。即使感冒了，還盼望回頭再淋它一次 it means that "Adolescence is like a heavy rain. Even though you catch a cold from it, you still look forward to experiencing it once again." - http://www.lonelyreload.com

人生本來就很多事是徒勞無功的啊 this hit me hard. In the movie, this was said when the top student was asked what for studying for stuffs that we might not even use in the future? She replied that in life, there are many great efforts that will be in vain, that have no results. This motivated me, that not every effort I put in must make a difference, maybe, should enjoy the process, do for the sake of doing, because it fills me with life.

2011-11-21T23:55:00.003+08:00

Nothing much happenings today, perhaps Monday blues, I felt a little down…..
So I started to observe details in life, and I observed a few interesting trivial stuffs in life that we often would ignore.

Few days back I was rushing for time, at the same moment as my next door neighbor, so I was like kanchiong spider packing up my bag and rushing for lift, which I saw my neighbor about to reach the lift first, so I thought she would wait for me as I suddenly remembered to bring some stuffs, so I went back in. Then, when I came out, she was still locking her door, and my mum was the one holding the lift haha~! Just nice both of us ran back into our respective homes to grab stuffs haha.

Anyway, so yea I observed my class at a 3rd person view, again I have this feeling as if I was black and white, and the world is coloured, as if I was an observer, going through some simulation or some 4D device. Somehow, I don’t feel the bond. Also, checking out the class wall, guess ive been missing out a lot, that Im so known to MIA, nobody bothered much about asking me for certain events. Similarly, I was rather surprised to see no empty seats around my normal clique. Sigh.

So yea in Psychology, it was as if parenting course part 2, we were learning about different attachment styles and parenting, with lots of input from tutor’s personal experiences. Looking back to my good old days, guess my pri was a lot fun, perhaps really, I had more love – To love and be loved. Ofcoz that was upper pri. In the children’s world, everything is small, everything is limited, the world is precisely what I know and what I see. This brings me back to the 天越高心越小 concept (the bigger the world is, the smaller my capacity to love is). Ofcoz, this is only my interpretation. Looking back again, ever since the new sem starts, I had not much of genuine wildness, or any outburst of joy. Sometimes, as I laugh with few of my cliques, I felt my smiles and laughter so mona lisa. Then, I as I often do, I wondered do my presence brings more benefits or burden? For example, how my friend’s sister came in and had an awkward and abrupt conversation with my friend. Or how my sec 2 na class failed maths. Well, it’s time for me to migrate again, the first half of the year was filled with amazing times in scc, which now seems rather alien to me already. I gotta find another place, full of love and laughter.

Then, I had always wondering, where is life leading me to? And the very purpose of me again. Somehow, I wanna be youthful, to not think so much, to enjoy teen years thoroughly. Speaking of this, I gotta catch “apple of my eye” soon~! Like fri~!!

Argh, back to Psychology, today we touched on the topic of love languages again. One strong point I caught is that, often Asian parents lack in their communication medium to express their love using touch or intimacy. This is a very crucial area, as many case studies shown that the touch and intimacy could prevent lots of future problems. However, there is always this Asian culture to not hug and kiss. My parents do not do that, not that I remember. Thus, it’s only after o levels do I hold my parents hands, like finally….. what an un-filial son I was. So hugs and kisses isn’t really our practices, just look at my dad, cant even pose a nice couple shot with mum, gotta CUT and adjust lots of times. Oh yea, so now that I’ve seen lots of broken families, I do envy those ideal family where generations are still close and have fun together. They pull their dad’s ears, fall on their chests, pinch their noses, tease around, have dinner on the same table….

Which then this huge dilemma struck me, do I want to be a father? After the much ambiguous future me and my future family have, the struggles and etc, the responsibility to raise an ideal kid, the fear that my child would deviate some day, or over control or under control, the image of them leaving me and establish their own family, or grow up not receiving the ideal care. Sigh.

Actually, Im still looking for someone, someone that I don’t mind spending the whole day doing nothing but talk, sharing the same frequency to talk about anything and everything under the sun, and able to keep up with my energy, to party and sing whole day, or simply just be happy when im around, and not giving me the “you again” expression, someone that will lighten up his/her face at my presence. To find someone like that, will be a dream come true? Often I see people with best friends, best buddies, best clique, but till this day, frankly I haven’t seen one who I feel can die without them. All are but come and go, have fun, leave happy memories, and go, like the train. But then again, perhaps that’s life.

Urghhh so emo……. Tomorrow will be a brighter day~ ciao~

2011-11-19T23:35:00.002+08:00

Receiving compliments are really akin to receiving emotional flowers that cloud your mind with their fragrance. - Quoted from Chia De Zhong

Today my teacher complimented me on my consoling =D

It all happened yesterday night, at 11.30pm, when a friend, X, contacted me for someone to talk to. X's down with lots of problems. X's dad was only known to have quit his job (though i suspect he got fired), grandma just passed away, and not long ago X parents had conflicts. At such a young age of not even 14 years old, X had been through a lot. X has sort of family violence as much as I heard.

So X was afraid to view the corpse, as most young people do, but this was the 4th. Digging further I found out X had a 3 months trauma after the first viewing. So I actually consoled her throughout the night.

So I said to X that everyone goes through that, look at it this way , the moment we are born into the world, we’re preparing for this day, thus we live our lifes to the fullest, to leave no regrets, old age is more peaceful than reservoir, and its not sinful, wad matters now is the legacy she left behind and the beautiful memories left engraved in ur minds, be optimistic, the place afterlife should be less harsh than Earth

Then, unsure what to say I gave X my opinions and views of death viewing. I said that as we see the corpse, we should feel calm, like a feeling that he/she was at peace, and that would give us some sort of power to continue living, and take up what was left behind for us, the continuity.

Then, remembering the movie, "Departures", I told X that we shouldn’t mourn, for its not a bad thing. Some people even smiled at ease, that the person has went back where we belong, joining loved ones there, away from cruel world. Some laughed, as they see no reason to cry over spilled milk, and lots of other ways to cope with it.

And I continued by tellign X that X's trauma was probably due to lack of mediums to express feelings, it is perfectly fine and encouraged that X talk about it after the event, and share with ur family n closed ones to exchange thoughts about it. One sure thing is that during the viewing, no matter what, we should keep in mind that by viewing it it made the whole event real, and bear in mind, its all part of life cycle. Being real means like the person dont just vanish out of the sudden to nowhere. Viewing the corpse should let us feel that that portion of life is complete, and fulfilled, that the peace look would remind us of the happy memories left behind.

Then X told me about having the image stuck in X's head, so i explained that it means they had succeeded having great positive impact on ur life, and its rather good, cuz it helps u to keep the memories alive rather than suppressing it, since memories do fade. So I suggested when closing ur eyes, associate, link the happy memories of them with their peaceful faces, don’t u find a sense of bliss that u had been through such happy times? Those memories are uniquely urs n theirs, no others!

So this was about it, then my teacher actually told me to distract X from viewing instead, by focus on random stuffs. So that got me worried and I smsed X again to 'change strategy'. However she had looked at it. But today I received a good news that X is not afraid anymore during the funeral. Which I hope X is speaking the truth, and not telling a white lie just so that I would be at ease. X went on matured-ly, trying to solve the rest of X family problem.

This was again one small part where envy steps in, though its painful, I do envy young people who went through so much in their early stages of life, yet able to cope and have lots of supports. These people would turn out stronger, just as the chinese saying 吃得苦中苦，方為人上人.

Well, this is a rather big success, since frankly I lied (white lie) about my personal encounter with corpse viewing. I didnt actually had much emotions attached, thus obviously didnt have those dramatic feelings and 'understandings' of viewing. I based all these on the passing of my relative's grandma, which I had observed their reaction, and their laughter after the event. They had completely accepted it and are optimistic about going on with life. However, I still do not understand myself, just like a scene in departures as well, why would people laugh as they see the corpse? As in laugh of serenity, not sinister smirk, grudg-ous grins, sly smiles.... and that sort of things, but sincere bliss, which filled with warmth and serenity. Perhaps should check out with professionals.

Alright, another 2 days of full schedule, 3h of sleep. zzz... nites..... oh btw today had a great dinner thanks to Auntie Jacq~! =D

2011-11-15T22:09:00.004+08:00

Today in LAW lecture, we touched on Ethical issues. Coincidentally, I was getting opinions from Siva on that Mine Cart, 5 lives vs 1 life philosophy question. So the lecturer asked:

If an elderly and a child were to be in need of help, assuming both are complete strangers, would die if not saved, and the chosen one would definitely be saved, which ONE would you choose to save?

Many would consider choose the child, on a common argument that the child has longer lifespan to do greater good to the society. This, itself, has already shows some stereotypes and prejudice people have towards the SILVER industry.

Furthermore, there is a hint of operant conditioning, not sure if I’d applied the correct concept, but anyway I think that media influences and social choices influenced a person’s rationale mind. Many media depicted the elders sacrificing for the young ones, saying “You got a better future” and such things, thus it would lead to people thinking that might be the model answer, and would normally stop questioning further.

Why wouldnt anyone try saving the elderly?

So I would argue that who determines which of the two parties would bring more benefits to society? Who can be so sure the child WILL have a better future?

At that instance, the worth of the elderly would be more, as the elderly would have more wisdom and experience to be able to benefit the society straightaway for sure. The elderly could right away be an inspiration to other elderly, or the younger generations, as a living testimony, as a living treasure, a teacher of life.

On the other hand, the child would have a long life to live in order to have a chance to bring greater benefit to society, which in the process would leech on Earth’s resources for inputs instead, and therefore there will be a possibility as well that the child might waste his/her life by turning astray or be raised into murderers and other possible predators that would harm the society instead.

Thus, the elderly would be more worthy, more rich in potential to bring greater good for society.

Some other questions that I would want to touch on in the future would be:

- If a thief were to steal from you for survival of his family, knowing stealing is bad, and that saving people is encouraged, would you allow him to steal from you?

My stand would be that I will let him steal, just like Zhu Ge Liang in the three kingdoms era, 七擒七纵, he captured the enemy 7 times, and let him go 7 times as well, as a result he surrendered willingly. So Likewise, if the item he is stealing do not affect you much, let him do that, and let him know that you let him steal, and lecture him bit by bit, this way, at least you know his target is you and wouldnt harm others which might affect the victims greatly, moreover can help him indirectly. Other than that, I think it's all up to the thief's destiny or fate.

- If the 2nd highest scorer goes around boasting and made everyone else sad, disapointed, discouraged, depressed... etc, knowing you shouldnt boast around and be humble, yet if that person goes on there would be more problems, would you still boast?

Nope, I think its no point, just cheer the others up, cuz if you boast around, again as 3 idiots states: When you friend do badly, you feel sad, when your friend do better, you feel worst, so rather be low profile.

- White lie: In order to not hurt or to prevent fatal consequences, would you do it?

Personally I do not think white lie is a crime at all, I think to a certain extent we got to adapt to different environment thus constantly change masks. Some things are better to be known, some could be tweaked to suit better. If it's for a greater good of another party, why not?

- Envy for improvement of friendly rivals, to be encouraged?

Yea why not if it's friendly rivals, I dont categorize that as envy, since there isnt any ill feeling at all unlike envy, which means to feel inferior that other are better in certain aspects and thus would harbour ill feelings towards the party. This is rare too.

- To "scare" the aggressor when being provoked, knowing violence isnt encouraged, nether to be used against another violence, so is it sinful?

Nope I dont think so either. But definitely I agree that it takes more strength to walk away then to counter back in any ways. =D So it would just determine how strong of a person you are. =D

2011-11-14T23:01:00.002+08:00

Monday is over =D
Lots of sleepless nights last week, gonna rest well this week.

Fri I had amazing race, it was fun with the right people in the group. =D Enjoyed myself, though tiring and exhausting, but the party was lame, so decided to head home, and cuz of that I missed 11:11pm by 3-4mins~!!!!!! Sigh...... Well, at least the one in the morning was caught, though the wish was not refined well. So yea, 10 years down the road, and we shall see if it works =D

Somehow I got sort of an image forming in my head that im drifting apart from society, like getting alienated, but nothing has changed in my life, so... hmm... strange.

Sat was church as usual, was soooo glad weichong played the whole canon in c~!!!!! woohoo~!! But sad didnt have time to look at chang hong, I think he had a wasted trip =( sigh....... me and my lousiness.... While in cell, there are many interesting questions that poped up, that each can easily be turned into a philosophical debate =D shall slowly venture into those someday when free. Oh yea, I found out Elliot and KY took pure lit~!!! I was like~~ woooohooooo~~~ sososososososooooooo rare would people even consider lit~!! It woudl be tough, but im so interested that I would want to learn together, cuz if im not wrong pure lit will study plays as well. The book is cliche though, romeo juliet.....

Sun wushu was tiring, but at least for the first time I had someone's 'ren tong' (acknowledgement, of achievement, of standard met, of acceptable performance), like finally..... As I said, dont really have anything to be proud of except that fluke scholarship. Then went for steamboat with tanny and weide, and so on and so on.....

Today the test was screwed, left around 10 marks out of 30 blank, and 4 marks gone already due to lack of studying, no choice, procrastinate too much? Oh yea I had even forgotten to bring calculator! though the teacher lent it to me, it really shows something on me you see...

So yea in psychology, also learnt great lessons on behavioral management, like how to help people in various scenarios, and the term reward and punishment often surface. That's one, second is that we got to ask ourselves, how far are we willing to go?

For example, if you had a group member who fell into procrastination? Or perpetual lateness problem? Negative sanctions are not recommended, as it would not result in change of behaviour, just that the victim would no longer concern you, but his/her new clique. For example, how would you impose fine? Or how are you gonna reward them? What right do you have to confiscate their personal belongings? Or their freedom? There isn’t a distinct authority and hierarchy, we’re dealing at the peers level.

I also learnt that giving the guilt treatment is not recommended as well. Often people would try to sound in a way the person would feel guilty, for example to complaint that they missed the first part of the movie due to the lateness. However these guilt treatments would snowball into gossip behind the back, and eventually labelling them, and then end of friendship.

This is because these would result in accumulative feelings. These accumulative feelings could destroy relationships. One more case is in terms of work done, effort, marks attained, and academic excellence. As 3 Idiots pointed out: When your friend do badly, you feel bad, when your friend do better, you feel worst. Why would this be the case? Does that show a certain selfishness in human nature? Then about selfishness, don’t you think Reward for Work, Work for Reward has become our culture, and does that reflect something on our moral grounds? Again I think the bottomline goes back to few basics, money, self.

Anyway, back to topic, thus the slow method is always a better approach, according to western culture. Slow methods include to the extent you sacrifice yourself. For example, you meet the person one on one beforehand, call up before meeting time, constant reminders, or in terms of rehearsing for speech, to slowly increase audience from 1 to give the person confidence, these can be really hard. This is a constant challenge for me, how far can I go? As much as I want to help, how far am I willing to do so without compromising much on my other aspects?

2011-11-11T00:46:00.003+08:00

Uncertainty in all - This is what I see, and what troubles me. I look on all sides, and everywhere I see nothing but obscurity. Nature offers me nothing that is not a matter of doubt and disquiet.

Uncertainty in Man's purpose - For after all what is man in nature? A nothing in relation to infinity, all in relation to nothing, a central point between nothing and all and infinitely far from understanding either.

Uncertainty in reason - There is nothing so conformable to reason as this disavowal of reason.

Uncertainty in science - There no doubt exist natural laws, but once this fine reason of ours was corrupted, it corrupted everything.

Uncertainty in religion - If I saw no signs of a divinity, I would fix myself in denial. If I saw everywhere the marks of a Creator, I would repose peacefully in faith. But seeing too much to deny Him, and too little to assure me, I am in a pitiful state, and I would wish a hundred times that if a god sustains nature it would reveal Him without ambiguity.We understand nothing of the works of God unless we take it as a principle that He wishes to blind some and to enlighten others.

Uncertainty in skepticism - It is not certain that everything is uncertain.

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Above is a few categorization of Doubt.

The reason of this post, is probably a few issues that came up to me, with one of them as lame as the drama , it was doubt that could destroy one's life, be it yours or others'. Then I thought of more in depth issues of doubt.

Perhaps the teacher ask you a question, and you were so sure about the answer, you raised your hands up straight and shouted it out, only to be replied by a raised eyebrow and a squinted eye, "are you sure", and you started doubting yourself, doubting your intellect, doubting your answer, doubting your ability.

This can be really devastating. I admit I often doubt myself. I doubt myself of my capability to achieve, capability to make a difference, ability to teach, ability to nurture, or sometimes even doubting myself whether or not I could accomplish simply tasks.

I was asked, "Do you get jealous/envious easily". On first response I considered "NO", yet as I thought through, I realized I do, and it's common and frequent, almost al the time. It is just the matter of how do I handled those. Thus I subsequently realized that I often adopted the Distortion and Dissociation.

Distortion is to distort the reality, despite knowing the fact, to suit personal needs. It's like bluffing my ownself. This is often in form of mind humour, "Without people like me, you wont recognize those 'talents'." This is simply a denial act, and an obvious biased decision, to boost a little self esteem. Yet, deep inside, I'm sure I do feel extremely bad, worthless.

Dissociation is to temporarily modify self-concept, to avoid emotional distress. This would normally postpone the unhappiness or other related feelings that is associated with the predator (the cause of defense mechanisms to act). I do at times just force myself to believe "Let It Be", just because I couldnt achieve the meet the standard of my ideal self. I had limited strengths with loads of building passion, like a peacock that couldnt spread its feathers as it was pinioned.

I often doubt myself. I doubted myself whether or not I really made a difference, by stepping back and observed or simulates what would it be like if I were to be removed from the picture. I doubted myself whether I am a man of my words. I doubted myself even if Im very sure of an answer. I doubted myself at my ability to accept the changes of the world.

So I often get envious, of good teachers, of charming personality, of good tact, of good performance, of good popularity, and many more. And now I thought of it, its rather a torturous inner conflict of what am I feeling inside of me, what am I thinking inside of me, and how about others?

And so as such, the scholarship thing really makes a huge difference in my self esteem. As I hate rarely achieved anything great out of life especially academically. Mountains are always higher than me in anything and everything, it was really hard for me to get somewhere to the Creme De la Creme.

2011-11-08T23:22:00.003+08:00

Yea~!! 600th post of my blog~!!!!!!!
(Pop champagne, blow trumpets, pull poppers)

For all these years this is the first time I saw the MV of "Because of you - Kelly" and I finally bothered to read through the lyrics and understand it.....

It's about a broken family, with the first verse stating the stand of the victim - the child. She (the child) is committed that she wont make the same mistake as her parents, the failed relationship, that affected her alot, as well as probably her mum, who fell hard.

The chorus mentioned that the child was probably afraid of relationships to avoid taking the same steps as the parents, as such she wouldnt stray much, she preferred playing safe, and had constructed barrier of herself and the world, the reality, blocked the possibilities.

The next verse states her thoughts to probably her dad, that she tried to maintain her image of a cheerful child, trying not to tear as it would sadden him. However, the lack of family harmony has made her felt like having an incomplete home, lack of love, peace and warmth.

The family violence is eminent at the next verse, where the picture of death, pain and suffering came into the picture. Her mum was probably emotionally torn apart, trying to put up with the incompatible husband, yet wouldnt wish to divorce as she wouldnt want to affect her child, though she couldnt see that the disharmony affected more instead, and there is a hint that the child was probably the motivation of her to live on, to endure on, just as many mothers do.

The symbolism of the child is greater now. She symbolizes her motherhood, her vile of life, which is also awareness, of the family problem, as well as the conflict, of love for this child, which thus leads to a clinging but torn family, to love the child enough to not get divorced, yet that very decision affected the child more.

Now, the child is suffering too, for the same reason she is being emotionally 'tortured', by the dilemma she had. She would want a happy family but she is the one who caused the conflict indirectly, and she wouldnt want an incomplete family too, besides she might not know who to choose to follow. She's insecure, and afraid of the future. She might had resentment of being born into this world too.

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

That's the conclusion, the loudest sentence, the strongest words.

2011-11-07T23:08:00.001+08:00

ENVY

o Feelings of inferiority

o Longing

o Resentment of circumstances

o Ill will towards envied person often accompanied by guilt about these feelings

o Motivation to improve

o Desire to possess the attractive rival's qualities

o Disapproval of feelings

JEALOUSY

o Fear of loss

o Suspicion or anger about betrayal

o Low self-esteem and sadness over loss

o Uncertainty and loneliness

o Fear of losing an important person to an attractive other

o Distrust

2011-11-07T00:47:00.003+08:00

K: hmm for some reason i have the urge to know the reasons of the suicide-d ppl at reservoir...... why chose this method out of 1001 other methods? could it be 'recognition of the personal problems' because after death, the issue will be spread by the media? and thus ppl will then try to dig into the issue to KPO? thus the victim will felt that his/her 'existence' is more prominent, sort of 'fame' issue??

L: someone mentioned to me.. copy cat cases...like copycat crimes....as in it's recent for the next person who decided to end his life ... that's just one reason... we would really never know...

K: yea i know copycat, but of all methods, why copy drowning? the cost-benefit not worth it?? like there are many more creative ways to kill urself right? no need go through much torture, and copy cat wont do any good, cuz only the red shirt one and first one is remembered anyway.... why not adopt a more creative method at least gets more media coverage??

cuz drowning is tough, if we struggle and panic when a friend grab our legs in the pool, imagine the guts and determination they had to go through that mental torture to end their life?

there must be something mroe than juz personal problems to the reason they chose suicide in the reservoir =D

L: it's not about being remembered for some i guess. there's a period of time where pple were jumping off train tracks. i'm just saying when one is really down and desperate and they want to end their live... they are not too rational... so they just do whatever that comes to their mind 1st.. which is the recent suicide cases.. of cos there are many more reasons why each person choose to die in a certain way.

K: hmm, good point people arent rational when they chose to suicide..... maybe thats why they copycat ba =D its just totally ridiculous......

hmmm..... next im thinking...... does all the ppl even to the last second still insist to die?? or that they changed their mind but its too late?? like girls normally out of rashness chose to suicide, but internal battle delay them until normally is saved by their loved ones........ is there deathbed conversion? hmmm......

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today wanted to skip wushu but sx insisted, so couldnt go church 25th anniversary. But glad so too, because i get to finish the baguazhang taolu today =D after that then I went to bbtc for the carnival. Bad starting, I accidentally hit the guy's head because I was about to fall so my hand swing up.... sigh... nothing big deal, but kindda irrinoying when someone kept sound like I did that on purpose...... but then again, kids.... sigh.

Then went to KY house, for the first time, his house exceeded the impression I had, but yea he had a great family, great support, great characters. I would say they have a lively family =D but I would agree he's a little too serious at times whereas his bro super cute, so child-like. child-like not childish, child-like is he's matured just that his personality is those host or comedian type, his behavior and thinking is quite comical, very de cartoon de....

For himself, he was now into options and stocks..... haha long long loooong time ago I had a few weeks of interest there too. He seemed confident, wish him success then =D But up till today, so not used to think he's sec 2, his knowledge, maturity, exposure, wisdom and understanding so like sec 4 or poly lorh.....

Also, there's another guy with the same frequency as him too, almost like twin brother like that. I noticed both of their smiles had a certain pattern and charmness too. Really glad he had such a pal =D hope they will remain best of friends even 50 years down the road regardless circumstances! Speaking of this, kindda asking myself at times, what in the world am I doing hanging around with a sec 2.... but he's so not sec 2, except academically, he's tall, so biologically he could be upper sec. Hmm....

So in LAW, this is an example of family influence, by socio, this is conflict theory, unequal excess of resources.

2011-11-06T00:18:00.003+08:00

Today went to scc for a visit, another inside news... sigh... not really wise to post here but yea its a sad thing. Actually, I wouldnt say its bad either, lets just say life will find a way =D let it be... let it be.....

Then went to treat 2 of them due to their birthday. Taught piano to 2 students, called along Tai too, to have a little chat since wont be seeing him this week. He gave some feedbacks on that lesson, which is great =D and Ive learnt some simple NP thing about LED, basically one is lack electrons, on is excess electrons, then the transferring and loop of the electrons gives off light. Later that night was talking to KY, then Ive learnt of such interesting element as the graphene, its an allotrope of carbon, that can replace silicon, and is the thinnest material in the world, as well as one of the strongest and hardest. It could weigh less than a whisker yet support a baby. So well spiderman could be a possibility =D haha

Then it was cell, I redeemed 8 chickens from popeyes for the cell, and today is first exposure for the youths, as usual not many are left for next week, but no matter, its more of the right time.

So yea Kok Guan was the guess speaker. He's really an awesome guy too~ a great theologist I would say, a friendly one too~ he's like Samy or SX or JL, great pillars of supports in my life. Ofcoz his 'disciples' are awesome too like YJ n Lin. He was talking about BGR, but this time round it isnt as dry and boring as the last time one. He mentioned about waiting for the right time. So yea that sort of reassured me that there will be someone eventually =D That the problem dont lies within me, nor it is about having my criteria too high and impossible.

And yea I totally agree having a gurl only adds on to my already-overflowing problems =D but then again I started to develop lots of curiosity about personal and private stuffs now, due to sociology/psychology influence and the topic. Perhaps I have been a 'holy' guy for so long I had not know such things.

Perhaps the only reasons I got tempted to get a girl is not peer pressure, but time, as it was too draggy, and sort of loneliness perhaps? that I felt that I had no opportunities or platform to show the romantic side of me. I felt that I had little targets to show my love, not necessarily BGR love, just love. Thus I would only feel 'empty' when Im alone, but disappeared when Im volunteering, when Im with close friends. Well, just as Samy said, its hard for me to trust anyone, thus as I find one, I would hold it very dearly, but will struggle within myself if it was worth it.

So yea, I concluded, I should not hold back to much, just enjoy the besties in front of me now, no matter how different our life paths would be, these would be memories, buried in the soil of spring - of happiness and of 'had once possessed'.

So I thought back, and there was a few songs that already had labels on it, that the songs will make me think of that moment, that phrase in life, that memorable happiness we had.

Calcutta Taxi - P5 Neptune
Witch Doctor (Oo Eee Oo Ah Ah) - Indonesia with Sun Yi, Christian and Yohanes)
We will rock you - P3 birthday party, blast 10 years 100 his in my house at 554 Bedok North) with Weisong, Tat Rui
Rice and Curry (Hurry Hurry) - P2 with Daniel and Darren
That's what friends are for - Sec 1D Miss Naz party at my house
Greatest Love of All - PE teacher, P5
Wind Beneath My Wings - Ms Patsy Lee, P5
Take me home, Country roads - Mr Siah, P5
Boom boom boom - P3 with Tat rui Tat heng
Hero - P5 China trip
Butterfly - Giresh
Top of the World - Sec 1 Zikang, Cheuck, James
Mama mia - Sec 3, Tai fong (cuz he changed the lyrics)
That thing you do - Wushu, Sec 2 I think
September - Night at Museum also with Wushu
I Will Survive - Duet with Johann while qiao shou-ing
Xiong Kou Yong Yuan De Tong - Duet with Johann while qiao shou-ing
Zai Na Yao Yuan De Di Fang - CNY with family once
Ji De (JJ Lin) - Jam at Johann house with Sheng, Tai, Weide, Cheuck
Re Qing De Sha Mo - KTV with RV
Xin Bu Liao Qing - KTV with Pop
Baby - Johann Bday BBQ
Tell Laura I love her - KTV with Wushu
Lian Ai ING - Nicole n Me Bday with Wushu + RV + Qi Teng
Para Para Sakura - Beyblade madness P3
Liang Shan Bu Yu Li Ye - Duet with KY
Mary's Boy Child - Memory of me sleeping in Mercedes, <5 YEARS OLD
Wan Wan De Yue Liang - Memory of me at backyard looking at night sky, <5 YEARS OLD
Hao Han Ge (Water Margins) - When Grandmother was proud of me, <5 YEARS OLD
Feliz Navidad - 2010 Xmas with Pop Cell
Wake Me Up - POM skit with T1B01 mates!
Greased Lightning - POM skit with T1B01 mates!
You can't stop the beat - POM skit with T1B01 mates!
Bu De Bu Ai - Audition craze....
Zui Jin - Sec 4 Jie Ying's comment (why you always repeat that line?)
Low - Sec 2 Camp / Mass PE hip hop
Nan Er Dang Zhi Qiang - Flag Dance, P5

Thanks for all the beautiful memories. =D

2011-11-04T00:59:00.002+08:00

The Oath is getting boring, not as cheeky as I thought, start to have lots of love trianagles, jealousy and those type of cliches again.... sian, but anyway, love is really just like that, lots of dilemma and awkwardness, lots of confused decisions and etc, so glad didnt fall into one haha =D love is something totally on fate, on guts, not rationale at all, but the process should be rather great and sweet, memorable, still, I always think that it is manipulable, to simple things like frequency of communications and intimacy, giving in, etc etc, doubt there are such thing as true love, at least to my current naive understanding, that relationship settles because they are comfortable together, dont mind each other, and satisfied, thus wouldnt think of other guys/girls. Once that breaks... its still same, so similarly, doubt there's such things as red strings, destiny, etc etc too......

2011-11-03T23:34:00.001+08:00

Today I learnt the technical part of psychology of Pavlov’s Animal conditioning, which is the way a dog was trained in such a way that it will salivate as he hears the bell, or jump on its own without being shocked. Some of these terms (on my own understanding yet) are:

Neutral Stimulus – the bell/the food before conditioning, meaning the object at its own initially is not associated with anything and would not stimulate (cause) any response (reaction). The object as a pure form, its very existence.

Unconditioned stimulus – 5 senses, the sun is bright and cheerful, meat on the plate, the hot kettle, these are natural stimulus that will excite our 5 senses to have response.

Unconditioned response – natural biological response, for example to retract our hands on boiling kettle, to squint the eyes on bright vision, or to be disgusted.

Conditional stimulus – salivation + food + bell all paired, so each unconditioned stimulus is associated with other 2, thus being conditioned, its like being grouped together and given identity, once there is A, must have B and C, or A = B =C they go together.

Conditioned response – for each conditioned stimulus, others will follow through, sort of naturally, “learnt”, the result in a change of lifestyle, in the case, the dog will salivate the moment it hears the bell or smell the food.

Extinction – without frequency of the conditioned stimulus to be fulfilled, will stop, eg after the food ceased to come after the bell, the dog would not salivate anymore.

Discrimination – differentiation, choose within 2 stimulus, whistle and bell, one food comes, one don’t, or blowing of whistle of own field instead of other adjacent fields.

So some of the thoughts I had:

For babies reacting to different objects/sounds, like clapping, or the tsk sounds to lure the baby to approach the caller, if one caller had one specific object, so the baby would discriminate which of the callers would give him the best attention/gift/pat? Then would always approach the person with that object after being repeatedly conditioned to do so? Or maybe we can condition the baby to always follow a certain movement of hand, that all callers would use the same pattern to call on him?

So to discipline a child, for example, the child says please, then you give him a sweet, and he walk away happily.

Please, sweet, happily walk away
One day, if you reject, like : Please, no, will he still happily walk away?
So please and happily walk away are paired, even if one of them (please and sweet) is not fulfilled, the others will follow by, in this case, happily walk away? Is this the explanation, which thus gives others an impression of well disciplined child? But of course, then it will have extinction once the sweet is not there anymore for a period of time.

Then let’s take for example:

Bath, smoke, mug
So if one day smoke is taken away, will the person still study?

Or the morning bell before primary school, will that make students nearby school still have the school mindset during holidays, like in the morning as the child wakes up, he hears the bell, so he immediately would sort of line up to class, so at home he would start to automatically take out his textbooks?

How about saddist conditioning, we condition pain in such a way that it is necessary? Is this how they trained the Spartans? Those killer machines in myths and legends or movies? So we can condition someone to totally deviate with the norms from young? Similarly we can condition humans to adopt some kind of routine, McDonalization. Hmm…….

2011-11-02T22:08:00.001+08:00

There comes a point in life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will.....

Awesome quote =D and there will be a moment in life where you know you've went a long way, that you can look back and reach out your hands to help your peers behind...

As usual, busy schedule, Mon 9am-9pm lesson, Tue 9am-6pm lesson, then went to surprise ZiKang and ZiJian. It's really great to see them again, and to be able to chat and seemingly no worries, just like old times haha. Do hope they can endure JC, that everything would be smoother for them. A small surprise, but felt really great haha, because I always had this impression told me ZK was looking out of the window on one birthday, pondering if he can spot me and weide. I think it was sec 1. Anyway yea sec 2 I went back to Indo, sec 3 I only bought a small cake for ZJ, sec 4 I mixed up his birthday due to post-olvl frenzy, so yepp finally he had his surprise haha. =D

Today after lesson I ent to visit MindCafe. Felt really great, to be back, to be recognized, to be missed. Marco was telling me that actually he needed me that few weeks, and even now, since there had been problems he need to handle in his kitchen, and in other things as well, he hoped that I could be there to help the new part timers. Sigh, no time lehh, no choice. Maybe I'll be back on Dec?

Then, I visited Samy, had a great chat too, and had lots of inputs and facts on lots of lots of things. As i always think, he is the most dedicated teacher Ive ever seen. Though no longer his student, he always go the extra mile to help me, to push us, to motivate, inspire and enrich us. One example how to spot a good teacher, I was saying about moe teachers that calledup parents of half the class who did not do homework, and he replied, I would call up the half the class who DID the homework to praise them, and perhaps give a few bonus marks for them, because they deserve it as they complete their assignments, and those who did not simply lose out, without disrupting their life, in case for crazy kiasu parents.

Then, I went touring bras basah, before settling down at the national library cafe to read up stuffs on the internet, and then went in to grab a book and sleep =D Hey at least I skimmed through half the book =D but I was really tired.

As for tomorrow, gotta collect scholarship invitations, and perhaps sent out to the invited guests, and then fri gotta go for some talk. Sat Sun same old.

2011-10-30T00:44:00.003+08:00

Today I treat the whole youths bubble tea.... a hole in my wallet.... my debt-ridden identity has officially been reinstated haha. But no worries, in a few weeks time it's all gonna be minor matters haha. Hmm, for this month, perhaps I'll be going back into the normal hdb enviornment to work, my old bubble tea shop =D

Anyway, talk about today, went to lent bike from tai, give shirt to friend, collect coupon, lent money, teach piano, cell, bbq, and supposedly wanted to go for tp haloween but couldnt make it. But im satisfied staying, we had fun, and its really encouraging to see the youths all having a good time together, i felt the bond, the warmth, the family. Its funny though, rather irony, for a game that supposedly encourages selfishness and ill feelings and even violence, to be the catalyst for them to enjoy themselves, and a magnet for the youths and the young adults to mingle together.

So I was just hovering around, jumping here and there, chatting here and there, and yea, I felt great, is totally like one function or something. We never had such big get together before as far as I know.

Then again, was eavesdropping some of their happenings in school, and yea, they really had lots of fun times and crazy times in school, facing a wide spectrum of problems, and I could see both the maturity and playful side of them. Yepp, all these, if one dont try during pri and sec, he might not have other opportunities haha.

Then yea the reservoir suicide case was brought up again. So yea this only proves that these people got little, if not none, to turn to for help, for rant, for seeking advice, and its rather sad for them. And yea I agree for one of them to have the mentality to wear full red, they are really pitiful. Their enmity for the predator is so great that they held that vengeful will to be willing to have the guts to suicide by drowning. Any ordinary person would struggle and paddle as someone pulls the leg in a pool, but they got to endure that psychological and mental torture just for that. Really pitiful.

Anyway, yea nowadays the teens have so much freedom, Im rather speechless haha, during my time, I was one of the only ones who had that degree of freedom, but teens nowadays generally have that same degree. And yea, definitely due to access to technology, information flow faster, and they experience lots of problems early, even to BGR, was watching this youtube vid, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFpLpM0KGwM&sns=fb, I was laughing at first, but felt pity for him after that. To be rejected at that age? It's like Games at Twilight, Ravi, was so hopeful about emerging victorious, but was completely crushed, to the extend, "He felt his heart go heavy and ache inside him unbearably. He lay down full length on the damp grass, crushing his face into it, no longer crying, silenced by a terrible sense of his insignificance."

Guess as we learn Socio and Psy, everything seemed to somehow linked together. As said, there are more to a child's world. They too, have their own problems and stories, often more interesting than the older ones. Probably cuz of Pavlov too, that as we age, we see the similarity of problems, and we gain experiences, from ourselves or from others, thus we already have a rogh idea what to do as similar problems surfaced, and this goes on until our life is rather predictable and meaningless.

2011-10-29T01:22:00.003+08:00

Oh yea I survived first week of school.

Sem 2 focus more on Mon and Tue, especially mon, after that, time went pass rather quick, such that Ive been trying to remember what did I do yesterday 1-5pm after lecture on Thur? Cuz I seemed to have spend 10 bucks somewhere but that part of my memory has sinked into the long term memory perhaps? Or just vanish..... vaporize into thin air. Im ageing too quick!

Anyway yea I think Im just gonna like psy lecture, thus thats the only one im gonna attend for the rest of the sem, and BNF too because I dont understand a shit there...... Right Ive realised Ive been a little more blunt nowadays, gonna refine myself slowly again.

A best friend of mine has grown worst, he knew it himself, well thats a natural defence against stress. I find him starting to Intellectuallize, under defence mechanisms. He's getting more insulting too, and very defensive, an obvious sign of frustration in him to be released, to be projected elsewhere, another possible mechanism. Anyway yea gonna be busy the next few days too, sat bbq + haloween, sun wushu + collect cake + bowei buffet invitation, mon tue sch, tue bday surprise, wed visit to samy..... sigh....

Oh yea, one of my module is sociological research, so then someone asked me, why do people have a weak mentality nowadays, that should lead to an exploratory research, from which can branch out to more applied research, perhaps can be evaluation or social impact, or simply can use explanatory approach right away? And is best using cohort (note cohort and time/period is difference in a sense one is whole population, another is samples from it), or even can be panel, to see the shift in personality/mentality of the subjects over time, but result can be guessed its most probably because strawberry generation, people live better life and peer influence that made even the strong adopt the weak mentality. Cohort is best now cuz not much difference will the ages of teens be defined, unlike other terms that might differ their criteria over time.

On Sun, I should be having a hands on experience to handle personality problem. I never handled this because, it seems harder than handling family problems, as in counselling the victim, not solving it, just making the victim feel less affected. But the slow method is really slow.... I shall adjust abit the degree of bluntness I guess.

As classmates said:

This personality is hard to please, easy to be pissed, and rather mood swing, so it's a clear sign of lacking of self-esteem, such that you'll be looking for someone to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else. Sure, it's okay for someone to make you happy, but if they're your only source of happiness, you might become angry or sad whenever they're not around, and that can be very demanding for the other person! It makes them feel guilty, obligated and eventually, resentful towards you.

It can be that this person received harsh and strict treatments that the person feel the lost of identity, not knowing how should the person behave to be accepted, and will resent if rejected, and so requires the attention. This person might feel lonely or at state of anomie because the person might feel he/she does not fit in with the world. However, at this stage, I think the person should realized the lag to keep up with the world.

Rather than complaining that the world (people around you) is against you, why not step back and look at it, that they function normally without your interference either, though without you they might not be connected to each other, but their lives don’t change, so the world will not stop because of one or two conflicts, you will just lag behind, like a rock in a flowing river. So perhaps, you should humble yourself, change yourself? Since in my opinion, you love attention, and that they are a few important sources of attention, so maybe you would all give in here and there?

Initially I thought its just a typical immaturity problem, yet seeing the wonderful minds of the gen z people, I dont think it should be lightly handled. Also initially I do not sympathize much and wanted to give one shot vomit everything out, but guess after thinking that the root of problem might be insecurity and searching for identity, I quite pity the person. But frankly, the person gotta learn to smile more, and be less sour plum haha. Have to level up sense of humour first..... be more accepting to the differences of human personality, then try to act such that both parties reach a common ground to co-exist harmoniously.

2011-10-27T20:25:00.001+08:00

Then the LORD said to him, "What is that in your hand?" "A staff," he replied.

2011-10-23T22:39:00.002+08:00

Through the trip Ive learnt to understand the lyrics more:

As you go through life you'll see
There is so much that we
Don't understand

And the only thing we know
Is things don't always go
The way we planned

But you'll see every day
That we'll never turn away
When it seems all your dreams come undone

We will stand by your side
Filled with hope and filled with pride
We are more than we are
We are one

I totally feel the lyrics now. Due to relative's recommendations and various detours, my trip was not at all according to my plan. We actually went up to the Peak in the morning, where its night view is the popular one, and thus went to Avenue of Stars at night, which therefore unable to produce good shots of the statues such as the famous Bruce Less Sculpture. Initially I was really pissed about it, it's like eating beef noodles without beef.

Then, our trip is compromised because we dragged too long at Macau, again because we wasted 4h where we could have seen the shows in the casinos there. So it snowballed over to our stay at ShenZhen as well as HonhKong again.

Thus, our shopping time is limited, and my parents are rather slow (this one I dont blame them), thus we got all our pace all screwed up, rushing when its wiser to relax, and relax when we should be rushing. Also, due to my mum's poor health, we got to give the last day to her shopping (dont mind either), so yea more or less many of my want-to-do are affected. I didnt get much time to shop for souvenirs for friends, especially the Wushu Group, and SCC P6, also my cell.

I wanted to get something motivating and meaningful for the P6 just like the cups sx bought for us, I'd like to get mini sculptures that suit us 4, I wanted to get dryfits for our cell to like an identity shirt, i wanted to print group photos of us and relatives to express our sincerity and gratitude, i wanted to get a set of new clothes for mum n dad as well....

but well, even with so many unaccomplished, its still great, because as I look back, I see our constant hopes for everything to be smooth, for good bargains, for good weather, for good people, and we all stand as one family, facing all these obstacles as it be, to care when mum is sick, or as she have she leg pain, or as Im tired, and much more, it's really a great feeling, one ONE, WE ARE ONE~!

Anyway, Love Thy Neighbour ending is a still a great twist, Tian Hu and Ye Meng didnt get together, but they both showed hope for each other's future endevours, and lived meaningfully and optimistically. All ends well, though the rest I dont really care, so cliche, typical sg show.

The new series The Oath looks liek a great show too, it's about medical, the coexistence of chinese and western practitioners, filled with lots of twists as well. And Christopher is a great actor too =D along with other actors, they have their standard haha, I think it's a great message for sgreans too, about trusting TCM, because TCM can also cure, with lesser side effects, cheaper, and more comprehensive unless need surgeries etc. This fri gonna go TCM again =D would hear and increase a little knowledge too =D

Next sem timetable rather shitty, Monday 9am-9pm, 6 modules at one go, tutorials somemore, so heavy~! But tue cuz tut only at 4, so might use that morning to recuperate. Thur Fri will depends on the first few weeks, if the lectures are beneficial or I couldnt catch up with tutorials alone, then I cant work anymore =(, wed, I shall devote to self study or projects and whatsoever. =D since it's only 9am-11am tut. However all the modules are not to my liking, even the psychology might not suit me, since there might be lots of theories that will confuse me. Oh well, gotta brace through it~!! Gambatte~!! To me and all 1B01~!!! Hopefully our class would be more united and driven to excel, and to improve our teamwork, to achieve heights as ONE. =D

2011-10-17T00:35:00.002+08:00

money is everything

i tell you why it is not. even the words say so. look, in EVERYTHING, there are only N,E and Y of MONEY in it and when you put N,E and Y together, you will pronounce it as "ney"(no)

=D haha so cute =D really creative~!!!

but anyway:

without money we cant think of anything else but survival, Maslow's first, so bottomline money must be enough first, Maslow's second =D thats business =D so that makes the world go around, almost everything we do because of money, example doing business, then while doing that, we make friends to have sense of belonging to work hard together =) Maslow's third =D so without money you wont even think of finding those things that money cant buy in the first place =D

so "money isnt everything" is a subset of "money is everything" =D just like in wushu first we need to just follow the routine expectations, then we find out that just follow isnt completely right in practical, then we improvise in our own style and understanding in it =D

2011-10-14T00:47:00.002+08:00

Wootz epidode 19 Love Thy Neighbour was awesome~!!

That bitch was finally left alone~!!!

Anyway, still that angelina is such extra family, dumb dad too, and stupid parent that complaint too much homework on the husband's student, its like what the hell rare to find such passion lorh. Anyway oh yea last day of work this month~!! wootz~!!

Had a great chat with Marco too, about culture and all that, how his family and roots have strong culture of family togetherness, to the point that it might turn into a minus point due to the tendency of over reliance, but at least, their intergeneration is strong. Look at our society? We have kids dumping their parents for freedom, neglecting their parents for career, using their parent's property for personal profit, and much more, such as the Love Thy Neighbour scenario, to chase each other out of the house, whadacrap!

Yes I agree I think philipinos are strong and humble people. They are able to withstand lots of pressure but yet still abiding their principle of not getting bullied too much. Admired them. Marco mentioned about his upbringing too, as we talked about christmas and other festive seasons. Had a really great time working there, learnt alot from him, and other customers, as well as Rose and my colleges.

Service is like an outflow of our heart, we treat customers the way we want to be treated too, and have to constantly stay humble and keep light jokes. Up till date I guess I had no complaints, and instead a handful of positive feedbacks, and perhaps a few customers that look up to me, of trivial things like initiating to pay for their few cents when they had no coins. These are little money, but it means alot to them, for example to give them a change of 95 cents coins just for 5 cents? Ridiculous, or 14 cents or 35 cents, as most scenarios. And a can of drink more expensive than to buy 2? Rather dumb, at times I would pay for 2 and split half with them. And a bottle of mineral water for 2 bucks? That's so rip off! Sigh, sometimes though we got to profit from business, but not too harsh ba....

Today I served the coldness group ever, Keiyun group haha, so dead.... till they drained my energy too, but still gotta thank them for making my work time there pass rather fast and breeze. used up all my 4 vouchers on them.... to think that they had so much money at sec 1 sec 2, really got me rather jealous and admiring. Marco also commented, sometimes we feel that even kids are richer than us... hahahha lol.... as in really laughing out loud.

Oh funny incident, Marco wanted to video my nobody dance yet his hp broke down so coincidentally and appropriately at that instance hahaha. Oh well, another episode of my life ended with another happy note. Tomorrow gonna be busy, and then off I go to HK~!! Then I'll MIA for a week or two, depends on the amount of things I got to settle once I'm back.

2011-10-13T01:00:00.002+08:00

Episode 18 Love Thy Neighbour,

Sianz the extra family seriously extra, suddenly got internal wars, fighting for house to profit, then lose 70k in stocks, useless man borrows 30k from dad for business, dumb boyfriend which dont help girlfriend, everything so crap. Compared to the centrestage family, suddenly got pregnancy-in-late-age, then mom-daughter reconcile, couple work hand-in-hand, neighbours help each other, then last part Lucy went for abortion, which Huang Da Fa initially planned for that, but in the end, recalling how much Lucy had done for him, and how much she yearn womanhood, and how much she love children that she decided to forgo everything she loves for him, he went to stop her, but it was seemingly too late~ arh damn tmr gonna be my last episode, until I have to wait one week for the final episode.

Work wise. Wow, be careful what you wish for. Yesterday was just blogging about testing my ability, 40 students came in during the lunch period. It was such a chaos! Actually everything was under control until I forgot to serve salads. Was really disappointed in myself, but oh well, at least no complaints unlike last Sunday, when Marco narrated to me the situations and complaints they received.

I believed this is the part where customer service can change everything. As long as we appeared calm, and polite, and seemingly handling the situation well, pretending that everything is under control, the customers wont feel too pissed. Job well done for me (self congratulate). Yet again there was a little monetary issue. Sigh.

Oh, Seb and Pet came, yet that time was just after that busy period, so I got to do the dishwashing, thus unable to serve them much, hope they're alright with that. At night, saw yongbao and lured him in haha, he bought 20 bucks worth of food. =D Rich people are really different.

Tomorrow KY and friends coming, I bought them the JuzToday 13 bucks voucher. Hope tomorrow wont be too busy so I can serve them =D Pet, Seb, Khairu group coming too, wondering what small cake could I buy. Hmm, busy day haha.

Sigh, after settling my endless commitments and socializing, cuz of the scholarship, I had to terminate the loan, which I initially insisted not doing. I knew this was going to happen. DUMB F!! This is the Fking Shit in life, as our lives are stable, we always want to meddle with it, trying to find a shortcut, or to maximize benefit, on the cost of so many DUMB legals to deal with, making life hard, waste time waste effort waste eyesight. For all I know, I might need to go down that DUMB bank to terminate the DUMB loan. It's like what the shit, I know the money could be used to invest, but what happen now? Been so stable in stocks, now suddenly losing almost 10k~!! Then what, waste my time cuz of the Fking loan? This is called the ridicule of men, when things are stable, thats when people start to come up with more nonsense. Men just want trouble, they do not know how to appreciate stability and peace. I especially loathe anything to do with legal stuffs, waste of my Fking time. I knew it, my rebellion earlier this year was for a cause, I knew somethign like that will happen. "Nothing will happen, its just that 3 years we got to pay back the loan at no interest. No need for you to trouble anymore but this time only." BULLSHIT! Waste of my time.

Urghh so spoil mood, argh let it be ba, just get a good night sleep, men are ridiculous, bo bian sia. ciao.

2011-10-11T23:16:00.004+08:00

Work is fine today as well, except for the part where the is money shortage and we need to top up. Sianz, dont know whose fault is it, so be it then. I mean like so far anything I handle is alright, but whenever im not tracking the cash register sure got problem. Really confusing. Customers swarm in after 6pm, as usual as weekdays.

There is this tennis coach called Mark too, the one I actually delivered his wraps to the tennis court 3 stories up because he was in a rush that day. Today he came for 2 cans which is 2 bucks plus 14 cents due to GST, I offered to absorb that 14 cents myself, so I put a dollar in the cash float. At the end of the day, there was an extra dollar, which is weird because it should be 80 cents, furthermore according to Marco (previous Mark I used is Mark of kitchen), there was another customer taking 2 cans at 2 bucks without paying the GST, so should be short of that means the excess should be 60 cents. Oh well, perhaps I really suck at maths. Anyway these are small amount, but the difference at the afternoon is big! Almost an hour of our salary. Oh well. I do believe my customer service is good though. =D

2 more days, and I'm off to HK, and will think twice of whether or not to continue work there, but the thing is that Marco and Rose trusted me alot and taught me alot to prepare me for anything. I really feel sad to just leave like that, its like as a supervisor, its also sort of teacher, training a disciple, hoping to see him soar high one day. On the other hand, the responsibilities are really much, and the mental and physical strength demand is rather high to me. So I'll think twice, ofcoz compared to many other jobs, this is heaven already, but really, I think Im better off living my life volunteering, unless being my own boss.Dont really like big organisations, prefer doing simple stuffs like bubble tea. =D

A packed schedule this week, though time can fly really slow at work, at least I learn things. It's really enjoyable to see many different styles of customer, and how easily they agree to try my recommendations, but I do give them alot of ice cream haha =D Unfortunately I dont have a try at busy period yet. Ive been hearing stories of busy times, and the chaos they have to handle, I really hope to handle that one day, for a couple of hours or so, just to handle impatient customers and etc, to test my customer services when things are not going the way it has always been. So well, perhaps I'll work on a sunday for once in nov after i get my sch timetable. I want to have a try on how well I can manage situations, and how calm my mind can work. I think I would rather fail, cuz at times when customers swarm in and I got to take multiple orders and prepare drinks and deserts, I do kanchiong a little, though no mishaps yet, and I politely apologize which so far received no complaints, but "its alright", or "no problem" instead. Good customers I meet =D Thanks for the favour. =D

Love Thy Neighbour episode 17, dang im gonna miss the last episode, cuz just nice i sat 3am flight. Cant stop laughing at the cartoon-ness of the Tian Hu family, so hilarious man, especially the dad, "I'm so bored at home that watching ants shifting nests amazes me more and mroe each day"... hahha~!! and "The door will need to upgrade soon, as you're getting fatter by day"...... hahahhahaha~!!! Completely awesome~ If only I have such funny family haha, unlike that Angelina family, with such knn dad kept busaysong foreigner, walao everything also blame them, please larh singapore dont have foreigner called kampong liao lorh, somemore singaporeans kept bully blue collared foreigners lorh, seriously firetruck sia. Noone in the family pleases me, though that Mozart looks like a younger version of James Tan SE, but in the show he so damn stupid, so spoilt, so spoil plans too, and what a coward for giving in to bullies. Ok larh must applause for their acting, especially the mother, but definitely not for angelina, so damn lousy, emotionless, no exaggeration, not natural. Best actors are all of the TianHu family!! The Hong Kong family is good too, but I think that Michael guy very noob acting as well.... the Hong Kong guy better! and the wife haha! Awesome slang, was playing with that slang the other day at scc.

Full day again tomorrow. Ciao.

2011-10-11T00:34:00.003+08:00

Episode 16 Love thy Neighbour,
A cliche small misunderstanding caused lovers to fall apart, just because of them them kept having the impression of the other as a thief, thus doesnt believe her honesty. This made me recall a phrase: At times, we should look at situations without history colored glasses, this way we would allow the situation to give us a new impression, a renewed impression, a new truth, instead of a distorted one.

Today work was great too, not too busy, helped out a bit here and there with dishwashing too, which caused the full time staff to be scolded, he's really unlucky. Sigh. Anyway, did closing solo today, simple but stress, because of the history of having shorts that we need to top up.

KeiYun came with his friends in the afternoon, accompanied them since the cafe isnt busy. He complimented me being a good teacher, woah I felt really great, though I may not really show, but to a teacher, just uttering that short sentence could really boost my morale ten fold. Hope that girl do remember and understand what was being taught. They had fun playing Blockus, I finally get the objective of the game now, initially I thought it was meant as a cooperation game to complete the biggest block. Anyway yea then they tried Family Business and a little of Lifeboats.

This would be the last week I'll be working, wondered if I should continue when school reopens. Now, I have an additional commitment towards the Tsao Scholarship Projects and to maintain my gpa for my studies to retain the scholarship. Hopefully my future modules wouldnt be too hard, but more suited for me, the thinking and practical type. Working here isnt really tough, just need the mental strength to provide best customer service, and last through the long hours of work.

The truth is, my pay isnt very high, but to them, despite being full time, I might have better pay than them. For this reason, I really hoped I could help making their work a little more enjoyable.

Alvin Tan came today, this was the first time he actually acknowledged me and spoke :Hey, how are you doing?, seemingly caring. A little motivation boost as well, but it was really a surprise. Actually I wondered why he came, he didnt seemed to be doing anything else but peek-a-boo-ing? (pop up suddenly). Oh well, not for me to comment.

So, I got much more to learn, much more to teach. Sometimes, just as Elder Jeffrey have once said, teaching elites are tough, we got to prepare ourselves to think their way, and even to think beyond their way, in order to encourage them thinking deeper and more advance, and therefore we got to be mentally prepared and do our 'homework' too. I really really feel super bad for not preparing the questions for him when tomorrow it was his exam. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Alright, its late and working full day tomorrow again. Ciao.

2011-10-10T00:35:00.002+08:00

Recently met a few few friends, of younger age. Innocent as they are, one of them is on verge of a broken home, problematic family. We exchanged messages, ive tried to make the person feel less sad about having an incomplete home. Wondered if it worked, but yea anyway, the person is young, despite the admirable knowledge, its hard for someone of that age to go through this. I wonder how would it feel like in a normal person's point of view. I realized as we know more of the world, the more we are immune, the more the wall between emotional and rational diminishes. It is not necessarily a bad thing, for it is mandatory in certain profession such as counselors, funeral-dressers, doctors, disaster volunteers, even vets.

So I realized, long time ago, that the people Ive met, a huge percentage of them are troubled, and they do willing to approach me. Yet I always feel that I might not have the best solutions to them all.

Anyway, yepp, as I as chatting with a friend the other day, people look for me only when they have problems. See how true is it? haha, but yea I dont mind.

Now is 1am, a start of a new week, would be rather distant with my social life, and would be more focused on my work life. Hope everything's would be fine =D Let's all have success and serenity in anything and everything we do~ =D =D

One thing's for sure, the near future is bright, full of powerful people of the GenY and GenZ now, breakthroughs will occurs in more frequency, and would be revolutionary. Anyway, sad that the volunteer in BVH had ceased due to reconstruction, really sad, it was like finally a group of young people wanted to groove the silver main, yet the feast ended without us even tasting the main course yet. Sigh, at least we had some photos and facebook contacts, perhaps someday we would go ktv together. It's been so long since I've went for one. Would like to go with new people haha, wonder what would it be like.

Anyway, was singing "梁山伯与朱丽叶" just now, the feeling was great, to be singing duet with friends. That would be the first time we sang together I guess, I'm looking forward for more. We had lots of things in common, hopefully as we become closer, you would be more frank and open, to let me walk into your life more (Not gays larh, just that I got a weird feeling you got lots of problems keeping to yourself).

Oh Ive learned of such weird propaganda of "Pray the gays away camp", I kindda disagree with it. It's like we shouldnt force a person to behave a certain way just because we deem the current as deviant. It's always shaped by the environment around us, and we should accept diversity.

Anyway, back to topic, ktv, that made me think of Johann, which I havent seen in 2 weeks already.Really treasure the times where we walked to the MRT at night, singing MLTR and Try by Asher Book, and those in your house, and the "I will survive" and "你是我胸口永遠的痛" as we train our forearms, really great. Never had more fun singing =D But then again, those were the days when you were high nia hahas.

So I'm still looking for that someone, of the opposite sex, who have the same music taste as me, that would never get bored of singing, that we could groove in any and every occasions, even as we do chores, that is as uniquely her as uniquely me. Wouldnt the household atmosphere and mood be nice that way? Music is the greatest remedy for all sorts of problem, just open your mouth and sing, and let the bliss flow and fill. Imagine having themed nights singing to grease or country or club. It would really be a different ambiance every night, a different setting every time as we indulge in the world of music.

I found out I can really be very romantic lehh hahas, so embarrassing to say, but yea its true, I have like thousand and one ideas of dates, hehe. If only life is like musicals, just sing and sing and the whole world will join you, and will go through life with songs after songs. Like guilin form of communication, singing the same mountain song tune to talk. Well, dont know how true, just rumored I think.

Ok it's late, ciao.

2011-10-07T00:45:00.003+08:00

Today is indeed an eye-opener too.

Anyway, lets talk about work first, I went with my own thumbdrive of oldies songs, with a few party songs like down, low, beautiful girl, party rock, stereo love, etc. Anyway yea I heard lots of compliments from customers today! Since noon a few of them started commenting on Lion King songs, to backstreet boys, and even the safra manager sang along to stand by me and no matter what. Rose is delighted. Before that, I went to TM to buy coral lettuce for them, she's really grateful for that too since the cafe was left with only her and Mark. Towards closing, a group of customers grooved to greased lightning as well. Awesome!

It was tiring, today I did not take a break at all, unintentionally though, I guess its the motivation I guess? Haha. Tiring, but worth it I guess.

Really felt great that whenever I go all out in everything I do, challenging the extra mile, I'm always recognized and sort of rewarded, be it physical or mental.

However as I spoke to someone this night, out of work, I realized reality is really cruel, just as Love Thy Neighbour depicted, foreigners working the blue collar is really stretched and bullied, or taken advantaged of, simply exploited.

Again, Im glad people do share with me stuffs personally, that really allowed me to broaden my horizon. So anyway yesterday after blogging, i was chatting with a classmate. Somehow Im also brutally honest, perhaps because being classmates we all learnt sociology. Anyway, so I was saying that usually people do approach me in times of trouble only, kindda temporarily kind of thing. But I do looked at the bright side, at least I do not need to take initiative to KPO to help, trouble comes to me. Im so far still rather far with that though, at least many do give thanks. But still some do joke of pour water, even if I know it was a joke, still it kindda hurt, saying stuffs like "You're always the one asking us out", so they wont ask me out just for a quick sip or meal. So far, its really rare for people to do that. Sigh.

But oh well, Im living well. There are many people living far worst off, at least not as happy. So I did suggested the one earlier about challenging to a easier job, with lesser salary but at least get to meal at the right time, sleep well, and less stress. Sigh. Sometimes seriously, foreigners that came without serving NS are already frowned upon, some actually took white-collar jobs and screw other people up with their attitudes and power, whereas others took blue-collar jobs, ending up having to struggle to live just enough for the living. Sigh. usually, those of the lower hierarchy are the superman and superwoman's apprentice. Haha, as mark said, superman died, so cant label anyone superman, means bound to die hahaha~! True, many heroes are termed heroes when they die, but real heroes are those among us, with the rightful attitude and humility. Just like in wuxia, the strongest pugilist are those old man fighting with tree branch on a remote mountain village. Low profile.

Anyway..... oh yea xmas this year will be spent in sg too~ wootz, xmas fever is here already~!!!!!!!!

Really hoped to join in the fun this year, hopefully able to actually visit parties and jingle just like US do, but sigh, rare to find enthu xmas people nowadays. I'd love to sing along xmas songs with some friends, and totally take a break, a break from the world and the mundane ordeal. Right now, I've repeated the xmas hits thrice. Oh, then again, it might be happiest to self-fever myself, as usual, the best times is by yourself, sing out loud and enjoy like noone's business. =D

Lets see ba, take one step at a time =D

2011-10-06T01:11:00.003+08:00

Spoiler alert~!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love Thy Neighbour episode 13 was awesome

There was a great twist for TianHu family, about the relationship of her dad and Lucy, about the origins of her and her parents, also there is a nice feeling as she tried to subtly repay back the money she 'loaned' form ah po, and she tried comforting ah po too. The last part was cliche though, as they about to kiss..... thunder.....

Starting was boring, I actually skipped forward. That family was so freaking extra, a wife so bitchy and lousy actor, stiff mouth emotionless eyes, noob husband, super racist dad, very taitai mum.... dad and kid weird habits, etc... so extra....

The focus of the drama is definitely at TianHu and family. As Lucy stomped off saying she wanted the ROM, to signify womanhood, that was so sociology, a hope of every traditional lady, to be a wife and serve her duty as one, and most importantly to be recognized as one. The twist as to why her parents separated is so unexpected, it was like the drama portray them so cartoon-ish and cute, and sort of put liars in a good light with TianHu using excess money to buy goods for old people anonymously, and her dad keeping to his principle of bluffing, to how smart they always pulled off everything. Realyl entertaining, perhaps this is one climax of the story, with TianHu confused with lies and reality, and impression of both her parents, good or bad mum, good or bad dad. Her mum appearance spoiled the image of a magnificent mum, yet the twist spoilt the image of a loving and pitiful dad, poor girl....

I would this this part of the script is well done!

Then the mid autumn scene, got me relating to how I felt during this mid autumn too, I felt lonely, like this year no celebrations of carrying lantern around neighbourhood, play with sparkles, eating mooncake together, not even with family since they dont practice this occasion. Thus I could only savour its taste alone at midnight, with perhaps the moon mocking at me. But whatever the case, I hoped all around me well, and longevity, regardless where they may be. That scene was touching to me, just as the previous one with Lucy.

Guess everyones got their own problems as well, being financially stable and achieving workplace and academic excellence got its pros and cons too. So just be glad about everything I have now, for those I dont, lets just hope I can do something about it, if not just let it be... let it be....

Then this weird thought came into me, according to movies, its always the bad guys having head starts and seemingly well off at the start, thinking about many face I put up in front of people, am I one? I mean in those HK movies, the bad guys sort of can have mole in the good guys too and have schemes and lots of staged benevolence.

Another weird thought, what if I have good charms, like a few around me, and popular hosts, or adam khoo, i might be more successful, and easier to attract attention thus easier to convey message, motivate, influence and benefit people. Oh well 天生我才必有用!

Nah shall not think too much. Then again was chatting with my student about the lost control cart in gold mine philosophic question, 1 vs 5 lifes, he suggested why not suicide to save the lives of 5? Hmm, stunned, I mean as his age, just as I did, I thought of that, being the hero and sort, but I grew sort of selfish now. He sort of dont understand why wont anyone sacrifice for the lives of more people. Hmm. Stunned me. I mean if I were to say that we might not know what the outcome is, whether it would bring about a greater benefit of society as to if I continued surviving on Earth, then I would be selfish, I would be generalizing their contributions to society, their worthiness, and have this idea that I'm superior to them. Thus I shouldnt be thinking so. But its just not right, also not because they are common miners instead of some important roles in society that saving them would bring greater benefits to society. It's just that I feel, there must be a purpose behind every thing that happens, be it whether there is God or not. What is bound to happen happens, whats not not.

Then again, whats for me to judge, he's right too, speaking of purpose, we might not die if we were to suicide too if we arent bound to die... Hmm... haha...

Oh I forgot to mention the other day that we've added in a new role in murderer (night and day version), called the healer, which at night chose one to be healed, so in case the murderers decided on the same person, there wont be any deaths. =D innovative =D

2011-10-05T01:15:00.003+08:00

Despite sleeping at 3am and waking up at 9am for 11h work, work today is a breeze. Somehow, today's sales is more than 50% more than usual, yet we dont feel too stretched. This is a great example of teamwork I guess. Again, gotta emphasize how great is Mark, he's really friendly, always telling tales of other branches, Philipino Cuisines, motivation words, that made us really feel great servicing in there. Mild jokes here and there, but he's always there to guide us and mentor us although he is supposed to be just in charge of kitchen. I really did learn alot there.

Today at 5 there was a new part time, so I guided him for usual routines, and I found out that wow, I actually have lots of extra miles than other part timers. (not boasting). At least now I have a overall picture of how to empower staffs, and what to expect of my staffs, if I ever were to be a F&B boss. Definitely, I must first remain having a humble figure, with no signs of boastfulness or arrogance, I gotta great every single of my staffs, from cleaners to managers, part time or full time.

Then, some of my expected commitment of my staffs would be
1) to be mindful of small details, like ensuring the utensils are of matching, in case of several sets of utensils, arrangement of the utensils, making sure the labels are upright, and same direction, etc,
2) able to be not too rigid,
3) be cheerful to customers, joke with them here and there,
4) guess their profile, for example after exams, rushing for tennis practice,
5) extra services like sending food to nearby if customer is rushing for tennis practice or meeting nearby, charging their camera, helping them take a few shots, etc
6) ensure that they have 'privileges' if they are heavy spenders,
7) encourage to fill feedback, in case management decided to use positive over negative ratio to measure performances,
8) encourage family bonding when customers come as a family or of 2 generations, father son, mother daughter, encourage them to play games, introduce strategy games to trigger their thinking
9) dont forget to take initiative to provide pepper for soups, perhaps extra honey or less ice, less sugar, diabetic sugar, etc
10) help out your colleges when they're in need, or as and when you're free

Today, work is fine, and I got my first paycheck =D wootz~ really happy, tomorrow, wondering to go childcare or not, afraid that the kids are all enjoying themselves and did not go scc, but well still got some of my students studying in there, perhaps should prepare some materials for rohn too, and also meeting up some guy to buy bleach figurines, bought out of impulse....

2011-10-02T00:21:00.003+08:00

Was looking more indepth into probability.

So I'm wondering how do we count the probability of a 3-of-a-kind hand in poker, and I was wondering if it is 13 x (4/52) x (3/51) x (2/50), because the there are 13 possible chances of you getting a 3-of-a-kind, however results of my lousy research skills turns out in vain, they showed me the matrix way to count probability which I still have no idea how to use that.

This morning I felt a little sick, like slight fever, but its alright after lots of sleep until 11am, when I wake up to go for the suntec convention. Really cool, got lots of freebies and widen my horizon on elderly friendly products. There are a few cool products such as intelligent wheelchairs and the drill-free handle to install on toilets and such for elderly ease-of-use. Also I saw a handy version of bioptron polarised light therapy, which is cool, and a ECV (Effective Circulating Volume) phone, so we wouldnt need wires and plasters to stick all over our body. We would just need to place both hands on the handphone sensor. Cool. Oh and there is this machine that could calculate our percentage of body fat my using electric current or something, that transmit from the handle we hold into the sensor beneath our feet, on the weighing scale. Technology nowadays, totally amazing.

Well but believe it or not, world domination is near. We actually have research facilities and centres all over the world including Singapore working on BioChip, which means a sort of ID chip in us that enables us to access to all our properties and everything, to the extent that monitors are like papers, merely tools for us to display and ‘write’, its worthless, but it’s the chips in us.

Though sounds good, this would be the first step to world domination. Religiously, this might be the mark of beast in revelations, which means the end is near. But either way, I used to disgust the invention of money, because it creates value, a value so that there is a yardstick, but by philosophy, its always on the eye of the beholder, so trading of goods should remain in bartering, though it would be troublesome. I believed I have mentioned this somewhere, during my sec 4 days, where I debate that many problems of our society now could be prevented if trades remained in bartering, but well, its impossible, so no matter now.

Well, so I was speaking with this student of mine and he mentioned about the Rothschild, which caught my attention, at such a young age, he knew so much, could consider as much as me, even to this degree. Surprised, amazed, delighted, I’m starting to think, in the near future, I believe the world is our playground, it will belong to the GenY, for nothing could stand in their ways. With the rapid flow of information and their capacity of knowledge and the maturity of their thinking despite all the games that made them dumb, they know so much already! Despite claims that certain people would like to use games to ‘dumb-ing’ the people, to make them not think, to make them just go with the flow blindly, to waste their time on earth, there are still potential heroes among us.

However, his classmates and people around him seemed very knowledgeable as well, really hoped that I could in turn learn something from him, because I think I talk to much, I teach too much, gotta listen more, learn more. Would really glad if I could join in the class, see how they kept challenging the teachers, and discussing on out-of-syllables topics and issues. Truly a class of thinkers.

Anyway, went to MindCafe to visit WeeSeng since this is his first day of work, so luckily I went, there was this group of patrons who requested us to host their murderer (Polar Bear version), means the one to make day and night, and vote for beheaded and such. So Rose and WeeSeng initially apologise to them that they don’t know how to host, but I stepped up and hosted instead. They had a great time, and since it was near closing just like the previous time Pastor Darren came, I joined in and play along with them, serving them full time, and yepp they were very very happy, and gave us good feedbacks, which made Rose obviously very very happy too and I’m sure she don’t mind us bending a few so called rules, though according to some people the supposedly ‘rules’ differ from branch to branch.

Anyway, working till death for the next 2 weeks, gosh……..

2011-10-01T00:20:00.002+08:00

"Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy is the most lonely person."

A quote I came across in fb, really touched deep into me, used to think that way. Few people had told me too, that though my social circle is big, my connections are plenty, yet I am actually lonely, I dont really have much that I can depend fully on, and not much commitment to the rest to keep building the friendship. Even to a few that had accompanied me for such long years, it's really hard to keep in touch and chill. Somehow, there will always be awkward moments, quiet moments, just to wait for a right topic to strike and etc, and often a few topics will repeat and another few will circulate, means the topic will be repeated to different groups of people, "spoiled radio".

My life had been heavy involved in volunteerism, and I dont really have a choice, to the extent that I was just talking to Johann, if I were to stop them, I have no life. I dont mingle with majority of people that are of my age well, since I'm a rather 'old' guy. I cant stay home whole day too, as in a few days in a row this way, I'll rot and die. Most people dont mind, not bothered by it, I cant. Its these that kept me going, kept me strong, kept me positive-thinking. Alone, thats where my thoughts would drift, and would turn pessimist, would thinking things like what would it be if I werent around, would things be better off? Would the world be a better place? So on.... and then I'll drift into purpose, which eventually my answer would be the same, then into existence, which the conclusion would still be unanswered.

If my life was an equation:

Life = personality + achievements + social circle + activities + goals + control.

And if we get another equation for volunteerism:

Volunteerism = personality + achievements + social circle + activities + goals + control.

We can see that:
Life = Volunteerism

Because with these I shape my personality die to the different people Ive met and reality Ive seen, such that I have activities to do that would land me into achievements, which is met after ive set my goals, and thus I met more people more friends more diversity, and thus I have self discipline over my actions and image. Sort of sociology at work, but not quite.

So I would response to the quote above, that lonely isnt necessarily a bad thing, some people are just meant to be like the Terminator, come for a purpose, finish a mission, then "I'll be back" (when deployed for another mission)

Anyway, so far been really glad to meet appreciative and nice customers in MindCafe, and awesome kitchen and supervisor, Marco and Rose. Superman and Superwoman, able to withstand pressure and loads, yet continue to be mentoring and optimistic. Awesomely awesome.

Sad thing is a friend of mine didnt get a job, when I believe he's in need of a job, yet some people that couldnt really do much help stayed on, but yea who am I to judge, though I do remember that no cellphone during work..... it was this that got ___ into trouble too today. (Might be sensitive thus not gonna disclose online)

Perhaps for Nov, I might propose to Rose to let me organize a team to work fri opening to close, that we will take turn for shifts, breaks, etc, just give us the salary accordingly, like treat is as 2 person, 11am-1am, so we ensure 2 person min to be working, the rest could take a break, change shift, anything we want, thus in busy times we can all help out each other, so its a team effort kindda thing, and since I'll trust all of them cashiering and etc will be easier to handle. Because the last few times we have cases of big amount of money short. I dont think its a matter of giving wrong change, cuz cant be so much, it's either the cashier machine got problem or our staffs got problem.

Alright, sleepy now, good night, sweet dreams, ciao.

2011-09-27T23:37:00.002+08:00

捧着一颗心来，不带半根草去

"Selfless"

That was my answer for the scholarship interview as Terence asked me what is the key quality of a tsao scholar.

Really, it is the effort and time you devoted that would touch people life, that would make a difference, that would make the world a better place. Just as many have done so in me, I would do likewise to many more. Though a great weakness in me is that I jump into commitments and get stuck too quickly. Oh well at least I'm having fun.

Yet, in my opinion, this only applicable to ordinary people like you and me. Mainly because the effort and time devoted are all genuine and passionate, whereas those in the high profile would do those for their own benefit, that they had weigh the cost benefit or all those things and came up with the conclusion that by doing such 'kind acts' they will benefit more. There was this book I was reading "Three Cups of Deceit", which recounted and cross referenced with many sources how some high profile philanthropist had been heavily involved in frauds, misusing donation funds, and crafting lots of fake recounts and lies.

It has been another busy weekend. Sat was at church, then went for waterfire event at reservoir, sun we filmed a promo vid for bedok wushu, then helped at Grandmaster's Commemoration Event. It's really cool to see so many masters gathering to honour our late Grandmaster Chen Yu He. It's like concentrated with so many masters of the martial arts realm, which had made me feel so honoured to perform on that stage, where chinese traditional culture re-affirmed our roots as chinese.

On monday, I went borders to grab some awesome deals. Bought 7 books, combined with a stranger, who should be very happy since she was going to pay around 20 for those 3, and now she could owned them with 7 and a half bucks. But seriously lorh I knew my books were stolen, since I knew I had chosen 9, one of them was "freedom", perfect condition, still sealed in plastic. Walao books also steal... -_-"

Interview went fine I guess, borrowed shirt from Johann, pants from Bowei, belt from Dad, haha sounds pathetic, oh well. Well price of being frank and honest, is a spot closed for the scholarship. When asked what difference would it be if I didnt get this scholarship, I answered immediately, that life goes on, I would do what I do, trying my best to make a difference to as much people as possible. I should have just answered: I hoped to get the scholarship so as to devote more effort and received more motivation to contribute back to the society, singapore, as I am but a product of the kindness this nation had offered me, with much graciousness. Oh well, perhaps the interviewers are Terence and Julia thus I was more frank and more of 'myself' instead of the 'ideal self' haha, geron theory at work again =D

Spoke with an adult friend of mine, strangely enough she shared with me lots of her personal sensitive problems, really great to see people appreciating my companion and trusted me, opened up to me, and share their worries, thoughts, problems and asked for my opinions. She definitely changed alot ever since certain thing happened and after that, she found a catalyst to re-ignite the dimmed candle of hope. Many awesome women I encountered in my life, to raise her daughter so well and rather matured. Good parenting, depart values in her, patient, and gives appropriate freedom, and happiness which she often lacked due to her work life and her school life. At least I think she had found someone to fill in the gap, like the ink in a conventional pen. Well I guess many times, the candle must be melted so that the wax could keep the candle upright. The candle, a symbolism of motivation in life.

It's midnight now, with prevailing winds, raged windows, disturbed curtains, and a gust of hot air left trapped in my house, funny to yearn for rainy weather to cool the air, yet shut the wind and rain out and left the hot air remain inside among us. Paradox of human.

2011-09-24T00:39:00.002+08:00

Some things I've learnt about management of a F&B outlet:

- Cash register one person per shift responsible (may not necessarily means sole access. This is so that all mismatched debts can be accounted for.

- Full time staffs that worked from opening to close must at least have $10 meal allowance, in fact should have one meal on the house.

- Kitchen staffs should be entitled to try house dishes for free, in order to improve standards and to be able to answer or recommend to customers in detail and recount.

- For opening to close, should distribute jobs, such that he would not need to manage too much, for example, kitchen will have one in charge of cook, hire part time to do the dishwashing, especially in peak hour and days.

- Schedule should be carefully planned, to never allow 2 staffs to run the whole busy cafe themselves, and yet sometimes having 5 staffs with little customers. In fact, it is even better to have team approach, for example on monday, put someone in charge of all part timers in his team, to plan such that they would help service as well as kitchen like dishwashing or minor preparation. This team would be given fixed amount of money, up to them to distribute among themselves. So they are free to all help to ease job. This will enhance team building, maintain motivation, increase effectiveness and quality service, because the front line staffs would not be lethargic after a long day of work.

- Event management. In cases where there is event, must definitely organise a different team to set up and perhaps if possible another team to dismantle, because if these are done by kitchen, its 2 additional jobs for kitchen besides cook and dishwashing.

- Kitchen should never be only one who is well versed, should have at least two, that rotates mon-thur, opeing to closing, then fri-sun both will help, so that kitchen can also be flexible and help service on fri-sun when manpower is needed.

- More part times in kitchen should be encouraged, because their idle times can be used for servicing as well. And perhaps can engage poly students, firstly its cheaper than part timers in labour pool, secondly they will get experience, and their good time serving might lead them becoming full time in future, thirdly if they do well they would do good in their internship. So many benefits.

- Welfare of staffs is most important, should heed staffs' advice, so that they are dedicated to give constructive feedbacks, thus be more humane towards staffs, understand their needs, besides money, they are not robots.

- Should empower service staffs more, so that they will be more confident to make decisions that satisfy customers, to effectively make non-programmed decisions. As long as they take charge of their decisions, should grant them the courage to drive the extra mile. Dont be too profit orientated, be service orientated, because most people are willing to pay for service, and many times is the ambiance and service that attracts them other than affordability of meals.

- If possible, take lets say 80% of profit, left 20% to be distributed to staffs, this way their effort will be in direct relationship with sales and profit, so they would be more driven to earn more using their effort.

- Should have annual meet as the whole company, and monthly meet for branches to discuss about issues, to recognize extraordinary staffs, and strategies.

2011-09-21T23:53:00.002+08:00

Today I volunteered in SgCares, my first, it was a great experience. Same as the other homes I visited, just that the facilities here are no doubt best ive ever seen, and the elderly are responding better. After a little ice break they even initiated to sing!

There was this petite lady, lady of her 70s, who was rather impressed by my first 2 lines when I took the mic, she was awesome =D haha biasness. Anyway, she was engaging, optimistic, and caring. She was also humble as I prompted her to sing. She sang eventually though. So she was sharing about her ward patient who passed earlier this morning, on her 73rd birthday. There wasnt a slightest sorrow or sadness, just a little pity perhaps, as she recalled the times with her I guess, but other than that, totally optimistic. For some reason I saw the epitome of Auntie Imm. Another pattern of life I guess, though small, optimistic and caring, therefore cheerful. After a while, she asked me to go back to her friend's side, the one I initially sat by.

The songs suited me ofcoz, but majority was teresa teng, thus the pitch was too high for me, and woudl sound aweful if I adjust and transpose down. I wanted to do this as a once in a while thing, but I gguess I'll have an extra commitment to hold on to now. My in charge said that these folks are most probably abandoned and neglected, in terms of presence, such that they were put there with a sum of money, and they disappeared, poof... thin air. Some though, still held on to their phones, in case they called. Sigh.

And so while waiting, I chatted with the in charge, she was also sharing about how she saw this family in the arcade playing the scoop-the-candy-up machine, 3 of them each in a different counter, and they approached their dad for 50 bucks like as if it was lunch money or something. So I shared with her that I saw this family too, the mother at the fishing game, father at the jackpot, daughter at the Dance Dance Revolution, one son at console and another at Midnight, and I saw the father handed the son a stack of 50 for them to spend.

Sigh, we were wondering how many differences could these families make in the needys. This was why I argued, a little, that business ethics are rubbish, I dont see why we shouldnt use 'techniques' to leech money from the rich for the poor. Anyway, msot are bullshit, for example, just by stating terms and condition apply, doesnt mean the information is complete, the ultimate motives are still for the onlookers to step in the stores, in hope they would eye on their products. Well, I guess this is what makes Robin Hood so attractive, its everyone's wish to be one, but many got sucked into the temptation of riches and their luxurious lifestyle.

After the event, I went to Bishan for lunch, and explored the place for an hour from 11.30, before having my lunch and head to Rohn's house. He came back at 7pm, got into lots of trouble because he didnt inform his mum that he went for some english enrichment. Familiar case. Used to be like that during my pri. Personally I believed he's not suited for VS, just as how I went into 3A and plunged down like the apple on Newton. Acceleration of 10 marks per test. (haha). The environment - its just different. Well, back to topic, I had a couple of lazy times too when though I know my parents would allow extensions, I got lazy to call back.

So far, he wasnt nagged as bad as I did, partly I guess I was there, so his mum do not want to embarrass him. Oh yea anyway, maybe, just maybe, he didnt phone back to avoid classmates terming him as a mama boy, but he got his own handphone, he could have told his sis.... oh well....

Didnt barged into the matter, since Rohn was largely at fault for making them worried, but then again, Singapore, what could be so dangerous before midnight? Lots, but rare. Sometimes, just que sera sera, parts and parcels of growing up. Great sociology finding. Anyway, just relating another one is how passengers would work together by waking each other up at interchange or students when they had reached their schools. Oh, how I missed the torture to try to sleep though destination is near, then had to jumped up in a few seconds. Haha.

Speaking of this, he got to wake up at 5am every morning for school, that's so torturous, though he can sleep in bus, but there was no companion. If I were him I would start to nudge the 2 other VS in his area. Anyway, hmmm, wondering if I should invite him over on Tue-Thur, so save him the struggle to wake up early and sleeping in bus, but knowing how money minded my parents are they sure charge him, at least 10 a day I guess, cuz nothing is included but food, but to think of it, it makes no difference since he'll be in my room, thus the aircon charge no diff.

Again, 心有余力不足, sigh sigh, he's another potential, just like people like keiyun, oh I just realized not too long ago they're of the same age, perhaps their generation is really one of the potent generation? Their curiosity, exposure to books and information, thoughts, perspectives..... amazes me, I dont remember my peers were like that at that age, and that was the age where I only know sing and piano, and wushu =D

2011-09-19T00:58:00.003+08:00

Another drama concluded, so....... weird ending but okay larh acceptable =D at least not so clear cut, the right people, the wrong time/era, 两个对的人却在错的时候爱了一回
Today I shall talk about family.

Family might be a common word, one that primary school children would learn as married couple living with their unmarried children in harmony, or Father, Mother, I Love You (FAMILY). However, in Sociology, there are many different perspectives to look at this term – Family. The above definition of family is a nuclear family.

Functionalists claim that a family could provide some basic functions, that might dysfunction if roles are not distributed well, and there are also other perspectives of family such as Conflict, where there are bound to have power plays and domination in a family like violence, favoritism, etc, and also Interactionist, which questions us what exactly is the term family.

Viewing family at the conflict perspective, family is a perpetuator of inequality where it transmits the social class from one generation to another. The ascribed status is very strong, and thus the only way to have vertical mobility is for the older generation to achieve it, and then passed on to the next generation. This is again, a harsh reality. It is rather scary for the younger generation to live carrying a burden that the generations and generations before left behind. One wrong move, and the efforts of all the forefathers might just crumble.

Viewing family at the Interactionist perspective, what exactly makes a family? We now have cases of single-parent, Serial Monogamy (Repetitively getting divorced and re-marry), Polygamy (Polyandry – one woman many husband, Polygyny – one man many wives), commitment are getting rarer and rarer. I’ve seen primary school kids mentioning about ‘letting go of love’, and other stuffs like that, and it shows only one think, Serial Monogamy is encouraged. Then again, yes, a happy divorced is better than struggling in marriage, and in my family tradition, if an apple is rotten, throw it away, rather this way then let the whole body collapse. Harsh, but practical.

Serial Monogamy is getting more and more common, to the sense that, perhaps, its effect would not be as bad as we know now, in the near future. Fatherly figure can always be substituted by peers, by seniors, by referent stars, celebrities, books, online info, the point being, our kids in the future would not treat this as a serious matter anymore. This is sad, and yes, because it is a generation kindda thing, children will have the image that Serial Monogamy is acceptable, and common, so there will be decreasing number of committed relationships in the future.

Then what is love? Is it supposed to be one-sided, a great feeling of commitment to another person? This seemed to have its definition blurred as well. Then what does marriage signify? Other than housing privileges and other political issues, what does it mean to be married? The commitment could be so easy broken, what is the point? Rather single than divorced?

Now we look at the child at Interactionist perspective. In many cases, the child actually symbolises a hope, a source of encouragement for widows/widowers. However, as a single parent having to fulfil both parents role, there might be role strains. Hard for the parent, but looking at the bright side, the child is not too pitiful, he/she has full attention and love from the parent, who would be committed to bring out the best in them.

So actually, to looka t things in another angle, things weren't too bad, many people ive seen growing up and strong despite family circumstances. Other than biological parents, I'm sure everyone has social family, and spiritual family. Similarly, some social family do change from time to time, do sort of 'divorce' and 're-marry', so if we were to take human race as a big big family, single parent kids do not necessarily has less pillars of support, as long as they are able to trust, or influence, some other pillars, and have the courage and openness to do so. That's what I ignorantly feel, mostly because I'm rather 'perfect' in a sense I've got all that I've needed, so lots of things I have to live it through other people, and learn from each one of them. Really curious about stuffs like how and why people get separated and all, but they're all rather sensitive, and I wouldn't know how to react too if they were to answer. So.. yea, i'll just observe..... and think.... and research... and learn...

2011-09-16T00:56:00.002+08:00

Today it dawned on me that 天越高心越小 means 天越高（野）心越小 in the song. It is depicting a carefree life, thus the more you know how great is the world, how wonderful is the world, how interlinked is the world, the more you'll realize that there's no need to petty about trivial things, its meaningless, vanities, chasing after the wind.

Whole week of being tortured passed, due to that yuan di tiaos.... I couldnt even bend my knees on tue, and it sure took great effort to even do big business (in the toilet), even changing pants requires great back flexibility. Lucky enough I went to buy panaflex, and sure it is effective~! One day of that, the area I pasted them is alright, and then the next day once more, and today I feel much better. Again you can see how amazing is life, healed on the day I work.

Watched lots of movies for the 2 days, Pirates of Caribbean 4, Planet Apes, Jurrasic Park 1 2 3, Lion King 1 1.5 2, Prince of Egypt, Joseph, Among all, I think Lion King is the best, the songs especially, Circle of Life, Hakuna Matata, We Are One, all really upbeat, uplifting, absolutely great. Of course, again I'm applying sociology into them. -_-".

Sociology is really like philosophy, its dangerous, once you know, you can never unlearn, you can never un-know. Estranges us of what we already know, it challenge norms, it question us our answers.

Speaking of this, I came across this talk about this app, to actually shape child's toys into their own culture. For example, they can choose what kind of household they are in, homo, or hetro, or even history, they provide different angles and perspectives of an event, such that it would intrigue children to start thinking creatively, thinking out of the box, thinking in line with sociology. Amazing tool. But rather dangerous, for these, if used under wrong hands, can create massive destruction. Anyway, the good point is that they learn about empathy, about putting themselves in others' shoes, to see the world as they see it.

Today i recruited Varrick into MindCafe, but he's not as lucky as WeeSeng, but oh well, it counts, though I think Varrick needs the job more than WeeSeng, but yea I can also talk my way out for him. Sigh. Today had one or two screw ups in work, wrongly billed because I trusted the person that billed in the computer too much that I did not double check. Anyway, Pastor Darren of BBTC came an hour before closing, so after a whole day looking at a great event host hosting a 16 people event, I went all out for the group. They were disappointed to see such little time of gaming, but oh well, hoped they had fun.

Tomorrow gonna be whole day, 11am-I dont know, depends if i want OT, depends if I still have the energy, but min 7pm. After that, since I'm late for mooncake festival, might as well OT, hmm... we'll see about that. Sat smurfs! and might have Johnny English at night with SX++. Sun as usual, but it's not training this time, I think it would be script writing for a for-fun video. Anyway, dang, I forgot I owe Sonny a script. He has been a great script writing teacher, though we met up twice only, but he has the strong passion to groom students for it, shall complete the script.... hmm lets target, by end of year!

Next week, planned to visit SCC, since so long havent visited it already. Oh and cut hair too~ Busy man, as usual. =D cheers~ Hakuna Matata~

As you go through life you'll see
There is so much that we
Don't understand

And the only thing we know
Is things don't always go
The way we planned

Many times problems keep probing up, that we have so much things we don't understand, as much as why do we have to go through waves and waves of problems.

If there's so much I must be
Can I still just be me
The way I am?

Can I trust in my own heart
Or am I just one part
Of some big plan?

This verse tells us about responsibility. As to where is our individuality when we have so many sanctions to abide by, so many eyes on us, so many 'braces' that shaped our teeth the way THEY think it should be. It is to the point, it is not possible to have complete individuality, just be creative, be different, by a little will do, not to the point that we become deviance. A lecture told us about how as humans, we love challenges, we love mastery, we love self-directed goals, so to be different can mean to be better than other people, to be ahead of SOME people, one, two, a few, no matter, just be different. I like to relate this again to the coin theory. When people will mutually know how to catch one coin, try two, or three, or with pattern, with obstacles, do something to it, do something to the knowledge you have gained! Never stopped learning, and thinking~!

2011-09-13T22:49:00.002+08:00

Today I shall post about 大道理 (philosophy which usually turned into crap through my mouth). Was watching 財神客棧 (Treasure Inn) and came across with the below theory.

恻隐之心，人皆有之；
羞恶之心，人皆有之；
恭敬之心，人皆有之；
是非之心，人皆有之。

Empathy and Pity;
Ashamed and Disgusted;
Admiration and Referent;
Right and Wrong;
are common to men, are inevitable.

恻隐之心，仁也；
羞恶之心，义也；
恭敬之心，礼也；
是非之心，智也。

As such,
We do have Benevolence;
We do have Righteousness;
We do have Respect;
We do have Wisdom.

This leads me to a video I watched long time ago, the speaker gave us a scenario: You were in a lost control trolley in a mine, and you see that 5 workers are ahead of your tracks, and the only thing you could do is to divert into a side track which would kill 1 worker there instead, what would you do? Though my choice would be that I would do nothing, but majority would choose the alternative. The reason being of my stand, is because that the default is the 5 workers, and it's rather unfair if I were to play their fate, what was going to happen bound to happen, like Final Destination series.

Anyway, well then the speaker changed the scenario, to: Imagine you're now an onlooker, and there's a man beside you, that if you push him down, the track would be sort of stuck and so on, such that he would die, sparring the 5, would you? Majority now would say they wouldn't, so do I. This is obvious, this would be like murder, so nope noone the the right mind would do it, the difference between the 2 scenarios, being that one is you directly push the man, and the other is that you have no choice, because it is more 'right' to save 5 for 1, you got to divert the trolley, so indirectly, it is the trolley that killed the man.

Then he gave the scenario a different place and context, now in a hospital.

You're a doctor in emergency room, where 5 patients suffered moderate injuries and 1 severe injury, restoring either one group would kill the other. What would you do? Majority chose to forsake the 1 for the 5.

Again he modified the scenario, now: You're a transplant surgeon, dealing with 5 desperate patient with 5 different organs in need, then one healthy patient came to check up in next room, taking a nap. What would you do? Again same as the second scenario, most would leave it to fate, they will leave the healthy untouched. None would do it. However, one cheeky and intelligent audience suggested to use the first patient of the 5 that couldn't hang on anymore longer to save the other 4. Smart!

So here, we have 2 different types of morality. One being Consequentialist (Utilitarian, Jeremy Bentham), that 5 should live even 1 have to die, because we locate morality in the consequences of act. Yet people felt wrong to pull in innocent man, so this is the irony. So we do thing that sometimes, like the 2nd modification of the above 2 scenarios, we feel that it is just wrong to kill an innocent for the sake of more people, so what we have next is the Categorical (Emmanuel Kant), where we locate morality in certain duties and rights, regardless of consequences. We, categorically, thinks that there is a certain rightness or wrongness in the act itself, such as sociologist loved to say, that deviant acts is only deemed deviant in certain context, place and time.

Anyway, for vocab: Qarah moment - the moment and chance that allowed anything to fall in place. By person, context, place and time.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 (NKJV)
11 I returned and saw under the sun that-- The race is not to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor bread to the wise, Nor riches to men of understanding, Nor favor to men of skill; But time and chance happen to them all.

The word “Happen” found in this verse is the Hebrew word, “Qarah”.

Qarah means to encounter, meet, befall, happen, and/or to come to meet.

So “Qarah Moments” are directed by God as divinely interrupted moments in one’s life. Where God is directing our steps & purposefully causing certain events, places, and people to cross our path.

2011-09-12T23:48:00.004+08:00

但愿人长久，千里共婵娟。

May we all be blessed with longevity Though far apart, we are still able to share the beauty of the moon together.

Today is mid-autumn, got up with two bricks on my laps, due to the jumps yesterday. Oh well, worth it, exchanged 10 pages of sms or so with a friend's mum to 'plead for forgiveness' haha, it seemed that she is a rather strict and scary mum thus my friend was amazed she bothered to 'listen' to me. Hope everything turns out fine. Anyway, yea, mid-autumn.

In ancient day, Su Dong Po, a famous poet, wrote a poem on Mid-Autumn, describing his longing to see his brother again. The whole poem mentioned that even the moon has its time, to be complete and to be part, so as human, to have gatherings and partings full with emotions, but why does the moon seemed to shine so brightly as we part?

Well, this year Mid-Autumn seemed to have no spirit. Quite as usual, but I was expecting it to be fun, since every sort of celebration ever since after o lvls ive been 'actively'' taking part in. Oh well, at least I had a great lunch at Nicoll Highway MRT with mum =D and settled the loan with my dad later on, plus chose a bible for my friend to gift to his friend, so I eventually signed up for the 2 years membership since my poly friend frequents Times too.

So as I was chatting with him, I praised him, again, about his knowledge at such young age, and his reply was that his classmates are also great thinkers. So yea, although his school was the first of his level to have so many great brains, I recalled the 4/14 conference. Yes, this generation received most exposure to information, as information is spread and shared all over the world instantly via the internet. Yesterday he was doing an assignment for public speaking on web, schools nowadays have many projects that requires them to search information themselves, and they have adopted e-learning, and many more. This is revolutionary. Thus, it is no surprise their brains, their capacity, would be so much bigger than ours, and that their curiosity and danger would be more. Curiosity as in there are so much to learn, but so little time and motivation, danger as is so much virtual predators, so much loopholes of protections, so little self-discipline.

Again, I thought of the 4 cups shixiong gave us 4, 难得糊涂, 勤, 舍得, 学无止境. They were all so fitting!

难得糊涂 Sometimes, we gotta humble ourselves, we gotta be the follower to observe the issue in another angle, we gotta pretend to not know even if we know.

勤 Persevere, always give your 120%, do not be overconfident, pour in all our heart and focus.

舍得 To give and take. At times, we have to let go, we have to give, in order to receive, in order to gain, just as if your fist is clenched, how could you receive or take anything? You gotta let go of your hand, gotta give, in order to receive.

学无止境 Just as breathing, inhale too much and our lungs could not hold, exhale too much and we would find ourselves dropping on the floor. We have to have a balance, between thinking and learning. Some people keep learning, cramping in info and theories of OTHER people, but dont think themselves, dont challenge themselves, dont have the process. But some, like me, tend to just think, and think and think, but dont really learn, just think, and conclude, and edit, and think again, without correct guidance, without model answers, without more points of views. Dangerous. Information, when used in wrong hands, would result in the doom of humanity.

I hereby wish, once again, for everyone out there, no matter west or north of Singapore, or even Indonesia, even US or Australia, or Africa or Cambodia, a great Mid-Autumn, and may our lives be smooth and full of excitements. Despite all the ups and downs, we shall hope for longevity and serenity, let us enjoy the full moon tonight. Cheers~

2011-09-11T09:30:00.001+08:00

Weather is always kind enough,
To get our spirit up and down,
For our friends to fly kite in sound,
And left our kites tattered and scuffed.

-KayaOtah Sep 10th

2011-09-10T00:00:00.002+08:00

A busy week had finally passed, been attending 4/14 conference, tue, wed and half of thur, sadly today cant because im scheduled to work every thur 5pm-10pm, fri 12nn-7pm, but well look at the bright side, at least my supervisor preferred me than other part times, today one part timer worked, and I found out she had been working for quite some time already, but supervisor gave her once a week only. Wootz~! haha. Anyway, I recruited weeseng over today haha, hopefully he can switch his tuition so he can join me on fri =D wish himn all the best for his o lvls, i persuaded him to max work one day, which hopefully is fri, so sun we can still help him in his work.

But well, yea, lots of time, its really 心有余力不足, passion of helping is strong, yet resources are limited, resources in terms of time, monetary and 'trouble'.

These few days, some of my regrets are that on my way back from the conference, I sat down, and a kid beside me was super excited about coconut tree, that she kept yelling at her mum to insist her to see, yet the mum didnt even took a glance (from what i deduced), and asked her to tone down, in a commanding, firm, harsh tone. I really wanted to tell her to look at the situation another way, she could just take a look, and say, "Are you interested in it, shall we go home and look more into it? keep the excitement for later then." its really not a big deal for a child to be excited and shrieking for a few seconds, its not like she's crying or moaning or throwing tantrum which im rather annoyed with. Excitements, I'm totally fine, but yea, I didnt do a thing. Sigh. I was comign home after hearing all the passionate people for the 4/14, and yet I ignored..... because I thought, I was a stop away, and Im extremely exhausted, I should rest awhile more. Sigh, that couple of minute, could have made a big difference in parenting for that mum, and thus on the kid's life, rather than wasted on my sleep.

Then I heard so many stories there, and also even local stories, that I thought I could lent him a hand, yet well, situations didnt allow me to. ThenI realized, that for every person I enjoy talking to, I woudl always have the urge to go for the extra mile to help as much as I can, to give my best, to 'grow' the person, but it would be too much for me to cater to all their needs, and furthermore, 10 years down the road, I'm still pondering if I were still be recognized, be acknowledged?

Philip spoke on discipleship, about how he once had the thought, after raising up many disciples, he thought about how nice was it to see them grow, to see them acknowledging him, and made it sound like it was all his effort, and the effort paid off. However, as a christian he remembered that these disciples are God's, not his, that one day there will be taken away by God.

So I thought, yes, I think the concept of raising someone, to see them leave, and you have to sincerely wish them all the best, really hurts. Like teachers, how many effort had they put in? Just to see them leave, and wander off on their own. On one hand we are definitely happy that they have grown to a wonderful person, yet on the other how we hoped they were just as they were when we met them, with so much capacity to be taught, to be nurtured, but.....

So yes, many times I've made differences (well at least thats what I thought), but not much of follow ups after that, its like they would forget about the past, and sort of ignore, but not their fault, just that we all go in separate directions, lack of communications, not so frequently keeping in touch, and the relationship just fades. One one hand, Im glad, on the other, Im rather sad. Paradox of human.

2011-09-05T22:17:00.006+08:00

Today my topic would be deviance in young ages.

Went down just now to cycle to buy mooncakes. At the atm, there was this kid in his bike who squeezed through between me and my dad. Seemed like a small thing to me, and i guess to all of us too, yet his mum behind looked as if she has a bad hair day, high heels broken and her kids peed on her while her boss pressurized her to produce 5 reports by tomorrow, AS IF, like OMG, does she really need to do that? She was complaining non stop, "Can use your brain or not?", "Your brain upside down!", "See larh, go somemore". It happened that the kid missed his step thus fell on the grass which he stepped on. His pain was numbed by his fear, fear of his mum mocking and publicizing his humiliation - absurdness. This is pitiful. For someone to immediately look up to analyse the face muscles of his 'guardian angel' for sign of disapproval of the trivial accident or acceptance of his mistake, I bet that bitch had haunted him till that extent.

Right, pardon me, I'm in no position to judge, but com'on! He's a kid, to be able to squeeze into us might be a great sense of achievement, like striking a million dollar deal or attaining world record in sports or something like that. Even if not, then it's just his playfulness, why cant you just allow that? No harm to anyone at all~!

Anyway, even if there is harm, perhaps it sort of curiosity, treat it as lessons learn. The lesson is still cheap, compared to when they start defying and rebelling when they age. Was chatting with KY the other day, and we mentioned about stupid things we do when we were kids. So I told him, I told him my thoughts, to never doubt your effort to try something new. When young, the consequences would not be too big, ofcoz this exclude extremes like murder or doing things that severely harm another person, but small things, trivial things, give in to curiosity, it wont kill you just yet.

It's better this way than to start trying when you age, when your actions should be considered matured and of standards, such that deviance might results in a year long room and service reservation in the cell. So I thought, yes, this is the problem for the young in singapore, when everyone seems to be against in whatever they do, they are afraid to try, afraid to make mistakes, afraid to innovate. This control theory steps in, they are temporarily controlled by the authorities and parent(s), constantly building on tensions and conflicts, until they finally get the guts to break from them, thats when they are too old to be seen childish, old enough for severe formal sanctions, old enough that these curiosity or rebellious act will affect their future greatly.

At Teachers Day Lunch in BBTC, I hear, again, many stories of 'little devils' turning into heroes, models, or heroes of Christ. They started off uncontrolled, thus they have all the time they want trying every deviant act in the world, that they have the experienced, had reflected on it, had learnt from it. They deviated, and reverted back. So yes, with that I have more faith that the kids in SCC will have bright future, despite their naughtiness so far.

Had a great Teachers Day Lunch, we sat on the centre, haha, interesting place. The games are much better than last year’s, and foods are more appetizing and filling. I think the teachers there are all awesome, it’s a great feeling to be there, to be recognized, to be motivated. Pastor Jacq esp, really grateful to her to take the pains to plan the whole event, and to manage the pop excel, as well as thurs tuition for the muslims, and the presents of each of us. As YJ prayed, she was touched, we were too, really great to see the extent and effort put in by all of them for the greater benefit of the society. She also mentioned, that ofcoz, we have to balance our own lives first. Service is outflow of life, we have to at first, be a model, be right, be stable, before we can reach out and touch the hearts of others. Thus, yes I really like that quote. She also gave a few examples of over burning. Well, so Sabbath is important. Gotta take some days off to rest, to enjoy the day thoroughly.

Today slacked whole day, played a little piano, tried to learn the chords for "Sometimes When We Touch", "I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever", and supposedly wanted to try "Shout To The Lord", but I'm stuck at 2nd verse even for the first song. Oh, speaking of this I decided to secretly start a music lesson for WC and CH in sat before pop excel. I think we should never close doors to passionate people to discover and unleash their potential. Despite such lousy teacher (Me larh noone else), at least I can add some oil to their flames, at least I can inspire them, no matter the extent. Oh right, YQ complimented on my physics coaching, im sooo touched and glad and happy~!! I'm a very boastful though lousy teacher, but I really sincerely hope others can extract from me something, anything.

Anyway, I also do chores, tested my new s95, bought mooncakes (tirasimu, green tea, pandan, 2 yolk lotus) and ate mum's signature spaghetti =D yum yum~!! Great sabbath today (I realize its always a Monday, hey have Monday's Blues, I have Sabbath Monday haha, but gonna follow by a whole week of schedules, a while week of 4.14 Conference, 8.30am - 6.30pm everyday at sembawang. zzzz.... oh on 8th Im gonna leave early for work, 5pm-10pm... zzzz.... But yes, Im excited for tomorrow, as Im gonna learn, Im gonna absord, Im gonna widen my horizon and knowledge, and exp pool, since I cant experience everything in the world, I learn from others, just as others learn from me. =D

2011-09-01T07:33:00.003+08:00

Today, I wondered, after watching another episode of Bountiful Happiness, whether in real life, people could really be blackmailed by exposing their external affairs. It's like everytime same old devious trick, but it seemed so impossible, the victim always had to give in like dogs.

Anyway, marketing, I would have lost 21 marks if not for a last ditch epiphany, I realized the scope of question because of the 4 marketing functions, had not come, thus I figured out the 8 marks question. As for the 10 marks one, I applied management terms inside, pros and cons of franchising. Hopefully it would save me. =D As for the 3 marks one.. oh well its mere 2% of my overall. Hopefully it wont cost me grade differences. I would say, management is definitely easier.

Went back to BDS on Cheuck's phone call, to fin out that he left when I reached at 12+. Spoke to a few teachers, as usual the cliche topics, bragged about my course and my aces so far, they smiled, they congratulated, but again, I do hope they are sincere to know Im doing well for the first time in my life, but then again chances are that pride holds perhaps 10% of their true emotion, they probably yearn more to see how their star students perform now.

Anyway, stalled some time, and then rode 45 with JunWei, thinking I would be left out if I leave with the rest of the people, and my hp had no batt thus unable to contact my close friends, so que sera que sera, Jorgen called me =D Yepp Jorgen, lost contact for 4 years ever since he joined pop excel for a little while and left. He changed soooo much, voice deeper, longer hair (was abit botak), not so blur looking anymore, taller~!! his sister did not change as much as he did. =D great time meeting up =D though just for a little while, perhaps could recruit him back to church? que sera sera.

We visited scc, as usual the cheerful place full of welcoming staffs and kids, it was there I received a gift from Cephas~!! It was sooooo cute, and I felt soooo great to be recognized as one. Other than him, Serbrina greeted me on facebook, noone else. Sadly, those I'm closer to, Colin, Alvin, Samantha, Juddith, Zhi Yang, secondarys, are not there =( and many more like Sherman, John, Vanessa, Yan Heng, Le le.. etc...

C: Kaya Kor Kor, are you a teacher?
K: Erm, not really
C: (Frown and pout) Huh… then I cant give you present already
K: Orh, then.. yes I’m a teacher
C: (smiles) yeah~! Nar… (give present) Happy Teachers Day....

that moment, was the greatest of today. =D

2011-09-01T00:19:00.000+08:00

If someone were to be undercover for more than 5 years, is he/she really gonna stay loyal to the previous group? Or would be a turncoat? For some reason, I do feel a little sympathy for the turncoats in history, sometimes it’s really unfair to see how others accepted you, raised you, build a positive relationship with you, then just to see you turn your back against them.

For example, adopted children, I do think that their foster parents, if treated them well, should be prioritised more than their blood parents. Thus I rather disagree with the Chinese saying that blood is thicker than water.

Another one, some minority in a dynasty that was surprised by the recently dominated dynasty, will they really plot for a rebellion after 10 years or more like how they always mentioned in films and novels?

A police’s mole in a triad, after maybe few years in there, attaining high position in the triads, befriending and gained trust of many, will you really bearable to see them being betrayed by you, ofcoz these are on the condition that the triads had always been welcoming you.

How about relationship, especially long distance relationship, that had not met for 2 years or more, and lack of communication, will that ‘love’ still be around? That commitment to each other? I always wondered this, cuz I personally believed that even things such as ‘feeling of love’ is a result of many societal forces. As such, the feeling might fade, or degrade into friendship relationship, etc. To some extent, I agree with a statement quoted from the HK drama series “Shine On You” (Qing Chu Yu Lan), that love doesn’t care about sequence, it’s not on first-come-first-serve basis.

As such, to maintain a relationship, gotta communicate, gotta update each other on each other’s happening, such that they could make each other feel loved that someone can lent a ear for you to vomit your words and that the other party cared about you, willing to meddle into your problems, hand-in-hand walk through it. So, in a dying relationship, when the flame is dimming, is waivering, either gotta “add oil” (jiayou) or just let it go, after all, “the last level of love is to let go” (Lee Sheng Jie).

Its like marketing, product life cycle, in a decline stage, have to promote, modify them, reposition them. On the other hand, we can also change into new product line, upgrade product, or just keep it in stock but not emphasizing on it, in harvesting mode.

Ok, drifted too much on the topic, made me sounds like such asshole that treat women as tools. I’m just linking, no other intentions, I love to link things, in a way its often “no link”.

Next, I saw this advertisement on molesting. Suddenly, I have this thought, perhaps because I’m really out-of-the-world kindda person, how does touching of lady’s butt considered molest? And in the first place, why do men want to commit such act? Why different with men? I surveyed some people long time ago, they say that the butt felt like the sensitive part of women, but quite illogical to me. So, why molester don’t wanna touch their own butt?? Really curious. If not the reason, then why butt? Why not other parts? I think lap also considered, then hand lehh? And why?? Gotta ask perverts to find out. Felt rather pitiful that as a man I know nothing on this field or subject, when I bet lower secondary are experts, then again, its gender norms.

2011-08-31T00:21:00.001+08:00

Great to know that I have lots of deep thinkers and talented people around me =D hopefully I can see them grow successful and well off one day =D

陳孟奇 - I Believe In You (unplugged)

2011-08-30T13:19:00.000+08:00

2011-08-30T00:50:00.003+08:00

Are we in control or being controlled? As much as we think we are in the driver seat, holding the remote control, or playing the chess board, our actions are mere resultant forces of all the societal forces around us. We are just the object that moved as the forces act upon us, with perhaps a little inertia. Our decisions may seem independent, but is usually in fact shaped by many societal forces such as norms, cultures, events, 3rd parties, even marketing techniques and illusions, to the extent of religion.

A ted talk by Dan Ariel brought across an interesting point, humans, as much as we thought we are being rational, being justified in making the right decisions, being experienced to not make past mistakes, we are consistently, continuously, constantly, being influenced to make that decision.

Dan Ariely used a great example of visual illusion, the funny thing is that we will always be influenced by them despite knowing them, despite revealing the illusion. So as advertising, there are times we see make decisions because we want a deal, we want a good deal. Thus, it’s inevitable that they would include one or two out of mind choices to bring out the attractiveness of the choice they want you to take. Also, many times they would set a default such that we did not consider much on the consequences of the decision, such as checking a box if you WANT or DO NOT WANT to donate your organs.

Then, Dan explains the possible reason as to why we make certain decisions. He explains that sometimes, we chose to go for the default, simply because we would have more choices if we were to change it. For example, a doctor who had forgotten AN alternative medicine for hip injury would probably try that on the patient the following day instead of recommending him to go for a hip replacement, but in cases when he had forgotten TWO OR MORE alternatives, he would just let the patient proceed with the hip replacement.

Lets apply these to daily observations, who would you take for a bar hopping or a date, a slightly less attractive friend than you? No? What would you want to achieve? See how your ‘date’s decision could be deterred by external societal forces?

So then, what I think, is that we are constantly conditioned to think that we are making decision, so we are actually under controlled to make decisions, not that there are things such as fate or whatsoever, but our decisions, is due to the decisions of hundreds and thousands of people, in different timing, place and situation. So I do think that we should have faith in the decision. I watched an upcoming drama series “Wan Fu Lou’, a little spoil here, the protagonist said, that since she had made the decision, no point trying to make it right, why not just go on with the decision and see where it will lead to”, exactly, que sera sera, nothing we can do, but have faith, have faith in that decision you’ve made, and be optimistic.

Since after o lvl, I’ve been evaluating the choices and decisions I’ve made every night before sleep, and I find that, many times, those might not be the best decision, but because of that decision, I could make better decisions, so why dwell over spilled milk? Anyway, life works in a mysterious way, my supervisor just called to cancel my work, as such, I could accompany my relatives to tour marina bay as he study and finish his homework for he got to accompany his family tomorrow. =D

Oh yea, days ago, I gave ODJ to a classmate, that ended in a more suitable hand, she was delighted, and sort of more faith than me in X-tianity, so it certainly benefited her more than it would on me, so that cheered me up really. Ive always believed Im better off as a medium to make a difference to other people more in need. =D

For the 4.14, I would not waste the church money on me, I would definitely share what I've learnt, and hopefully I can teach more suitable people how to apply, just as how I have been trying to output all my knowledge for people to use it for the benefit of mankind, and hopefully not to people who could use them in acts of inhumanity. =D

POM I tutored my classmates on leading, and all bits and pieces, though I'm definitely not the ideal effective teacher, that following day, I went to a classmate house, that missed the group study session, and was rather scared she could not catch up, and went through bit of POM which came out =D but again, as I'm definitely not the ideal effective teacher, she didnt really apply those in exams, but sigh, at least I've tried, and she did not completely forget, just overstressed, naturally. =D

In Zhigao chalet, his friend went to ntuc to buy drinks, resulted him left with nothing to eat, and we ran out of charcoal, so I went to forage the area, and found remaining charcoals to cook the remaining chickens, he was thankly and delighted, so do I. =D

For the very least, for all I've done, I've made a difference.

2011-08-29T23:13:00.001+08:00

2011-08-19T00:44:00.002+08:00

I feel loved:
Words of Affirmation
Receiving Gifts

I show to others:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service

Above is my love languages =D

Tomorrow is Samy Rajoo's birthday as well as John Tan's of SCC =D 2 awesome people's birthday. Today I had a successful speech, a successful interview, a successful tutoring and also visited SCC and played a little in the playground at bedok library with the same old few kids in town. Felt age is catching up fast, I pant more as I ran, and would need more effort to keep a certain distance away from the catcher. I couldnt even match ____ now, though he claimed to do badly in 1.6, which im surprised.

I tried to persuade ___ to be home by 6.45, yet I wasnt firm, which thus he dragged till 7.10, and resulted in him in deep shit i guess, cuz his mum is home. Spoke with him, realized though his relationship with his mum is rather strained and often I heard of claims that his mum lack of parenting experience which often showed bad example to him, he still got this care for his mum, that he would remember certain memorable outings and 'love' his mum gave him, mostly in a distant past.

Then I watched On The Fringe, a channel 8 drama on teen deviance and gangsterism. Some spoiler ahead~! Do not read on if you havent watched until episode 17 yet. Tomato had a bitch as his mum, that left him in the lurch with his grand dad, her dad, and did not care about him at all. However her death affected him much, cuz it is the mum-son relationship, a special kind of bond, that he would never forget simple trivial things like the food his mum bought for him when he was young. Alot of times, I do believe that though we think that we're in control, we're being controlled. Our behavior is shaped by many societal forces and culture and events.

Sigh, somehow in bus alone as I make my way back home, I had this thought that having me as a son might be to a certain extent a misfortune. I am always rather deviant, very curious, planning to be single forever, not the study hard get stable job kind, talk too much. It's rather strange, the reason of me being single is parenting, and it is parenting that made me feel like being a better parent.... Hmm....

Weird, maybe I think too much, but marriage is a hinder to my social life, and activities. Other than that:

1) Human change, what happens if I or my spouse change
2) Being single is better than divorced
3) Love can love to the extend of not loving, simply for the greater good, for the other party's happiness
4) Matthew 19:11, some people chose to be Single for a greater good
5) My child would be a human, and to err is human, bad parenting might result in a ruined kid
6) Divorced parents, kids badly affected
7) Does being married a necessarily? What is love? What is family? What are laws?What are norms (temporarily) Dutiful or passionate?
8) There are many other loved-less kids
9) Many people are into lust, they couldnt differentiate the difference, resulting in them too rush into relationship and ended up with lots of shit
10) How would my child live his/her life?
11) Tied down on responsibilities
12) I might be a bad example
13) I might not have the means to support my family
14) Will my child live a happy life in this screwed up world?
15) Will I neglect or lose out in segments of my life because of raising a family?

2011-08-17T01:25:00.003+08:00

I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
I'm growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life

I can no longer influence you,
As time seemed to die away,
Leaving me exhausted, alone, anomie, lagged
And unable to move on, climb on to see the "sun"

Too late to save myself from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of life
But you misread my meaning when I met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light

It's too late to stop myself from delving into your world too deeply
I took the initiatives to make a difference
Yet you had never seen such intention, such passion
And you just left! Stomped out of my life! Shut me out from your world!

I can't find, oh the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way I feel
Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal

No words is positive enough for me to cry out
Would you just stand in my shoes?
Can't you give yourself a chance to see the significant difference?
I'm hurt, I'm scarred, by you, and only you, can heal.

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

Dont just leave me
For I'm but a mirror of you
I dont mind a portion of it blurred away, cracked away
But not retaining any part of the mirror is like in a void, in an abyss

2011-08-14T23:59:00.004+08:00

Choco Bread Siva: i was just a sucker with no self esteem, till i met my G1B01 classmates. They gave me confidence and made me believe that im not a loser after all. Thanks guys!

Felt really great seeing this status update... recalling how apathetic was he and so defensive, like the whole world owed him something, but yea he's a totally great guy, uniquely and awesomely Siva....

This proves once again, Differential Association Theory, and Control Theory, that a person's behavior depends alot on the environment he is in and the informal sanctions such as frown, alienate, teases and insults thats imposed on him.

For the next few days, I should summarizing what Ive learnt through the whole semester.

Mainly Socio though, lots of chapters to cover, culture, family, gender, religion (not too much since its sensitive), McDonalization =D

POM perhaps, all the 4 functions, Marketing... erm.... we'll see how....

Anyway, went for pools with KeiYun on Sat, I still think that he's quite an introvert, same as WeiChong, oh yea, that day I redeemed my free Ice Kacang thanks to insing.com, I went up the bus with the bowl and the bus driver gave me a 'diao' stare, then signalled me to get off, so i ran all the way to weichong house to share with him, which by then melted almost till a quarter left haha.

Oh yea, learnt Man Jiang Hong today, and also add ons to Ba Gua Zhang =D

Oh yea, was talking to Cheuck and I won a small friendly argument, he commented that I was trying to psycho him, so I replied:

well thats labelling theory of sociology, u think uve been psychoed by me cuz ____ kept telling people im a good psychoer, but by doing so he's a better psychoer, and thus people think im always psychoing when im argueing, when ppl like ____ is a better arguer thus better psychoer, and evaded the label...

if u compare the persuasiveness in all of us, i guarrentee im the worst among the 4 simply cuz im being labelled as a psychoer and they got away with them, to prove, im always the one being "exposed" for psychoing...

Interestign sociology works in my life?? thats one example, many more =D sociology is fun =D

Lean On Me - Michael Bolton

2011-08-01T22:38:00.001+08:00

2-4 Family - Lean On Me (With The Family) (1999)

2011-08-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

Stealling from the blind: What would you do?

2011-07-31T22:13:00.000+08:00

2011-07-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

Most important moment is now, for it’s the only available moment for us to direct.

Most important person is the one with you at that moment, for it’s the only person you can influence right away.

Most important thing is to provide happiness for the person at that moment, for it’s the reason why you exist.

quoted from a buddhist story

2011-07-22T23:18:00.002+08:00

Havent blogged since my birthday week, alright lets start off on sat....

Amazing race sucked. I had a mentality of spending the 40 bucks allowance on food, and have 200 cam whore pictures, and lots of weird crazy funtatastic moments and stunts, yet all i had was rush here and there, mis-communications, and dont feel like a team at all since my opinions are not being processed, not even mention evaluated...

Worst, I felt so strongly to help an old lady push her bike, mounted with mountain load of cardboard, yet the back tire had punctured. Sigh, bunch of shit, should have helped, we are on a Singapore Challenge to display our singapore-ness, so are we implying that singaporeans are so goal-oriented that they dont even stop to help and show their kindness? Meaningless, Meaningless...

Cant blame anyone, even researched proved that even a great pastor might not stop to help a frail man on the steps of his church if he is rushing for his lecture.

Anyway, after such a long day, I went for Harry Potter since Jane's brother Rohn, refused to go, and I dont feel like wasting such a valuable ticket cuz i missed 2 chances already.... ohm the seat was brilliant, right in the middle of the middle row, Jane's Mum was awesome~!! haha =D

Oh I went to darryl's house to stay over, oh gosh~ climbed 11 storeys because something wrong with his lift bell, and my hp was out of batt alr.......

Yea my birthday~!!! had 17 different dishes of food~!! plus a surprise party by Sheng hui and Tai~!!!!!! Had a really fun time, even on our 17 dishes journey, we did lots of stupid stuffs like walking in alternatives, then cross over when we hear an incoming bicycle =D haha, or pointed at a random point to attract KPO citizens... haha~!! Thank especially to Zhigao, who came my house first at 2pm, and left last at 11pm or so~ and bought a cake for my family to celebrate with me =D best buddy~! since p1~! understands me most, and cared most~

Oh yea~ as for the week, will leave it on the next update, as for today, it started of moody and lousy, just as the rain came poring down, when im wearing the cloth wushu shoes!, but yea it ended well, 雨过晴天, like the clear sky after the rain, in the surface as well as symbolically because someone I know had a personality change, like the previous one long time ago, she got more cheerful and open minded about the world, and escaped from being sucked into the abyss of self-pity and self-mock for various dumb decisions that couldnt have the courage to restrain at first. Then, went to the SanDa workshop and had a great chat on my way back home with the pasir ris guys~

2011-07-15T00:31:00.002+08:00

Midnight clock strikes, im not gonna write poetry dont worry haha. Well, its 15th today, 2 days more, Im predicting a usual one, not significant, not grand, nor even satisfied i guess. Lots of timing clashes, lots of problems. Im really gladful though, that sx cancelled wushu, but i really dont know how it would turn out, i want it joyous, i want it memorable, frankly I was thinking about this idea of birthday celebration, i was talking with Johann, when it dawned on me that I dont even remember how I celebrated last year's with them. Suddenly, I really think its pointless celebrating with them, no distinction between it and usual. I rmbed harry potter and soul garden though, thats where I saw how randy sacrificed by sitting at front of cinema (uncomfortable seat) for me. I was touched. On the other hand, I felt exploited, I felt that my birthdays are like where they come to 'ying chou' (put up show), and have a great feast, thats merely all. Where I actually bought sculptures, even if its small ones like doraemon and garfield, and a 20 bucks cake the year before, bbq party?? Whats for mine? The most memorable, ktv, mine cum nicole's party. My gift, 10 ppl sharing a 10 dollar gift, though it was most memorable of their gifts. I felt so sad, so pathetic, so... fucked. My parents were asking me of these years, "for so many things u did for them, planning, buying, making poems, do you receive good repays?" They're practical I know, they dont believe in birthday celebrations for they seldom have in olden days, but its true, and I had been so dumb to kept lying to myself, to comfort myself, to safe face, by making up stories of how grand was my party... perhaps Im expecting too much, but I really doubt so, not even 10 bucks of transport fee, cant even turn up for a food tour, that i most yearn for? FUCK! Though again this might yet be another misunderstanding, but I truly feel terrible now, fucking terrible. In comparison, church people are nicer, they celebrate my achievements, they celebrate my milestones, they celebrate wholeheartedly, they... are rather awesome. To think back the years, of my belief and stands, sigh.... an invisible drop of tear pierced the silence of the night, and had shrouded the moonlight, mocked on my life.......

Oh well, appreciate what I still have, go for what I really enjoy...
No point further deceiving myself, Im better off in church, in ~

On the solid rock I stand~
All other ground is sinking sand~
all other ground is sinking sand~

and... I could sing of Your love forever~

2011-07-12T21:21:00.003+08:00

http://leekottner.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/08/03/shermans_lagoon.gif

Super cute cartoon~!! haha =D its been a week since I blogged, omg getting busy =D Last wed skipped lecture for scc, like what im gonna do tomorrow too, just that tomorrow theres gonna be Eliz =D Fri I went down SCC too, Sat as usual, until there came an unexpected news~!! Linnet's got a bf... woohooo~ haha feel rather happy for her, finally got into a relationship hehe. They threw me a surprise birthday party, really surprising because I barged into the dark room unaware of their presence =p Appreciated it much, hope that the real one coming up meets my expectation... Though i totally have doubt now.

I mean like, going through so many years with each other, they have all seen all the joyous occasions, what's there left for them to be really delighted and happy and crazy about? this happens annually, nothing really big. On the other hand, Samantha's joy for my achievement was so real, so sincere, so jovial, I'd never seen anyone else happier than them. And linnet, YJ, they were happy for me, being at their age, they showed more 'celebration' that those I have been around with closely for 5 years...

What's worst? I see some people with that discerning glare, be it jealous or whatsoever with my surprising results, claiming how hardworking I must have been. Though on the positive side i motivate them to study, but must they at once treat me so? No congratulations or whatsoever? Guess 3 idiots are right, when ur friend do well, you'll feel worst.

Back to topic, them? They nice simply utter 'nice', 'well done' and perhaps accompanied by some laughter, sigh... seriously, what i wanted was to shout on top of our lungs and go woohoo, perhaps take out our tops and swing it like as if we scored a goal in soccer or something. Guess all I could do it to tip my hat like an albatross in golf... Speechless, though it was such an amazing moment, I simply felt not enough, perhaps this is why my appetite gone up and my food expenditure doubled?? I tried to treat myself with food....

Hmm, oh well, shall not let Cooley affect me... hmmph! Que sera sera....

Hmm, though with all the break ups and conflicts, though bgr in these ages probably wont last, I would want to have a process on that, someone that is not too clingy, share same interests, simply life would do =D even if incompatible at least have some memories on that? Rare, hard, impossible... haha

2011-07-04T23:21:00.003+08:00

Oh yea baby first in Gerontology, 36/40, highest score for my worst subj?? seriously, at least for socio I read the textbook, 32.5?? Then POM all I did was listening attentively in tutorials and borrowed Jane's notes at the last 10mins before exams, 33... geron, I only touched the book after the exams to search for definition of dementia lol, 36??? Awesomely awesome, marketing fund would be the second I guess, I marked the pages Jordan asked me to mark haha, so its less study done than socio but more than POM =D

No one in the right mind would believe I didnt study for these exams, reading textbook is not considered studying, cuz its simply reading. The only thing i could say is that when we sacrifice ourselves for the promises we made to help others, we would have our rewards, dont know about Jane and Delia, hope they did well, they are the only ones who didnt leave me alone for the 10,000 dumpling event the 2 days before the exams, they are the only ones I admire to some extend in my class.

So now that I see my 'paycheck' has came, I'm really grateful for all the works im involved in, all the efforts and commitments and the extra miles ive driven for others. This would be an approval from the heaven that I cold put others before myself, that I could still survive through works like these. This is an appreciation of all the KPO-ing I've done, poking my nose into anything and everything, trying my best to make the world a better place for them and ofcoz myself. This is a prove that I'll still live happily and rather well off, that I dont have to keep focusing on my supposed role as a student, I can enjoy sightseeing too, that I do not need a full cup of water whole compromising the opportunities to see the world around me (reference to a story ive shared many posts ago.)

Compared to the other classes, my results are insignificant, their highest was 39s.... What's my marks compared to theirs? Mere borderline. But oh well, this only disheartened me. Yes it was a long time since I top a class for a subject, not to mention 3 or 4 now, however how could my class, with that much vibrancy and bonds, lose that badly in the race of education? What cards priority? Bullshit! I'll make sure they would have one day where we gather to study, pure study. I'm not concerned about high marks, at least have a 100% pass rate for subjects that common sense and experience in real world

2011-07-03T23:46:00.003+08:00

Getting first in class in Sociology, first in class in Principles of Management, Top few in class for Public Speaking.... seems like this week is all time high on luck~! Especially on POM, cuz frankly I did not study much, not as much as Sociology, which is apparently the only one I really studied. Thus, hmm, the last 2 modules I might screw up, oh well, prepared for the worst. Well whatever the future, would like to thank whoever up there for these scores. Moving on, SCC was peaceful on sat, as well as pop excel, not much stresses, oh and so is wushu today. Im starting on BaGuaZhang now, not as easy as it seems, interesting though =D Chinese culture never fails to amaze me. Also, breakthrough in FB poker, attaining highest chip level of 1m, having long conversation with Auntie Imm and Auntie Rita, having good news that Eliz will return next week and the following week. Great week =D

Heard lots of internal wars within a culture, really widens my horizon of the culture. Though with same roots and sources, one can twist facts and play with it such that it would quaver the faith of its followers, sad case, sad case. The power struggle is subtle and innocent, thought one party had lost, its influence is so great that many 'renowned' and 'reverent' leaders were affected too. However despite all these, they seemed to still co-exist in the same community, just because one party believed that those differences in interpretations, they are all under one, under the same family.

This is not uncommon, in fact its how society works. This, along with messages brought across by Xmen series and such, is a right time to be exposed to me, such that I could relate it immediately with what I have just learned in Sociology - culture. There will be different cultures in any society, and there will be a dominant culture that set the norms and etc, and there will be the counter culture that disapproves the former, as such eventually when the counter culture gain in power and become the dominant one, there will still be splits due to ideological differences, and the end of alliance due to achieving their common goal. This cycle will never end, so as JieCe ZJ questioned: Will you choose to have 1 war after another (revolution) or enjoy yourself in the evolution?

My answer would be, well yea depends on where am I at and who am I =D As someone who loves challenges, I would most probably join in =D

2011-07-02T23:37:00.003+08:00

X Men : First Class
SPOILER ALERT: PROCEED ON YOUR OWN RISK!!!

Lots of sociology theories inside, on minority and dominant group issues.

Professor Charles Xavier: We have it in us to be the better men.
Erik Lehnsherr: We already are.

This converstaion tells us that in Magneto's point of view, the mutants are the dominant group, though they might not triumph in numbers. However X still thinks that the norms belongs to the humans, that they should be in conformity with them, a believe of peaceful co-existence.

Professor Charles Xavier: Erik, you said yourself - we're the better men. This is the time to prove it. There are thousands of men on those ships, good, honest, innocent men. They're just following orders!
Erik Lehnsherr: I've been at the mercy of men just following orders... never again!

Here should be where the Milgram experiment steps in, where people simply obeys the orders of the higher authority, having complete obedience and discarded their own opinions just because all responsibilities would be held by that higher authorization. However, after going through years of discrimination and being slaved, Magneto refused to stay under humans, and sort of become a deviant.

Professor Charles Xavier: You know, I believe the true focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity.

Nice verse from X, but after years of being tortured by life, I doubt anyone can really forgive and forget....

Thus in conclusion, if I were to be a mutant, I would join Magneto. Humans frankly are dumb creatures that reject anything out-of-ordinary of their norms. And the cruelty of humans are so extreme, implementing their supremacy through oppression. The higher, the more power they have, the lesser empathy they have, the more evil they become. Thus Magneto is a great leader with great heart to empower mutants to have their free wills and not be under condemnation and discrimination of humankind. As I wouldnt want anyone to accept 'us' out of fear, I rather kill them all, maybe just leave the kids, kids as in babies, those without much memory, to prevent them from rebellion or grudges that we would have killed their parents...

2011-06-28T23:20:00.003+08:00

Today interviewed auntie imm, and had a great time talking and chatting.

She's my new ear haha, one that i would talk and talk non stop to =D
sometimes i really admire her, and inspire to be like her,
she had seen through so many problems in life,
monetary, fear, loneliness, deviance, family, marital, faith, work... all

she's so optimistic about life, so que sera sera,
always on the go, always ready to offer help and guidance
take pride n joy in everything she does...

So some conclusion I made, I think religious faith is important to happiness of one at the older age. At least we become more grateful, more empathy, more committed to fate, less resistant, reluctant, inertia to changes.

Daniel Tammet: Different ways of knowing | Video on TED.com

2011-06-21T23:41:00.000+08:00

Daniel Tammet: Different ways of knowing | Video on TED.com

2011-06-21T00:39:00.003+08:00

Consider you have the power to do something with a trolley which brakes have malfunctioned, it is gonna kill 10 miners, but you can somehow switch the track to kill 1 miner on the other lane but kill the 10, what would you do?

Now consider if you are the driver, you have 2 paths to take to 'kill' the miner(s), which road would you take, in this case assume there isnt any 'default' lane to go.

What if stealing a bread to save your family of 6?

What is the drive for us to make decisions, more specifically, make moral judgments?
Moral Absolutism?
Kant's Deontological Ethics
Consequentialism?
Utilitarianism?

To me, I would have preferences, where first would be fate, then benefit to society, then benefit to the 'victim', lastly whether there are alternatives to ease impact on the decision I made to the disadvantaged 'victim'.

Thus, fate would be what the 'victim' is destined for, which I should not try to alter, like final destination. Then it would be how my action would benefit society, or how the 'victim' action can benefit society. This is followed by how would it impact the 'victim', and lastly whether I have alternatives or solutions to help the negatively affected 'victim' in near future or whatsoever.

Damon Horowitz calls for a "moral operating system" | Video on TED.com

2011-06-21T00:37:00.000+08:00

Damon Horowitz calls for a "moral operating system" | Video on TED.com

2011-06-17T00:04:00.000+08:00

Had a great busy week.

Tuesday’s badminton cum basketball was awesome with TP mates, Jane’s family and Manjusri Guys, Wuluo Wuxuan, total 16 of us (Jordan, Faris, Siva, Meng Wai, Delia, Cherie, Jane, Rohn, Jane’s sis, Johann, Wei Nan, Tay Hwee, Bryan, Sheng Hui, Tai Fong). After few quick matches, we bballed with Rohn, wow he’s good haha, I was hardly half of his standard at his age, his grib and stamina was awesome, he just lacked some common skills, and confidence. While the TP mates are playing badminton for the last half an hour, the rest of us had an extremely exhausting and exciting match. Enjoyed the day thoroughly, hoped that all of them enjoyed it as much too =D

Wednesday crawled up and dragged myself to SCC for outing to Marina Barrage, prepared a set of clothes for the stayover at ShengHui’s house, yet it was used right after the outing haha. They all entered the water playground at the Barrage. Kite flying was tiring, helping them to lift up the kites and etc. Alvin was the best, had used up the strings. Had a couple of photos before running out of batt and had to use shishi’s camera, will get the photos from her someday =D

After such a tiring day, we went for a steamboat at ShengHui’s house, with 4 of us, weeseng and shixiong, had lots of fun, especially sharing chung cheng’s ghost stories and trying to freak out weeseng haha. After all of that I spent a couple of hours talking with Sheng’s family. We debated about lots of stuffs, and I must thank them for their perspectives and arguments, they’re indeed useful and thoughts invoking. Really amazed that his 2 sis are uninterested with comps, =) these are like the minorities in sg already, forced to live with the norms of the dominant groups… Strangely enough he used to agree that games are a waste of time, and guess what, they had an overnight gaming till 6am~!! And Johann was so moody in mahjong… -_-“ … he totally spoilt the mood yesterday lorh, oh I have to thank sheng hui for my few hours of fun because he was the one who persuaded them not to multitask mahjong with comp, if not I would have went home already lorh.

Mahjong had never been that fun, especially with the implementation of chips, the atmosphere is there, the feel and focus is there. We became more alert and smarter and more cunning lol haha, lots of fun, lots of fun…..

Oh, didn’t really get to see the redness of the moon though, sadly, but oh well, im rather satisfied with that brief moments of mahjong and chatting with his family. I seemed to clique with his mum rather well, as well as his sis’s, but its good too, for us to chat and the guys to be hooked in their own world. At least, though my bonds with them are weakening, I gain insights and increase my socialization targets. As I said, being in this age but had seen so much of the world, I’m really grateful, if not for each and everyone in my life, I wouldn’t be so.

Slept at 3am, woke up at 6am, and rejuvenated the entire day today because I didnt have to tutor maths tonight. =D

2011-06-13T21:15:00.005+08:00

Came across an interesting question, why emoticons???

Socializing can now be established in virtual media, as technology rapidly advances, virtual communications depict actual communication too, thus perhaps the use of emoticons is introduced to mimic mood as a manifest function, so that the recipient can understand the tone of the message, decreasing chances of misinterpreting them. As such, there might be a latent function that since virtual communicating is less formal, it can be used as a platform to counsel or simply to seek a chatting companion that feedback emotions to make your day. Also, there could be a dysfunction that people lost the real skill of socializing in real life eventually...

So since that living is so drama nowadays, what is really the 'self'? Am image created through results of socializing? Then how does all these personality and stuffs like that come from at the first place? How is it that fortune telling can accurately read the self? If so, doesnt that mean that the 'self' is not a result of nurture but nature? Of innate instead of variable depends on the social circle??

"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people. ~Tom Masson

This is true because since everyone has the ability and choice to be deviance, but it's the interactions and relationships with people that prevents many from doing so, by telling them to be themselves, they might deviate, since none of us is pure good, and if we accepts them to be themselves, there might be chaos, who really truly knows themselves anyway...

If you cannot be a poet, be the poem. ~David Carradine

This is true, because if we cant change anything, might as well play along and just go with it, with style and enjoyment, because in the end of the day, we could at leat leave behind a beautiful legacy, trail or tale...

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Seuss

However under some circumstances, especially when we are fighting for a stand that benefits society, we should speak up, we should dare to challenge authorities and laws, which often diverts attention away from their own flaws...

Thus, there's the prayer, for SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, for COURAGE to change the things I can, for WISDOM to know the difference...

2011-06-11T23:30:00.002+08:00

Today I had another awesome time at the ktv~!! It started off with a heavy rain the moment I stepped out of my house at 11.30, I was totally discouraged, I was already thinking of what to do if the atmosphere were cold, I thought of bringing cards and monopoly deals, and prepared to play chalet games and such, but I was totally wrong haha. Though many people flew kite on me, especially one that I thought he would definitely come, I was so afraid that it would turn out me solo in the room for a few hours, and that I would perhaps have no mood to sing but to join other random people. Oh well, all is well in the end =D

Ktv was uber fun~ especially when some violence came haha, there were slight pillow fights hahahaha. I especially remember the moment where Cecillia was sandwiched in between, and me and zhenghui hit her in turns using the pillows haha, she was absolutely owned~! Oh also there was this moment where yu qian used 2 pillows on zhenghui like swimming, hahahahahha, how i wished that i had took a video of her doing that haha~!!

After that went to eat and gossip, then played blind mice with the kids in the playground haha, had quite a lot of fun, before finally settled down in KFC for taiti. Awesome day =D Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, its not the end. =D Cant wait for the next few days and events! Visit to Samy tomorrow, then dental on monday, and badminton on tue, and SCC outing on friday~! bballing on sat and ktv again on sun~!! It's my life~! It's now or never~!!

2011-06-10T23:52:00.003+08:00

Today was another awesome day, loved my life~! Went to SCC with an empty stomach and to my surprise, Auntie Imm reserved a MacDonald meal for me~!!! Auntie Imm FTW~!!

Today we spend the whole day rehearsing for the script I wrote for them for their talent quest on 24th. I wrote that this morning, for 2h, using the format I've learnt from the screenwriting workshop. I've included a trigger point for the story to start, some sort of problem. I managed to include some character personalities in it too, all except an emotional plot because generally the theme is singlish without foreign language and the outline of the story is rebellion against the stomach, then realized its worth, and then happily ever after. My effort paid off though, despite all the fret that they might find it lame and boring or kiddish. Alvin actually wanted to finish the skit first before enjoying their french fries tea break, Im really touched~!

Another thing is that Samantha came over and asked me about the results for marketing fundamentals because she saw me walking around with that thick book before my test that day. She told me that she had been praying for me for good results, she took me at my utterly vulnerable part, I was speechless, but came up with a reassuring line saying, I dont know the exact mark, but so far I am confident of an ace. Her gleaming face and that jump twist of her totally stunned me, it was heartwarming, and extremely touching, I had became a rather important person in her life at SCC besides Uncle Joe and Elizabeth Jie Jie. Actually in fact, besides probably my parents, no one was that jovial for my success than her, and that way she celebrate that, I had never experienced it before, it's definitely more sincere than anyone in my life, and that outburst of energy that not even my parents show me, or even worst, they would always feel 'not good enough' or simply they could not really show their joy because of their restriction being an adult.

This got me thinking, this was perhaps the reason I cried watching 'I not stupid', because of the very first line of the show, "When is the last time you applauded or congratulated your kids?" and followed by the lyrics "We can give ourselves the round of applause". In school, at home, there is just too much face-work and image consciousness that it deprives our chance to receive the outburst of energy and excitement to celebrate our victories.

Lastly, I played some real life counter-strike with the usual group before going to Tai's house to try out a home made game where we have to barter to win. Our objectives are to collect a certain number of unique goods, while food is consumed as family members increase, and the market supply and demand varies. When I'm free perhaps I would come up with a story with some scenarios to help aid the game and who knows, might be a possible game on the shelves of boardgaming cafes....

Anyway, some food for thoughts, using labelling theory, the court will not have the fairest judgement, because there are too many assumptions and stereotyping. For example, a man's business might be going down because of his wife's illness, but due to her death, he might be labelled as a murderer to kill her wife to solve his financial difficulties.

Words are like nets - we hope they'll cover what we mean, but we know they can't possibly hold that much joy, or grief, or wonder.

2011-06-09T23:47:00.002+08:00

Yeah~ tests are over. I would say I'm extremely satisfied with them, mostly because I didnt really study much, and lucky enough there are lots of application questions and leeway is given for definition questions. Especially today's geron, I NEVER studied that. Oh well, went to macd for a mini celebration, then head to SCC.

Sigh, lousy day with the p5s and 6s, best of friends taunting each other, hurling vulgarities and attacking their domestic-vulnerable areas. They are off the similar, if not same, boat, yet a small misunderstanding could led them scar ridden, scar on their friendship. Though in the end I think they patched back, not too sure about it since I went to play rounders with the p3s and 4s on requests. Either way, yea I especially feel the need to guide them, one is rather hard due to his temper and spoilt personality, but another totally needs care and attention, that I was rather fumed to hear his background. Now I have a new choice to answer the "If I won a million dollars" question, I would adopt him. =D I see a potential future for him, but sometimes the society turns a blind eye to those without colourful black and white... totally oxymoron.

Anyway, rounders with them (p3s and 4s) was a totally different experience, they cheered for other teams, they rejoice rationally, they had much more fun than what the older ones did at their march holidays. No tauntings, no booings, and most importantly more cheers directed at me... =D hahaha. The best moment was when I chased Xiu Wen from the 1st base, to the 3rd base, back to 1st base and then finally she gave up at the 2nd base. Someone laughed their chairs off... haha =D

It is really a nice place to work in, its exactly what the lyrics say, their heartwarming smiles would dissolve all the toils and hardwork we put in for them. Dissolve because they dont really disappear, just that we sort of spread them out and saturate them with those little wonders (their smiles). Sigh, but due to office politics and survival through monetary means, many awesome people left.

Back to topic, really an awesome day, and then at 7.30-9 I tutor a sec 4 guy for his maths, thats all for the day =D

2011-06-07T20:25:00.003+08:00

zzz... been a busy week, wonder where should i start...

alright lets start on last fri, went to bowl with the SCC kids, had a really awesome time, i got a great group who seemed to keep striking haha =D oh yea, oh Colin's mum was there too, she seemed nice, rather assertive in her decisions, but mostly for his good I could see, perhaps that was a great opportunity to get closer to him, since many staffs had agreed I should influence him more. After that went to Tai's house, he showed me this horoscope thing that I swear is super freaky~!! It literally narrates my whole personality like a crystal glass. It even wrote that I used to be very introverted and do not really share my insights and problems to other people, which I have changed now. It is accurate to the extent that I'm very sociable, and people like to approach me for help, but lack of really strong bonds. It described me as someone who loves receiving encouragement too, and that I often do not know myself and my personality. Hmm... one day I should summarize the whole thing here....

Anyway, sat was the dumpling day~!! wrapping 10,000 dumplings for the elderly and needys at jurong west~!! really grateful for Jane and Delia to come down, forsaking their studies, to come to help, I'm very touched.... Met Jane's brother, he was very unhappy about it since he was dragged into it involuntarily, poor guy, but couldnt do anything because I cant just play bball to avoid people gossiping and such, sigh... Well, he looked like someone with bright future though =) and OMG his scrabble is.. crazy....

Okay, dumpling making is fun, and hilarious, haha I had a total of 4 coaches, and at one instance, I had 2 coached both at my right and left, coaching me at the same time! The funny thing is, they two are completely ying and yang~!! One told me that due to the lousy leaves, we have to extend it using 3 leaves so that it is long enough for us to wrap, but another said that beginners should just use 2 and produce small dumplings. Then the former one also insisted that we should squeeze the rice for the shape to form, yet another frown at it because she claimed that it would take longer for it to steam and wouldnt taste as nice. Then she also said that we should wrap big dumplings to sell, and again the other one said that since it is for charity, people would be willing to pay for small dumplings.... real joke~!!!!! haha~!!! oh yea i heard at sx's side, an auntie picked up a huge uncut mushroom and commented, "wah~! you wanna choke the old folks~!!" hahahahaha, really awesome fellows.

Besides dumpling making, I learnt the whole process of making dumpling, from preparing ingredients, scrubbing leaves, washing rice, cooking, steaming, and QC-ing, and storage-ing, almost all the jobs there. And on sun, I learnt how to be the event coordinator, being in charge of solving impromptu problems like rearranging performance schedules, calming performers, making sure the show goes on despite everything in chaos, the only thing I was pissed is that the emcee allowed a small girl to sing while the audience are all focused on the flag off for the delivery car's to send the dumplings to the homes. A great weekend I must say, I learnt alot. =D

On monday, I went to SCC after my POM exam. The exam was not as tough as I thought, someone up there was really kind to me for not killing me through the paper, I should be able to do rather well, looks like doing good deeds does increase karma =) Anyway, yea SCC was shorthanded that day, so glad I went to help out, and easing Shi Hua's role, had a great chat with her too, and learnt some recurring flaws in the organization - a great insights of office politics. I must say generally all the staff in SCC are awesome people, Auntie Imm is flexible to changes and would carry out affirmative actions and suggestions on the spot without much delay, she could handle all kids from p1 to p6, and could manage the whole organization well despite her age. It is these people that had made SCC run-able and fun. Auntie Margaret is also a strong women, balancing work and her family problems under serious conditions. Frankie is able to guide the kids from young the right way, and Auntie Rita is able to balance 2 work as well, and can handle her class in an unique way - a great auntie to speak to too~ Shi Hua was admirable, since she's new and have such capability to solo her work and taking charge of lots of things, its a pity she decided to leave. Sigh, may someone up there bless SCC to continue having such awesome people, and may they be recognized and treated fairly.

At night, I came up with few application questions for my class to apply sociology, revised with them and taught them sociology. They appreciated it, which made me really happy, hope they do well in the paper just now, I had all the definitions and criteria of something questions screwed up since I did not bother to remember them as I thought the paper would emphasize more on application rather than bookish die-die-memorize questions.... Oh well, que sera sera...

Im gonna be active in SCC for the next 3 weeks, hope I will continue to make differences. Oh yea, I took up the 'project' to have a sales-boost for the bubble tea shop. Hope I can get hand on experience and may I accomplish it with success and serenity with generous and sincere aids from people around me~!! jyjy KayaOtah~!!!

2011-06-03T00:23:00.002+08:00

天越高，心越小

puzzled about this phrase, shouldnt our heart be more open (bigger) as we expand our horizon? what does the '小' here mean? 小 as in petty-ness, 小胸狭窄, or 小 as in emotionless? 天越高 definitely means the bigger our horizon is or understanding of the world is, does this phrase mean that they more knowledge we know the more we lost track of our initial goal of learning in this field and got carried away by other people's interpretation and theories that we have lost ourselves in the process? Or does it mean that the more we understand the world, the more we got emotionless and felt no pinch of the less fortunate, because one mountain is shorter than another? Or that the more we are aware about how big is the world, the more we are afraid to show off and we tend to be more cowardly and retreat back into our shells? Or simply means that the more we are aware of how big is the world, the more we are aware that we are rather small? hmm.... now i dont even know what 心 refers to.... -_-"....

Anyway, been addicted to 'Undercover Boss', I think it's really awesome to see that there are still out there in the world that are dedicated about their work, contented about their situation, and have not much moaning but stayed optimist and endured their living condition. Through them I'm more determined and convinced that the world is still rather beautiful, that people are still generally awesome.

They have reassured me that our dedication and love and passion in whatever we are doing will pay off one day, and that would be really wonderful, yes I'm still keen of working in the student care field especially those in the upper primary and lower secondary, where there are most cases of deviance and rebellion, and thus is precisely what we are for, to help and guide this kids, even if we let it be, we can at least prevent them from straying off too far.

I think it's really great for those bosses to step down for a week and be one with those in the entry level jobs of their companies, and experience what the company really needs, what the customers really need, who the company really needs. This way also the monetary distribution would be more fair in terms of dedication and hardwork, and will definitely boost the worker's morale.

However I do think that there is a need for those int he entry level job to have a little experience of the stresses and job scope for the higher position, about what they must manage, how to think ahead, how to deal with situations, this way they would feel more dedicated to work hard too after seeing how dedicated are their bosses.

天若有情天亦老, in utopia, there will be no emotion, no empathy, no connections, no boundaries, no life..... What a wonderful world it still is.....

2011-06-02T07:03:00.002+08:00

Oh yea, forgot to mention... It turns out that all is but a misinterpretation =) silly me....

2011-06-01T23:54:00.002+08:00

Today in geron we were learning about wise people and lonely people.

That brings me thinking... who would I be when I reach that age?

Below are some likely cases in my life:

When I was young,
I never needed anyone.
Makin' love was just for fun.
Those days are gone.

Livin' alone,
I think of all the friends I've known.
But when I dial the telephone,
Nobody's home.

Hard to be sure,
Some times I feel so insecure.
And love so distant and obscure,
Remains the cure.

All by myself,
Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore.
All by myself,
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymore....

Oh well, it would be the scenario if my expectation of quality of life is not on par with my current quality of life, what is the result? loneliness.... as this blog suggested, perhaps as a foreshadowing technique, I might end up feeling lonely despite having lived such fun life of ups and downs, filled with personal and vicarious experience from others. Since I'm a rather sensitive person, today someone I knew had a heartbreak again, on one hand this had been happening throughout my life, but on another I felt rather sad most probably due to empathy, sigh...

It seems to me that
There are more hearts
Broken in the world
That can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do? What do we do?

Alone again... naturally....

Lines of a song that would reached deep to the trigger for the nose to swell and made the tears fell... Seeing much social interactions and so many similar incidents, how ridiculous is life? led me thinking too...

2 right people at the wrong time
2 wrong people at the right time

both would result in heartbreaks...

the former would be in cases like external disapproval, or each party busy with their own work that they have to be separated, or that they have other close ones to worry enough that they neglected each other and resulted in conflicts, etc etc...

the latter would be in common cases where it all seems fine and neither willing to accept their ignorance that they might not be suitable for each other, or simply out of rashness that they got together and result in ugly endings.

brilliant lyrics of retro... retro ftw~!! ciao

2011-05-30T23:12:00.002+08:00

Been busy again these few days.

There wasnt wushu on sunday, so I actually called up bowei zhigao and cheuck to hang out and chill, did all my assignments on sat already. So cheuck came for a haircut before we went to see zhigao at tampines swimming complex. He was with tat heng, so after hanging out awhile we went back to my house to enjoy martabaks and played mahjongs and pokers.... awesome simple fun light day~

So there along the way to my house, we saw this happy family playing basketball. Father, mother, 3 children and the maid was playing basketball happily. The father was expectedly dribbling the ball, gliding through and pass them, and they were all having a good time. Smiles that is so mild and gentle, that in within, lies the warmth of a harmonious family, like a tranquil candle flame, luminous yet nondestructive.

Anyway today in sociology we learned about deviance. Deviance is behaviors that violates social norms, social as in current society, regardless or morality and etc. Context, person, or place in which an action is performed affects the judgement of deviance act.

By symbolic interactionist theory, specifically the control theory, our bonds to society through family, friends etc stop us from being deviant, thus it is when the bonds are weakened that we start to deviate. Another way to explain deviance, by differential association is that we learn to follow the lead of the groups we mix with. These 2 ways are rather similar, just that one is that the group tie an individual down to avoid defiance, another is that the group initiates defiance. The labeling theory is then rather interesting, its like a self fulfilling prophecy, whereby firstly society label them as deviant, thus leads to many problems that made deviance happen despite the fact that we could actually prevent it. Examples are yellow ribbon, where society deny them of second chance, thus they revert back to crime.

By functionalist perspective, Robert Merton states in his anomie theory that unequal access to society’s institutionalised means blocked success in achieving societal goal, thus people feel strain and feel anomie and face institutional discrimination. This means some work hard doesnt succeed, some doesnt work hard succeed, resulting in some dispirited, and their reaction to it result in deviance.

SG = Societal Goals (aims that are commonly shared among majority)
IM = Institutional Means (methods that society recognize as acceptable)

Conformity is accept SG, accept IM, meaning that this is not deviance, and is common amongst us like working hard, get a job, aim 5C.. etc...

Innovation is accept SG yet rejects IM, they think that there are other means to achieve the goals, for example drug dealers, they earn by other methods that society deem underhand.

Ritualism is to reject SG yet accepts IM. Although this falls under one of the 4 deviance paths, this might not always result in deviance. This is simply doing things for other abstract goals. In cases where people work hard in things for other reason but to achieve SG, is when they already have attained in other fields, and just do it for interest, to fulfill Self-Actualization in Maslow's Hierachy of Needs, to achieve Ego Integrity by Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development. Thus, we cant say these people are in deviance, even in cases where they simply want to jump stage, they did not really do any harm. However these are deviance because they simply violates the social norms, which means they go against the flow, they lived in their own world, their utopia, their idealism.

Retreatism is simply escapist. They reject SG and reject IM. These are drug addicts, dropouts, etc, that society more or less considered hopeless. However of course there might be hundreds of reason behind their behaviors, or simply not inspired enough.

By conflict perspective, the ones in power set their own definitions of deviance on other groups to protect their own position & privileges in society like using law as an instrument of oppression to punish the crimes of the poor severely while diverting legal attention away from the crimes of the rich.

Food for thoughts:

In war, winning a war is heroic, but to the losing side, the winning side is savager, so to victory side is acceptable, but still the fact is that killing is still inhumanly.

Many times, we have strong reaction to deviance but explaination is not clear cut or irrational.

2011-05-28T01:01:00.002+08:00

A busy week bolted pass like a breeze, though rushing here and there, preparing this and that, everything seemed to be alright in the end. Im now left with 2 quizes to do over the weekend, most probably sunday. Wednesday was my competition, rushed here and there too, almost got 'walkover' because neither of us heard the announcement to mark attendance, and i simply ignored the whole group of nan quan people because they are not flashy enough, so to my impression they are competing for traditional nan quan, awesome much? luckily the attendance lady was kind =D As usual I did not perform as well as what I did in warm ups or at the carpark on monday. Oh well, still have plenty of chances, though Im totally reluctant to be involved in physical heavy activities. Perhaps I should find more activities to be active in other than wushu, been in it for 5 years already, could have gotten a long service award if i were a teacher for moe haha =) Time for re-socialization, a phrase for meeting new faces and bond with them. After that rushed my assignments at night.

Thur was hectic too. Due to lack of rehearsal my group did not perform as good, but im still pleased =D at least the teacher is rather impressed and entertained. =) scores~! Survived through a long day till 6pm, then rushed back home, and then rushed to toa payoh stadium. Oh dang boarded the bus at the wrong side, then have to wait 21mins for the next bus... unlucky me.... Oh yea, sin5 smsed me 'why isit everytime i sms u, u're at home', i was too busy reading my book i was not bothered by it, i actually replied, 'coincidence?' hahahahhahah~!! now i come to think of it, anyone would be pissed off my that reply haha~! anyway yea he replied me with 'hai you lian jiang', im guessing it means to pull down other people or something like that since until now i make no sense of that phrase, but yea when i asked for clarification he said 'still got face to ask', so I said: then what for you tell me this?... OMG I was so not myself then, totally have no idea why did I rebutted that way, probably irritated by the constant incoming msgs that disrupts my reading, but thanks to that i realized I boarded the bus at the wrong side hahaha... now, reflecting on it, that was an awesome rebut, it's like suan-ing him for saying look up in a language the target dont understand, aka a waste. Interesting... Was rather pissed for like appearing at toa payoh for nothing, no purpose, when I could have fetched my dad form airport and had dinner with him.....

Today just as I thought the contest will end late, I actually reached toa payoh at 7.35.. cool... well, finally its all over~! finally can eat a good peaceful dinner for the next few days at least~!!! pasar malam at pop excel tmr, oh you know what this means~ more food and goodies for me~!!!!! yum yum om nom nom nom.... sunday gonna meet up with zhigao bowei cheuck yimei for a small gathering since we havent met for as long as we started poly, just a small one to eat eat tok tok mahjong.... with martabaks~! oh yea must call johann try~ he was complaining that he missed all the chances to eat that haha. then the rest are probably for my cell group and my students... =D and some for wushu as well...

Poly updates: Sociology is manageable but most interested and motivated in, started to get hang of business modules, public speaking is no problem, acad writing is still at the lost lamb stage but at least i produced some work...

ciao~

2011-05-23T20:46:00.002+08:00

Today started off great with sociology with terence leong, and nice POM lecturer, and ofcoz great lunch and coaching Johann, but its that fucker that spoil my day.

Firstly his tutorial is the worst in our module, one that we wont learn anything from it since we have the textbooks and lecture notes with drama mama julia, he's lesson is pure boredom, and thus I tried to make every lesson rather fun.

Secondly, he didnt give us a yardstick to look up to or his expectations of the poster he wants us to do today. It was like giving a car to a 10 year old and expect him to know a 3 point parking when he doesnt even know how to uturn, and he fucking spoil the whole atmosphere when the 10 year old is having fun and proud of knowing how to do a uturn after many tries.

Thirdly who the fuck will read a poster of 50% words?? since it is an awareness poster, obviously we need to attract passers-by by having pictures that make then curious of what the poster is about, not turning them off with lots of info. See the 'speak good english campaign'? Isnt it more attractive to have a poster with "why the bus so long?" being stroke off and corrected into "Why is the bus taking so long?" instead of dumping chunks of grammar rules?

Frankly, I was quite glad of our poster, it's eye catching to me, very straightforward message of telling viewers to quit certain lifestyle to prevent stroke, though many redundant pictures my team mates included in it.

Seriously man, I have no issues with others, but he is seriously a ***** fuck, what a cunt wasting the earth's resources and stealing our fresh oxygens yet giving us shit and co2, and cant even decompose to become fossil oil since he's too compelling for bacteria to even feast on his corpse, and polluting our water and fish supply if we dispose him into the sea, cant even incinerate because it would further deplete our oxygen supply and produce more harmful gases contributed to global warming... totally pissed... many great speakers also uses drama and exaggeration gestures to reach out to their audiences, like adam khoo, russel peter, etc... he didnt even specify what type of poster and formality he expect lorh, somemore he said it was to prepare us for a presentation at the end of module to an audience of the HSS cohort, so target audience is teens, dont u think they will be turn down by plain words in posters, they prefer learning thought fun and entertainment.... he's a total asshole. Damn it he's worst than shit, even shit was from delicious, nutritious, glutinous food. Why would the man who made the lion and the lamb, who decreed each one of us according to your plan, made such a lowly being?

Anyway yea the only reason i didnt flip tables and throw chairs is because of conflict perspective, he holds the authority to my future, so gotta put up with him... fml.. and also because i wanna reduce risk of injury that might prevent me unleashing my full potential on this wed...

Oh well, im grateful for Johann for chilling out at his carpark, and venting my anger on my wushu routine.... oh and thx mum for preparing a great dinner~!! minched beef sliced potatos with sweet sauce... totally awesome....